Intimacy Therapy At Home: 15 Marriage Intimacy Exercises

Intimacy isn’t a one-time goal to achieve but a continued work in progress. As you get more settled in a relationship and other demands of life vie for your attention, the effort you put into sustaining or deepening intimacy can go down. This can cause you and your spouse to feel a bit distant. Don’t worry, it’s nothing to be alarmed about. In fact, it’s completely normal for even loving couples to experience ebbs and flows in closeness. The good news is you can take action at home to reconnect with some mindful exercises and interactions. Think of these as DIY intimacy therapy sessions that allow you to nurture your bond in the comfort of your own space. 

As renowned couples therapist Terry Real famously said, “Intimacy is not something you have, but something you do.” Marriage intimacy exercises enable you to do it. In this guide, we’ll walk you through some of the most effective intimacy-building exercises you and your partner can try your hand at. Some are playful, some are heartfelt, and they’re all designed to bring you two closer. Ready to deepen your connection? Let’s get started!

What Is Intimacy In A Relationship?

Intimacy in a relationship is that deep feeling of closeness and connection you feel with your partner. It’s feeling truly “seen” and understood by them, and goes well beyond physical affection or sexual closeness. It also encapsulates emotional safety, mutual trust, and shared vulnerability. The word intimacy comes from the Latin intimus, meaning “innermost,” and it’s about letting your partner into your innermost world, your feelings, fears, dreams, and self,  while also caring about theirs. Intimacy actually comes in different forms in a relationship. Here are some key types of intimacy in a healthy relationship:

• Emotional intimacy: Feeling safe to share your deepest feelings, worries, and joys with each other. Terry explains, “Emotional intimacy is based on trust. If you can trust your partner to be attentive to your needs and respond in a supportive way, it’s easy to establish emotional intimacy.” When you have emotional intimacy, you both know you’ll be understood and cared for, even when you reveal your vulnerable side
• Physical intimacy: This includes affection, touch, and sexual connection. It ranges from everyday gestures like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling on the couch to sexual intercourse. Small acts of physical closeness, be it a morning kiss or a back rub, might seem simple, but they help nurture warmth in your bond. Feeling comfortable and safe with physical touch is an essential component of marital intimacy
• Intellectual intimacy: Sharing ideas, thoughts, and having meaningful discussions. You don’t have to agree on everything. In fact, enjoying the exchange of ideas and respecting each other’s opinions builds intellectual closeness. For example, discussing a book you both read or debating a news topic are ways couples connect mentally
• Experiential intimacy: This entails bonding through shared experiences and activities. Doing things together, whether it’s cooking a meal, traveling, or even binge-watching a show, deepens the sense of “us” and sustains the connection. Psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle says, “It’s hard to keep a relationship going if you feel you have nothing in common. Having shared experiences, even just one or two, can lay the groundwork for a relationship that will last.” This becomes even more crucial in a long-term relationship
• Spiritual intimacy: Connecting through shared values, beliefs, or spiritual practices. This could mean practicing a faith together, meditating as a couple, or simply aligning on core life values and supporting each other’s personal growth. Feeling that you share a “bigger picture” or life purpose can deepen your bond in a profound way

Intimacy is multi-dimensional. A strong marriage usually involves balancing all these types of closeness. Even when one aspect of intimacy fades, the relationship can start to feel off-kilter. Couples therapy exercises help you counter that. 

How Does Intimacy Therapy Work?

Intimacy therapy includes actions, exercises, and approaches that aim to enhance closeness and connection between partners. In traditional couples therapy, a trained counselor creates a safe space for both of you to share and guides you through exercises or conversations to rebuild trust, improve communication, and increase affection. The idea is to help couples practice intimacy in a structured way so that those habits carry over into daily life.

Intimacy therapy boils down to making the implicit explicit. A therapist makes you intentionally focus on things that help you feel closer to one another. For example, they might have you do a simple exercise like maintaining eye contact or sharing three things you appreciate about each other. It might feel a bit contrived at first, but these exercises create new positive experiences and teach your brain to associate your partner with safety and warmth again. Over time, these little moments of connection can snowball into a much deeper bond. Here are a few core principles of how exercises for restoring intimacy in marriage work: 

