Is he smiling at you when he watches you at work or complimenting you much more than before? These might be signs that a man is pursuing you. When we fall for someone, we may inadvertently give our feelings away and reveal what we truly want, through our gestures and moves, without even realizing it.
My friend John was once obsessed with his neighbor Chloe. He did not know how to ask her out on a date because he was too shy, but he always did enjoy being around her. So, John would then look for ways to run into her at the grocery store or make up excuses to spend time with her. Just like that, even if there are signs he thinks about you all the time, it may not be easy for him to simply blurt it out over lunch. Interestingly, the way his eyes gaze all over you will do the talking for him.
21 Signs That A Man Is Pursuing You And Really Wants To Take It Further
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We often reveal what we feel not by what we say but by how we act. The same is true for men as well. From his body language to his sweet words, men have a lot of ways of telling you that he wants to make you his girlfriend. Perhaps he is out there gathering information about your relationship status from your mutual friends before making a move.
Maybe he is revisiting the thoughts of how to ask you out so you can’t say ‘no’, oblivious to the fact that you are sitting here pouting, “He is pursuing me slowly … way too slowly”. If you’ve ended up here because you keep googling “how to know if a man is interested in me”, well, then you are in for a treat today. We give you 21 signs this man wants you in his life for good:
1. He ‘accidentally’ touches you often
One of the signs he is smitten by you is when he loves being close to you. Grazing your knee or brushing his arm against yours are only some things he may ‘accidentally’ do when the two of you are hanging out. It could be subconscious, or he may just like touching you every now and then. But when a man has genuine interest in you, he starts speaking the male body language of attraction.
And as long as his intentions are honest, his touch is supposed to make you feel good. He may try to make the first move in a very subtle way, but he would also be sensitive about your reaction. Any moment this guy gets a hint of your discomfort, he would back off. That’s your cue to decipher whether he seriously likes you or is just lusting after you.
Related Reading: Physical Touch Love Language: What It Means With Examples
2. His posture is open around you
One of the signs that a man is pursuing you is if he takes your presence quite seriously. With his shoulders and arms uncrossed and his feet wide apart, a man is showing that he is available to you. When he does this, he is not just indicating comfort but is also expressing his attention to you.
A 2016 field study based on 144 speed-dating scenarios observed that people with expansive non-verbal postures were more likely to be picked up by the other partner, as this posture comes across as confident. So, in a way, you can say that your man is trying to play his charismatic card to charm you!
3. He smiles a lot when you smile
This is because he likes to see you smile. He is not mirroring you to make light of the situation but is doing so because your smile engages him. Your smile can be a big turn-on for the man who is interested in you. He smiles because being with you brings him joy. Here are some compliments for a man’s smile to make him blush!
4. He looks into your eyes
Looking into a person’s eyes is a sexy and underrated way of telling them that you want them. Studies prove that unbroken mutual gaze has the power to increase feelings of passionate love. A guy can go with thousands of romantic gestures to show his affection. But we think nothing beats the power of eye-contact attraction in terms of building burning chemistry between his soul and yours.
You’ll stop wondering “how to know if a man is interested in me” once you notice how strongly this guy gazes at you. Looking at a person charmingly is one thing, but making conversation with one’s eyes is another.
5. He often invites you over
Looking for signs he sees you as someone special? Keep a tab on how many calls you get from him in a week to see if you want to hang out. A nightcap after dinner may not be too serious and may perhaps be just a polite offer. But if he invites you over often to make you dinner or just to watch a movie, he might be leaning toward a bit more than just two friends having a fun time.
Let’s face it, people these days don’t have the luxury of leisure to entertain guests frequently. Plus, men only share the comfort of their house on a regular basis with someone they truly want to share it with. So, if you find yourself sipping wine at his place on a Wednesday night, take the hint: he seriously likes you!
