Before you assume that I went on those dates solely with the purpose of screwing them up so I could learn from them, let me tell you that that was not my intention. Just like anyone else, I went into all those dates with my hopes high, my best outfit on, and a few jokes memorized. Once all those dates went by without ever securing a second one, I knew I needed a few first date tips.
That’s when I realized, there’s no better teacher than experience, right? Instead of sulking about not getting second dates with those women (a few of whom I really thought I’d hear from again), I decided to take a look at where I went wrong. I asked a few friends for tips for a first date. I asked my female friends what they thought I did wrong and tried to understand how to be on a first date (all that constructive criticism from friends definitely took some thick skin to bear).
You know how the movies always say that the answer to, “How to have a successful first date?”, is to just be confident and be yourself? While that’s an absurd oversimplification of it, it isn’t necessarily wrong. Let’s get into all the first date tips I learned from all my botched dates, so you don’t ever have to start wondering if you’re actually Raj from The Big Bang Theory.
First Date Tips For Men: Things Guys Should Do
Most of us, and when I say “us” I refer to men, fail to make an impression on their first date and either get friend-zoned or ghosted. The feeling of failing on a first date is miserable and I can understand such emotions very well since I botched 11 first dates in a row and failed to make any sort of impression to earn a subsequent meeting.
From then on, I focused on a few things that changed my persona and helped me to become a better person socially. As an added bonus, it also gave me the privilege of a second date. Wondering how I did it? I am going to share some first date advice that helped me on my dates, and I’m pretty sure they’re going to work just as well for you. Remember, at the end of the day, all that’s required is belief in yourself.
Related Reading: 25 Dating Tips For Introverts
1. Set it up just right
The tips for a first date don’t start with when the first date starts. Before you two meet, you must be texting back and forth or talking over the phone, right? That’s when you make sure that you play your cards right by knowing how to text for a date. Try to make them laugh without trying too hard, be just a bit flirty, and try not to let the conversation get too boring.
Most importantly, while you’re talking to each other before even going on a date, make sure that you get to know the kind of person they are and assess if you two will hit it off. Your dates are only going to go well if both of you like each other and if there’s a connection there.
So, get to know them, make an impression, and talk about the things they like and don’t like. When the time seems right, don’t just suggest a “Coffee at Starbucks?” as a date, suggest an interesting date idea that’s going to get them intrigued. Take it one step further by planning the date around a hobby you know they like, like mini-golfing or rock climbing, or even going to the theater.
To be honest, I’ve learned that of all the date tips, this one is the most important since literally half the groundwork can be set before you even meet the person. Once you’ve made a good impression on texts, you can then move on to how to have a good first date.
2. Basic first date advice for guys: Get dressed
Before we even talk about what to do on a first date, remember to get dressed well. First, always wear an undershirt in warm weather. It looks indecent when your nipple tries to make an appearance through your shirt or when your underarms look like Niagara Falls. Your socks should not be visible and if you are wearing boots, they should shine like a mirror.
Your appearance is the first thing that makes an impression when you meet a person, so make it count. While you’re deciding what to wear on a first date, make sure you also stay true to your style. You’re there to signify the best aspects of your personality and style, not to fake it as someone else for a day.
Also, it is always important to smell good, and that is why you need to apply cologne. The smell should not be strong, causing inconvenience to other people in the vicinity. It should be applied to the wrists, neck, and armpits. Basic grooming is one of the unquestionable first-date rules.
3. Cute first date advice: Take a gift
It’s something most men don’t do nowadays, but it’s also something that never fails to set an impression right from the get-go. On the first date, don’t take an expensive gift. Take a bouquet or red wine as a gift. It looks stylish and is a gentlemanly way of greeting your lady on a formal date.
However, whether you want to do this or not is completely up to you. There’s no rulebook for how to go on a date, and even if there were, this step would be optional in it as well. Nonetheless, a few roses are bound to put a smile on her face.
4. Wondering how to have a good first date? Be charming!
Now is not the time to second guess every thought that’s coming to your mind, or to let the first-date nerves get the better of you. If you find yourself being anxious, try to remind yourself that you’re just talking to a friend, and there’s nothing for you to lose here. It’s not a life or death situation, hence, keep the flight or fight instinct at bay.
Have lighthearted conversations with your date, be a little humorous, and don’t try to force out a conversation. If things click between you two, the conversation will flow naturally as well.
5. Have engaging conversations
Sure, you can talk about your music taste and what you do for a living but that’s not really going to take the conversation anywhere. Instead, make sure that you ask questions about her and make her feel like you genuinely care about who she is as a person. Listen to what she has to say, and ask her insightful follow-up questions.