• Creating a safe space: A good therapist will encourage vulnerability by ensuring no one feels judged or attacked. At home, this means setting aside time where you both agree to be open and kind. Intimacy exercises work best when you both feel secure enough to let your guard down
• Guided communication: Many intimacy therapy exercises involve structured communication. You might take turns speaking and listening, with rules like no interrupting, or repeating back what you heard to ensure understanding. Techniques such as the Imago Dialogue, where one partner speaks and the other mirrors back what they heard, or Emotionally Focused Therapy conversations that explore feelings beneath conflicts, are used to foster empathy. By practicing active listening and honest sharing, couples learn to really “hear” each other again. This can melt away years of misunderstanding
• Focus on emotional responsiveness: Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, emphasizes that the key to lasting love is emotional responsiveness. Basically, showing your partner “I’m here for you.” Intimacy exercises often help you tune into each other’s emotional needs
• Homework and habits: In formal therapy, couples are usually given homework. This typically includes small rituals or actions to do between sessions, like a 60-second daily hug or a weekly date night. Intimacy therapy recognizes that consistent habits can reshape a relationship. By integrating these actions into your routine, you essentially “train” your relationship to be more intimate on an ongoing basis

Crucially, doing these exercises together is therapeutic. Even if you’re just following a prompt from a book or a guide like this one, you’re sending each other a message: “I want to work on us. You matter to me.” That alone can start to rebuild intimacy. It might feel cheesy or awkward at first. Most couples aren’t used to “formally” gazing into each other’s eyes or talking for 5 minutes uninterrupted. Stick with it! Embrace the humor in the awkwardness. Over time, these practices will begin to feel more natural, and you’ll look forward to them.

Lastly, keep in mind that every couple is different. Intimacy therapy, whether guided by a professional or done DIY, is about discovering what helps you two feel closer. Be open to trying new things and pay attention to what resonates most. If an exercise really sparks a connection or an “Aha!” moment, keep it in your toolkit and make it a regular habit. 

Related Reading: 9 Ways To Fix A Broken Marriage And Save It

15 Marriage Intimacy Exercises For Couples

Intimacy exercises for couples offer a variety of ways to reconnect with your spouse, from heartfelt conversations to lighthearted activities. Some may push you a bit outside your comfort zone, but each is designed to create moments of meaningful connection. Try one or two to start, or set aside a regular “couples night” to experiment with an exercise each week. Approach them with an open mind and a sense of teamwork. 

Remember, it’s not a performance, it’s about experiencing each other fully. Even if you feel silly doing an exercise, you’re still bonding through that silliness! Also, feel free to adapt these to your needs. Use what works, tweak what doesn’t. With that in mind, let’s dive into the 15 marriage intimacy exercises you can start trying with your spouse today:

1. Soul gazing—Eye contact for deep connection

This exercise is all about building emotional intimacy and trust by simply looking into each other’s eyes. It’s often used in intimacy therapy for couples as a quick way to reconnect. Yes, it can feel a bit awkward at first, but that’s kind of the point. We’re so used to darting around with phones and multitasking that we rarely give our partner undivided attention. In soul gazing, you do exactly that. You might be surprised at the surge of warmth and closeness you feel after a few minutes of sustained eye contact.

How to do it

• Set the scene: Find a quiet, comfortable spot at home where you won’t be interrupted. Sit down facing each other, sitting close enough that your knees touch if possible
• Relax and tune in: Take a couple of deep breaths together to settle any nerves. Then gaze into each other’s eyes. You can blink normally, but avoid talking. Focus on your partner’s eye color, the little details, and the warmth or emotions you feel. It’s okay if you both start smiling or even giggling. It’s totally normal!
• Time it: Try to hold eye contact for about 3 to 5 minutes. You might set a gentle timer or play a favorite mellow song and agree to gaze at least until the song ends. The music can also ease any silence jitters
• Stay present: If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your spouse. Think to yourself that looking into their eyes means you’re looking into the person you love
• Afterwards, talk about it: When time is up, share a hug or hold hands. Take a moment to discuss how it felt. Did you feel closer, distracted, emotional? There’s no right answer. Just be open and candid

Related Reading: Love After Marriage – 9 Ways It Is Different From Love Before Marriage

2. Uninterrupted listening—The 5-minute listening drill

In our day-to-day lives, it’s easy to feel like your partner isn’t really listening to you. That lament isn’t exaggerated. Truth is, most of us aren’t great listeners, and our ability to really tune into what our partner may be saying is overshadowed further when we’re juggling work, kids, and chores. This exercise is designed to help partners give each other undivided attention. 

