Welcome to the age of male gold diggers! Oh yes, gone are the days when we only had female gold diggers. Times have changed and the tables have turned. Male gold diggers are everywhere, like predators looking for their next prey. This gold digger boyfriend could be at your favorite restaurant, a bar, shopping mall and even in your bed. How do you know your boyfriend is not in the relationship only for the money?
Have you ever considered the possibility that your man is using you for convenience? Have you ever had doubts about his actions? Many guys only have a relationship because they are interested in the money, not in the woman. It could be any woman as long as she is bearing the expenses and showering him with gifts. Yes, may sound absurd but it is the truth.
Investing yourself emotionally in a man who is only interested in your bank balance can be a scarring experience that can leave you riddled with trust issues for life. To make sure you steer clear of this pitfall of modern dating, we’re here to shine the light on signs a man is using you for money, with insights from counseling psychologist Dwiti Vyas (Masters in Applied Psychology), who specializes in relationship challenges, communication issues and EMDR therapy.
Signs Your Man Is Using You For Money
What keeps your relationship going? Does your partner love you, lusts for you, or is he in it for the money? Does your boyfriend appreciate your qualities or just the thickness of your wallet? If you are way more successful than your boyfriend and he is financially dependent on you, it’s imperative to keep an eye out for the characteristics of a gold digger man and assess if you can see them in your partner.
If a man is using you for convenience, he’d go to great lengths to please you as long as it yields materialistic gains for him. Here are some indications that your boyfriend is a gold digger:
- Gifts are the key to happiness: You give him the best of gifts and he doesn’t shy away from asking for them… well, maybe a little (it’s part of an act)
- Eye on your bank balance: One of the most telling signs a man is using you for money is that he keeps a keen interest on your bank balance. Early on in the relationship, he’d begin enquiring about your salary, savings, assets and net worth
- Footing his bills: You’re somehow often paying for his car fuel or other things without even realizing it. When a man asks you for money on one pretext or the other, it’s a clear indication of why he’s with you
- Pay up, honey: You feel like he puts you in situations in which you have no option but to pay. If he conveniently forgets his wallets or brings expired credit cards to all your dates, you’re dealing with clear signs he is a gold digger
- No reciprocation: He rarely ever pulls off nice gestures for you or buys you nice gifts because he thinks you can afford them on your own. One of the tell-tale signs someone is using you for money is that they’re all all about receiving and not giving anything in return
You didn’t say that you are his sugar mama! Well, a sugar mama is just like a sugar daddy. A sugar mama pleases her boyfriend with expensive gifts and he stays with her as long as he avails all her financial benefits and your boyfriend has made you one! He is dating you for money and you are not even aware of it.
Elaborating on the signs a man is using you for money, Dwiti says, “He doesn’t look at your face or age, he sees your bank account. And when the money stops coming, he starts walking. His actions and behavior scream: finance is the only love I understand.
Related Reading: 15 Subtle Signs Of A Manipulative Boyfriend
8 Signs You Are Dating A Gold Digger
There are many relationships where men aren’t as financially secure as women, but they still put in every effort to compensate emotionally by focussing on the little things. They have enough self-respect to make sure that they fill the void with more important aspects such as love, care and understanding.
“When he uses you for money, something will feel amiss about the relationship. Even if your partner is around you, you still feel disconnected and he is not available when you need him emotionally. You feel something is wrong all the time. The moment you spend money on him, he feels happy and would express his love to you,” explains Dwiti.
Gold diggers might give you all of the above, but it comes with a price and that price is debited from your account. Is your boyfriend in the relationship just for money? Look out for these signs he is a gold digger to find out:
1. He initially pays for everything and then never does
He was a perfect gentleman on your initial dates. He insisted on paying for dinner and even paid for your cab fare, but as time passed and he started getting to know more about you and your…ahem, bank balance, the financial burden was slowly passed onto you.
Remember the times when he left his wallet in the car? How typical! But what do you know about his financial condition? Was the money he spent on you even his or was he borrowing from Visa to pay for Mastercard? One of the unmistakable signs a man is using you for money is that the burden of keeping the relationship afloat falls on you.
It’s like spending time with him comes with a price tag. At first, you may not mind footing the bill because money shouldn’t get in the way of love, right? However, slowly but surely, it’ll become harder to shake off the niggling sense that you’re being exploited by your partner.
“At first, he may try to show off how rich or well-off he is and even talk about the importance of maintaining a high status in society but would ask you to pay for the bills. At the beginning of the relationship, your boyfriend may spend money on everything and even buy expensive gifts for you, but after a few months, he starts asking you to handle his expenses with the promise to return all the money. The moment you bring up settling your finances, he may threaten to end the relationship,” says Dwiti.
2. He always has financial emergencies
How many uncles and friends of his have you helped in distress? He borrows money from you and promises to pay it back, but you never see the money again. I’m sure that these uncles and friends only turn up when there is a financial emergency, otherwise, you have never heard of them. Dating a gold digger can truly deplete you, financially and emotionally.
“My gold digger boyfriend once even went so far as to tell me his friend had gotten into an accident and he needed money desperately but he hadn’t gotten this month’s salary yet so he needed me to lend him money. To this day I have never seen or heard of that injured friend ever again,” says Maurice, who was being fleeced by her boyfriend of 2 years.
Your boyfriend seems to be very concerned about these people and is always ready to help them. How caring! But why does that help have to go through your pocket? These scheming ways are among the key characteristics of a gold digger man, don’t turn a blind eye to them.
Related Reading: 15 Top Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend
3. He is always interested in your finances
Rather than spending quality time with you, your boyfriend prefers to talk about your finances and investments. He will also give you financial advice and ask you to invest in funds you have never heard of. His interest has an ulterior motive which involves him profiting from the entire transaction.
