How To Differentiate Whether He Loves You Or Just Lusts For You

Team Bonobology

“Do you love me?” If your man can answer this without flinching, either he is a great liar or he is telling the truth.

Wish all cases were that easy to crack open? Sometimes it’s not that easy to tell if your man is after you ‘cause his heart is gushing with love for you or it’s only great sex he is after. These signs might be a way out of your dilemma.

How do you know that it’s not just lust for him?

In this era of Tinder dates and casual hookups, it has become increasingly difficult to understand a person’s intentions, especially when it comes to a prospective long-lasting relationship. How often have you heard men plan out a course of action for a Tinder date? Movies, music and literature, all have educated men enough on how to woo a woman. But the question remains: is it so that he makes her fall in love with him or just to get inside her pants? Are there tell-tale signs of figuring out this mystery? We sure think so! Have a look.

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1. He is around even on your bad days

You might have had a bad day at work and prefer to stay indoors in pyjamas and no makeup on and he brings you your favourite cold coffee with a shot of espresso and caramel? Then he doesn’t just lust after you.

He is there even when there is no guarantee of sex. He doesn’t say, “I’ll leave you alone till you are in a better mood”. Instead, he puts in an effort to cheer you up. Or he just listens to you rant.

You might say you’ve had men put on a pretense so that they have a shot at getting laid later but most men who are lusting after you won’t even have the patience to do that.

2. He lets you in on his family drama

This is a known fact. If the man loves you and wants you in his life, he will be more open than “I once had sex in a moving train”.

Including family in conversations and including you in his discussions with his family, means he loves you. You are aware of his grandma’s Alzheimer’s and his second cousin’s wedding feud. And for the best cases, you might also have his sibling’s number saved in your phone as the emergency contact for him.

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3. How your evening is planned out

If you have plans on meeting up with your man and he says “Anywhere is fine” or “We can go back to my place after dinner”, he is lusting after you, woman.

A man who is not after you only for sex will concentrate more on how the evening is spent rather than focussing on where the endgame will be.

4. Talks about the future

Is he eager to plan the weekend with you, or plan something that’s a year away? Then it is a sure sign that he wants to stick around with you even when the sex stops. He uses ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. When he RSVPs you as his Plus 1 and introduces you to his family and friends at the party, he is not just lusting after you. You feel like you are a part of his future planning.

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5. After sex romance

Does he do his deed and turn over to sleep? It’s only because he is lusting after you. The ‘get in-get out’ is a major sign that he doesn’t love you.

When your man loves you there will be cuddling or at least a forehead kiss. He will know your turn-on spots as well as your tickle spots. There will be pillow talk after sex and you don’t have to lie beside him wondering if it’s only sex he is after.


Related reading: My wife wants to have sex with the man whose wife I fantasise about

6. The way you fight

Does he listen to you when you are having an argument or just yell his lungs out at you? Does he make an effort to resolve a fight or just walks away and tells you to let him know when you are done being pissed? Does he say, “I am sorry you feel this way but hear me out please” or “let’s not do this please”?

If your man is always doing the latter, he is just in this for the sex. He doesn’t want any emotional or mental confrontation. He makes relentless efforts to make up (why? Because make up sex, that’s why).

The man who loves you will resolve a fight as he doesn’t want you to be vexed or worried, not because he wants sex at the end of the argument.

At the end of the day, to know if a man loves you or lusts for you, follow your guts. Chances are these signs reciprocate the way you feel about your man in your guts and mind.

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