How to do it

• Choose a speaker and a listener: Decide who will speak first. Maybe one of you had a rough day and needs to vent, or one has something on their mind. You can also just do a general feelings update
• Set a timer: Agree on a time, anywhere between 3-5 minutes is good. Set a timer on your phone or watch so you’re not keeping a mental count
• Listener’s role: If you’re the listener, your job is to be completely present. That means no interrupting, no jumping in with advice or “me too” stories, and definitely no glancing at your phone or the TV. Just listen. You can nod, hold your spouse’s hand, or respond with sympathetic facial expressions, but don’t speak until their time is up
• Speaker’s role: If you’re the speaker, open up. Talk about whatever is on your mind. How you’ve been feeling in the relationship, stresses you’re carrying, something that made you happy or upset this week. Knowing you won’t be interrupted can be incredibly freeing. Take the full time if you need it, or less if you feel done
• Switch roles: When the timer goes off, pause. The listener can now respond if needed, though sometimes just a “Thank you for telling me that” or a hug is enough. Then swap roles and repeat for the same amount of time, so both of you get to speak and listen
• Afterward: Reflect on anything that surprised you. Often, we learn new things about our partner’s inner world when we truly listen. You might even uncover issues neither of you realized were there. Thank each other for listening so openly

Over time, this exercise can improve your day-to-day communication. A Reddit user shared, “We have a cocktail on the patio and just chat… casual physical contact, not expecting sex, and we take turns really listening to each other about our day.” They found it helped them feel heard and connected. 

3. Weekly check-in meeting

If you’re wondering how to deepen emotional intimacy in marriage when life gets busy and your connection becomes its first casualty, listen up. A simple practice of weekly check-ins can help offset it. Many marriage therapists recommend this practice because it prevents resentment from piling up and gives you a consistent forum to celebrate wins and work through any little issues before they fester. Think of it as an emotional tune-up you do every week to keep the relationship running smoothly.

How to do it

• Set a regular day/time: Pick a day and time of the week that you can reasonably stick to. Maybe Sunday evening, once the kids are in bed, or Saturday morning over coffee. Block out ~30 minutes for this meeting and treat it like you would an important appointment
• Minimize distractions: Go somewhere quiet at home, put phones on silent, and ensure the kids (if any) are occupied or asleep
• Take help of guiding questions: Sometimes it’s hard to know how to start the conversation. You can prepare a few standard questions that you both answer each week. Here are a few examples: How do you feel about us this week? Is there anything bothering you or anything you feel incomplete about from this past week? What’s something I did recently that you appreciated? How can I make you feel more loved in the coming days?
• Take turns sharing: One of you goes first while the other listens. Then switch. Be honest but gentle. This isn’t a time to attack, but rather to express feelings and needs. If something has been upsetting you, talk about it calmly and use “I” statements. “I felt hurt when…”, instead of, “You never…”. Also share positives. “I loved it when you surprised me with coffee on Tuesday, it made my day.”
• Solve problems and celebrate: If any issues come up, take a few minutes to brainstorm solutions together. End the meeting on a loving note. Maybe each of you says one thing you love or appreciate about the other that week. A little compliment or thank-you here goes a long way for emotional closeness.

By making this a habit, you’ll find that misunderstandings clear up faster and you both feel more “in tune” with each other. It’s like doing regular maintenance on your relationship so you rarely have a huge breakdown. 

4. The appreciation game

Intimacy-building exercises for couples can be quick and lighthearted. The appreciation game is a classic example of that. At the same time, it is incredibly effective in boosting positive feelings between a couple. The idea is to pick a theme and then each of you rapidly lists five things related to that theme. For example, “Five things I appreciate about you” or “Five favorite memories with you.” 

It encourages you both to focus on the good in each other and your relationship. Often in long-term marriages, we start taking the positive stuff for granted and only notice what’s wrong. This flips the script. It can lead to laughter, nostalgia, and even happy tears sometimes. Plus, it only takes a few minutes, so you can do this anytime, anywhere.

How to do it

• Pick a theme: Decide on a topic for the round. Classic ones include: “5 things I love about you,” “5 reasons I’m grateful for you today,” “5 favorite moments from our years together,” or even silly ones like “5 things you do that make me smile.” You can choose any theme as long as it’s positive. Be creative
• Alternate listing: You can do this in two ways. Option 1: One of you lists all five of their “things” while the other listens, then you swap. Option 2: Take turns one by one. You say one, then your partner says one, and so on until you each reach five. Figure out what feels more fun. Some couples enjoy the back-and-forth because it’s more conversational
• Be specific and earnest: As you list items, try to be specific. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re a good dad”, say, “I love how patiently you helped our son with homework.” Or instead of “Our vacation was fun,” say, “I’ll never forget us dancing in the rain on our anniversary trip.” Specific words of affirmation make the appreciation hit deeper
• Embrace the feel-good moment: After each of you has shared five things, take a moment. You might naturally end up discussing one or more items listed. Let it flow into a broader positive conversation. Soak in the good vibes and maybe learn something sweet you didn’t realize your spouse noticed

This little exercise is a fun way to practice gratitude in your relationship. Research shows that expressing gratitude in relationships leads to higher intimacy and satisfaction. 

