After a few years of marriage, are you noticing all your days pass by just like a routine? Is it as if you are just existing to survive each day, looking after the family and just doing what is expected out of you? Is there no excitement and fun left in the bond you share with your husband/wife? Is your marriage on the rocks and inches away from collapsing? If your answer to all these questions is yes, then, my friend, you are stuck in a loveless marriage.
Why does a marriage become loveless?
It is true that with time, the perception married couples have about love changes. Instead of the early stages of passion and intimacy, the relationship gets characterised by strong bonds of care and respect. But in certain cases, love disappears forever. Here are some causes which make a marriage loveless:
- The relationship might have taken a backseat in the couple’s lives, so they fail to give time to each other and forget to appreciate one another
- The couple is not able to come to terms with the differences they have in terms of their preferences, dreams, personalities and end up drifting apart
- Some specific incidents like a major fight might have triggered feelings of resentment towards each other, which the couple is not able to resolve
Some couples accept these causes and work hard to improve the status of their relationship, while some others just accept their fate and continue living with such a miserable relationship or go their separate ways.
10 signs you are in a loveless marriage
There are many of us who look like ideal couples on the face but are actually stuck in loveless marriages for the sake of society. Such couples live bitter lives, and indulge in extramarital affairs to satisfy their need for love and affection. However, the right thing to do is to work on your marriage, put the differences aside and strive to make it better everyday with little things. It is not easy, but is definitely worth a shot.
Getting to know what characterises a loveless marriage will give you the opportunity to make a decision about the future course of your relationship. So we bring to you 10 tell-tale signs which will help you realise whether you are in an unhappy marriage or not.
1. There is a huge communication gap between the two of you
As a couple, both of you are expected to share your opinions and thoughts with each other on a daily basis. But if you both are failing to do so, then there is a huge communication gap which needs to be addressed. Not talking to each other, just working on your respective projects, watching television to avoid each other or having regular disagreements on various issues: If your relationship is going through these things, then there is definitely something amiss.
2. You both are not physically comfortable with one another
Gone are the days when you used to express your love for each other without any inhibitions. You used to hold hands, kiss each other or cuddle. But now, you will notice that you both are not physically comfortable around each other. The idea of having sex with your partner makes you feel awkward and vice versa because your marriage has turned into a sexless marriage. Intimacy has become so rare in your married life that you fail to connect with your spouse any more. However, you should know that lack of intimacy in your relationship is not just affecting your marriage, but you too.
3. Your partner continuously criticises you
For any mistake (no matter how small), you have to bear the harsh criticisms coming from your partner. He/she will make you feel horrible by highlighting your defects. Instead of helping you become a better person, the continuous criticisms from your spouse will demoralise you and will hamper the bond that you share with him/her. If you were in a happy relationship, then your partner would give constructive advice and not discourage you with harsh comments.
4. You are finding happiness outside marriage
This means you are either spending time on your own and enjoying what life has to offer you, or you are getting attracted to another person. This other person is someone with whom you are able to connect and who respects you more than your spouse. You might be having an emotional affair with that person without even realising it. An emotional affair takes place when you share all your deep dark secrets with someone outside your marriage, that too comfortably.
5. Fights do not characterise your relationship
When a couple fights, it means there is a connection that they have and that they care for each other. After the reconciliation, the couple is able to experience new bonds of love and respect in the relationship. But if your married life is devoid of fights, then there is something wrong. It shows that you both do not care any more and do not have any intention of saving your relationship.
6. You both fail to appreciate each other
The blame game has become a common phenomenon in your married life. For any problem that you face, you both start blaming each other instead of finding a solution together. Nothing you do makes your spouse happy and vice versa. The mutual feelings of appreciation have been lost in the relationship and you both start taking each other for granted. Sometimes, you might feel that only you are making efforts to make the relationship work.
7. You hardly care about your responsibilities towards your partner
There comes a point in your loveless marriage, when you hardly care about your responsibilities towards your partner. You do not keep track of what your spouse wants to eat, what he/she likes or dislikes, what he/she wants to do, etc. You just start caring about your needs, likes and dislikes and you might not even feel ashamed to shun your responsibilities. Your spouse can exhibit this same behaviour as well. You both become selfish in the relationship.
8. A future without your spouse seems more positive to you
It will become obvious to you that you are unhappy in your loveless marriage, when you start thinking about a future without your spouse. If you start thinking about a life in which your husband/wife has no role to play, then it means you feel imprisoned in your relationship and you want to escape the clutches of such a marriage. Your partner might also feel the same.
9. Spending time with your partner seems awkward to you
You dread the times when you have to spend time with your partner all alone. Given a chance, you would love to spend your free time with either your family members or friends, rather than being awkward around your husband/wife. Both of you even stop making efforts to plan dates or mini vacations, because being with each other is the thing you both want to avoid the most.
10. Deep down in your heart you know your marriage is loveless
Even though you keep telling yourself that all is well in your marriage, your heart knows your true feelings. Your gut feeling will give you all the assurance that your marriage is lacking love and affection. Listening to your heart is probably the smartest move on your part.
Those of you who are in an unhappy and lacklustre marriage have the following options to choose from:
- You can keep feeling miserable and continue being in that loveless relationship
- Both of you can make efforts to work things out by either confronting one another or taking the help of a therapist
- Or last but not the least, you can try to move on and get a divorce to find happiness elsewhere
The decision will ultimately depend on what you truly feel about the relationship and whether you think there is a possibility to instil love in the relationship once again. So think carefully