Once upon a time, it was the done thing to keep your love life private and not share the intimate details of a relationship with just about anyone. You can argue with me on this, but back then, there was a kind of value attached to keeping your relationship private that seems to have eroded.
Before social media became a thing and #CoupleGoals started trending, there used to be a time when couples kept their relationships private. This wasn’t because they were afraid of what their close friends and family members would think. They just wanted to keep their relationship to themselves and away from the prying eyes and unnecessary opinions of people who had nothing to do with it. They also didn’t care much for other people’s approval.
But nowadays, being in a relationship often involves:
- Showing off your relationship on social media with all sorts of personal trivia, displays of affection, and unfiltered emotions
- Posting loved-up photos and photoshoots on Instagram to grab eyeballs, likes, external validation, or to prove a point
However, there are some good reasons to buck this trend (along with examples on how to do so) and consider being private about your relationship instead.
8 Reasons To Keep Your Love Life Private
The one person I’ve looked up to since I was a wee girl is Emma Watson. I have always admired her intellect and her passion for empowering women. Though she has been a public figure since she was 10, very little is known about her dating life. I would say she has set a good example on how to keep your romantic and personal life private.
And so have her rumored beaus. Leo Robinton, for instance, knew how social media affects a relationship so he deleted his accounts when the media got wind of their romance. Yes, you read that right. If I were dating her, I’d tell the whole damn world! But at a time when most of us can’t stop doom-scrolling, he went AWOL from social networking sites. And with good reason.
Sometimes, the best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook. Instead of using social media as a digital diary where you share, or even overshare, the smallest details about your private life, it might be better to keep things between you and your partner instead. Here are some reasons for that:
Related Reading: Instead Of Making These Social Media Mistakes As A Couple, Do This…
1. You can avoid unnecessary opinions by keeping your relationship private
Be it our dressing sense, our career choice, or educational preference – we are often subjected to uninvited comments from people in our everyday life. And romantic relationships are more likely to be at the receiving end of unwarranted and negative opinions. Or, the scrutiny of nosey busybodies.
That’s why relationships and Instagram don’t make for a good mix. Posting about private aspects of your romantic life can become an open invitation to the outside world to form opinions and comment on it. This can quickly turn irksome, especially if you’ve just started dating or are in a new relationship. So, is it good to keep your relationship private? Absolutely.
2. Your newfound happiness may not leave everyone thrilled
You finally made a genuine connection with someone and your happiness knows no bounds. Is it natural to want to tell the whole world about it? Sure. Is it advisable to share every specific in vivid detail? Like how your boo discovered your G-spot and what that’s done for your sex life? Maybe not.
Besides, if you think everyone likes you and will be thrilled to learn about your newfound bliss, then I’m sorry to burst your bubble but:
- Not everyone will be happy to know you are happy
- Some may even go green with envy
- Or go out of their way to create problems in your life
That’s one reason that a private relationship is a happy relationship. After all, wouldn’t you much rather focus on what makes you and your partner happy instead?
3. Keeping things private could help you build a strong relationship
Want to let everyone know you’re taken? That someone cherishes and loves you? By all means, do. A private relationship doesn’t mean concealing any and all signs of your partner or hiding your relationship. Rather, it’s about deciding how much people need to know about it.
You never know who may be waiting for you to break up. Or wishing you ill. So the less you share about what’s going on in your romantic life, the fewer chances anyone will get to track it or influence it.
Plus, in the absence of outside gaze, the pressures, and the inevitable comparisons social media brings, you can relax and give your undivided attention toward building a genuine connection. This could even give you a chance to grow closer and let your relationship develop naturally and reach its full potential.
Related Reading: 8 Habits Of Couples In Strong And Healthy Relationships
4. Your ex won’t get a peek into your romance if your love life’s private
Think about everything your ex put you through. Remember how your breakup made you feel. And the effort you made to move on. Then ask yourself:
- Would you want your ex to know exactly what’s going on in your life now?