5. Daily 20-second hug 

Here’s one of the simplest bonding activities for couples: hug more, and hug longer. Physical touch triggers the release of oxytocin, which helps us feel connected and safe. A quick squeeze is nice, but research suggests that holding a hug for around 20 seconds or more yields the best stress-reducing, connection-enhancing benefits. 

This exercise helps build a habit of sharing a good, long hug every day. It’s amazing how such a simple act can reset the emotional tone between you, especially after a long day or when one of you is anxious. 

How to do it

• Choose your moment: Identify a time in the day when a hug would feel natural. Common ones are: first thing in the morning, when one or both of you get home from work, or before drifting off to sleep at night. You can even do all of the above! But start with at least one guaranteed hug time per day
• Embrace and linger: When you hug, really hug. Wrap your arms around each other and hold tight in a comfortable way. Now don’t let go too quickly. Consciously extend the hug to 20 seconds or more. You might silently count or just go until one of you naturally needs to pull away
• Breathe together: As you hold the hug, try to notice your breathing. Maybe even sync up your breaths slowly. This amplifies the calming effect. You’ll often feel each other’s tense muscles relax after a few deep breaths. If you’re comfortable, you can close your eyes during the hug and just savor the closeness
• No distractions: A 20-second hug is short, but make sure you’re fully present. That means pausing the TV, putting down the dish towel, or pausing whatever else. Let everything else wait for those moments
• Use it during stressful moments: Remember this technique in tense moments. When one of you is upset or when you’ve just had an argument, initiating a long hug can be a powerful olive branch

Many couples report that after implementing daily long hugs, they feel more affectionate overall. Harper, 33, shares, “Nightly hugs before going to sleep became my favorite moment of the day. It gave me the reassurance that no matter what happened, we’d end the day on a loving note.” That’s why this can be a great tool for deepening or restoring intimacy in marriage.

6. Extended cuddle time

Platonic cuddling, lying in each other’s arms, entwined on the couch or bed, can be as intimate as sex, in a different way. It creates a feeling of warmth, safety, and love. This intimacy therapy exercise encourages you to intentionally carve out cuddle time, especially if it’s fallen by the wayside. Unlike the quick hug, this is about staying close for an extended period, which allows you to both relax deeply into each other’s presence. It’s a great way to end the day and can become a lovely nightly ritual that signals to both your bodies and minds that you’re connected.

How to do it

• Pick a time: Many couples find bedtime is perfect for this. Instead of one person scrolling on their phone and the other watching TV until you both roll over to sleep, try dedicating the last 10-15 minutes of the day to cuddling in bed. Alternatively, weekend mornings or a quiet Sunday afternoon on the couch work too. Choose whatever time you can relax without rushing
• Set the environment: Make it comfy. Dim the lights, turn on some soft music if you like, or just enjoy the quiet. Ensure you won’t be disturbed. Maybe grab a cozy blanket. Do whatever you need to, to make sure this is a relaxing time for you both 
• Cuddle up: Lie down together in whatever position feels most snuggly. Spoon position is a favorite among many couples. Or you face each other with legs tangled. Or one on their back with the other’s head on their chest. There’s no wrong way. The key is full-body contact and comfort
• Soak it in: Enjoy physical closeness without any expectations. If it leads to some action, that’s great too. But don’t approach this activity with that pressure. You can talk softly about pleasant things or just lie quietly listening to each other’s heartbeat. Some couples like to do gentle caresses or play with each other’s hair. Again, do what feels right to you
• Make it a habit: Try making this a nightly wind-down routine. If not nightly, at least a few times a week. If one of you tends to be a night owl and the other isn’t, you might schedule cuddle time earlier in the evening on the couch while watching a show. And soon your bodies will just crave it and remind you naturally.

Couples who do this often say it dramatically improves their sense of closeness. Even on days when you’ve been a bit snippy with each other, sticking to cuddle time can help dissolve lingering tension. It’s hard to hold onto anger when you’re literally in a loving embrace. Over time, this can also increase physical intimacy naturally, because you maintain a baseline of affectionate touch that keeps the spark from fizzling. But even in and of itself, those quiet cuddles can become some of your most cherished moments as a couple.

