I Have To Go Through Painful Intercourse And Can’t Enjoy Intimacy

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author
Updated On: December 14, 2023
Painful Intercourse

I have to go through painful intercourse every time we make love. I have stopped looking forward to physical intimacy now because I feel such a sharp pain during the sexual activity.There is a dryness in my vagina too accompanied by pain. 

I Have To Go Through Painful Intercourse

The pain and burning sensation after the intercourse is unbearable. I had heard people have painful intercourse after menopause but with me I am suffering so much at 28. I got married at 26 and it wasn’t that bad initially although there was a bit of pain always.

Related Reading: 5 Things Men Should Know About A Woman’s Vagina 

How can I handle this pain?

I keep thinking something is wrong with me and I don’t feel like telling my husband how much he causes me pain. I feel if I tell him that then it will take away his pleasure. He would feel scared and will refrain from physical intimacy. I really want to have a marriage where even as a older couple we will have physical intimacy.

 But how can I deal with this sharp pain during sexual activity? 

Please help.

Dear Lady

Painful sexual act can be due to a condition called Vaginismus. It is a condition involving a muscle spasm in the pelvic floor muscles. It can make it painful, difficult or even impossible to have sexual intercourse. To undergo gynecological exams and to insert a tampon becomes difficult even.

Why you have painful intercourse

In this condition a woman has involuntary contractions of pelvic floor muscles which make entry of finger, penis or any object like a sex toy, difficult. When someone tries to insert his finger or penis there is an opposing wall like feeling.

A woman gets such severe pain which could even lead to breathing difficulty and anxiety.

More on Women's issue

Some women can’t have penetrative sex at all

Vaginismus can be primary or secondary. A patient with primary vaginismus never had penetrative sex in their life. Secondary vaginismus is arising after initial normal sexual act. It can be global or situational.

Global meaning every time there is intercourse a woman feels pain, whereas situational means only sometimes she feels pain.

Pain can range from mild to severe in nature and from discomfort to burning in sensation.

The pain could stem from other reasons

Case I: A couple visited me with complaints of dryness and painful sexual intercourse for a few months. They were happily married and were having regular sexual intercourse for 15 years. On counselling them individually the wife came up with few remarks.

She complained that sex had become boring since her husband was interested directly in penetrative sex. She desired to have some fondling and kissing or some talk.

Majority of middle-aged couples enter into interest free act of sex. As a result female partners do not get enough excitement and as a result less or no lubrication in vagina.

When I suggested husband to do more foreplay and insert only after enough excitement or lubrication problem was sorted out.

Case II: A newly-wed couple has difficulty in initiating sex. Both were struggling hard. The female partner visited me with blood in urine and severe burning while peeing. On examination I found out the insertion was going completely in the wrong direction.

Husband was inserting in urethra or urinary opening. In our country boys and girls are not given proper sex education and most of the time they learn from Dr Google. Both genders should be taught about their body parts as well as opposite gender’s anatomy in most scientific ways. Sexual health is a very important aspect of overall health.

How To Reduce Pain During Intercourse

As women go beyond 40 feminine hormones especially Estrogen starts declining. Sexual desire starts decreasing and the act becomes a bit painful. Dryness of vagina beyond 50 and more is due to absence of hormones completely.

A couple has to start practicing different positions which are less painful. Consumption of soyabeans in any form can help. Hormone replacement in form of body lotion, vaginal cream, body patches or tablets can be used for vaginal and urinary health.

Do not stop having sex. More you use your vagina it will increase blood supply in that area. If a couple stops having intercourse after a certain age it will further narrow down and can cause more painful acts gradually. Painless sex can be enjoyed even up to the age of 70 or so. You need to know the scientific facts and respect your body.

Rejuvenation of vagina with LASER or PRP can also help you keep your vagina young up to old age.

Hope this helps

He Knew Things About My Vagina that I Didn’t Know Myself

Marriage Counselling – 15 Goals That Should Be Addressed Says Therapist

What is Double Texting And What Are Its Pros And Cons?

Ask Our Expert