Eye Contact Attraction: How Does It Help To Build A Relationship?

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Eyes are the windows to the soul and they speak volumes. When communicating with someone, eye contact attraction is one of the most understated yet potent tools one can use. Be it love or anger, pain or indifference, eye contact can convey them all. It helps you comprehend things that have been left unsaid. Even in animals eye contact is used to exert dominance, so it comes as no surprise that eyes are an important medium of communication.

In Memoirs of a Geisha, when Mameha asks Sayuri to stop a man in his tracks with a single look, it seems she is teaching her eye contact attraction, but in reality, she is proving eye contact as the base stone of building a relationship. Human beings happen to be the only primates with white eyes. Our eyes are designed to be visibly seen by others; they are meant to attract attention.

Using Eye Contact Attraction To Build A Relationship

Eye contact can make or break a relationship. In the right situations, prolonged eye contact coupled with the right body language can get the person in front of you to open up to you better. They just end up trusting you a bit more than a person with shifty eyes. Yet, in a different situation, the same kind of body language and eye contact can creep someone out immensely. We all know that one person whose unblinking stare can have us questioning their sanity if not our own for hanging out with them.

When you maintain proper eye contact with a person, in that person’s eyes you become more attractive. They feel that they are being heard and noticed. And let’s be honest here, no matter how much one hates attention, no one really likes to be invisible. It helps you connect with people on a subconscious level. You are better able to understand a person. And isn’t that what we all want at the end of the day? To be understood without having to explain.

Eye contact attraction is the stepping stone to building any relationship. Not just between lovers but it is also equally important between peers or even strangers. You want to motivate a crowd, look them in the eye. You want to know if a woman likes you, look into her eyes. Eyes don’t lie, but they can confuse you. That is why we are here to decode the language of the eyes for you.

Related Reading: Flirting With Your Eyes: 11 Moves That Almost Always Work

Levels Of Eye Contact Attraction

The first step of understanding the language of eye contact attraction is to know there are different kinds of eye contact. While some of them can be at a very subconscious level, some are deliberate and act as little gestures. The interesting thing about eye contact is that they proceed from one level to another quickly, as is often the case when there is eye contact between a man and a woman.

In the beginning, it starts with accidental eye contact. If there is an attraction between the two people, then there will be more glances shared between them. If they can take these interactions to the next level, then these furtive glances will change to prolonged eye contact. Or if the chemistry between the two is very potent, then there will be a lot of intense eye contact.

So, let’s dive into the different levels of eye contact attractions and what they mean.

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1. No eye contact (deliberate)

Making eye contact with a person is instinctual. So, when a person is going out of their way to avoid eye contact with a guy or a girl, it means they’re deliberately trying not to establish a connection. And, if you know the person, then that says a lot. They could be hiding something from you, or they are so uncomfortable in the given moment that they are unable to even meet your eye, let alone make prolonged eye contact.

In some cases, there are medical reasons a person is unable to make proper eye contact with a person. People who are neurodivergent, like those who have Autism or ADHD, tend to avoid eye contact more than neurotypical people. There is nothing wrong or bad about it. It is just different.

However, if a person that you don’t know is avoiding direct eye contact, then it means they are uninterested and don’t want to talk and it is their polite way of saying, “Please go away.” In such situations, continuing this kind of flirting is one of the most common flirting mistakes a person can make. It is better not to continue, some things are best left alone.

2. No eye contact (unintentional)

deep eye contact from woman
Woman making deep eye contact

An unintentional lack of eye contact happens when a person is oblivious to your existence. No, you haven’t become invisible (though wouldn’t that be an amazing superpower), it just means that person has not noticed you.

Definitely better than a conscious lack of eye contact attraction, this form of absence of eye contact is not a reflection on you but more of what is going on in the other person’s head. Maybe they are listening to music and are lost in their own world. Or they are busy obsessing over the inflation rate of the economy, or they are just begging to the universe that Henry Cavil falls in love with them. All of it is justified and has very little to do with you. So, do not let this put a dent in your confidence.

3. Glance (accidental)

This kind of eye contact attraction happens most often between strangers. They look around and your eyes accidentally meet, then they look away. This type of eye contact happens due to proximity. They are not into you, you just happen to be in their line of vision as their eyes wander and continue to wander post the eye contact.

A look like this is very fleeting and has no meaning attached. The reason behind this is that even though the eye contact was established, the person didn’t register it and it happened at a very subconscious level. There is about a 95% chance the person will not even remember having engaged in it. Human beings are instinctively drawn to the eyes. However, whether this eye attraction was perceived or not by the person is a whole different story.

Related Reading: The 7 Techniques Of Stealth Attraction To Use NOW

4. Glance (deliberate)

This is where things begin to get really interesting. Here, a person makes eye contact and immediately looks away. Wondering how is it different from any of the other glances that we spoke about earlier? After all, it could just be another accidental eye contact. What makes this special? Well, the answer to that is, what happens after eye contact.