Related Reading: What Is The Recipe For A Happy Marriage?

7. Forehead-to-forehead breathing

This is one of the marriage intimacy exercises that promotes a mindful connection and is a way to sync up your bodies and calm your minds together. By sitting with foreheads touching and breathing in unison, you create a powerful feeling of being “in tune” with your partner. Many couples find that doing this for just a few minutes leaves them feeling extremely tender toward each other and very relaxed. 

How to do it

• Get comfortable and close: Sit down facing each other, either cross-legged on the bed or floor, or on a sofa. Alternatively, you can lie down on your sides facing each other. Move so that your foreheads gently touch. Close your eyes or keep a soft gaze
• Connect through touch: You can place your hands somewhere on each other’s bodies. Maybe place your hands on each other’s shoulders, wrap your arms around each other, or have your palms against theirs. The idea is to feel connected physically at more than one point. Place your foreheads together
• Start deep breathing: Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, and exhale slowly through your nose or mouth. As you begin, try to synchronize your breath so that you’re inhaling and exhaling at the same time
• Count a few breaths: Aim to do at least 7-10 deep breaths in sync. It’ll take only a couple of minutes. If you’re enjoying it, feel free to continue longer. The first few breaths might feel a bit self-conscious, but as you continue, you’ll start to relax into it.
• Notice the sensations: Pay attention to how the whole experience feels. Your partner’s skin touching yours, the rise and fall of your chests, the warmth of their breath. Often, your breathing will naturally fall into the same pace without much effort. It’s almost like your bodies “remember” how to harmonize

This exercise is a beautiful way to refocus on each other if things have been hectic. Next time either of you feels anxious or you two feel at odds, try this forehead connection. It can quietly bring you back to a place of emotional sync and peace.

8. Write love letters 

There’s something undeniably romantic and enduring about a handwritten love letter, especially in this age of text messages and emojis. This exercise involves each of you writing a love letter or appreciation letter to the other, then exchanging them. Writing allows you to express feelings that you might struggle to say face-to-face. You can take your time to craft the words, and your partner gets something tangible they can reread whenever they need a reminder of your love. 

How to do it

• Set a letter “due date”: Pick a day of the week by which you’ll both have your letters ready. Having a mutual deadline adds a little accountability, so one person doesn’t forget or procrastinate
• Find quiet time to write: Each of you should sit down solo to write your letter. Grab a nice piece of stationery or any paper, and write. Bonus points for writing by hand. It feels more personal than an email or note in your Notes app
• What to Write: Not sure how to start? Consider including some of these elements:
  
  • What you love about your spouse. Their personality, habits, and the way they treat you or others
  • How they have made your life better or happier
  • A favorite memory or two that still warms your heart
  • What you admire or respect about them
  • Promises or hopes for the future
  • Things you want to thank them for
    
• Exchange and read: Decide how you want to exchange these letters. Some couples will hand them over and read them silently while sitting together. Others might trade and then read each other’s letters out loud. Do what feels right. It might be emotional, and that’s a beautiful thing. Keep some tissues handy just in case!
• Keep and re-read: After sharing, save those letters somewhere special. You can revisit them whenever you need a dose of appreciation. Some couples create a little box for their letters or notes to each other over the years. It becomes a treasure trove of love that strengthens your bond

9. Maintain gratitude journals 

This is among the classic couple exercises to build and strengthen intimacy by making a conscious effort to practice gratitude in your relationship. A gratitude journal is typically a personal diary where you jot down things you’re thankful for each day. When applied to marriage, it means making a conscious effort to notice and record the things you appreciate about your spouse and your life together. 

By doing this regularly, you train your brain to focus more on the positives than the negatives. Over time, this positive focus can significantly increase feelings of intimacy and happiness in your marriage. It’s also a great way to show affection in a relationship. 