- Do you want them to have a ringside view of all the ups and downs of your romance?
An ex keeping tabs on your personal life may not always be a good thing. If you’ve moved on, but they are still hung up on you or are waiting for you to come back, then who knows what mischief may follow? Especially if they are toxic.
You know how scheming some exes can be. Disclosing too many relationship details on public platforms may give them just the opening they need to poke their nose into your life and make things difficult for you – again.
5. Not capturing each relationship moment could help you make better memories
It sure is tempting to shoot and share what you eat or drink, or where you’ve been. But unless your job depends on it, trying to capture or flaunt every living, breathing moment can mar its authenticity. And rob you of actually enjoying it. Less documentation of every little thing about you and your partner can help you both be more present in the moments you spend together. Perhaps even connect on a deeper level.
Besides, there’s a difference between spending quality time with your partner versus spending time with them as you both scroll Instagram together and get sucked into its unreality. Nobody’s perfect. Every relationship is flawed in its own way. But if you go by most people’s posts alone, it hardly ever seems that way. Less time on social media and more time on making a real connection, if that doesn’t make for a healthier and happier relationship, what will?
6. Keeping your relationship off-limits can help keep the entitlement out too
Every relationship has highs and lows. If you start giving everyone the lowdown on these private moments, you may not be able to control what follows. By discussing the inner workings of your relationship with friends or even loved ones:
- You may leave it open to their meddling
- Make them feel they have a say in your relationship
- Make them think they can demand explanations
At times, even if you and your partner decide to forgive and forget a problem or a fight, others may not, and complicate things. And if your partner is a private person, they may not be too happy about all the spotlight and scrutiny your relationship rants and raves bring in the first place.
At the end of the day, what happens between you and your partner is no one else’s business. That’s why keeping your relationship private and respecting your partner’s right to privacy is something you’ll never regret.
Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are In A ‘Complicated Relationship’
7. There will be fewer relationship problems if your romance is not a competition
Here’s another reason that a private relationship is a happy relationship: fewer relationship problems. You don’t need to be a relationship expert to know just how many fights you can avoid by keeping external pressures or outside interference to a minimum. Here’s what it means to keep the competition out of your private life:
- You will no longer be competing with your previous posts that were received well by your followers
- You will no longer have to keep up with creating romantic content that’s also relatable for your ‘fan base’
- You will no longer have to keep up with trends and algorithms in order to ensure that your relationship content ‘wins’ and exceeds the likes or popularity of some other ‘social media couple’
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8. It’s easier to move on if your relationship highlights aren’t up for the world to see
When you give outsiders a peek into your relationship, you also give them a chance to investigate and inquire about it when it’s no more. And honestly, you can’t blame them. When you expected them to comment with heart emojis on your pictures while the two of you were together, how can you expect them to look the other way when you two are broken up? Of course, they’ll ask questions. Be prepared to answer them.
I know it seems unfair, but you invited them into your personal space. And many relationships do end, that’s their nature. Even if a relationship ends on good terms, it is sure to bring a lot of pain. So if you keep your relationship private, you will not only protect yourself from additional drama when people find out, but also safeguard your sanity and peace in real life.
5 Ways To Keep Your Love Life Private
In relationships, knowing what not to share is an important skill. Keeping things private in a relationship and not telling your partner about every single fear or fantasy may even help keep your relationship healthy and ticking. Just like a certain level of privacy is normal within relationships, some aspects of relationships must stay private too.
