18 Most Common Reasons For Divorce

Divorce isn’t something any couple plans for on their wedding day, yet it remains a reality for many. In fact, even though divorce rates have declined from their peak, the U.S. divorce rate still hovers around 40–50% for first marriages. This means nearly half of marriages may eventually end, despite everyone’s good intentions. Why do so many couples split up? Every marriage is unique, but patterns emerge. 

Most divorces stem from a mix of issues rather than a single blow-up. Below, we’ll explore the most commonly cited reasons for divorce, ranging from breaches of trust to growing apart, so you can recognize the warning signs in your own relationship or better empathize with what others might be going through.

Quick Snapshot: Top Reasons For Divorce At A Glance

18 Most Common Reasons For Divorce

While every marriage is different, the patterns behind why they end are surprisingly consistent. As you can see, issues around commitment, conflict, and betrayal top the list. Now let’s break down 18 of the most common reasons for divorce, grouped into themes for easier reading.

Trust issues and betrayal

Trust is the bedrock of a marriage. When that trust is broken, through infidelity, financial deceit, or addiction-related betrayals, the relationship’s foundation cracks. These trust issues are often deal-breakers because they undermine the safety and honesty that keep a partnership together. Here are some of the most prevalent trust and betrayal problems that lead to divorce:

1. Infidelity (cheating)

Discovering that a spouse has been unfaithful can shatter a marriage almost overnight. It’s not just the physical act of cheating, it’s the lies, secrecy, and betrayal that destroy the foundation of trust. In surveys, over half of divorcing couples (around 55%) cite an affair as a major reason for their split. One cross-cultural study even found that infidelity is among the most common grounds for divorce. The emotional impact is devastating. The betrayed partner often feels deeply hurt, rejected, and “not enough,” while the cheating partner may have already emotionally checked out of the marriage. 

“They feel that they’ve ‘fallen out of love’ with their spouse, and there’s often another person they’d rather be with.” 

— Robert Cohen, veteran divorce attorney on infidelity-driven divorces 

Rebuilding trust in such a situation is incredibly difficult. Some couples do manage it through honesty and intensive counseling, but many cannot. For a lot of people, cheating crosses a line that marks the beginning of the end of the marriage.

Related Reading: When Is It Time To Divorce? Probably When You Spot These 13 Signs

2. Financial infidelity

Money issues are another leading cause of divorce, especially when they involve a betrayal of financial trust. It’s one thing to struggle with bills together and quite another if one spouse is secretly racking up debt, gambling away savings, or hiding money. Financial betrayal can cut nearly as deep as sexual infidelity. In fact, studies show financial problems play a key role in up to half of divorces. But it’s not always about lack of money. Often it’s about incompatible money habits and broken trust triggered by differences such as, 

• One spouse might be a spender, dropping huge sums on luxuries, while the other is a saver, pinching pennies
• Clashes over budgets, big purchases, or secret expenditures
• Stress of dealing with financial troubles 

A divorce lawyer from New York notes, “Financial incompatibility is a common problem where one partner’s idea of a necessary expense is another’s idea of irresponsible waste. The stress of constant money arguments can seriously poison the marriage.” 

3. Substance abuse and addictions

Addiction can ruin a relationship. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other addictions, the problem often grows until it consumes the relationship. An addicted spouse may 

• Lie
• Drain the family finances
• Neglect responsibilities
• Even become abusive

All of this can push a marriage past the breaking point. In a study published by Couple and Family Psychology, about one-third of divorcing couples (around 34%) cited drug or alcohol use as a significant factor in their divorce. The reasons are easy to see: when one partner is in the grip of addiction, their primary loyalty often shifts to the substance or behavior, leaving the other partner and children feeling like afterthoughts. 

Trust erodes due to the deceit and broken promises that often accompany addiction. Over time, the non-addicted spouse may feel they are more caregiver than partner, or that they must choose between saving the marriage and saving themselves, making it one of the top reasons for a divorce.

Related Reading: Divorce Regret: What Is It, Signs, And Ways To Deal

Communication breakdown and conflict

Not all marriages end in a dramatic betrayal. Many unravel slowly due to persistent communication issues and conflict. Healthy communication is the lifeblood of a relationship. Without it, minor problems fester and lead to piling resentment in a relationship. When every discussion becomes an argument or when partners stop communicating altogether, the marriage is on very shaky ground. Let’s look at these common reasons for a divorce:

4. Lack of commitment and effort

“We just drifted apart.” “He/she stopped trying.” These are common refrains in divorce proceedings. In fact, lack of commitment is often the number-one cause of divorce. In one survey, 73% of divorced individuals said that one or both spouses not putting in enough effort was a major factor. But what does lack of commitment look like day-to-day? It can be as simple as and as serious as taking your partner for granted. 