The glance lasts about half a second, barely longer than an accidental glance. But here the person has registered that your eyes have met. Studies suggest in eye contact attraction, holding eyes for a split second longer can make a person feel intimidated and self-conscious. At this point, if a person lowers their eye to break eye contact, it means that the person is attracted to you. However, if the person is not interested in you, then they will break eye contact to look sideways.

5. More than just a glance

It is easy to miss this look because it can seem so unintentional. However, that is not the case. Though subtle, this intense eye contact that barely lasts a second is loaded with interest. It is short and almost unconscious; the gaze lingers just a tad bit longer. The person looking at you doesn’t even realize what they are doing. This happens at a very subconscious level, so much so they might not even remember doing it.

When you receive this deep eye contact from a woman or man it means they find you attractive even if they don’t know it just yet. There is a scientific reason for this. When someone is attracted to you, they look at you longer than usual. It’s just how we human beings are wired.

6. The double-take

Here is a social experiment you can try out to practice eye contact attraction. When a person makes eye contact and looks away after that, keep looking at them for a few more seconds. Some of them will look at you a second time. This is a clear sign of interest and chances are if you initiate a conversation, you might get a positive reaction.

Of course, there are times when a person keeps looking at you without even knowing that they are doing so. And that is absolutely fine too. This kind of eye contact between a man and a woman is a positive sign. Simply put, the person you are engaging in repeated intense eye contact with, finds you very interesting too.

Related Reading: 13 Clear Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings For You

7. The gaze

This happens when someone looks at you for longer than normal, that is a solid 2-3 second long stare without breaking eye contact. In some cases, this can become awkward and be deemed creepy. But in certain situations, if you get lucky, this can come as really good news.

When there is eye contact between a man and a woman for a long time, it is a sign that the attraction between them is mutual. It’s an unmistakable sign that they want to take things further. So, if you get a smile while making deep eye contact with a woman, then you better not miss this opportunity.

8. The intoxicated stare

Kira was in no mood to wake up and go to work, so she snuggled in closer to Leo. Sensing him already awake, she opened her eyes she caught him staring at her. He looked as if he was drunk on something and had this little smile playing on his lips. He looked positively dreamy when Kira realized she had found someone special

If, like Kira, you were lucky enough to receive this look from someone, then treasure it. In eye contact attraction holding eyes like this means the person is falling for you. This look is one of the most validating looks to receive. After all, who doesn’t want to wake up to know they are absolutely adored by someone, especially when it’s someone they like too.

However, it is also one of the most heart-breaking glances to receive, when the feelings are one-sided. So, if you make eye contact with a guy and he gives you this look but you don’t feel the same way about him, let him know before his feelings grow.

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9. “There’s murder on my mind” stare

It is said that when a person makes prolonged eye contact with you, it means one of two things: either it is a sign of sexual tension, which means they are attracted to you or they are a little unhinged and daydream about killing you. And there is a little truth to it.

While intense eye contact does indicate interest, it also conveys anger. To know which one it is, one has to pay attention to the body language as well as the situation around you. So, if you have 38 missed calls from your girlfriend and she is standing in front of you with arms folded, the deep eye contact from a woman in that state doesn’t bode well for you. And you should definitely keep an eye out for dishes flying at you.

One can tell a lot about how another person feels just by looking into their eyes. Eyes are the window to our souls and they rarely ever lie. Be it love or anger or sheer hatred, the eyes say it all. Figuring out what particular eye contact means helps you understand the viability of a given situation.

While eye attraction is an essential part of building a relationship, many times it can be confusing and misleading. In the beginning, it might seem a little difficult to figure out what is going inside a person’s head. But with practice, one can learn to decipher and read between the lines.


1. Can you see attraction in someone’s eyes?

When people like someone, they try to establish strong eye contact. They will continue to use eye contact attraction and stare at you even after you have broken eye contact. Their eyes keep returning to the person of interest. When a date is going well, you will notice your partner will be spending more time gazing at you.

However, when a person has this wistful look on their face along with a smile playing on their lips. It means they are falling for you. So, if someone is attracted to you, then it will definitely show up in their eyes.

2. Is eye contact flirty?

In eye contact attraction, holding eye contact is the first sign that someone is interested in you. A person who is not attracted to you will go out of their way to avoid eye contact. To flirt, you need to make eye contact. The stronger the attraction the longer the eye contact.

That being said, not all kinds of eye contact are flirty. In an argument people also maintain strong eye contact. It is a way of establishing authority and dominance over the other person. Hence it is very important to pay attention to the body language being used as well.

3. Can you fall in love through eye contact?

There are a lot of factors that come into play when you fall in love with someone. Eye attraction does play a major role in building a relationship. And many people say that they knew their partner was the one, the first time they laid eyes on them.

One of the physical signs of being in love is being able to hold deep glances with the person you are in love with. Intense eye contact between people definitely increases intimacy and it is this intimacy that leads to love.

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