Eyes are the windows to the soul and they speak volumes. When trying to build a connection with someone, eye contact attraction is one of the most understated yet potent tools one can use. Be it love, anger, pain, or indifference, eye contact can convey it all. It helps you comprehend things that have been left unsaid. Even in animals, eye contact is used to exert dominance, so it comes as no surprise that eyes are an important medium of communication.
In the novel Memoirs of a Geisha, Mameha asks Sayuri to stop a man in his tracks with a single look. That’s the power of eye contact! Human beings happen to be the only primates with white eyes. Our eyes are designed to be visibly seen by others; they are meant to attract attention. The question is: how can you use it to make and build upon a connection? Let’s find out.
The Science Behind Eye Contact Attraction
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Is eye contact a sign of attraction? If you want it to be. Direct eye contact can make/break a relationship. Prolonged eye contact can creep someone out, make them feel uncomfortable, and trigger their social anxiety. We all know that one person whose unblinking stare can have us questioning their sanity if not our own for hanging out with them.
On the other hand, looking someone in the eyes can get them to open up to you better. They end up trusting you a bit more than a person with shifty eyes. In fact, maintaining eye contact could be one of the signs you are attractive. So, the role of eye contact in triggering attraction really depends on how you use it. To make sure you get it right, let’s look at some benefits of eye lock attraction:
- Everyone likes being understood without having to explain
- Helps you connect with most people on a subconscious level
- It’s great way to communicate effectively and appear smarter/competent, according to research
Hence, maintaining eye contact is the stepping stone to building any relationship. Not just between lovers but it is also equally important between peers or even strangers. If you want to motivate a crowd, look them in the eye. If you want to know if a woman likes you, look into her eyes. If you want to know what does it mean when a guy holds eye contact, reciprocate. Eyes don’t lie, but they can confuse you. That is why we are here to decode eye contact psychology for you. Let’s begin by exploring the different types of eye contact attraction.
Related Reading: 55 Unique Ways To Tell Someone You Love Them
Types of eye contact attraction
Eye contact meanings can be quite varied. While sometimes it happens at a subconscious level, at others, it is deliberate. It may start as accidental eye contact. If there is an attraction between the two people, then there will be more glances shared, which eventually grow into intense eye contact. To find out more, let’s dive into the different levels of eye attraction and what they mean.
1. No eye contact (deliberate)
Making eye contact is important and instinctual. So, when a person makes a deliberate attempt to look away, it could mean:
- They are too uncomfortable in your presence
- Studies say that people with ADHD have a hard time looking someone in the eyes
- They are uninterested and don’t want to talk to you
In such situations, continuing to stare would be one of the most common flirting mistakes a person can make. It is better not to continue, some things are best left alone. Try the eye contact love signals with someone else.
2. No eye contact (unintentional)
An unintentional lack of eye contact happens when a person is oblivious to your existence. No, you haven’t become invisible (though wouldn’t that be an amazing superpower); it just means that person has not noticed you.
This is not one of the signs she’s not attracted to you or he’s not interested in you but points more to what’s going on in the person’s head. So, do not let this put a dent in your confidence. These could be some of the many possibilities on why they’re avoiding eye contact and attraction:
- They are listening to music and are lost in their own world
- They are busy obsessing over the inflation rate of the economy
- They are just begging to the universe that Henry Cavil falls in love with them
3. Glance (accidental)
An unconscious glance happens most often between strangers (owing to proximity). The person looks around and your eyes accidentally meet, then they look away. At this stage, she/he is not into you; you just happen to be in their line of vision as their eyes wander.
A look like this is very fleeting and has no meaning attached. The reason behind this is that even though eye contact was established, the person didn’t register it as it happened at a very subconscious level. There is about a 95% chance the person will not even remember having engaged in it.
Related Reading: The 7 Techniques Of Stealth Attraction To Use NOW
4. Glance (deliberate)
The glance lasts for half a second, barely longer than an accidental glance. But here, the person has registered that your eyes have met. Remember:
- If they break the eye contact by looking down, it’s one of the signs of mutual attraction
- If they break the eye contact by looking to the side, they are not attracted to you
5. The double glance
What does it mean when someone looks away while talking to you? To find out, keep looking at them for a few more seconds. Some will look at you a second time. This is a clear eye contact flirting sign and chances are if you initiate a conversation, you might get a positive reaction.
How to send eye contact love signals? A Reddit user wrote, “Look them in the eyes, look down, smile (almost to yourself?), look them back in the eyes. If done poorly you will look crazy. If done well you will look adorable. Works for both sexes.”
Related Reading: 13 Clear Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings For You
6. The gaze
This is when you’re staring into each other’s eyes without talking, for two/three seconds. If you get a smile while locking eyes with your crush, then you better not miss this opportunity.
How to make sexual eye contact? A Reddit user wrote, “A good wink can make a hell of a difference in your day”. Another Reddit user wrote on flirting with eyes, “The power of eye contact attraction, especially the wink should not be underestimated, just as much as it should not be used carelessly. A bad wink becomes a bad time for everyone involved.”
