Dating involves a lot of thinking and mind-games. From making the first best impressions to analysing the body language, the process of dating comes with a lot of complexities. Add an introvert to this equation and the process becomes a lot more challenging and tiresome. Even simple tasks like initiating a conversation with a crush or asking someone out for a casual meeting are quite hard on introverted souls.
Sometimes, it feels like introverts in love relationships are like a mystery. From the outside, they look so calm and composed, but inside they are flooded with lots of emotions. Always lost in their thoughts and highly sensitive to the relationships, introverts feel they are always at a risk of experiencing bad dates. But here we are wrong. Introverts usually glow with their intensity and depth in one-on-one conversations, which is actually a sign of a great date. So in reality, introvert dating problems are not actually a problem at all. If you are an introvert, you just need to overcome that initial hesitation while thinking about finding love. Believe in your inner qualities and see how you can successfully find true love.
How do introverts find love?
According to our relationship experts, introverts possess a great advantage over extroverts as an excellent date. They have a rich perspective of the world, are introspective in nature, and possess depth in their character. All these qualities have the potential to establish a potent love connection. Before finding love, introverted souls like you must try to find confidence in your own skin. You must believe in your natural qualities and be assured that sooner or later; you will definitely meet your romantic love interest.
Due to your shy and reserved nature, people think you are naturally intriguing and mysterious. Do you know this quality evokes curiosity and interest among the opposite sex about you? Even without you knowing, you are attracting their attention. So, use that in your favour and see how you will increase your chances of finding love. As a great listener, you can give your date the desired attention and understand them better. This presents you as a reliable and a loyal person who is attentive to even his/her minimal needs. Continuing this pattern for a long time can pave the way for deep conversations for an introvert dating an extrovert.
How to date when you are an introvert?
Dating someone can be a taxing experience for introverts, mostly because they do not know or do not appreciate small talk. Introverts find it difficult to engage in conversations and often clamp themselves in a corner in large gatherings – that is, if they ever attend one. So how does dating work for introvert people? It is but natural to feel awkward and shy when one considers to date- introvert or not. But does that mean introverts cannot date and cannot find love. No, not even remotely. The below tips can be helpful –
- Be honest about yourself: Being an introvert is great – and there is no reason to hide it. Many girls prefer dating introvert men as they possess more understanding and are compassionate. Introvert people are believed not to be engaged in flirting and that gives you an instant edge. You are looked upon are more sincere, more trustworthy and more reliable – so never hide what you are
- Do not compete- be the way you are: Sometimes, introverts may feel overwhelmed at the attention extroverts get. They walk into a room and the part comes to life, while an introvert walks in and ducks himself in a secluded corner. However, these are personality traits and you should not try to compete with someone who is so much contrasting from what you are. There is no need to pretend- so be the way you are:
- Set the date in the right place: Introverts can get clumsy in large gatherings and huge crowds. When it comes to setting up a date, make sure you select a place that has some secluded seating so that you can put your best foot forward. Initial dates set the tone for a strong relationship ahead, so be careful where you take our date!
- Try online dating: It may not be possible for introverts to ask a girl out, so try online dating. Set up your profile truthfully and do not hesitate to mention that you like coffee, earphones and your own company most of the times!
- Don’t shy away from small talk: Small talk does have a purpose -it is the way to connect to other people and subsequently go deeper with conversations. But why cannot the world start with intense talks right away – you may ask. Polite small talk helps people get comfortable with each other before moving to intense, deeper conversations. Like a warm up, so do not shy away from making some small talk, no matter if it seems hollow to you
Related reading: Is shyness in a man a turn-off?
25 dating tips for introverts
After learning more about your upper hand while dating as an introvert, now is the chance to put the basics in place with some interesting tips and make the most of finding love.