• Perhaps one spouse gradually prioritizes work, hobbies, or friends over the marriage
• Both partners fall into a rut of not dating each other
• Not communicating deeply can essentially lead to a couple living on autopilot as roommates

Small everyday gestures like listening, showing affection, and tackling issues proactively are like deposits in the “love bank” that keep a marriage rich. When those stop, the relationship’s account eventually runs empty. As Dr. John Gottman notes from decades of research, couples who stay strong actively nurture their bond continuously, especially in mundane moments. By contrast, couples headed for divorce often become complacent and ignore problems until it’s too late. 

Related Reading: 11 Relationship Arguments That Spell Doom For Your Bond

5. Excessive conflict and constant arguing

Do you feel like every conversation with your spouse turns into a fight? Chronic, high-conflict marriages are a major predictor of divorce. In one survey, 56% of divorced couples said “too much conflict or arguing” was a primary cause of their breakup. It’s normal for couples to disagree, but it’s the way you handle disagreements that matters. If minor issues routinely escalate into screaming matches or name-calling sessions, the environment becomes toxic. 

Research by Dr. John Gottman identifies contempt, displayed through actions such as eye-rolling, insults, and mocking, as the single strongest predictor that a marriage will end in divorce. Along with contempt, Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” of criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (shutting down) often gallop alongside in high-conflict relationships. When these negative patterns take over, productive communication stops, and bitterness sets in.

6. Poor communication

Parallel to constant fighting is another relationship killer: communication breakdown. Not every struggling couple yells at each other, some simply stop communicating about anything important. Important feelings get bottled up. Difficult topics are avoided. One or both partners shut down. Over time, this communication void is as deadly to a marriage as outright hostility and one of the main reasons for divorce. 

Imagine a household where spouses only communicate about schedules, bills, or the kids, but never about their fears, dreams, or frustrations. When issues arise (and they always do), these couples don’t sit down and discuss them. The result? Resentment builds quietly. Needs go unmet because they were never expressed. One spouse might feel profoundly lonely or ignored without the other even realizing it. As a result, the couple drifts into disconnection and, eventually, out the door. 

Related Reading: 10 Signs Of A Loveless Marriage And How To Work On It

7. Feeling unappreciated and undervalued

A surprisingly common reason for divorce can be summed up as “You don’t appreciate me.” Over the years, one or both spouses may start to feel taken for granted. They may feel that all the little and big things they do are overlooked or expected, with no thanks or acknowledgement. This might not sound as dramatic as cheating or fighting, but feeling consistently unappreciated can quietly poison a marriage. The partner who feels undervalued grows resentful and emotionally distant. 

They might think, “Why am I busting my butt for someone who doesn’t even notice or care?” Eventually, that resentment can turn into a breaking point. Marriage counselors often hear complaints like “I feel invisible to my spouse” or “Nothing I do is ever enough.” Those are red flags. Feeling unappreciated may not make headlines as a dramatic “cause,” but it underlies a great many divorces. 

8. Growing apart

Growing apart is commonly cited among the top reasons for divorce, and it means a gradual loss of connection and shared interests. The closeness that once defined the relationship fades, sometimes without either party fully noticing until it’s gone. Life changes such as careers, personal growth, having children, and moving cities can gradually put spouses on different paths. You wake up one day and realize you have little in common beyond history and a mailing address. 

Couples who grow apart often describe a lack of quality time together. For years, their interactions might have centered only on kids or chores, and they invested little in nurturing the friendship or romance between them. As a result, once external distractions fall away, the two individuals realize they’re virtually strangers. 

Growing apart can also be a result of personal changes. The person you married at 22 is not the same at 42, and sometimes those evolved versions of each other aren’t compatible. By the time many couples notice, the distance feels too great to bridge, and they sadly part ways, citing “we just aren’t the same people anymore.”