However, there’s a big difference between keeping things between you and your partner private and being overly secretive with your partner or hiding your relationship altogether:
- Being in a private relationship means people know about your relationship, but aren’t privy to every little detail. Such a relationship allows you to protect both your and your partner’s privacy and dignity
- When all your stories, pictures, and captions begin and end with “I” and there’s zero trace of your love life, then you’re in a secret relationship. Such intentional omission tends to protect just one person and can send a wrong message or hurt the other
While private relationships are about valuing your bond above all else, secret relationships can be commitment red flags. So how to keep your relationship private, but not a secret? Scroll down to find out:
Related Reading: Drawing The Line Between Love And Privacy In A Relationship
1. Decide on what you want to share on the internet
Write matching bios. Share a picture when it’s an occasion to celebrate, like a birthday or anniversary or job promotion. Keep matching display pictures or change your relationship status. And if you’re married and have happily changed your last name, you can change it on SM too.
Acknowledge your relationship and major milestones by all means. But first, think about how much and what you and your partner are comfortable sharing. Decide where their and your boundaries lie. Then make sure you stick to them to keep your personal life private without keeping your partner a secret.
2. Be mindful of things to keep private in a relationship
And what are the things to keep private in a relationship, you wonder? Well, here is an indicative, but not exhaustive, list on how to protect your relationship’s privacy:
- Do not discuss your partner’s insecurities, anxieties, or health problems. They may not like it and nor would you if you were in their place
- Fight, but don’t tell everyone about it. If there are problems between the two of you, get an expert’s help instead of complaining to people who have nothing to do with the fight
- Never reveal your partner’s past or their family’s secrets. That information is theirs to share in the first place
- Don’t share financial details. Whether you and your partner are earning a lot or not nearly enough isn’t anybody else’s business
- Keep mum on any legal or professional troubles too
3. Do not share intimate details with anyone else
I know that when you meet your girl gang or childhood buddies after a long time, you will be tempted to talk about your love life:
- How you’re in a relationship after a long time
- How good everything is
- How compatible you both are
- How understanding your partner is
In situations like that, it is also easy to let slip intimate details, like the things you do or they like in bed. But even if everything in your relationship is as smooth as a block of butter, be mindful of what you share.
Should you tell your friends you’ve met the right person at the right time? Sure. Should they know you’re happy and content? Of course. But anything to do with sex must remain between you and your partner. After all, one of the benefits of keeping your relationship private is that your partner becomes yours and yours alone to know and fully understand. What can be more romantic than that?
4. Keep the privacy settings on your social media accounts high
Ever heard of fewer friends, less drama? The more people you let in, the more you risk hurting yourself or someone you love. So keep your circle tight and consider keeping your privacy settings high. Make sure your friends list has people who you’re sure won’t cloud your happiness with negativity. This is a good tip on how to keep your relationship private but not a secret. It will also allow you to share what you want to share without worrying about how it is read or interpreted.
5. Avoid indulging in PDAs
We all know how social media affects relationships. One of the upsides of keeping your relationship private is that you will have less pressure on yourself to make everything look perfect or fake it when it’s not. Public displays of affection, online or offline, are fine as long as it’s a kiss on the cheeks or lips. Anything more than that is best kept private, especially if your partner or their family are conservative or just private.
But do remember:
- Don’t put your tongue down a partner’s throat at a movie theater and post a picture of it, but ‘do’ hold their hands in public
- Don’t use relationship privacy as an excuse to keep a partner hidden or pretend they don’t exist
- There’s a big difference between keeping things private in a relationship and secrecy in a relationship
If that’s what you sense is happening, it is better to talk about it so that you and your partner are on the same page about your relationship.
This article was updated in April, 2023.
- Keeping things private can help ensure that others — people in your present and past — don’t come between your relationship
- It can help you avoid any associated relationship problems or drama and dodge unnecessary comments and opinions
- It can help you build a strong relationship and make real memories
- Moving on is also much easier if your love life is private
- To make your relationship low-key, you will need to decide on what and how much you want to share, tone down relationship displays and PDAs, and turn up privacy settings
- However, do not equate privacy with secrecy or hide your relationship altogether
The world is full of public relationships and hidden agendas. So keep the private aspects of your relationship private. Choose wisely who you let in and what you let out. Show the door to secrecy, but leave a little room for mystery both inside and outside the relationship.
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