Ae Dil Hai Mushkil depicted the heartbreak and loss that comes with one-sided love, nonetheless, we see Shah Rukh Khan as Saba’s ex-husband romanticizing one-sided love as he explains why unrequited love is sometimes stronger than love where there is reciprocation.
Have you ever been in one-sided love, or seen signs of unrequited love at close quarters? In the movies it could be all about hanging on to the one-sided love and then finally there is togetherness and a happy ending, but in reality, sometimes moving on is essential.
We did an exclusive interview with psychiatrist Dr. Manu Tiwari and he advises on how to move on in one-sided love. The task could be supremely difficult but it is very much doable.
What are the signs that someone is stuck in a one-sided love story?
Generally, any relationship is about reciprocal communication. We will, of course, understand whether there is reciprocity, be it reciprocity of love or any formal relationship. So, what I am saying, the other person is listening and what they are saying, I am listening and understanding.
In the case of a one-sided love or one-sided relationship, only one person initiates the communication and gets more seriously involved than the other person. More often than not, the other person is casual about it.
So, what essentially happens is that one person is taking things very seriously- fulfilling all the wishes of the other person – even the smallest ones.
He/she is compromising his/her time to adjust to the other person who is his/her object of desire. His other relationships and time of enjoyment are getting compromised because of one-sided love.
How to get over a one-sided love or the failure of one-sided love?
First, any person who is in one-sided love must be clearly able to understand that they are in a one-sided relationship. First of all, they must be able to recognize the fact that their love is one-sided and it is not reciprocated.
A very simple example I can give you, if you like/love someone, it does not mean that the other person will like or love you. So, if the other person does not reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity – that does not mean you are a bad person or you are not good enough.
Generally, it happens, that when a person gets rejected in a one-sided love or relationship they automatically tend to conclude that they are a failure. One feels one is not worthy enough, one is not good enough in unrequited love.
First of all, one has to accept the fact that one is in a one-sided relationship. Secondly the sense of hopelessness and “I’m not good enough” should not be there.
It is only the fact that the person you had communicated your feelings to has not reciprocated your feelings it does not mean that the person is bad, or you are bad.
For example, if someone likes chocolate ice cream and someone else likes vanilla ice cream, it does not make chocolate ice cream better or worse, for that matter over vanilla ice cream and vice versa. Everyone has their own individual tastes.
Now, if you’ve approached someone for a relationship, they might have their own criteria for liking a person and you might not fulfill that. For this reason, you are stuck in a one-sided relationship. It doesn’t mean that you are a failure or you aren’t worthy of any love. Your unrequited love should not make you feel inferior in any way. You need to take the decision to move on from the one-sided relationship.
What are the steps one should take to get over a one-sided relationship?
These are the things you must do to get over a one-sided relationship:
- Be confident about yourself and everything will be in the right track starting then and there itself.
- Build/promote bonding with yourself. Adapt yourself to that phase in a healthy way.
- Cultivate some activities/hobbies which will help you to adapt to the situation.
- If you incorporate some outdoor activities or some outskirt activities in your schedule then it helps you to integrate with other people as well. That means you should not isolate yourself. You should be able to communicate with other people by cultivating these habits/activities.
- You should be working on the management of your feelings and expression of those feelings in unrequited love.
Many people get frustrated in one-sided love and try to do self-harm or try to commit suicide. How does one get over the frustration that comes with one-sided love?
Being rejected in a one-sided love is not the end of the world. It is simply that a person has declined your proposition. It does not mean you are a failure or this is the end of life. It simply means that it is a milestone in your life. What should you do in such a scenario? You should cultivate resilience.
You should be back to living life the way you used to without falling back into the cycle of depression.
Now, how should you cultivate resilience? By regularly involving yourself in physical activities – be it on your own or with like-minded people who participate in groups for activities like hiking, trekking, cycling etc, indulge in group hobbies (there are many hobby groups), by doing social work for the welfare of the community.
You should be able to understand that this is only the failure of a relationship and not your personal failure. You are good in various other activities, in your case, there has not been a reciprocation of love, however, as a person you are strong. You have to believe in the future and your positive identity.