As told to Priya Chaphekar
Living a single life when you’re not single is a daunting task, especially for an inextricable couple like me and my husband, Chris. Add to that a society with their puppy dog and pitiful eyes looking down upon me. How then do we deal with and navigate how to have a successful long distance relationship? Well, I think a spoonful of patience, a generous amount of trust, a cup of communication and mounds of love is the perfect recipe to managing a long distance relationship.
Tips To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship
If you’re looking for long distance relationship advice, take it from a real couple. I know most people just shrug at the thought of it or dismiss it completely, but that does not have to be the case. With a little bit of persistence and strength, your love can brave anything.
My husband and I met each other when we were teenagers and got married during our mid-20s. My husband, my best friend, my partner in business and crime, my main and man both, my rock. “Don’t you get bored running the house and business with the same person?” they ask, to which we laugh and nod our heads like pre-schoolers.
I couldn’t possibly get bored with the only one who completes my sentences, cooks scrumptious meals over the weekend and nudges me to workout despite my funny workout excuses, at the gym every single day.
As unbelievable as it may sound, Chris and I don’t have a lot of fights. Yes, we do have those minor differences on things, but otherwise, our thought processes are in complete alignment. We agree on almost everything!
Surviving long distance relationship
For a couple like us swimming in the deep sea of sweet love, it’s not easy to stay apart. After spending a quarter of my life with my folks, I wanted to step out and experience university life in a different town. To my surprise, the opportunity came three years after my marriage. At the same time, Chris wanted to relive a fratboy’s life I suppose, cooking food, buying groceries on his own and partying a whole lot with the guys. But I think we’re done with our experiments and time apart. I can’t wait to have him back.
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The first rule for how to have a successful long distance relationship work is to not think that you’re in one. A physical separation can make a person feel that his or her spouse is no more available. Throw in some frustration and he or she can seem completely disconnected. So however tough the road might get, make it a point to stay in touch. I mean yes you will always run into long distance relationship problems but how committed you are, can make all the difference.
On our recent anniversary, my husband had a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates delivered to my doorstep. “Those are the things you do for your high school sweetheart like a little simp,” you might say. But that’s the whole point – to revive those sweet moments! The time difference between Canada and India is such that my husband and I barely get to talk for a couple of hours. But it’s up to us what we do during those two hours – crib about how things have changed or have a warm, romantic conversation that makes us smile.
Keep the faith
One of the biggest long distance relationship tips is to practice utmost faith and communication. It’s very easy to doubt the very foundation of your relationship when you start communicating with new people, but being transparent about things will not only make your partner feel secure, but also reassure him that no matter the distance, concern or fear, you’ll always belong to each other.
For instance, I have added so many new people on networking sites after I’ve come here, but my husband understands that it’s not because I’m vying for attention or cheating in a long distance relationship, but because I am a sociable person and want to have a life outside of my marriage too.
I tell my husband everything, even if it is the extra attention from a guy. But what matters is how I handle that attention. You could be living in the same house and cheating on your partner. It’s all about being ethically sensitive.
And let me tell you that ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is a load of crap, especially when your significant other is miles away. We all have heard stories of one-night stands and sexual indifferences that ripped people apart. In our case, we have time differences, too. But as they say, ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’.
And the best way to the destination is on a foundation of practicing emotional intimacy. Yes, it’s a tough, frustrating road, but technology has helped us keep the communication lines open and the intimacy at an all time high!
Long distance couples should experiment with everything from phone sex to hot sexts.
Sexual success stems from the strong roots of emotional intimacy, and we as a couple never forget that. Cell phones, Skype and emails are wonderful tools for couples to keep in touch even when they live together. Tell each other what you’re looking forward to – get graphic on Skype or creative on emails. Sometimes, it’s also good to plan in advance to avoid disappointment.
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Can Long Distance Relationships Work?
Come to think of it, both of us as a couple are handling this distance well. There were times we did question, can long distance relationships work but after our experience, we know that yes they can. Of course we miss each other, but we don’t let that feeling overpower us. We don’t constantly demand each other’s attention and time.
This is a temporary phase and we’re certain it will pass soon. Living apart has made our love blossom like never before. Chris isn’t a late-night person; he doesn’t even stay up to wish me on my birthday night. But on my first day at work here, he stayed up till 2 a.m. IST just to know how it went. How to have a successful long distance relationship? Adapt and make time. With time, we are also adapting to the change. I think the problem arises when partners are unable to adjust and simply start blame shifting at any chance they get.
Although he has busied himself work and I’ve put together my own routine, it’s challenging to not have him next to me; more so because I’m so touchy as a person. I’m used to playing with his fingers or brushing his hair all the time… I’m someone who strongly believes in the power of touch to feel connected and loved. So for now, I do away with planting pillows all over my bed, imagining him to be around me.
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I’ve listed all the places I want to visit once he’s here – the CN Tower, Niagara and Casa Loma. In my free time, I stroll around downtown, go to parks and watch couples madly in love, while eagerly awaiting the arrival of my beloved. Well, that’s how I keep myself busy, apart from my part-time job and university.
I think that how to have a successful long distance relationship is not as impossible as it may seem. In fact, my independence makes me feel closer to my man. I’m hoping we’ll be in the same frame soon and that our long distance relationship tips help you!
Because the distance can make you feel lonely, cranky and upset. You miss your partner all the time and often worry if they miss you the same way too. Long distance relationships are hard we know but when you have the right long distance relationship advice, you can overcome the same.
Not necessarily. It can make one busy or distracted but distance does not guarantee that one would fall out of love.
The real key to how to have a successful long distance relationship lies in showing your partner how much you care. There are many ways to show affection even if you are surviving long distance relationship. Send them care packages, call them often, write them letters to add some extra romance!