Related Reading: How To Ask A Girl Out On A Date – 18 Tips To Make Her Say Yes
6. You feel heard
Here’s how to let a man pursue you. Give him an honest look into your life. Even if you’re telling him about a trek you went on with your friends, he will not just listen to your fun stories, but will actually care about what those stories say about you as a person. Try playing some fun ‘get to know me’ questions with him and you’ll see how intently he wants to know everything about you and how he wants to let you know everything about himself. He definitely doesn’t do it out of mere politeness but is willing to take away more from the conversation.
If this guy doesn’t go all big in his romantic acts, like going down on his knees to confess his feelings, you may think, “I know he likes me but he is pursuing me slowly”. The truth is that these silent gestures, like paying attention to a conversation or asking follow-up questions, have “I like you” written all over them.
7. He holds your hand tightly
One of the signs a guy is claiming you as his girl is when he holds your hand in public. In a movie, through a crowd, or around his friends — this act of his means that he wants you all to himself. There actually is quite a difference between holding someone’s hand lightly and holding it more passionately. When you hold it lightly, it comes from a place of fun, attraction, and simply having a good time. When he clutches your hands more lovingly, your man is actually telling you that you mean something important to him.
8. He calls you endearing names
Casual encounters do not call for lovey-dovey nicknames. A ‘babe’ here and there is understandable, but it usually ends there. One of the signs a man wants you for something more is if he already has cute pet names for you. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships confirms the hypothesis of a correlation between marital satisfaction and idiomatic pet names.
In fact, it suggests that couples married for less than five years are more likely to call their partners by pet names. Picking out adorable couple nicknames like ‘muffin’ and ‘donut’ is a guy’s way of telling you that you are already close to his heart. Now, we can’t speak for you, but we totally see it as one of the signs he is smitten by you.
9. He plans the dates carefully
Men who are seriously considering taking things further like to take matters into their own hands. They are not going to wait around for time and circumstance to do the trick.
From flowers to candlelit dinners, to a day out to your favorite museums in the city, he might just reach the peak of sweet romantic gestures to make you feel special. All the efforts and thoughts are put in solely because he genuinely wants to spend some good time with you and create wonderful memories on this journey.
10. He takes charge around you
One of the signs a guy is claiming you is when he acts all protective and responsible around you. When my college roommate Lydia asked me, “How to know if a man is interested in me?”, because she wasn’t sure whether her crush Roy liked her back, this is basically what I told her.
Call it being controlling or simply confident, you know he likes you when he likes to take charge around you and takes responsibility for your well-being. Men often feel like they need to be confident and assertive when they are around the person they like. It could be things like letting you walk on the inner side of the sidewalk or always dropping you off at home. While this is often just considered chivalry, there could be more to it and could be one of his ways to show affection to a partner.
11. Notice his compliments
When a man compliments your appearance, hair, or other things that are obvious and out there, it does not necessarily mean that he wants more from you. It could be just an observation or appreciation. However, if he compliments your innate qualities, natural strengths, and unique talents, it is clear that he sees through you and likes you for who you are. Consider it one of the signs that a man is pursuing you, and genuinely wants to take things further with you, possibly into a serious relationship.
For instance, my friend Bryan often talks about how kind his girl is compassionate toward animals. He would show his appreciation for her through pet gifts or going to pet-friendly cafes with her to show his support and admiration. If your guy too can’t stop talking about all the things that make you so special, it won’t be too far-fetched to take it as a sign he loves you.
12. There is never a lull in the conversation
When a guy is enjoying your company, he will ensure that no moment goes downhill. He will consciously make the effort to keep the conversation going and keep you engaged.
Here’s how – whenever you get on a voice call, there are no long pauses or an awkward silence. With his quirky sense of humor, he can make you laugh hard and the conversations are ever-exciting, as he takes a genuine interest in your likes and dislikes. His voice will sound deep and husky, and he will clearly be into the conversation with zero distractions.