7. The intoxicated stare
Kira was in no mood to wake up and go to work, so she snuggled in closer to Leo. Sensing him already awake, she woke up and noticed eye contact flirting signs. He looked as if he was drunk on something and had this little smile playing on his lips. He looked positively dreamy when Kira realized she had found someone special.
When you catch a guy staring at you or find a woman lost in your eyes like this, treasure it. This ‘look of love’ is one of the most validating looks you can receive. It generally happens after you’ve been dating someone for a couple of months. Eye contact intimacy is poetic and almost like what they show in the movies.
However, it is also one of the most heart-breaking glances to receive, when the feelings are one-sided. So, if you find them staring into your eyes for 6 seconds straight and you don’t feel the same way about them, let them know before their feelings grow.
8. “There’s murder on my mind” stare
It is said that when a person makes prolonged eye contact with you, it means one of two things: it is either a sign of sexual tension, or they are a little unhinged and daydream about killing you. If you have 38 missed calls from your girlfriend and she is standing in front of you with arms folded, the intense eye contact from her won’t bode well for you. You should definitely keep an eye out for dishes flying at you.
Related Reading: 31 Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Trying Not To Show It
The Role Of Eye Contact In Building Stronger Relationships
Susan C. Young, author of The Art of Body Language says, “Eye contact can reveal if a person is honest or deceitful, interested or bored, sincere or inauthentic, attentive or distracted.” Keeping that in mind, let’s look at the role of eye-locking in strengthening relationships. Here are some eye contact psychology facts:
- When there is such intense eye contact between a man and a woman, it can make them feel incredibly aroused, as per research
- Research points out that shorter periods of eye contact trigger positive affective reactions, leading to improved cognitive performance and facilitation of social interaction
- According to studies, direct gaze blurs the self-other boundaries at both facial and conceptual levels
- Complete strangers who were paired up to gaze directly at each other for 2 minutes felt “passionate love” for each other, according to a study
- Another study revealed that couples who were together after several years, and still deeply in love, maintained direct eye contact when talking to each other 75% of the time compared to the average of 30–60%
- According to research, eye locking leads to the release of hormones associated with attraction/affection, specifically phenylethylamine and oxytocin
How To Use Eye Contact To Strengthen Your Relationship – 5 Tips
Speaking of how to read eyes for love, a Reddit user wrote, “Eye contact signifies intimacy. Eyes are the windows to the soul. I wouldn’t feel secure in a relationship if my partner refused to look at me during sex or during conversations. Not saying it needs to be constant, but some eye contact is necessary.” So, here are some interesting ways to use those gazing eyes:
1. Practice will make you perfect
Start with brief eye contact during conversations. You can gradually build up on the duration and frequency. Consider practicing in front of a mirror to feel more comfortable doing it.
Related Reading: Sexual Soul Ties: Meaning, Signs, And How To Break Away
2. Add some non verbal cues
When your partner is talking to you, gazing into their eyes could be a great way to show them that you’re listening. Add a smile, lean in, and nod a little to show that you’re present. Crossed arms or looking away, on the other hand, convey that you’re uncomfortable/disinterested. You need to be aware and mindful of these subtle body language cues to truly take your connection with your SO to the next level.
3. Four and a half seconds to seal the deal
Normal eye contact lasts for about three seconds. However, if you can hold your partner’s gaze for four and a half seconds, they’ll get a powerful cue that you’re flirting with them. You can even hold it longer, if you like, as long as they don’t look away. The electric feeling when your eyes meet can trigger magnetic attraction between you and your SO.
4. Try a tantric eye gazing exercise
Sit with your partner, facing them. You can hold hands if you like. Then, set a timer and look into your partner’s eyes. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to blink. Keep locking eyes softly. Break the gaze when the timer goes off. You can start with 30 seconds and increase the duration to 10-20 minutes. This will help in deepening soul ties without speaking.
5. Look away slowly
When breaking eye contact, don’t do it abruptly. Breaking eye contact too quickly can make it seem that you’re nervous. So, look away slowly. Also, you can start the eye-locking before you even utter the first word.
- Paying attention to how a person react after eye contact can help you understand if they’re attracted to you
- There are various types of eye contact attraction, from a glance to a gaze
- If a person looks down when you try to make eye contact, it means they’re intimidated
- One thing to remember is an eye contact between a man and a woman can be also due to lying/anger
- To get the eye contact attraction right, be the real you and don’t stare so long that the other person gets creeped out
Finally, eye attraction can help in building any relationship (not just romantic ones). Even in your day-to-day life, you can use the power of eye contact attraction. Research talks about the 50/70 rule: You should maintain eye contact 50% of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening.
Not always. Research points out that is a girl holds eye contact and doesn’t smile, it could mean that she is lying. But, the way someone looks at you when they love you is totally different from that. My friend was recently telling me, “I always catch her looking at me. This makes me feel more drawn to her.”
When a guy holds eye contact until you break it, it’s a sign he’s attracted to your physical beauty and is flirting with you. My cousin was telling me, “He stares into my eyes. We make eye contact but never talk. This is not how friends look at each other.”