Related Reading: Signs Of Incompatibility In A Relationship

9. Incompatibility and irreconcilable differences

Every divorce involves differences, but here we’re talking about fundamental incompatibility, where two people’s core values, personalities, or life goals just don’t mesh sustainably. Incompatibility can take countless forms, 

• Personality clashes, where one’s an extrovert social butterfly, the other a homebody, and neither can compromise
• Differences in core values such as gender roles, religions, and future goals 
• Mismatch is priorities, where one values career and ambition, while the other prioritizes family time
• Lifestyle habits such as a neat-freak paired with a slob, a health nut with a smoker, a spender with a saver

Early in a relationship, love and infatuation can paper over these cracks. But as reality sets in, those differences emerge. If the gap is wide enough on things that truly matter to one or both, the marriage starts to feel like a constant tug-of-war where someone has to compromise their core self. This is an exhausting proposition where couples lose the sense of being true partners. In the end, many decide that they are too different to make it work and part ways.

Summary of YouTube transcript

This video explains John Gottman’s research on how certain behaviors can predict divorce with high accuracy. Key warning signs include harsh startups, the “four horsemen” (defensiveness, contempt, criticism, and stonewalling), emotional flooding, physical stress, negative memories, and failed repair attempts. The message is that fights themselves are not the problem—what matters is whether couples can reconnect and repair after conflict. At its core, most fights are really about seeking connection, not the surface issue.

Intimacy and emotional disconnect

A healthy marriage requires intimacy, both physical and emotional. When that intimacy fades away, the relationship can start to feel hollow. Whether it’s an unsatisfying or non-existent sex life or a general emotional distance between spouses, these issues often creep in gradually but can cause deep unhappiness. Let’s examine some of the common intimacy-related causes of divorce:

10. Lack of  physical and emotional intimacy

Marriages thrive on intimacy. Not just sex, but affection, tenderness, and feeling emotionally close. When intimacy disappears, a marriage can easily shift from a passionate partnership to a platonic cohabitation. Extended periods with little to no sexual contact can leave one or both partners feeling rejected, undesirable, and frustrated, making it one of the top reasons for a divorce. 

A sexless marriage is surprisingly common and not always a problem if both partners are truly okay with it. But usually, at least one partner is not okay with it. A chronic lack of sex can create tension and loneliness that undermines the bond. That spouse may start wondering if this is all there is, and in some cases might seek fulfillment elsewhere. 

The lack of intimacy can extend outside the bedroom. If couples stop sharing their thoughts and feelings, or never have meaningful time together, they lose the “spark” and friendship that keep love alive. They might live under the same roof but lead separate emotional lives. Many people who divorce cite that they fell out of love or felt no affection from their spouse for a long time. 

Related Reading: Lack Of Affection And Intimacy In A Relationship

11. Unrealistic expectations

Entering marriage with rose-colored glasses can set a couple up for disappointment. If one or both partners have unrealistic expectations about what marriage should be, reality is almost guaranteed to fall short. Over time, that disillusionment can fuel resentment and regret. In fact, nearly 45% of divorced individuals in one survey said unrealistic expectations about marriage contributed to their breakup. Common unrealistic expectations include things like,

• “My spouse will fulfill all my needs, emotional, social, maybe even financial.” 
• “Being married will always feel as romantic and exciting as when we were dating.” 
• “If this is ‘true love,’ it shouldn’t be hard or require work.” 

These idealized beliefs collide with the reality that marriage is not a constant fairy tale. Daily life brings boredom, stress, bills, and dirty laundry, which is not exactly the stuff of romantic comedies. If someone expects perpetual passion or thinks their partner will magically change after the wedding, they’re in for a rude awakening. Many marriages crumble under the weight of what one thought it should be versus what it really is. 

12. Lack of work-life balance

In today’s busy world, being “married to the job” can truly sabotage being married to a person. Research has found that marriages with a workaholic are far more likely to end in divorce. Why? The spouse of a workaholic often feels lonely, disconnected, and chronically second-place. Important family events get missed. Dinners, vacations, and even bedtime conversations are interrupted or sacrificed for work. Over time, the relationship starts to feel like an afterthought. 

The working spouse might justify it as “I’m doing this for the family,” but that doesn’t erase the emotional distance created. When one partner is never truly “off the clock,” intimacy and communication suffer. The non-workaholic partner might shoulder all the household and parenting duties alone, further breeding resentment. If nothing changes, eventually that resentment can turn into a decision to leave. 

