May-December relationships have always invited awe, curiosity and a subtle undertone of judgement from different quarters of society. On the one hand, these relationships affirm the belief that love conquers all. On the other, there are people wondering, “What do they even talk about?”, half-expecting the connection to fall apart.
The growing commonality of age-gap couples in the public domain surely helps reinforce the idea that age is just a number, especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. George and Amal Clooney, with an age difference of 17 years, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively born 11 years apart, and the 10-year gap between Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas is seen as testament to how ageless love can be.
That said, it’s not all rainbows and roses for age-gap couples. A study by US-based data scientist Randy Olson has found that there is a significant relationship between age gap and increased divorces. “Only being 1-5 years away from your partner in age is nothing to worry about, but if you’re old enough to be your partner’s parent, then your marriage might be in trouble,” the study says.
Such findings can be unnerving for those considering being in such a relationship or are in one already. In this article we help address and quell those concerns with some solid relationship advice and to help you navigate the peculiarities of age difference in relationships, in consultation with life coach Geetarsh Kaur, founder of ‘The Skill School’, which specializes in helping people build stronger relationships.
What Is A May-December Relationship?
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“Age is an issue of mind over matter,” Mark Twain has famously said. “If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” This adage has stood the test of time for lovers who have loved despite the vast valley of time between them. So what is a May-December romance and why is it called that?
The only conventional definition of a May-December romance is that it is defined by the age difference in relationships. But if we were to have a romantic, Wordsworthian definition, we could say that it is an age-old convention like the seasons of the earth themselves, where the spring-y May represents youth and the wintery December connotes wisdom.
All in all, a May to December romance is one with a considerable age gap, and given its name in accordance with the seasons the months portray. If you’ve come here to understand the dynamics of a May-December romance, we’ve got the answers you need.
Pros And Cons Of A May-December Relationship
Just like everything else in life, a May to December romance has its pros and cons. It does not matter if yours is a May-December relationship with an older woman and younger man, or vice versa, there are a few things you’ll need to be wary of, and a few positives you can boast about. Let’s take a look at them:
| Pros | Cons |
| The older partner is more willing to commit | It may be difficult to find mutual interests |
| The relationship, or at least one half of it, may provide better financial stability which makes it more secure | Studies suggest that relationship satisfaction decreases if there’s a big age gap in relationships |
| The relationship may feature more maturity, less drama | You may find it difficult to connect with each other |
| You’re able to enjoy very different worldviews in your relationship | You may find it difficult to accept your partner’s distinct worldview |
| The physical intimacy will be different than most other relationships you’ve been in | You may be affected by the rumor mill discussing your relationship |
| You’ll be able to give each other advice from distinctly different points of view | Inability to accept each other may cause frustration |
In a May-December romance, the age difference may make it seem like that’s the biggest and the only hurdle you’ve got to cross. But just like every other relationship, you’ve got to navigate your way around the fights that everyone has, the jealous feelings, the mismanaged expectations, and the times you hurt each other.
Do May-December Relationships Work?
“They do,” says Geetarsh. “But it depends entirely on the partners. The couples must have a certain level of understanding regardless of which partner in the relationship is older. It is all about communication.”
Considering the fast-paced and busy lifestyles in the 21st century, it is all the more necessary to work on romance, because it is easy to be complacent when you are pressed for time. Eventually, the relationship, once enamored in love, could wither away. In a May-December relationship especially, lack of initiative could result in you feeling the stark difference of age between the both of you. In such cases, do ask yourself whether you want to deal with the ghosts of a dead romance at the end of a hectic day.
“When complacency kills a relationship, one partner starts feeling the brunt of it more than the other. In such a scenario, the idea is to identify what is going wrong in the relationship and discuss it with the partner,” Geetarsh says. Of course, the foundations you need to keep a relationship alive apply to a May-December connection as well.
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In this dynamic, you both need trust, respect, support, love, and empathy. When the relationship satisfaction begins to die out, (which is a common problem in relationships with age gaps according to studies), you’re going to need to work harder than just buying your partner a gift, hoping it makes up for the lack of effort in the relationship.
The well-known May-December relationships that we speak of, like the ones with Amal and George Clooney, may make it seem like all is fine and dandy in their lives, but do remember that you’re only seeing the polished parts of the relationship that they’re allowing you to see. They too must experience their troubles, just like any age-gap relationship does.
When it comes to May-December relationships, the age difference you have with your partner can affect it drastically. For example, a study found that relationships with age gaps of fewer than 10 years will bring more satisfaction. But, of course, numbers can’t always predict the joy your love will bring you.