How to do it

• Get two notebooks: Buy or repurpose two small journals, one for each of you. They don’t have to be fancy. Even a simple notepad will do
• Write as often as possible: Aim to write in your gratitude journal every day, or at least 3-4 times a week. Your entries can be short, bullet points even. The point is to get it down. Write down 3 things you’re grateful for that day. Try to include at least one that relates to your spouse or relationship when you can
• Share periodically: You can decide how to share. Some couples share one item with each other verbally each day, while others decide to swap journals and read each other’s entries at regular intervals. Find a rhythm that isn’t burdensome
• Highlight surprises: When reading what your partner wrote, if something touches you, say so. “I didn’t realize that meant so much to you!” These conversations reinforce intimacy. You both feel more seen and valued. That is the whole point of these marriage intimacy exercises
• Be consistent but flexible: It’s okay if you miss a day here or there. The goal is to cultivate an overall attitude of appreciation. If daily journaling is too much, you could do an alternative like a gratitude jar, where each of you drops in a note whenever you feel grateful for something, and read them together occasionally

The impact of this habit can be profound. Imagine coming home and instead of zeroing in on the one thing your spouse forgot to do, your mind is now trained to also notice the five things they did do, which you value. It doesn’t mean ignoring problems, it just means balancing out the negatives with plenty of positives. 

Related Reading: 11 Harsh Truths About Marriage No One Talks About

10. The question and answer game

Like we said at the outset, intimacy-building exercises don’t always have to be profound. They include a lot of fun games and activities, too. In fact, the more fun they are, the more you’ll look forward to doing them consistently. One such exercise is the question-and-answer game that helps you assess how well you know your partner’s inner world. 

Even if you’ve been married for a long time, don’t presume that you know everything about your partner. There are always new layers to discover. This exercise uses structured questions to spark deep conversations. By asking and answering these kinds of questions, you’ll uncover stories and thoughts you may never have known, and importantly, you’ll make your partner feel truly heard and understood. 

How to do it

• Get a list of questions: You don’t have to invent questions from scratch, unless you want to. There are plenty of resources: Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions, or a Love Maps questionnaire from John Gottman. You can also find conversation starter cards at bookstores or simply Google “questions for couples” and pick your favorites. Print them out or have them on your phone
• Set a cozy scene: Make it a “date”. Perhaps one evening, pour two glasses of wine or tea, sit on the couch, and say, “Let’s play the question game.” Approach it playfully, not like a dreaded interrogation. You might decide to ask 5 questions each session. Alternate asking, one person asks, both answer, then the other person asks the next one
• Really listen and ask follow-ups: When your partner answers, give them your full attention. Ask gentle follow-up questions if you’re curious. This shows you care and keeps the conversation flowing. For example, if the question was “What’s a dream you’ve never shared with me?” and they reveal one, you might ask, “What appeals to you about that dream? How can we incorporate a piece of that into our life now?” Turn it into a dialogue
• Be honest and open: Some questions can get personal or touch on old memories, hopes, or even regrets. Agree that this is a judgment-free zone. The aim is to understand each other better, not to criticize responses. Be vulnerable in your own answers, too
• Mix it up: Mix deep questions with some lighter ones to keep things balanced. It’s okay to laugh and be surprised. You might learn funny little preferences or embarrassing stories about each other, and create new inside jokes

This exercise is essentially about investing time in knowing your spouse on a deeper level. As Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, strong couples have detailed “love maps”, meaning they know the intricacies of each other’s lives, histories, and inner thoughts. Building that map is an ongoing process, and asking questions is how you do it. 

11. Tech-free time together

Modern life means we’re often physically together but mentally elsewhere, sucked into our phones, TVs, or laptops. This technoference can ruin relationships. Deepening or restoring intimacy in marriage may require deliberately unplugging and focusing on each other. Even an hour of truly screen-free, distraction-free time can do wonders for intimacy. 

It allows for organic conversation, spontaneous cuddling, or doing an activity together with full attention. Many couples find that instituting a “no devices” rule at certain times dramatically increases feelings of closeness, because you’re no longer competing with a screen for each other’s attention. 

How to do it

• Pick a time: Identify when you can both consistently go device-free. A popular choice is during dinner and the rest of the evening until bed. Or maybe the first hour after both get home from work. Even a smaller chunk, like no phones from 9 pm to 10 pm, is a good start
• Set the rules together: Agree that during this time, there will be no checking phones, no TV, no tablets, no work emails, unless truly urgent. If you have to, put devices in another room or use do-not-disturb modes. One couple I know literally puts their phones in a drawer during dinner time. Out of sight, out of mind
• Find something to do: Initially, it might feel odd, almost like you’re missing a limb. You need to find ways to use this time to engage with each other consciously and mindfully. This is a great opportunity to do one of the other couple exercises. Use it well. Or simply talk. If you’re exhausted and just want to relax, you can still relax together. Maybe lie down and give each other a back rub, or just snuggle
• Be consistent: It might be challenging at first if you’re used to scrolling at night, but consistency will turn this into a cherished habit. You’ll start looking forward to that reliable time when you know you have each other’s full attention

By removing digital distractions, you create room for more meaningful interaction. You might notice you talk about things you normally wouldn’t, or that you laugh together more. One Reddit user described how they instituted a nightly “no phones after 8 pm” rule and started having cocktails on their patio and just chatting. They said it reminded them of when they were dating, just enjoying each other’s company with no constant pings pulling attention away.

