So who is the girl and who’s the boy in a same-sex relationship?

What do gays/lesbians do in the bedroom? It is a conundrum to straight people. Sexually, the choices we make in bed are fluid and naturally attributed to the love shared emotionally with our partners. The dynamics of a happy relationship ultimately determine how you love yourself and your partner sexually. Sometimes sex can just be sex and then there’s sex which is lovemaking.

There are needs we have and how all this comes together isn’t based on how feminine or masculine a person is.

Let me explain.

It doesn’t work that way

The conversation over the dynamics of a same-sex relationship are generally met with the concept of ‘who’s the girl and who’s the boy’? Heterosexual morons somehow attribute this straight concept to gay couples, too.

Sorry to break it to you straighty’s, but it doesn’t work that way for us. And the other stereotype is that same-sex relationships do not last. Again you are wrong.

How similar or different is a gay union from heterosexual relationships?

The common causes of marital strife – housework, sex and money – exist, but the difference is that in same-sex relationships we are more egalitarian in the union.

Eliminating culturally imposed expectations that straight couples endure is a precious gem that has to be discovered in that dynamic. In both gay and lesbian unions there are some issues and some ‘perks’ to be enjoyed that straight folks just don’t have available.

In a same-sex union we’re not culturally ‘assigned’ to mundane tasks associated with your sex gender, like who’s taking out the garbage, walking the dog, or who’s the cook. There’s much more freedom in designing the rules in a same-sex union, on a basis of tasks that make the relationship work. For me it also gave my relationship with my partner a certain je ne sais quoi. Sharing our roles for home and finance made our love grow by leaps and bounds.

Mind you don’t confuse that when I say love I mean sex. I’m talking about that element of traditional love, but without the fear of expression.

No gender stereotypes

A straight union has a pretty much stock standard approach where the female is the bastion of the home affairs, housekeeping, laundry etc.; the man brings in the cash. He would also be primarily the sex initiator but he wouldn’t necessarily be successful, as the female would either choose to indulge or refuse.

You might think I’m being such a misogynist with the above statement, but it’s true! Same-sex couples, however, do not have these dichotomies. If I have to unpack this using my past relationship as an example, I believe that being in a relationship with a guy gave me a better understanding. I know how to deal with another male, as we’re pretty much wired the same.

The cultural disposition that heterosexual couples carry is inherently the root of unending conflict in their relationships. Gay/lesbian couples enjoy the same amount of conflict, but have satisfaction in achieving resolution with fewer verbal attacks and a quicker solution.

If you are a straight person in a relationship or were in one, you’ll agree that you found yourself in conflicts that lead to hostile emotional battles with belligerence and domineering – I can safely say this was absent in my conflicts with my partner.

The dynamics are different

What made our conflict settle quicker? For me it was keeping a level head minus the emotional dramatics; throwing some humour into the discussion; being emotionally available, with not sitting across my partner but next to him, helping instead of exploding.

Defusing a situation quickly with a sound resolution is important for a strong relationship that can bounce right back to ‘I love you’.

The dynamic of who does what in a relationship will differ in the next relationship I might end up in – that’s if I ever do – but the point is that the balance in a same-sex relationship breaks all the rules that heterosexuals imbibe.

Break the rules, not your home, love hard, play harder, and laugh more….