Dwiti explains, “Another one of the signs a man is using you for money is his undying curiosity about your finances. He wants to know the smallest financial details about you: your account balance, your property, your current expenditures. He won’t just stop at that. He’d push you to work more and demand money, asking you to manage all the expenses.”
Your boyfriend should talk about you, your likes and your qualities. After all, he is in a relationship with a person, not a bank! If he does then your boyfriend is in the relationship only for the money. Unfortunately, this is one of the signs a man is using you for money.
4. He loves shopping….as long as you are paying
Your boyfriend suggests taking you shopping. He adds three or four items for you and the rest of the basket is filled with his things. At the cash counter, he suddenly gets an emergency call or finds some other excuse to disappear. Mind you, all the things he has chosen are way too expensive for someone like him, but he doesn’t care as long as you are paying.
He technically takes you shopping but you end up swiping your credit card. The signs that someone is exploiting you financially aren’t just limited to instances when a man asks you for money upfront. If he is practically living off you and you end up paying for the high life he cannot afford on his own, you have the warning signs he is a gold digger staring you in the face.
Effort in a relationship has to be mutual and reciprocal on all fronts – emotional, physical or financial. When your partner is in it just for the money, you end up doing the lion’s share of work in keeping the relationship afloat.
5. He is unemployed or lies about his job
What do you know about the person you are dating? Have you ever checked his facts? Your gold-digger boyfriend might have portrayed himself to be a successful person and you believed him without a doubt. Have you ever actually visited his office?
In your career, you have setbacks but still keep working hard to get back on track. How much effort is your boyfriend putting in to get back on his feet? Some unemployed boyfriends are like parasites and purposely do not do anything about their unemployment as long as they have girlfriends like you to pay. He could be in the relationship only for the money. Do run a check on him.
“Whenever you ask about his finances, he’d either ignore you or try to escape the conversation. “Why do you always want to know about my money?” “Can we talk about something else ?” are the common retorts of a man who is with you for the money. He is not transparent about his job and gives inconsistent answers about his finances,” says Dwiti.
Related Reading: 11 Signs Your Husband Uses You Financially
6. Your boyfriend sees you as his ATM
It is payday and he knows it. He asks for money to pay his utilities and other expenses. Whenever he needs money, you write out a check for him or take out money from the ATM and he barely even mutters a thank you. He knows that whenever he wants money, you will be there to bail him out.
He is using you as his ATM and his personal bank. Try saying no and see how he reacts. “My boyfriend is a gold digger and knows the day my salary comes in. He often feels the need to go out on a fancy date, dinner or movie on the same day. If sometimes I refuse, I can be sure to expect a mild temper tantrum,” says Norah, a lawyer who has been dating an “aspiring artist” for the past year.
7. Romance comes with a price
He is in a very romantic mood. Things between you two suddenly heat up and he asks you for something when you are too vulnerable to say no. The favors he asks for are always expressed in monetary terms.
When he gets his way, all the romance suddenly turns cold. All his love and care will seem to vanish. Such people are just financial opportunists, looking for ways to extract money. If this isn’t one of the signs a man is using you for money, then we don’t know what is.
If you can relate to these signs of an opportunist boyfriend, take a moment to reflect on whether your relationship is worth saving and if it’s wise for you to compromise your financial security for a connection that is driven by materialistic things. In the heart of your hearts, you know the answer as well as we do.
8. He gets angry if you say no
Some days your gut will make you question your decision. You will ask yourself, “Should I give him money?” and you will finally decide to say no to him. He will become angry and desperate because that was not the answer he was expecting. This is one of the signs your boyfriend is using you for money.
He has understood that his magic on you is wearing off and he is not happy with it. Sometimes your gold digger boyfriend might just make up an emotional story to pull you back into his spell. Make sure that you don’t fall into his trap this time.
Related Reading: How To Watch Out For The Relationship Red Flags, Expert Tells You
How to break up with a gold digger
What to do when a guy is using you? How exactly do you get out of a relationship with a gold-digger boyfriend? The answer is simple, you rip the band-aid off and break up with him. He will try to wrap you up with words and try to get back on your good side or gain your sympathy. But you must remember to be strong and not let his crocodile tears tangle you again.
Stick to your guns. You have seen the signs a man is using you for money and know for a fact that he’s in this relationship for the money. So it’s time to cut him loose and look out for someone who deserves you.
“If you realize your man is using you for convenience, breaking up is the only way out from such a toxic relationship. Be honest with yourself and don’t overlook the signs a man is using you for money. It’s difficult to accept this harsh reality when you are emotionally invested in a person but it’s better to face the truth rather than live in denial or hope that one day he will change.
“Once you see the signs someone is using you for money and have made up your mind to move on from the toxic connection, don’t confront him or chase the elusive closure. In a situation like this, it’s fine not to know all the answers for the breakup (if he runs away or ghosts you) and just accept that you were in the wrong relationship with the wrong person.
“If you are the one who wants to end the relationship, it’s ok not to confront him or offer an explanation for why you’re breaking up. Sometimes, a face-to-face confrontation can prove extremely risky if he is into drugs or alcohol consumption. Just move away physically, emotionally and financially,” advises Dwiti on what to do when a guy is using you.
Many successful women fall into the trap of these financial opportunists. These men take advantage of a woman’s emotional vulnerability and find their way into their lives. In no time, they make their way into their finances as well. These men are able to blind a woman with their scripted love and these women fall prey to such parasites. Be sure to look out for these signs while you are dating, so that you can save yourself from being emotionally and financially cheated.