Whether you’ve just met the guy or you’ve been going out with him for a while, trying to understand what’s really going on inside that mind of his can be difficult. One day, he showers you with attention and really listens to you, the next, all he wants is physical intimacy and he’s not shy about it. So, a hookup or a relationship, what exactly is he looking for?
Every conversation you have with him, you can’t help but feel a bond or some sort of connection developing. He probably feels it too, that is, until he ruins it all over again by sending those overtly sexual messages. Sure, a bit of flirting is natural (and encouraged), but when it gets too much, it’s clear to see why you’d end up thinking, “Does he just want sex?”
The worst part is that you can’t even bluntly ask him what he wants. It might freak him out too much, or he might say, “Of course, I don’t just want to hook up!”, which is what many men say when they’re trying to get into your pants. To help you out, we’ve curated a list of ten questions that can give you all the answers you’re looking for, without letting him know what you’re asking about. Neat, right? Let’s get into it.
10 Questions To Know If This Is A Hookup Or A Relationship
We often receive a lot of attention from hopeful men. While that may sound like a blessing to men, we know that it’s nothing of that sort. Much of the attention is just plain creepy and inappropriate, which is why most of us don’t even believe men when they claim they’re looking for commitment. It’s the reason so many of us end up woefully exclaiming, “Why do guys only want sex from me and not a relationship?”
There’s no shortage of men who pretend to love you when all they’re looking for are steamy nights. But what if you’re looking to date, and you’re tired of seeing potential boyfriends turn into people who only see you as a possibility for sex? Have you ever felt that love-making is far too intimate to be experienced with men who cannot see beyond the act? If that rings a bell, you’re not alone.
We don’t want you to feel like a trophy that a man can add to his collection before moving on. If you feel that the guy you’re talking to has a one-track mind, but his charming face doesn’t let you be entirely sure, bring out your notepads and take notes: Here are 10 different questions you should ask to help you see right through his puppy eyes.
Related Reading: What Are Body Language Signs That He Secretly Likes You?
1. What do you like about me?
Try asking the guy what he thinks of you and what he likes about you. A man looking for a hookup will rant about how appealing he finds your body and not much else. The things you like about yourself will probably be irrelevant to him. However, be a bit careful when you ask him this question. If he’s genuinely interested in you and you ask him this after just a few days of conversation, he might be a bit spooked by the timing of it all.
Once you think the timing is right, pose this question in person. It will ensure that he thinks on his feet and gives you an honest reply. If the answer is particularly disappointing, it might be one of the signs you’re just a hookup and that he’s only looking for some casual dating.
2. Why do you like talking to me?
If he doesn’t pay much attention to your personality, he’s probably going to struggle to answer this question in the first place. As with everything else, try to ask him this on a phone call or in person.
See if his response carries generic statements. Don’t be fooled if he calls you “smart” and “intelligent.” Think if he’s actually had opportunities to come to those conclusions, or if he’s just trying to flatter his way into your pants. If you think his response couldn’t be more ridiculous, you’re one step closer to answering the question, “Does he just want sex, or is there anything here?”
3. Where is this relationship going?
You might have to be a little careful with this one. If you ask this question too early, it’s bound to freak out anyone you’re talking to, even if they’re looking for something serious. Commitment issues are the bane of potential relationships.
Even so, it can be a good question to weed out the “players” from the ones who are in it for the long run. If you pose this question to a “player”, their tactics often involve trying to skirt the topic or pretending to be incredibly committed in order to earn your trust. Or, if you’re dating a player, and he’s honest, he might just go ahead and tell you that he wants sex but not a relationship.
4. How do I look?
This question helps you identify the ones with a one-track mind and the ones who, at the very least, know how to decently comment on your appearance. If he goes on and on about how your tight dress makes him want to “do things to you”, he’s basically answered the question on your mind: “Does he just want sex?”