Related Reading: Conversations You Must Have Before Marriage
13. He can be a little nervous around you
Yes, even being nervous is one of the signs that a man is probably pursuing you. So, he may stutter, be forgetful, tell a weird joke, or say something out of place. Do not fret, because this does not mean that he is awkward in his demeanor. His original personality is probably the exact opposite of running low on confidence. It could be the first-date jitters he can’t shake off. Or he might just be a little anxious in your presence because of how much he likes you and might be worried about how to impress you.
14. He tries to prove his potential as a partner to you
He brings you coffee after work, asks how your day was or remembers your favorite song and plays it for you in his car – these are the obvious signs that a man is pursuing you. It’s his subtle way of showing off that he is the perfect boyfriend material for you and will do things that people do to show someone you care.
He may even say things such as “I’d make such a great boyfriend” or “You aren’t gonna find a better guy for you than me”. See? Not only does he know that he wants you in his day-to-day life but is also smartly planting the idea of an amazing love life with him.
15. He is no longer in touch with his exes
A man who wants to pursue you will deliberately cut all ties with all his ex-flames. He may encounter them as friends, but if he has stopped reconnecting with them, his focus is clearly elsewhere – on you. He is ready to move on to a better future and has evolved from his past experiences. As a self-aware guy, he knows what he wants and is ready to go after you. A new chapter awaits him and he is happy to embrace it. You may even consider it as one of the signs a guy is claiming you because he has decided to tap out of all those old encounters and wants to be available and ready for you.
Related Reading: Is It Healthy To Stay In Touch With An Ex After Marriage?
16. He is searching for commitment in his life
Are you still wondering “How to know if a man is interested in me?” It doesn’t just have to do with how he woos you, but also what his stance is. Does he make an effort to show you that he is ready for a real relationship? If he does, then it is no surprise why the two of you are spending time together like there is no tomorrow. He wants you.
Ask yourself a few things. Regardless of your relationship with him, you must also notice whether he is individually ready for commitment or not. Is he a commitment-phobe? Does he appear to be at a point where he seeks something true, real, and long-lasting and is confident enough to talk about his needs with you? It sure is one of the signs that he sees you as someone special, and not just someone else.
17. He does not rush physical intimacy
Because he wants so much more, a man who truly likes you will never push you for sex! Unlike other men who are more interested in one-night stands, physical intimacy is not the end goal with this guy. He is happy to enjoy it whenever you initiate it. However, waiting for you to feel comfortable does not bother or agitate him.
So, one of the glaring signs that a man is pursuing you is when he restrains himself from making advances physically. And it’s not because he is not attracted to you but only because he knows he will be fine without rushing into it. Here’s a great way to find out whether he likes you or just wants to hook up! And in that case, here’s how to let a man pursue you: take it as slow as you can. You’ll savor this intimacy, trust us!
18. He dresses to the nines around you
A well-groomed man is a man with a purpose. If he consciously ensures that he looks prim and proper every time he meets you, he might be trying to pursue you. And the best part is that it comes spontaneously – he doesn’t need any specific date or occasion to dress up and look good for you. A man who grooms himself and worries about his looks is a man who wants to leave a lasting impression on you. It clearly shows he wants you to notice him badly.
19. You’ve seen all his sides
One of the signs that a man is pursuing you is when he not only shows you his perfect, winsome side but is also real about the other parts of him. It could be related to his anger, insecurities, past relationships, hurt, or conflicts. If he is willing to openly share and be his true self around you, it is because he needs you to see him for what he is.
20. He is well-versed in your social media
You will know a man is interested in you when he is all over your social media handles. And not in a ‘creepy stalker’ way that turns you off, but in a “I care about the things that matter to you” kind of way. He does not stalk your social media because he is infatuated with you and has a major crush. He does this because your social media channels speaks a lot about you. So, he likes to go through it to pick up cues about you and know you in ways you may not reveal to him in person. What could be a more obvious sign that a man is pursuing you online?
21. He gets jealous but does not make it too obvious
One of the signs that a man is pursuing you is when he gets jealous of other men in your life but does not do it in a way that is too obvious. He clearly wants the prime importance in your life and begrudges anyone who may threaten it. However, he also does not want to scare you off by getting too jealous. Since he is still trying to pursue you, he knows you are not his partner and does not want to make bold assumptions either.
