Q: I am a 48-year-old, basically happily married man. My problem is my wife’s weight. I hate to sound like the typical shallow guy, but she has put on at least 30 kg since we were married 22 years ago and I am no longer sexually attracted to her. I have never cheated on her and like to think I never would, but my sexual life is extremely unsatisfying due to this problem. We really don’t have sex any more. As for me, I’m in pretty good shape, go to the gym etc and still get a lot of attention from women. I know my wife feels bad about herself and the fact that she doesn’t get much attention from men any more. When she was young, she was a natural beauty and I think she took that for granted because she never had to work at it. Now she seems unwilling to do anything to get her mojo back. I really don’t know what to do. I hate to think that with my life not even (hopefully) half over, that’s it for sex. Sometimes I wonder if I should just randomly hook up with someone to get it out of my system and take the pressure off my wife. I also wonder if monogamy is really natural and if its realistic to expect men to suppress their sexual feelings for their entire lives. I admit, I probably got married too young, and if I hadn’t maybe I would have chosen someone different and not be having these issues. What do you think about this?
Dear Ankur, I have one-word advice for you, emotional counselling. I’ll explain in reasonable detail. I will first address the weight issues of your wife and then the questions, concerns and doubts you have raised about your sex life and monogamy.