12. Do something new together

Novelty is the spice that often kickstarts attraction and intimacy. Think about when you first fell in love. Everything seemed to excite you because it was all new. Over time, routines take over, and we stop exploring together. Bonding activities for couples can help break that monotony and inject adventure and novelty back into your marriage.

New experiences don’t have to be grand or life-altering. Even small new experiences can create bonding moments and fun memories. Plus, it gives you fresh topics to talk about and a sense of “we did this cool thing as a team.”

How to do it

• Brainstorm ideas: Sit down and make a just-for-fun bucket list. Both of you throw out ideas of things you’ve never done as a couple, but find intriguing. Big or small. It could be “take a dance class,” “hike that trail we always talk about,” “try making sushi at home,” “visit that weird museum in town,” “camp in the backyard,” and so on. Aim for things that excite or at least amuse you
• Pick one and plan it: Choose one new activity from your list that’s feasible in the near future and plan it out. If it’s going somewhere or taking a class, get tickets or schedule it. If it’s at home, set aside a date night for it. The planning and anticipation actually add to the intimacy
• During the activity, be present: When the day comes, immerse yourselves in the experience. Treat it like an adventure. Even if it feels a bit strange or things don’t go perfectly, roll with it together. Sometimes the mishaps (burnt sushi rice, anyone?) become inside jokes and warm memories
• Make it a habit: Aim to do something new periodically, maybe once a month, or at least a few times a year. Continuously infusing your relationship with fresh experiences keeps it from feeling stagnant. Even trying a new restaurant or cooking a new cuisine counts if you’re intentional about it

Related Reading: 8 Most Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples

13. Make date nights non-negotiable

Marriage intimacy exercises aren’t always about thinking outside the box or changing up your routines. Sometimes, it can be as simple as going back to basics like dating your spouse. It might sound cliché, but it’s truly valuable. So, bring back regular date nights, go on real dates where you both put in a bit of effort, like you did in the beginning, and make it non-negotiable. By carving out special time to go on a date, whether out on the town or an intentional at-home date, you reignite romance and remind each other that your relationship itself deserves celebration and attention. It gives you a chance to dress up a little, flirt, and make new memories, keeping the spark alive.

How to do it

• Put it on the calendar: Treat date night as sacred. Decide on a frequency that’s realistic for you. It could be once a week, once every two weeks, or at a minimum, once a month. Mark it on the calendar and honor it. Arrange childcare in advance if needed. Consistency is key; if you don’t schedule it, it’s too easy for other things to fill the time.
• Plan something you’ll both enjoy: Dates don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. The point is focused time together. You can go out to a favorite restaurant, see a movie, go bowling, or take a sunset walk in the park. Or have an at-home date: cook a new recipe together and eat by candlelight, have a picnic in the living room, or set up an “at-home theater” with popcorn and a film you’ve been meaning to watch
• Minimize distractions: Make the date night about you as a couple. That means no talking about mundane house stuff, responsibilities, commitments, or children. Definitely no checking work email. Pretend you’re courting each other again. This is the time to focus on fun, lighthearted connections and romantic or deep conversations
• Dress the part: One fun hack for at-home dates: dress up as if you were going out. It changes the vibe. Imagine your spouse coming out to the living room in that nice outfit you rarely see because it’s “date night.” It sends a message that you care to impress each other. Light some candles or play music. Set the scene
• Do something novel or nostalgic: Every now and then, plan a date that recreates your early days or something nostalgic like visiting the site of your first dinner together, or re-watching the first movie you saw as a couple. Nostalgia can be deeply bonding. Also consider trying new date activities
• Flirt and have fun: Use this time to genuinely flirt. Compliment your partner, hold hands, steal kisses. Laugh a lot. If you’re out, maybe put your arm around them or dance if there’s music. The aim is to create a bubble for two, reminding you both that beneath all the life roles, you’re also lovers and friends

Regular date nights have been shown to improve communication and passion in marriages. It gives you both something to look forward to and breaks the monotony of routines. One survey by The Date Night Opportunity report by National Marriage Project found that couples who engaged in new and varied date activities weekly were significantly less likely to report boredom and more likely to have high marital quality. 