So, if she tells you about that time she went on a trek in the mountains, ask her if that’s her favorite vacation place and what different places she’s been to. Ask her about the things she’s passionate about and the things she would like to pick up. When she asks questions about you, don’t just answer in statements, bring up a few funny anecdotes you may remember.
Related Reading: 10 Tips To Date When You Have Social Anxiety
6. Compliment your date in the right manner
A good compliment for her delivered in the right tone can do a lot for you, but a statement like, “You’re super hot, I can’t wait to take this further”, is among the worst things you can say. When you think about how to act on the first date, you’ve got to make sure you’re courteous, you’re polite, and that you pay compliments in an admirable manner. That’s exactly what women want.
Instead of complimenting her body, tell her you appreciate how she follows her passions so earnestly. If she’s a workaholic, tell her you respect her work ethic. When the time feels right and it feels like you’ve both established a safe space with each other, something like, “You look great today, I love how you wear your hair”, can do wonders for you.
7. Post-date text is extremely important
After your date is over, text her after an hour. In the text, simply thank her and show gratitude for a wonderful evening. Don’t mention that you are expecting another date. If she refuses, then it may look ruthless. Just make sure that she’s home safely and let her know you’re glad you two spent the evening together.
If there’s any first date advice for guys that I’d like to give out, it’s to make sure you’re not overzealous immediately after the date. Let things flow naturally, and if there’s a pull between you two, you’re going to gravitate toward each other without even trying.
8. The age-old question: Who pays?
For men, figuring out who pays on a date is perhaps the most confusing part. Let’s cut right to the chase, here’s what I think you should do: When the bill comes, offer to pay for it. If she objects and asks you two to split or says she’d like to pay for it, calm your bravado down and accept whatever it is that she’s offering.
Going on a date can be extremely nerve-wracking but once you get over the anxiety and know what to do, things will go a lot smoother for you. When you’re figuring out how to go on a date, just make sure you’re confident, personable, and that you have a light-hearted and fun conversation with this person.
How to have a successful first date isn’t really rocket science and it may take you a while to act natural around your dates. Once you get to the place where you’re able to portray the best parts of your personality without sweating buckets, you won’t need to worry about much else.
First Date Tips For Men: Things Guys Should NOT Do
Now that you know how to act on a first date, it’s time to talk about the kind of behavior you need to stay far away from. In your quest to be personable, it’s easy to let go a little bit and take things a bit far with your compliments or your general demeanor. Let’s take a look at a few things to keep in mind so you don’t spoil the whole thing.
1. Don’t be a creep
Wondering how to be on the first date? Simple, don’t be a creep. That basically means, don’t be rude, don’t be overly sexual, and don’t let her think that you’re out on a date with her to get into her pants later. Don’t ask questions that are way too personal, and don’t discuss things she’s very clearly not too keen on talking about. Though there are no hard and fast first date rules, a very clear winner for the number one rule would be: Don’t be a douche.
2. Don’t bring up any exes or controversial topics
You’re out on a date, how your ex betrayed you is the last thing you should be talking about. It gives the impression that you haven’t moved on and that you’re not doing too well. Similarly, heavy conversations like politics or other such ideologies are best avoided. Let’s just maybe talk about your favorite movies instead.
Related Reading: First Date Mistakes To Avoid To Make The Right Impression
3. Don’t be late
Time is of paramount importance. Let me tell you a story where I got an opportunity to date a Lakme Fashion Week model but I did not turn up on time and she was decent enough not to show her anger. She politely and silently blocked me afterward. One of the most obvious yet important date tips is to make sure that you’re on time and don’t keep her waiting.
4. Don’t check your phone
You need to understand that the woman you’re with has an equally busy schedule and she has taken time out for you. So please keep your phone on silent and don’t check your emails, WhatsApp, or Instagram while with her. She will love the attention you give to her. If you’re wondering what to do on a first date, the answer is to definitely leave your phone in your pocket.
On my 12th date, I was ready to make a good impression. I had revised all the points and I was poised and firm like never before. Now, it has been six months and I am still dating the same girl. These simple dating fundamentals made her feel special, which all women deserve on their dates. Gentlemen, this is the time to break the series of failures and impress the woman of your dreams by taking her out on a remarkable date.
If both partners consent to it, it’s okay to kiss on any date. If you think you’ve had a really good date with this person and you feel confident about asking for a kiss, go ahead and do so. However, if they say no, try not to get too disheartened about it.
On the first date, all most people hope for is an engaging conversation that shows the potential of some sort of connection brewing between you two. Of course, politeness and humor are always expected too.
Definitely stay away from conversations about any ex-lovers. Other heavy conversations like your family issues or politics must be avoided too. Keep the conversations fun and lighthearted.