On the other hand, if he knows how to compliment your outfit in a manner that makes you feel good about yourself instead of objectified, there may be something more here. The point of this question is to figure out which ones aren’t shy about letting lust be the motivating factor behind your conversations, and to find the ones who actually care enough to make an impression on you with a sweet answer.
Related Reading: 21 Signs That A Man Is Pursuing You
5. What would you do to me in bed?
With a bit of sexting, you can gauge exactly what his understanding of the whole process is. This question is bound to kick off a rather steamy conversation, but the goal here is to assess how he approaches it. If he’s all about himself and what he’d like for you to do to him, it could be a sign you’re just a hookup.
Allow us to explain. Someone who wants to invest in a future with you would want to make you happy, and ask what you’d be looking for during physical intimacy, even if you’re both just sexting. On the other hand, someone who couldn’t care less about your needs won’t really bother mentioning anything of the sort during the conversation.
Granted, there are some limitations to this question. It’s possible he might be inexperienced or spooked by the question, so he ends up replying in a manner that doesn’t sound too great to you. Or, he might just be a bit too experienced, and knows exactly what to say to fool you into thinking that he cares about what you want.
6. What were your past relationships like?
Guys tend to get weird when discussing this. When hunting for sex, such guys can and probably will use their sob stories to earn your sympathy. They’ll go on and on about how everything was their ex’s fault, and how they were the victim in every single situation that went down.
The final piece of his sob story is definitely going to be about how he just never got any action in his past relationship. As if he’s half expecting you to shout “aww!” and jump into his arms. Moreover, if his previous relationship ended about a week or a month ago, be certain that he wants sex and not a relationship. You’re going to be his “rebound relationship“.
7. What do you like?
No, we’re not saying that you can spot the guys who only want sex from you by knowing what their likes and dislikes are. The point of this question is to note how he steers the conversation. For all intents and purposes, you’ve asked him an innocent question, one that can be answered by listing out his favorite books and movies.
But selfish men in search of sex will drop subtle hints all over the conversation. He’ll talk about the physical features he likes in his dates, and the things he likes to do in bed. If he turns this question into something sexual or perverse in nature, it’s time to ring those alarm bells.
8. Would you come over even if my parents are home?
This question is to be asked once you’ve already established a rapport with him and after you’ve been talking for a bit. If this guy is who you suspect he is, he’ll probably put this plan on hold until your parents leave the picture. However, make sure you don’t confuse social awkwardness with slyness. God knows most of us are prey to the former, and it could be the reason that a lot of guys refuse to meet your parents so soon.
Someone who knows how to impress your parents, on the other hand, is a man with perseverance who uses your parents’ validation to earn yours. That is, of course, if the timing of it is right. So, choose the ‘when’ of this question carefully.
9. Would you go on a date with me to a place you don’t like?
“Why do guys only want sex from me and not a relationship?” asked a distressed reader from Charlottesville, who found out about the guy’s true intentions by asking this question. “I asked him if our third date could be to the play I’d wanted to see. I knew he doesn’t like plays. He replied, “I thought our third date would be on your bed, are we really not doing that?” Bummer! I actually really liked him.”
If you’re just a possible source of sex for him, chances are that he wouldn’t burn the midnight oil for you. The lover, however, tries his best to keep you happy.
Related Reading: 15 Signs He Finds You Irresistible
10. How have your past sexual experiences been?
Someone who is trying to get in your pants is going to boast about his sexual prowess any chance he gets. His descriptions of his sexcapades are basically narcissistic tales of his glory, intended to woo you. Give him long enough to talk, and he might just forget he’s talking to you and start talking like you’re “one of the bros”.
So, does he just want sex or is he really into you? Hopefully, with the help of these ten questions, you’ll have a better idea of what he’s really thinking about, and spot the signs he loves you for your body or for who you really are. In no time, you’ll be able to meet men who want the same things as you. And since they don’t mind going the extra mile for you and know how to engage in a good conversation, you’re both going to have a great time on your dates.
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