Does one need to be lucky to find love? It would seem so, given the number of people, who, after a few bad experiences with romance, throw up their hands and start giving up on love. They may rationalize, find justifications and then turn downright cynical when it comes to anything related to matters of the heart… Just because they feel love isn’t meant for them.
Frankly, they are the ones who are craving to be in love. Giving up on love might seem the logical reaction of someone who may have not found that special one yet but it certainly does not mean that love is an illusion and only a chosen few can get it in life.
Everyone – from the realist to the romantic – needs a person to make them feel complete, to share joy and grief with, and to be their partner in the journey of life. So don’t be under the fallacy that you are not ‘lucky’ enough to be in love.
Giving Up On Love? 18 Reasons You Should Reconsider
In the modern practical world we live in, love can come in different shapes and sizes. Just because it does not arrive in the package or color you want, does not mean you should close the doors on it. Maybe you are already surrounded by love, but you are not looking for it in the right place? Or perhaps you haven’t learnt to read the signs of a soulmate coming your way yet!
It could also be that you are waiting for the magic to happen but instead you need to put yourself out there and make the magic happen yourself. There is no age, time or situation for love. It comes to those who believe in it. Whether you are giving up on love at 40 years of age or feeling disheartened after a divorce or simply got your heart broken by your bench mate in school, none of these reasons are good enough to believe you will not find it again.
Just like they say, ‘magic happens to those who believe in it’, love reaches those who believe in its magic. Here are some reasons why you should never consider giving up on love.
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1. Do you have very high standards?
Unfortunately, movies and pop culture have spoilt our expectations about love. Too handsome, too beautiful, too rich, too educated, too funny… does your list of qualities for your dreamboat run long? Maybe you need to be a bit more realistic about relationships. This does NOT mean you lower your standards or compromise but when you feel like giving up on love, check whether you are giving too much importance to the superficial.
It’s not love that you need to give up on, but your unrealistic expectations have to go. Moreover, it’s time to start seeing people for themselves instead of analyzing them against a checklist that you’ve made up in your mind. The funny thing about love is that it can be found in unexpected places!
2. Step out of your comfort zone
The first rule of inviting love into your life is to be open to it. If you want to break the pattern, do things differently. Step out of your comfort zone and seek a relationship where you haven’t before. Try a dating app or joining a singles club.
If you have always dated older men or women, try going out with someone younger. When you feel like giving up on love, instead tell yourself that it might be time to change things up a bit. Don’t assume things about your likes and dislikes; give yourself a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised with what you find.
3. You aren’t happier otherwise
Feeling disillusioned and negative about relationships all the time are signs you’ve given up on love. It might be due to past relationship experiences or your own unfulfilled expectations but perhaps you need to change your attitude about the whole thing.
Has NOT being in love or closing off on the possibility of a relationship made you any happier? Are you shutting the door on someone nice because of fear? Instead of a negative mindset, why not work from a positive springboard instead? Don’t give up on love or yourself so quickly.
4. Age has nothing to do with it
Love can strike anytime – at 20, 30, 40, 50 or later! The form and expectations may definitely evolve but just because people around you have met their soul mates in their 20s or 30s does not mean giving up on love at 40 or later in life. You might just find love at 40.
At times, maturity, brought on by age and myriad experiences, can fetch you the most beautiful relationships that you can cherish for the rest of your life. So never ever put a number next to love. It’s only age that is a number not emotions. So next time you’re thinking about giving up on love at 30, 40 or any other age – remind yourself that love is timeless and your age does not have much to do with it.
5. Develop patience
The relationship journey is never smooth. There will be hurdles, obstacles, fights and misunderstandings. To assume otherwise would be foolish. A lot of times one big fight may lead to people thinking of giving up on love altogether. Don’t jump the gun so quickly. Developing patience in a relationship is the key.
Every relationship, every person and every family deserves a second chance and just because you are disappointed or have had a few arguments are not reasons to give up on someone you love. You have contributed and nurtured a relationship; give it more than a few chances. When you feel like giving up on love, tell yourself that you need to try a little harder. It’s the least you owe yourself.
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6. You don’t love yourself
The first guideline for finding love in others is to find love within. Love yourself to death first, the others come later. If you don’t practice self-love, you can’t expect others to love you. There is no point in giving up on love when you don’t believe and act as if you are worthy of it.
When you have self-doubt and low self-esteem, it impacts every aspect of your life including your relationships. Even if you do find love, you will only drive it away because of your own insecurities and inhibitions. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, look for reasons for not giving up on love. Trust us, you will find plenty.
7. You are missing something wonderful
Okay, perhaps some of your relationships didn’t work out leading you to believe that love is not meant for you. Nothing could be further from the truth. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, how about reminiscing how you felt in the halcyon days of the relationship?
That is what love is all about and if unfortunately, you were failed by one person, do not project that onto yourself or others. You learn from a failed relationship. But not every relationship has to be that way. By needlessly giving up on love because of past failures, you are also letting yourself be deprived of all the gifts that love brings. Don’t give up on love because it didn’t work out before. Because you can indeed be better and happier now!
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8. It makes you a better person
Do we need to even elaborate on this? When you find true love, a person who is worthy of your affections, it brings out the best in you. It does not matter how long it lasts, pay attention to the impact it has on you. Love enriches, enlightens and changes you magnificently.
A good and strong relationship also motivates you to be vulnerable and it’s perfectly okay to be so. We find a lot of people giving up on love because they don’t want to reveal their vulnerabilities. But you don’t realize what you are missing out in the bargain.
9. You are not doing enough to make it work
Sometimes, love needs work. Actually most relationships are built because of heaps of work that goes into them. Have you ever felt like giving up the love of your life because of external factors like say, family opposition or finances or difference of opinion? You are perhaps refusing happiness because you don’t want to invest or nurture it.
