Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

how to get over a long term relationship

The greatest tragedy in love arrives when you end up loving someone who doesn’t love you back. All your efforts, feelings, emotions and thoughts are futile because even though you might spend your day at the windowsill, looking outside and picturing them smile – they are probably not even thinking about you.

What hurts more is knowing that awful truth and feeling helpless. I constantly used to think, ‘What can I do differently?’ in order to understand what could possibly make him love me. I suppose there was no real solution and that this one-sided love was where our story was going to start and also end.

When the One You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

I still wonder why I fell in love with him. Maybe because he kept his eyes on me in spite of being the favorite of the female majority. No, I was not one of his fans. I didn’t even know him until one day he started double texting me and bombarding me with messages out of the blue. A new phase started then. Our unexpected, yet unending conversations. But not even a hello when we met, just a smile on his face, and that smile was more beautiful than a thousand words.

After months of these unending conversations, finally the day came when he asked to meet. He was quite noticeable in a red T-shirt, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was so charming. In spite of the hot and obnoxious weather, everything seemed to be beautiful. Those long walks, hidden glances, wordless moments, yet lots of talk. That was a perfect first meet.

how can someone love you but leave you
Our love story initially was beautiful

Our bond gained strength with time. We started hanging out and more frequently. One fine day, we were just sitting at a corner. All of a sudden, without a single word he pulled me in and kissed me passionately. For those few moments, everything seemed to stop. That feeling cannot be described in words. It was special because we didn’t constitute a couple technically, and yet it was beautiful. Even hours after that, we just sat quietly and enjoyed each other’s presence. No words, no expressions.

We never said ‘I love you’ to each other. We were not going on fancy dates to the best restaurants or the coolest cafes. We didn’t consider ourselves ‘goals inducing’ like most people flaunt on Instagram these days. We were just being ourselves and I thought that was enough. But I never thought that this would one day turn into a situation of me loving someone who doesn’t love you back, but it happened and oh, it has not been easy.

Related Reading: I don’t believe in love and marriage

He was my everything

No person ever had such a huge impact on me. He was a healer to every pain, mending every damage. His touch was the best touch. I was in love. I had never believed in love. It was his last day in Milwaukee and we were meeting up for the last time. He was moving away to Colorado.

That was the first time I couldn’t control my tears. It was the first time I cried in somebody’s presence since I lost my childhood. I was a stoic. But he was an exception, maybe. That was the day I realized my love for him. I realized how immensely I loved him. And I also realized what it felt like when he doesn’t love you back.

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I never wanted to be in love, but the person who could make even me fall in love had to be special. I didn’t want him to leave. But neither could I stop him. What can you really do when someone doesn’t love you back the way you had hoped they would? If he had loved me more, he would have stayed. But it was clear. I had been in a case of loving someone who doesn’t love you back and I realized it too late – that I might have been a mere standby lover.

He left without feeling bad at all. We were miles apart so quickly. Even the Oxford Dictionary would fail to describe the pain of his absence with words but I don’t think he felt it at all. He made me lose my atheism. Every time I went to church, the wish was the same – HIM. I couldn’t believe I could ever love someone to this extent, losing atheism.

But it was more painful to know he didn’t love me the way I did, He has a new crush now, at least it seems that way from his Facebook updates. I wish I could be fickle like him. No, we never dated per se. I can’t call him mine. He was never my boyfriend.

Related Reading: 10 Ways To Deal With Heartbreak

It’s Okay To Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

People called it a mistake just because it didn’t work out with him. My friends all tell me that I should have never pursued him in the first place. They used to say to me, ‘How can someone love you but leave you?’ and I know there was merit in that argument.

But I don’t think it was a mistake to fall for him. He just let everything go too soon and I held everything for far too long. It’s not that it didn’t work out; it’s one-sided love, and your ‘work-out relationship’ definition will never match mine.

For some months after his leaving, I believed I had moved on from him. When he doesn’t love you back, it can hit you like a truck but eventually, you pick up your own pieces.

suffering and healing

But how could I move on from him when I still had parts of me in him? If you have ever loved someone truly, you can never move on. If you have moved on, then it wasn’t love in the first place. One should know the difference between love and infatuation and I was madly in love.

It’s almost two years since the day I saw him for the first time. He was never my boyfriend, so I can’t call him my ex. Some relationships don’t have a name and do not adhere to any labels, maybe that’s what makes them the best of all. It doesn’t hurt not being loved by the one I love the most. It hurts more when he gets hurt.

I can proudly say, I love someone who doesn’t love me and I feel no shame in saying this, because this is true love. Loving someone, but not being loved back by that person. It is gut wrenching but it is life.


1. What do you do when you love someone who doesn’t love you back?

When someone doesn’t love you back, sadly there is really not much you can do. They have set their minds on how they feel and you have as well. All you can do is wish them well, understand their decisions and move towards acceptance.

2. How do you let go of someone you love?

Moving on is not easy but it is essential. You might continue to miss and cherish them and that is only natural. But you have to know where to draw the line so it does not completely overcome you. Distract yourself, indulge in a hobby, get involved in the workplace or start dating again. You will soon see that life has so much more to offer than just feeling dull about loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

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