One thing is for sure, however, whether you have a May-December relationship with an older woman and younger man, or an interracial May-December relationship, or of any kind, really, you probably need to know a few things about how you can keep the magic alive. Let’s take a look at all you need to know, so you don’t end up stonewalling each other into oblivion.
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11 Expert-Backed Tips On How To Make A May-December Romance Last
There are plenty of ways to keep the love going. But then again, there are plenty of ways of messing it up too. If you end up not putting in effort into your relationship, or worse yet, not knowing how to put in the effort, you may find yourself struggling to keep your relationship healthy. Let me list down five things you could do to keep the May-December romance fresh, always:
1. Find mutual interests
Geetarsh suggests that partners in a May-December relationship must have mutual interests and make the time to indulge in them. “A couple must spend time with those interests. It could be as simple as going on a drive or watching movies slouched together on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in between. Whatever it is, make sure you do it regularly,” Geetarsh says.
Don’t be too picky or too bossy while choosing mutual interests – make it a mission, and treat it like a to-do list. Once your ideas coalesce, you could end up discovering the unexplored commonalities between the both of you. Then take this idea for a walk because, as our relationship coach said, “laziness will kill it”.
If this idea of doing mutual things is not executed, its absence might linger, making the partners feel the burden of the “something is missing” thought. Sounds like the beginning of problems that you could have avoided!
2. Bridge the tech-generation gap through shared learning
To bridge the age-gap, try walking into each other’s digital worlds. One of the most common, and honestly, hilarious, friction points in age-gap relationships is technology. Maybe you’ve heard one of you say, “Why would anyone record their day on Instagram?” or “What’s the point of handwriting a letter when you can just text?” Here’s a fun solution: teach each other your digital or analog strengths.
- If you’re younger, show your partner how to navigate the latest apps, take a killer selfie, or even build a music playlist
- If you’re older, introduce your partner to tactile joys like journaling, reading a physical newspaper, or organizing a bookshelf by author and not algorithm
What’s the point of this exercise? To turn your generational differences into a springboard for bonding, rather than a minefield of conflict and relationship issues. Through these actions, you are saying, “I want to understand your world, and I want you to understand mine.” A great way to counter one of the most common challenges in relationships with age gaps.
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3. Navigate life pacing differences with ‘checkpoint talks’
In a May-December romance, one of you might be planning for retirement while the other is still figuring out their career path. That difference in life pace is real, and sometimes tricky to navigate, due to the resulting mismatched or unrealistic expectations. One partner might be dreaming about quiet mornings with coffee, while the other’s calendar is full of 9 AM meetings and networking events. So, how do you stay aligned? Try having monthly checkpoint talks that serve as gentle, honest check-ins where you ask each other:
- “How’s your life feeling right now?”
- “Are we making space for what both of us need?”
- “Are our short-term goals still complementing each other?”
This strategy helps bridge a huge age-gap reality: you’re not always moving at the same speed, and prevents you from growing apart due to mismatched pacing.
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4. Make new memories together
To continually infuse fresh energy into a May to December romance, focus on creating fresh experiences that both of you enjoy rather than reliving old memories. Stepping out of your routine to try a new hobby together or visit a museum one of you loves can spark the same excitement you felt when you first met.
To make this action intentional and seamless, you can each take turns planning dates that celebrate each other’s generation: maybe the older partner picks a classic jazz concert while the younger picks a trendy art show. Research has found that couples who try novel activities together report much higher relationship satisfaction and feel more connected.
5. Encourage personal growth and independence
Remember, your partner is their own person with a unique journey. A healthy age-gap couple celebrates that. Instead of spending every minute together, support each other’s individual goals and interests. Explaining why this is important, Geetarsh says, “Partners who honor each other’s personal growth and autonomy tend to have healthier, more balanced relationships. You can do this by:
- Giving each other “me time.” Maybe you each take one night a week to pursue a solo hobby or meet friends
- Cheering on new challenges. If your younger partner wants to advance in school or switch careers, offer help or encouragement rather than unsolicited advice. Likewise, if the older partner picks up a fitness routine or creative class, the younger one can be their biggest cheerleader
- Asking for help, despite the age dynamics, The older partner might say, “I don’t know how TikTok works. Could you show me?” while the younger might ask for life advice. Asking for help shows trust and lets both of you feel valued
- Setting personal goals and then checking in supportively. Use it as a way to grow together
This balance of togetherness and individuality reminds you that even in a relationship, you each matter as your own person. It can prevent resentment and bring new energy back into the partnership
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6. Embrace each other’s differences
Acknowledge that an age gap naturally introduces varied life experiences, perspectives, and interests. The older partner might bring lessons learned from past challenges and successes—such as refined financial management or long-term career insights—while the younger partner could introduce contemporary trends, technology, and fresh approaches to problem-solving.
