My husband is abusive and doesn’t want to be intimate

Q: My husband has temperamental issues and becomes physical at times. Once after he hit me he said he wanted a baby through a surrogate mother. He is not intimate either. Does this mean he is not interested in me?

A: Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.

1      Recognize the warning signs that signal abuse

2      Don’t underestimate the harm of emotional abuse

3      Learn about and recognize the cycle of violence

4      Recognize the red flags that tell you others are being abused

Related Reading: A dreamy love story that became a real-life nightmare

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his thumb.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive.

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse are not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behaviour. In fact, abusive behaviour and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.

An abuser will do everything to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you’re worthless and that no one else will want you, you’re less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

If your husband is not intimate with you, either he wants to make you feel isolated, humiliated, or has other interests in his life to fulfil him and not you.

Final Thoughts

Living in an abusive relationship takes a significant toll on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Abuse, coupled with a lack of intimacy, can make you feel isolated, rejected, and unworthy. It is essential to recognize that the abuse is not your fault, and you deserve love, respect, and care in your marriage. Reaching out for help is a courageous step toward safety and healing. Support is available, and you do not have to face this journey alone. If you are in immediate danger, prioritize your safety and contact:

• India:
  • National Domestic Violence Helpline (181): 24/7 support for women in abusive relationships.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Our compassionate therapists can help you understand your situation, build a safety plan, and guide you toward reclaiming your peace and happiness.

How To Deal With Domestic Abuse During Lockdown

5 Signs Of Emotional Abuse You Should Watch Out For Warns Therapist

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.

See Our Editorial Process

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

What is your feedback?

×

Helpful Report an Error Other

Submit