Related Reading: 11 Painful Signs Your Partner Is Taking Your Relationship For Granted

External pressures and life circumstances

Sometimes the causes of divorce come from outside pressures or life circumstances that strain the marriage. Such factors can create serious friction even in a well-intentioned couple. Let’s look at a few common ones:

13. Marrying too young

Timing matters in marriage. Couples who marry in their late teens or early twenties often face extra challenges that older couples may avoid. Simply put, when you’re very young, you might not fully know yourself or what you want in a partner. People do a lot of growing up in their 20s, and unfortunately, some marriages can’t survive that growth.

Why is this? One major factor is immaturity, both emotional and sometimes financial. Young newlyweds may not yet have the conflict resolution skills or patience needed for marriage. Small issues can escalate into big fights because, frankly, teenagers and very young adults can be more impulsive. Additionally, young couples often face external stresses like finishing education, starting careers, and struggling financially, all at the same time as adjusting to married life. That’s a lot of pressure on a fledgling partnership. 

As the years go on, spouses who married very young might find that by their late 20s, they’ve grown into very different people than when they said “I do.” What felt like true love at 19 might feel stifling or mismatched at 30. When these marriages fail, it’s often because the pair didn’t yet have the tools or self-knowledge to choose the right partner or to navigate the storms of life together. 

14. Disagreements over children and parenting

Children can also introduce major stress and conflict. It starts with the decision of whether to have kids at all. If one spouse secretly or openly doesn’t want children and the other does, that’s a fundamental mismatch that can certainly lead to divorce if not resolved. Even when both agree to have kids, parenting style differences can drive a wedge between partners. 

Couples may fight over everything from discipline methods to education choices to how much to spoil the kids. These conflicts can be intense because they touch deeply held values and fears. It’s not easy to just “agree to disagree” on how to raise a human being you both love. If not managed, parenting conflicts can create a cycle of blame-shifting that spills over into general resentment. 

Another flashpoint is when a couple struggles to have children. Infertility and the stress of treatments or failed attempts can sadly break relationships that aren’t rock-solid. And if a child has special needs or medical issues, the added strain can overwhelm some marriages. When every day brings a new argument about the kids, some couples eventually decide to part ways rather than continue fighting in front of the children they’re trying to raise.

Related Reading: The Hidden Benefits Of Divorce

15. Religious or cultural differences

“Love conquers all” sounds nice, but in reality, major differences in religion or culture can put enormous strain on a marriage. Interfaith or interracial couples often enter marriage with full respect for each other’s backgrounds. Yet down the line, conflicts can emerge over how to live and what values to prioritize. For example, differing religious beliefs might collide when deciding how to raise children: 

• Which faith, if any, will the kids be taught? 
• Will they be baptized or have a bar mitzvah? 
• Which holidays will the family celebrate, and how? 

If spouses aren’t on the same page, it can lead to frequent clashes and even pressure from extended family. Cultural differences like coming from different ethnicities or nationalities can also lead to misunderstandings or disagreements over roles, communication styles, or family expectations. One culture might expect the couple to frequently host extended relatives or financially support family members, while the spouse from another culture might find this intrusive or burdensome. 

Over time, these differences can create an “us versus them” dynamic. If neither person is willing to adapt or you fundamentally disagree on key life values (spiritual or cultural), the friction may never subside. Sadly, love doesn’t always conquer deep divides in worldview.

16. Family interference and issues with in-laws

The old saying goes, “When you marry someone, you marry their family.” For some couples, in-laws and extended family can be a persistent source of stress that eventually implodes the marriage. Perhaps a spouse’s parents are overly meddlesome, criticizing everything from how the couple manages money to how they raise the kids. Or one spouse might remain so enmeshed with their own parents that they constantly take the parents’ side over their spouse’s. These scenarios can generate huge resentment. If boundaries with in-laws aren’t set and respected, the interference can evolve from an annoyance into a marriage-breaker, making it one of the main reasons for divorce. 

Related Reading: 10 Actionable Tips For Distancing Yourself From In-Laws

Severe and non-negotiable issues

Finally, among the top reasons for divorce are the most serious relationship deal-breakers. These are issues that often leave little room for compromise or tolerance. When these factors are present, divorce is often not just understandable but necessary for one’s safety and well-being. Here are the big ones:

17. Domestic violence and abuse

Abuse is a tragic reality in some marriages and among the most common grounds for divorce. This includes, 

• Physical violence, such as hitting, choking, or any bodily harm 
• Emotional and verbal abuse, such as constant belittling, controlling behaviors, threats, or intimidation 
• Sexual abuse, which entails marital rape or coercion
• Financial abuse, where one partner controls all money and freedom

All of these violate the basic trust and safety that marriage is supposed to offer. What’s heartbreaking is that many victims endure years of abuse before leaving, often due to fear, financial dependency, or hopes that the abusive partner will change. But typically, the cycle of violence continues or escalates. In the end, many find the courage to divorce as a means of survival and protection, especially if children are involved. 

