You have bad dates. And then there are some when you wished you had a gun. To shoot yourself with. In the mouth. You nod and smile at some story about the ridiculous thing your date did last weekend but mentally, you are on your couch reading Stephanie Meyer; because even sparkling vampires seem like a better choice than being on this date.
So what do you do when you find yourself in the company of a man you don’t want to spend the rest of your awake time with? Here are some ideas.
1. The classic:
Send a SOS text to your best buddy and have them call you with an ‘emergency’. The emergency could vary from your best friend having a mental breakdown to her spraining an ankle. The more creative the better.
Look worried for a few minutes, explain what the emergency is and casually tell him you will look into it later. If he is a sympathetic person (and if you look really worried and your acting skills deserve an Oscar), he will himself ask you to take care of the emergency. That way you don’t appear rude in leaving the date halfway.
2. Period break:
This is a weapon at your disposal. No matter the place, situation, time, this one works like a charm.
This one can be pulled off easily: Start with ‘Oh god, no’ and when he asks you what the matter is, tell him you feel like your period just started and rant about how you always forget the date of your incoming menstruation. You don’t even have to give an explanation. You can just tell him to catch up soon and rush away. No man would ever want to see the back of your pants or your seat stained with blood.
Related reading: How to date on Tinder?
3. Spill the beans:
In this case, spill your drink or coffee all over yourself and with an ‘Ughhh’, add how this is your absolute favourite piece of clothing and that you need to rush home to get it cleaned lest the stain should become permanent. The suckiest part of this is you lose a piece of clothing. But anything is better than sitting through the suck-fest you are both calling a date, right?
4. Bring out the mushy train and sob:
So this is gonna need Meryl Streep kind of fabulous acting. Pretend a part of the conversation triggered something from the past. Begin with teary-eyed crying. Slowly proceed to sniffling and blowing your nose-in-a-handkerchief kind of dedicated acting. The finale could be you saying ‘sorry’ and rushing out with no looking back.
5. Bring out the crazy:
You have varied options to choose from. Laugh uncontrollably (if you don’t mind making a laughing-stock of yourself in public), pull your hair out (disgusting), and act paranoid. Tell him how sleepless nights make you feel like there are other people in the apartment with you. Throw in bits and pieces from movies into your story. Sell your crazy self.
Any man in his right mind wouldn’t want to date a woman with these many issues. If you are lucky enough, he will be the one to leave for an ‘emergency’.
Related reading: Mistakes men should avoid when on a date
6. Popcorn run:
This has actually worked. If you are on your movie date and getting wrong vibes from the man (his intention is to only make out and you have waited long enough to watch Jason Momoa shirtless) and you want to leave ASAP but don’t want to seem rude, just tell him you will go out to buy some more popcorn. He might think you are considerate enough to not let him miss the movie, but this is a perfect escape plan. By the time he notices you have been gone for a long time (being engrossed in the movie) you will already be miles away from him.
7. Or take the high road:
You are both adults. Just tell him the truth. As difficult as it is to say so, go ahead and do it. Tell him “I am sorry, you seem like a lovely guy but this isn’t how I expected the evening to go. I can tell you’re not having the best time either. Shall we cut this short and save ourselves some time?” He might find it insulting and rude at first but will eventually appreciate your honesty. That way you don’t have to tiptoe away from him when he is looking the other way but walk away like the mature understanding adult that you are.