Love, especially true love, is worth saving and it will take energy out of you. You need to get over the obstacles if you feel your man or woman is worth it. It might seem cumbersome initially and you may have valid concerns whether it will last but you must try to make it work. Not giving up on love starts when you are ready to fight for it.
10. You are putting in too much effort
Yes, this might sound the complete opposite of the above point. Sometimes, when you put in too much effort on one thing, you end up losing it. This is the classic ‘law of attraction’ at work. It is natural to want love but there is a difference between desiring a relationship and being obsessed about it.
Your desperation to make things work might prove to be counter-intuitive as you might end up doing unnecessary silly things which may drive away potential lovers. You have to find the perfect middle ground to keep your relationship afloat when you feel like giving up on love.
Instead, take a break and work on yourself. Forget pining for love; let go of the obsessive need, for that’s when it happens on its own.
Related Reading: Do we love too much, respect too little?
11. You might be in a controlling relationship
‘Love hurts’ is often the complaint one hears from those who think of giving up on love. But a lot of times love fades away from our lives because we try to control our partners and become control freaks or because we are too attached to how things should be.
Have you ever tried letting love flow naturally? A relationship where you are your most authentic self and do not try to make your better half conform to your beliefs and lifestyles? Try and seek such a relationship that is real and non-pretentious. You will never give up on love then.
12. Learn to accept the imperfections
It is strange but most people expect nothing but perfection from their partners. We have an idealised notion of how love should be and anything short of that makes us disappointed. We all know that perfection is impossible to find in one person.
We are all perfectly imperfect. When you date someone, list down the qualities you appreciate about him or her. It will help you find the right person. Accept the not-so-great traits about them. If they have more positives than negatives, you will get more reasons not to give up on someone you love.
13. Learn to wait
Good things happen to people who wait. Remember that you deserve the best in life and that includes relationships. If true love is what you are searching for, don’t give up until you find ‘the one’. The perfect person will be the one who can share life goals with you, who makes you comfortable and who supports you.
Often, we settle for less than what we really want or need and then end up getting disappointed. It is an endless cycle.
So instead of dating a string of wrong people, why not wait for the right person even if it means kissing a few frogs along the way? Don’t ever give up, you deserve more than ‘settling’.
14. Love is good for your brain and mind
Never think of giving up on love because love is a need and not just a want. It has been proved over and over again that unconditional love makes people far more happier than those who haven’t found love yet. Of course, being single is a happy state of mind too but love makes your brain function differently. Being in love releases neurotransmitters that make you happy.
More importantly, it helps you lead a balanced life where your emotional and physical needs are taken care of. Subsequently, it impacts your stress and anxiety levels as well. The mental health benefits of being in love are immense so every effort you put into finding a soul mate is worth it..
15. Your story can change miraculously
Perhaps you dated all the wrong men or women. Perhaps there are enough signs you have given up on love. But guess what? All it takes is one instance to restore your faith in love. The last guy you dated might have been a jerk or the last women you went out with may have caused you grief.
But who knows, your next date might be marvelous. It is perfectly fine to be a bit wary especially if you have had bad experiences but it takes only one person to change your outlook and steal your heart. So don’t give up on love because you’re stuck in some old narrative.
That’s how love works – organically and involuntarily – turning everything you believed in upside down.
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16. Every relationship teaches you something
‘There are no mistakes in life, only lessons’. Adopt this attitude and you will never feel like giving up on love again. Every relationship – especially the ones that don’t work out – teaches you something new. It might not be anything earth-shattering but it will make you a better boyfriend or girlfriend in future.
That reason alone is enough to make you believe in love again. At times, you are handed down a bitter lesson but you needed to go through the pain to find happiness again. When you date, try to learn about the person and life instead of focusing on the outcome.
17. Love is not a destination
The biggest mistake that people make on the journey of love is to assign a result to it. When a special person enters your life, wedding bells might already be going off in your head. Unconsciously, you then try to work towards that goal instead of focusing on the present and strengthening your relationship.
Perhaps marriage might not be the ultimate destination of a particular relationship, perhaps the journey might be the most exciting part of it. Hence, give up on the end result and focus on the ‘now’ to truly enjoy the feeling of love.
If you give it the right energy and do the right things in the present, your future will happen the way you want it.
18. Life is much more than career or money
Many of us today pride in giving our all to our careers. Having a great career and work life is important and it definitely gives you a feeling of accomplishment but there is much more to life than career and money.
A life sans love can be terribly lonely and depressing. What’s the point of earning pots of money or being on the top of your job if you don’t have anyone to share it with? So if you’re noticing signs you’ve given up on love, you must do something to bounce back.
Love is what makes your life complete and the one way you can have it all is by not giving up on love or the idea of it.
Believing in love means to believe in life itself. The right person will come along if he or she hasn’t already. Focus on yourself and your growth with the thought of love running alongside.
Give it a chance, nurture the thought and watch it grow manifold. For love, whether you believe it or not, is what makes the world go around!
Never. You should never give up on love though you can give up on certain ideas if you are fixated with them. When the way you seek love hasn’t yielded results, it probably means you have to break the pattern, not give up on the idea of love.
Giving up on love means not investing any time or energy in seeking love or making a relationship work. You do not believe that you will get what you return when you indulge in a relationship, hence you stay away from forming any close bond with a man or woman.
Love lasts forever so if you truly love a person, you can never stop being in a relationship with them although they may change their form. Love can evolve and take different shapes. It’s hard to move on when you still love deeply. Attraction can give way to respect and admiration.
When you feel disillusioned by the dating process, when you fail to find anyone attractive enough for you, when you are not motivated to enter the dating ring or feel excited by anyone you meet, it might probably be signs that you have given up on love.