Related Reading: How She Coped With Her Spouse’s Mental Illness

18. Untreated mental health issues

Mental health struggles can put enormous strain on a marriage, especially if the person suffering is not actively managing their condition. To be clear, simply having a mental illness does not doom a marriage. Many couples cope and thrive together through depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc., with proper treatment and support. However, when a mental health issue is severe or untreated, it can create an unsustainable situation. For example, 

• A spouse with untreated bipolar disorder might go on spending sprees or erupt in anger during manic phases, then sink into deep depressive withdrawal for weeks, leaving the other partner constantly on edge
• Someone with severe depression might become emotionally unavailable and unable to contribute to the relationship or family life, effectively forcing their partner to carry all responsibilities and provide constant care
• Personality disorders like narcissistic or borderline personality disorder can deeply distort communication and trust, sometimes leading to emotional abuse or chaotic relationship patterns 

In such situations, the stress on the healthy spouse can be immense. They may feel guilt, sadness, and exhaustion from trying to help their partner, often enduring hurtful behaviors in return. If the ill partner refuses treatment, denies the problem, or if treatments just aren’t effective enough, the marriage may deteriorate and eventually fall apart.

Can These Top Reasons Behind Divorce Be Prevented? 

While there’s no magic wand to divorce-proof a relationship, many of the common issues above can be addressed or even avoided with proactive effort. Here are some practical, action-oriented takeaways for couples who want to strengthen their marriage:

• Invest in communication: Make it a habit to really talk and listen to your spouse regularly. Don’t let concerns fester in silence. Consider counseling or couples’ workshops to improve communication skills before conflicts become entrenched. Open, honest dialogue is like maintenance for your marriage. It keeps things running smoothly
• Set realistic expectations: Remind yourself that no relationship is perfect. There will be ups, downs, and boring bits in between. Don’t compare your marriage to Hollywood romances or your social media feed. Expect that hard times will come, and agree as a couple to face them as a team rather than thinking “happily ever after” means no effort. Keeping expectations realistic can prevent a lot of disappointment
• Manage finances together as a team: Money issues are easier to handle when both partners are involved and transparent. Create a budget jointly, agree on big financial goals, and have regular money check-ins. This way, there are no ugly surprises like hidden debt. When you make financial decisions together, it builds trust. If one or both of you struggle with spending or debt, consider seeing a financial counselor. Don’t let money problems fester in secrecy
• Make time for intimacy and appreciation: No matter how busy life gets, carve out quality time. This could be as simple as a 15-minute chat each night without distractions, a weekly date night, or an occasional romantic getaway. Also, express gratitude daily. Say thank you for the little things, compliment each other, and show affection. Keeping the emotional and physical connection strong is key to “affair-proofing” your marriage. It helps you both feel valued and loved at home
• Seek help early for serious issues: If you notice signs of a major problem, be it substance abuse, mental health struggles, or even just constant conflict, don’t wait to get professional help. Many couples delay until too much damage is done. Reaching out to a therapist, support group, or doctor at the first sign of trouble can prevent a crisis from escalating. It’s never easy to admit a marriage needs help, but addressing problems sooner rather than later dramatically increases the chances of saving the relationship

FAQs

Final Thoughts

Divorce is rarely about a single cause. More often, it’s a combination of issues that build up until the relationship becomes unsustainable. Deciding to divorce is deeply personal and often painful. In some situations, for example, ongoing abuse or dangerous addictions, ending the marriage can be the healthiest choice for everyone involved. There is no shame in recognizing that. In other cases, couples might wonder if they could have prevented the split by addressing problems earlier or differently.

If reading this has made you spot some warning signs in your own relationship, take heart. Recognizing the problem is the first step. Talk to your partner, consider counseling, and remember why you chose each other. Most importantly, know that you’re not alone. Almost every couple struggles at some point, and many have come back from the brink stronger. Ultimately, marriage is a journey, and while the road can get rocky, couples who navigate the hazards together often find a deeper bond on the other side. And for those who don’t, there is life and growth after divorce as well. Either way, understanding these common divorce causes is a step toward healthier relationships and, hopefully, fewer heartbreaks in the future.

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