How to respond when a man is pursuing you
A situation where a man is pursuing you can be either extremely flattering or highly disturbing, depending on whether he is partnered or not and how YOU feel about him. You may even sometimes desperately try looking for ways to understand how to get a guy to pursue you, because as women, we all love the rush.
If the guy in question is still a bachelor, and you have the hots for him, half our problems are solved right there. Get him to chase you all you want and enjoy the dopamine rush or make the first move, as you wish. But if the situation is reversed, as in, if you don’t fancy him, it might be a little tricky to get him off your back. So, how do you get a guy to stop chasing you? And how do you reciprocate if you start liking him? How to resist a married man you really like? You will get all your answers in this section:
Responding to an unmarried man whom you like:
- When you see him make an effort, lean in a little and reciprocate his efforts of impressing you. Spend time with him to show him that you are committed to creating a better connection
- Prep a meal for him or get a small gift for him in your free time to show him you care too. He will appreciate it immensely
- How to let a man pursue you? Reveal yourself slowly, keeping the mystery alive. It can be a little old-fashioned but does the trick
- It’s better not to let him see your vulnerable side from the very beginning or you may regret it later. Let him get to know you over time
- Meanwhile, try getting to know him better and see whether he is compatible with you as a romantic partner. Play ‘hard to get’ and see how he responds. It’s always fun figuring out how to get a guy to pursue you and testing his boundaries
Responding to a married man pursuing you:
- First of all, don’t encourage the man unless you are looking for something very casual. Play ‘hard to get’ or give him mixed signals if you are trying to shake him off
- Whatever you feel or want to do with him, make it explicit from day one
- If the guy still seems interested in his wife, it would be wise to swallow your feelings and move on, instead of getting to know later that he was never making an effort to be with you
- Perhaps cutting all ties with him or magnifying his flaws would be helpful in distracting yourself. Do not drown yourself in false hope
- Rethink if you want to indulge and keep thinking about how to get a guy to pursue you when he is married. Remember, as the other woman or the other man, you might be a part of his cheating ways
Getting a guy to stop chasing you:
- If you feel annoyed or disturbed by his cheesy attempts to impress you, just be direct and say it to his face. Don’t make much eye contact when you meet him and act disinterested
- If you see signs a guy is claiming you and you don’t like it, cut all ties and block him on social media. In extreme cases, inform the authorities and ask for a restraining order if you have to see him every day
- If he hasn’t crossed your patience threshold yet and maintained out-and-out decency, let him know politely but firmly that you don’t feel the same way
- Even if a man doesn’t speak about his feelings, non-verbal gestures and body language can give away a lot
- Perhaps he stares into your eyes, smiles a little too much around you, or holds your hands tightly because he secretly likes you
- If he pays attention, takes care of you, and does things to make you feel special, he is going that extra mile to impress you
- Compliments and nicknames are classic signs of a guy pursuing you
- If you like getting to know him too, flirt back
- Tread carefully if the man is married, because you don’t want to get caught up in something so complicated
Men could be really easy to read if you’re careful and pay a lot of attention to their actions and mannerisms. Your instincts can tell you a lot about a guy’s feelings and intentions based on his actions around you. To be sure, watch out for the signs above and you might just be able to decipher what he really wants from you.
Of course, these days it’s not easy to figure out whether there is consistency between what a person says and what’s on their mind. Still, you may check for authenticity in their countenance, because as they say: The eyes never lie. Plus, their body language, how they act and talk around you, and their expression of emotions might give away a lot about their true intentions.
Is he the one to text or call you first? Does he look for excuses to meet or talk to you? Does your presence light up his eyes? Does he never make inappropriate physical advances? Does he mention imaginary scenarios where you two are together? Does he try out cute romantic gestures to make you feel super special? Is he following you on social media? Take the hint! This dude is totally trying to get your attention.