When the very people meant to support and uplift you become the source of your deepest pain, the world can feel like a cruel and isolating place. The dreams of a happy family life crumble, replaced by a sense of profound loss and uncertainty. It’s a journey of rediscovering self-worth, setting boundaries, and finding strength amidst adversity.
Question:
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Ma’am,
I am 32 years old, my husband is 37. I was working in an MNC. When my husband got an onsite opportunity for 6 years he asked me to come along. I left my job and went with him. Then I applied for a visa, but because of something my husband did wrong, I didn’t get a visa and returned to India.
Previously my mother-in-law used to be very dominating and always interfered in our personal matters, even though she is a doctor and a highly educated lady. My father-in-law has no option but to always support his wife. When I was in the US, my relationship with my husband was not good. We had no physical intimacy. He wanted us to have a baby. My MIL always tells my husband to force me for having a child, otherwise he’ll give me a divorce. Her perception is that after a kid I won’t have the option to leave her son and then they can torture me. My husband is not buying a house as yet, because he has the perception that I might leave him and will take half of his property.
I decided to stay in India and started working. But now my project is over and I am jobless. Since a few days, in everything, my husband is threatening me that he’ll give me a divorce. It has been 1.5 years since we are staying separately. He is in the US. This month he is coming back and saying he’ll stay in the guest house. I told him he can stay at my 1 bhk but he said no. I suspect that he is having an extramarital affair, as I have seen him many times watching porn and masturbating. This puts me into a great depression and I feel betrayed and ignored. I told him I feel you are hiding something from me, so he blocked me everywhere – on WhatsApp, phone, Facebook, email. His parents are also threatening me with divorce. Please suggest what should I do. My parents are innocent but due to my in-laws bad behaviour they are not talking with each other. I don’t know what to do.
Snigdha Mishra says:
Dear Lady,
I can understand this may be confusing if nothing else. How is your communication with your husband? As in how do you talk to him if at all? It is important that you two sit together and see what’s going on and what the future of the relationship is.
For now, forget your in-laws and what they do and don’t. The relationship is between you and your husband. He is a grown person, who can decide for himself what he wants or doesn’t, and so are you.
Related Reading: How To Deal With Difficult Mother-In-Law?
What Do You Want From This Man And This Relationship?
Not even once have you mentioned about your need and what you’re looking for. Any relationship is based on mutual trust, respect and acceptance, do you see that in your relationship with your husband? I am no position to tell you what to do, but you seriously need to weigh your options and figure out what you want from this relationship and your husband. Speak with him openly about your future.
Related Reading: I’m your daughter-in-law; not your daughter. Let’s face it!
Divorce or no divorce, what is it that the two of you are looking for? Also, why does his family keep threatening a divorce? What does he want? what do you want? Discuss all of this with him, please.
All the best,
Snigdha
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What can I do if my husband and in-laws are isolating me from my family and friends?
Maintaining connections with your support system is crucial. Try to stay in touch with your loved ones through phone calls, video chats, or visits whenever possible. If your in-laws are actively preventing you from seeing your family and friends, consider seeking professional help or legal advice.
2. What are my options if my husband threatens me with divorce?
It’s crucial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. Depending on your circumstances, you might consider couples counseling, separation, or divorce. Remember, you have the right to live a life free from fear and threats.
3. How can I rebuild my self-esteem after experiencing such treatment?
Recovering from emotional abuse takes time and effort. Surround yourself with supportive people, engage in activities you enjoy, and consider seeking therapy to help you process your emotions and rebuild your self-worth.
Conclusion
Being treated like an outsider by your in-laws and husband, coupled with threats of divorce, creates an incredibly distressing and damaging situation. It’s essential to remember that you are not at fault and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
If you find yourself in such a situation, prioritize your well-being. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for support. Set clear boundaries, and don’t hesitate to seek legal advice if necessary.
Remember, you have the strength to overcome this adversity. By taking action and prioritizing your self-worth, you can create a brighter future for yourself. Our panel of dedicated therapists is here to support you every step of the way.
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Mishra are you from Egypt?
Communication between the two is lacking here. First thing, I think both should sit down across a table and talk properly.