- Be comfortable. As an introvert, your comfort levels are very important for a quality date time. Prepare yourself to be relaxed in social settings before you make your first move of asking for a date with your crush
- Be approachable through your body language. Your body postures may reflect that you are guarded and unapproachable to the world, which could also make your date feel uncomfortable. You can work on it to improve your impression on the date. Take more space, keep your shoulders loose and don’t sit with crossed arms. Make eye contact. Don’t be reclusive. Smile, it is the best asset that can make you look like reasonably friendly
- Decline group dating requests.While group dates worked for many couples recently and have even helped many find a right partner, it may not work in the case of an introvert. An introvert may lack the charisma of shining in a group and might lose the attention of his/her crush to an extrovert who is more sociable and open. So, to avoid ending up invisible, try to avoid group dates and choose a one-on-one date for quality interaction
- Ditto for double dates. Involvement of extra people during the initial phases of dating might be taxing for you as an introvert. So, avoid it to have better chances of knowing your crush inside out. Make an excuse and withdraw from it
- Use your limitation to your advantage. Introverts can form a few deep attachments as compared to the extroverts who are friendly with anyone and everyone in this world. Use this to your advantage and be confident enough to make your date feel really special
- Practice talking to your date. A first date is like a make or break attempt to woo the opposite sex. Since introverts find it difficult to open up instantly, it is suggested you practice verbal and non-verbal responses for an affable first impression
- Meet at a familiar place. Suggest meeting up at a familiar restaurant or a café to alleviate the anxiety of the unknown and be comfortable in that space. Keep the first date short and simple. Skim through the menu online and prepare for the date in advance. Sorting these plans will help you focus solely on your date and keep yourself free from a flurry of distracting thoughts
- Don’t cancel last minute. Once the date is set, don’t take a chance of cancelling it due to your nervousness. Overcome it by practicing being your natural self and go with the flow of conversations
- Be who you are. Don’t try something new while preparing for a date. Introverts like you might end up feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable if they try to impress their date. Be natural and wow your crush with your intense qualities
- Be vocal about your introversion. Tell your date about your nature and clear their doubts about you being snobbish or disinterested in them. Chances are he/she is already intrigued by you and wants to know more of you. Opening up about your nature facilitates better bonding and paves a strong and mutually fulfilling bond together
- Initiate interest while listening to your date. The listening skill comes naturally to you. Make full use of it to establish empathy and a more meaningful connection between you both. Make eye contact and engage in an earnest conversation. Occasional nods or affirmations like interesting, nice, wow, etc. put you in a better place and make both you and your date comfortable
- Answer questions earnestly. Don’t just employ a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ to guard off your nervousness. This could be a big turnoff for your date. When he/she asks you a question, answer it with honest intentions
- Keep the date engaged by asking him/her open-ended questions as well. When they answer, assure them complete attention by listening to them with full dedication. A tip – while asking questions, don’t move out of context. Keep the questions linked to each other for a quality conversation
- Observe keenly. Quiet introspection of their body language and meaningful pauses can make your first date establish a love connection between an introvert like you and an extrovert
- Slow and steady wins the date. Yes, that holds true for an introvert like you stepping into a dating arena. You like to take things slow, which could be the blessing in disguise. Since he/she is already curious about you and wants to know more, they would like to meet you more often. A bonus – You can spend more time with your crush with recurring dates
- Begin your dating phase with a friendship. Since your date already knows about your introversion, it would be the safest way to nurture the foundation of this long-lasting relationship
- Be attentive. Don’t fiddle with the mobile when you are nervous in front of your date. It puts you right into a defeated body language. If you want to feel confident there and then, take a washroom break and relax with a few deep breaths. Trust us, it will definitely put you in a better and confident position
- Bond if you find a like-minded partner. Yes, this tip helps greatly for an introvert dating an introvert. You both understand the struggles of being judged by the others as snobbish, but in reality you both are just timid souls unable to open up and express yourself clearly. This common trait will help you bond over your introversion quickly and who knows, it could be a start to a passionate affair as well
- When dating an extrovert. If you are an introvert dating an extrovert, a better opportunity to bond with them is to choose a date activity. You can book your tickets for a stand-up comedy show, or take him/her to a food tasting festival or a street fest to get enough opportunities for a natural and quality interaction. You get more to talk about and you get to show your date the real you
- Be wise. As an introvert, you know how to open up your cards wisely while conversing with the date. Be natural with them and don’t just give out a lot of information to them out of nervousness. Don’t give in to your impulses while interacting with the crush. Keeping a little aura of secrecy might work in your favour while dating the opposite sex
- Introspect for succeeding dates. Being reflective is your natural trait as an introvert which also helps while dating the opposite sex. Contemplating how you could have interacted better with him/her could lead to more refined social skills during the second date
- Be courteous. Display your courtesy and part on a positive note. This rule applies to both males and females
- Follow up after the date. Follow up the date with a phone call, or a text message after the date. No, you need not be anxious about being needy by texting someone back. Be natural and tell him/her about the quality time spent during a date
- Don’t ruminate over a date. As an introvert, you might be tuned to relive every single moment, but that doesn’t mean you should curse yourself for any awkward moment or anxiety during a date. Focus on the positives and think about what worked well during this date
- Don’t take rejection to heart. Instead, use it to strengthen your perspective. Maybe you two weren’t meant to be. Maybe he/she doesn’t know you. So, take it constructively
Related reading:Effective tips from an introvert on how to date an introvert
Dating for an introvert should be a reason for finding happiness, not shooting up the anxiety and nervousness. Our Bonobology relationship experts believe that every individual in this world has to have a chance to explore the gentle and beautiful side of human relationships. We hope these 25 dating tips would help you shine as an introvert and get you a partner of your dreams. Do share your introvert-extrovert dating stories with us and make dating a wiser deal.