14. The 3-minute kiss

When couples first get together, long make-out sessions are common. But years into marriage, kisses often become perfunctory. A quick peck goodbye or hello. This is one of the intimacy-building exercises that brings back some of that passion through kissing without it necessarily leading to anything else. It helps shift your perspective from seeing your partner as just a roommate or co-parent back to seeing them as a romantic and sexual being you adore. Plus, kissing releases a cocktail of feel-good hormones and can make you feel giddy and close.

How to do it

• Choose a time and setting: This can be part of date night, or frankly, any time you want to inject some spark. Maybe when you both reunite after work, or as a way to say “I missed you.” Ideally, find a moment when you’re not rushed
• Start slowly: Stand or sit facing each other, maybe embrace or hold each other’s face in your hands. Begin with soft, slow kisses. The idea is not to race to anything; it’s to savor. Remember those make-out sessions as teens when that’s all you did? Channel a bit of that energy
• Focus on the kiss: For these few minutes, put your full attention on the sensation. Notice how it feels to kiss and be kissed by your spouse. Perhaps take a tiny break to smile or look at each other, then go back in. Let it be sensual and sweet
• No pressure for more: Agree that this is just about kissing. Taking “sex expectations” off the table can actually make it more relaxing and enjoyable, and often more emotionally intimate. Interestingly, by making it “just kissing,” you might find that it spontaneously leads to more desire on its own later
• Be consistent: Try a daily 6-second kiss for maintenance and then pepper in those longer 2-3 minute kissing sessions, maybe a few times a week

15. Scheduled intimacy 

Scheduling sex or intimate time might sound unsexy at first. Shouldn’t it be spontaneous? But hear us out. Many busy couples find that unless they intentionally plan for intimacy, it keeps getting pushed off… and off… and suddenly it’s been ages and you both feel disconnected and maybe a bit resentful. There is nothing wrong with penciling in a sexy date. 

In fact, anticipating it can add excitement, and knowing it’s coming can help you both get in the right headspace. Think of it as giving your sex life the priority it deserves. 

How to do it

• Have a candid talk: First, discuss with your spouse the idea of scheduling intimate time and why you think it could help. Ensure you’re on the same page that this is about prioritizing closeness, not turning sex into a chore
• Pick your “date”: Choose a time that generally works for both. Maybe Friday or Saturday night, when stress is lower, or on Sunday mornings. Mark it on the calendar or make a cute code word for it. Decide on the frequency, maybe once a week or once every two weeks, to start with. You can always adjust, but having a recurring slot is helpful
• Set the stage each time: Treat it like date night in the bedroom. On the day of, build some anticipation. Maybe send a flirty text, or make sure to do any personal grooming that makes you feel confident. When the time comes, make the environment inviting: low lighting, maybe music, and the door locked. This helps transition out of “everyday mode” into intimate mode
• No pressure, just presence: The goal is to be intimate, but intimacy can take different forms depending on how you both feel that day. Maybe one week it leads to passionate sex, another week it’s more slow-burning and sensual, another it’s mutual pleasuring. Do what works for you
• Stay flexible and kind: Life will sometimes throw curveballs—a kid gets sick, one of you has a headache, or there is a pressing deadline looming. If a scheduled session has to be postponed, reschedule it soon, just like you would an important meeting you didn’t want to miss. If one or both of you really aren’t in the mood once the time arrives, don’t force anything. Instead, maybe use the time to do one of the other intimacy exercises like a massage or extended cuddle to still connect physically without pressure

FAQs 

Final Thoughts

By incorporating even a few of these marriage intimacy exercises into your routine, you’re taking proactive steps toward a closer, more fulfilling relationship. Intimacy is built in the little moments and habits we cultivate. It’s the daily hug, the weekly deep talk, the occasional surprise love note, the effort to keep learning about each other, and the commitment to keep the spark alive. 

Finally, remember that no marriage is intimate 100% of the time. There will be ups and downs, and that’s okay. The goal is that you both know how to find your way back to each other when life pulls you apart. Think of these intimacy therapy exercises as tools in your relationship toolbox. Feeling distant? Pull out the soul gazing or the appreciation game. Feeling stressed? Do some forehead breathing or uninterrupted listening. Feeling like roommates? Break the routine with a new adventure or a steamy make-out session. You have the power, together, to continually renew and strengthen your bond.

Relationship Counseling – Everything You Need To Know

Dealing With Boredom In Marriage? 10 Ways To Overcome

7 People Share Stories Of Marriages That Survived Rough Patches

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.

See Our Editorial Process

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

What is your feedback?

×

Helpful Report an Error Other

Submit