Pro tip: Schedule themed evenings where each partner presents aspects of their generational culture (e.g., classic films, vintage music, emerging social trends). This mutual exchange can spark engaging conversations and deepen your appreciation for what each brings to the relationship. Scientific research indicates that couples who actively celebrate their differences often report a higher sense of personal growth and relationship satisfaction.
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7. Prioritize open communication
Establishing regular, structured communication helps ensure that both partners are on the same page. Dedicate time—such as a weekly “coffee chat” or an evening check-in—to discuss feelings, expectations, and any emerging concerns.
You can use communication exercises like reflective listening or the “mirroring” exercise, where each partner repeats back what they heard. This reinforces understanding and minimizes misinterpretation.
8. Nurture emotional intimacy
Deep emotional bonds thrive on vulnerability and consistent sharing of personal experiences. Develop a routine that might include writing letters of appreciation, maintaining a shared journal, or setting aside time for guided discussions that focus on individual dreams and challenges.
Pro tip: Create a “memory jar” where each partner adds a note about a cherished moment or something they admire about the other. Periodically, revisit these notes to reinforce trust and emotional closeness. Research in relationship dynamics underscores that such practices promote empathy and resilience against stress.
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9. Explore novel experiences together
Introducing new activities can invigorate the relationship by breaking routine and creating shared memories. Consider venturing into activities that neither partner has experienced—whether that’s:
- A cooking class
- A new sport
- or a weekend retreat in an unfamiliar locale
Pro tip: Plan a monthly “adventure day” where you alternate choosing an activity that’s off your usual list. Novel experiences trigger the release of endorphins and dopamine, which research shows can enhance emotional intimacy and overall satisfaction in relationships.
10. Regularly reassess relationship dynamics
A periodic review of your relationship helps both partners stay aligned with their shared goals and address any concerns before they escalate. Set aside time monthly or quarterly to discuss what is working well, and identify areas for improvement.
Pro Tip: Utilize structured tools like relationship self-assessment questionnaires or maintain a “relationship goals” journal where you note successes and challenges. Such reflective practices, recommended in couples counseling, can lead to adjustments that strengthen the partnership over time.
11. Commit to lifelong learning together
Shared intellectual growth fosters deeper conversations and a collective sense of purpose. Engage in learning experiences by attending relationship workshops, enrolling in online courses on emotional intelligence, or reading books on relationship psychology.
Pro tip: Choose a book on interpersonal communication and schedule a weekly discussion about its insights. Alternatively, sign up for a local seminar or online course together. This collaborative learning not only enriches your individual skills but also reinforces your commitment to evolving together.
All those famous May-December relationships you see like Jay Z and Beyonce, Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger, and Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi probably know the things they need to do to keep their relationship healthy. The tips we laid out for you above aren’t just things you can employ when things in your relationship go bad. They’re things you need to keep in mind to constantly make your relationship better and healthier.
FAQs
1. What is an acceptable age difference between couples?
Given that each party involved is older than the age of consent in the area you live in, there is no ‘right’ number for the difference. There could be no age gap between two partners or it could be 15 years…who’s to say? If it works, it works – age gap notwithstanding. If the age gap is comfortable for the couple, then there is no problem. If it is a bond between an 18-year-old and a 30-year-old, though, you may want to assess the skewed power dynamics in the relationship before getting into it. Or it could become a case of ‘grooming’ the younger person.
2. Do relationships work with a large age gap?
Yes, they do. Age is one aspect among others in a relationship, like personal choices, routine, family, and job profile. Like these factors, age needs to be taken care of like all the other things that make a relationship.
3. Do May-December marriages last?
Yes, they do. Anything lasts if couples decide to make it last. Of course, you must keep in mind the common problems a marriage goes through and understand that every marriage involves a substantial amount of effort to keep it afloat.
4. Why is it called May-December romance?
It’s called a ‘May-December’ romance to signify that the relationship features a considerable age gap. In more poetic terms, the month of May is supposed to signify spring, intuitiveness, and an optimistic mindset. The month of December is supposed to signify winter, wisdom, and maturity.
Key Pointers
- Just like any other relationship, a May-December relationship requires a solid foundation of love, trust, support, respect, and empathy
- Don’t interfere in each other’s lives too much, let your partner live and try to be more accepting of them
- The age gap doesn’t spell doom for your relationship, it might just be the best quality about it. Find out your strengths and work on the kinks that you sweep under the rug
Final Thoughts
It is time to speculate, but with hope and optimism. If you are going to be involved with someone with a significant age gap, think of it as a union of two different milestones in this journey we called life. If singletons with apprehensions regarding dating someone older have been reading this, just imbibe what I said right at the beginning – love is ageless.
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