The effect of a decade of marriage is not really good on your sex life. Trust me. I have been there, done that. A day for me looks like non-stop work at the kitchen, at the office, at home – if I am working from home- and I also have my in-laws to take care of. They have moved in with us recently. After that when I finally retire for the night I am asleep before my head touches the pillow and frankly sex is the last thing on my mind. Sometimes I do have the urge over the weekend but then also an afternoon nap gets precedence over sex and I am off for a snooze even before my husband makes a move. But I feel really upset that even a few years back we had an active sex life but I don’t know what’s come over me and I really don’t know how to get into the mood for my husband.
How To Get In The Mood For My Husband?
This question has been on my mind for some time because I have been really unable to turn myself on. I do not want to have mercy sex, in which you just go through the motions because you know your partner wants it and you just put your body up for pleasure even if you are not into it. My husband and I used to have a fulfilling sex life that did ebb after our two children were born and after the pressures of work and family came our way, but I want to get back there. I want to feel that tingle on my skin because of his touch. I want to get into the mood for my husband. My husband wants it but I am always tired. I want to get out of this cycle and enjoy sex once again. I really want to get into the mood for my husband, pleasure him and feel the pleasure myself.
Here’s what I did recently and if you have been asking the same question as me for some time then maybe doing this will benefit you as well. Just follow this.
1. Think about sex
I have been doing this a lot recently. In the midst of a busy working day, I sometimes smile these days because my mind has suddenly gone back to a moment in bed when he said something in the midst of intense passion and it made me laugh. I suddenly felt alive again thinking of all those things we used to do when my husband is in the mood, but we have stopped doing now. I suddenly wanted to go back again to those wonderful moments. This thinking of the past has made me more interested in sex in the present.
2. Look up sex positions
Let’s face it having sex with the same person for 10 long years can really become predictable and staid. You know where he will touch you and where you will touch him and how it will end. There is no surprise there. Create that surprise element by looking up some new sex positions and new erotic techniques that both of you can use on each other.
3. Change your entire routine
If you are thinking about how to get into the mood for your husband you should think of how you can initiate sex instead of him doing it. Change the entire routine. It doesn’t have to start with kissing and go on to the next level. Spring a surprise on him and start with pecks on his stomach maybe and see the difference. Change everything you had done so far and do new things. That way you will also look forward to the whole act and he would love it.
Related Reading: Marriage and sexual compatibility
4. Don’t focus on the orgasm
This is what a long marriage does to you. You always think of doing it quickly and reaching the climax because you have a whole lot of other things to take care of (read: household chores). Take all those things out of your mind and think that if both of you don’t have an orgasm it does not really matter.
Concentrate on the foreplay and the bonding and enjoy the whole process. That way you will never think of my husband wants it but I am tired. You will be thinking my husband wants it but I want it more. Enjoy the process and don’t aim for the end.
5. Take time out to bond
Don’t think that sex is limited to the bedroom. What you do beyond the bedroom also matters. There are many non-sexual ways to feel the closeness between both of you. Have a movie date night and sit holding each other’s hands and see the impact it has on you when you get back home. Ensure you are spending time away from family at least once a week. Go to a hotel or a resort for a weekend, just the two of you. Laze in the pool and have breakfast in bed. With no chores and work to do you will get only in the right mood for your husband. I have done this a million times and this has worked for me every time.
6. Renovate your room
I have often asked myself, “Why am I never in the mood anymore?” Then I realised that maybe I found my own bedroom boring, having slept in the same room and the same bed for the last 10 years. So the moment I entered the room, sleep beckoned and nothing else was on my mind anymore.
I changed my room completely from the upholstery to the bedspread to the lights and lamps. I added some aroma candles to the corner tables and to the bathroom even and I felt I was back to my honeymoon days. The husband was also impressed with all the efforts I was putting in to get into the mood for our forthcoming nights. In a way, it set the mood for my husband too. Trust me. It turned really exciting. I felt like a different person in a different room.
7. Watch sex scenes in movies
If porn works for you then you can maybe have porn nights, but personally I don’t like porn. I, in fact, find it unrealistic and repulsive. My husband watched it before we got married but he hasn’t been able to initiate me into the world of porn because of my reluctance. Instead, I think the beautifully shot sex scenes of some films work for me better. These titillate just right and leave the rest to the imagination. My personal favourites are 50 Shades of Grey, Blue Lagoon and a host of other romantic films with equally romantic sex scenes. Actually romance in sex works for me I have realised that watching a few scenes like this through the day gets me in the right mood for my husband.
8. It’s unfair to put off sex
Sex is something that bonds a couple together and if either partner keeps putting off sex, it’s just natural for the other partner to look somewhere else to fulfil their urges. I am aware of that and I keep telling myself that I don’t really want to lose the wonderful relationship we have because I am too tired always.
I have realised that it’s easy to feel tired and difficult to get into the mood after a long day, but if you can manage it’s worth it. The headache you have been feeling would go and you will feel more relaxed and fresh the next morning. So if you can get into the mood for your husband it is all worth it. For you.
9. Try sex toys
I was always averse to using sex toys solely because I didn’t know much about it. And in India people don’t discuss using sex toys at all.
But when I was wondering how to get into the mood for my husband and wanted some advice from a friend, who lives abroad, she just went ahead and gifted me a couple of sex toys. The sheer excitement of using those made us ready for bed much before bedtime. We enjoyed them thoroughly.
Related Reading: How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex?
10. Build anticipation
You can schedule sex. That is keeping a day of the week, preferably on the weekend to make out. Then ensure you build anticipation. I started doing that by sexting. I would send a message to my hubby and he would send me back an answer and then we never realised how bizarre we could get with our fantasies. It was really fun and set the right mood. Sometimes I would leave my lipstick mark on the mirror and sometimes a note in his pocket which he said he found while he was at a conference and didn’t know how to react. This is really funny and exciting at the same time.
Not everyone is in the mood all the time. I realised too. Neither am I nor is my husband. We could be bogged down by a lot of other things and sex could be the last thing on our mind. But after I started thinking and doing a bit of research on how to get in the mood for my husband I realised a lot of things. To maintain a sex life after a decade of marriage you need to put in the extra effort. Which I did, and I am enjoying thoroughly now.