When To Stop Pursuing A Girl: 21 Signs It’s Time To Back Off 

One -Sided Love | |
When To Stop Pursuing A Girl
Spread the love

So, there’s a girl that you have fallen head over heels for. All the warm, fuzzy feelings from spending time with her have added a spring to your step. Just the thought of this romantic interest makes your heart skip a beat. You have tried your best to win her affection, but so far it has all been in vain. Feeling dejected, you’ve landed here today wondering when to stop pursuing a girl and let go of this emotional connection.

The rational side of you may be telling you to just pull the plug and make peace with your unrequited love. But a voice in your head keeps telling you that you could win her over if you tried just a little harder. Which of these two voices do you listen to? The hopelessly romantic one or the one that forces you to recognize your self-worth? To ensure that you’re not crossing any lines in the name of love and don’t end up with too many hurt feelings, let’s help you understand when to give up on a girl and move forward.

The Mindset Behind Chasing After A Girl

Research shows that “men who score high on hostile masculinity may not take a woman’s refusal seriously because they believe women are untrustworthy and disingenuous … They may intentionally make sexual overtures toward any woman who displays friendly behavior, knowing that some women will refuse them but that with enough attempts they will eventually be successful in their quest for sexual gratification.” It also says, “men with poor social skills may have difficulty reading women’s cues in any interpersonal exchange, incorrectly assuming that their own sexual attraction is mutual.”

Beyond this mindset of misogyny or having poor social skills, lurks genuine confusion of many sincere men. Let’s take a look: “Often, girls hide their true feelings. So I cannot help but wonder: What if she wanted me to be more sincere in pursuing her and I had rashly given up, thinking she is not interested in me?” Niles, a 28-year-old speech-language pathologist, wrote to us. This got us thinking about the very concept of when to stop pursuing a girl.

Yes, there are many times when girls are not as straightforward as the menfolk, and at times, women send out mixed signals about whether or not they want to take things to the next level. So, then, how do you decide when to stop pursuing a girl versus when to keep trying?

As young men, understanding women, even someone you have been with for years (your sister or female friends) can get tricky. And here you have to figure out whether the girl you like reciprocates your feelings. That’s a toughie!

For more expert videos, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel.

21 Signs You Should Stop Pursuing The Girl You Like

Is it worth chasing a girl at the peril of your self-worth and mental well-being? Do you uselessly want to keep pursuing a woman who shows no interest? While pursuing a girl, you look at things from your perspective and cling to the hope that someday she will feel the same. But have you tried to see the situation from her point of view?

How to tell if she wants you to chase her is one part of the story. Some women do enjoy being chased plenty of times and will make you run circles around them. On the flip side, should you chase a girl who has given you a clear indication that she wants nothing to do with you?

In your head, you might think that she likes you and is merely playing hard to get because she wants your attention. But it is worth considering that she might not be interested, plain and simple. So when should you stop pursuing a girl or stop talking to her entirely? We bring you 21 signs to make it clear as day for you.

Related Reading: Is She Using Me? 19 Signs She Is And What To Do

1. You’re not her type

When to stop chasing a girl? The moment you realize you may not be the one for her. You might get to know her ‘type’ through her dating history or maybe she’s made it known on her social media, dating profile, conversations, etc.

You are Mr. Handsome, Mr. Rich, and Mr. Perfect, a perfect package! Every girl crushes over you, except your dream girl. Yes, it’s tough to accept but it’s simple. You’re just not her type. Maybe she likes the bad boy types and you are a soft and sincere man. Or vice versa.

In short, you may not be the type of boyfriend that your romantic interest is looking for, and that is how you know when to stop pursuing a girl. No matter how perfect you might be, she will not show any interest in you, because you don’t fit into her idea of a perfect man.

2. A girl who isn’t interested will text you formally

Should you chase a girl who barely makes the effort to talk to you or text you back? The answer is a clear no. Notice these patterns:

  • She replies for the sake of it: She doesn’t initiate conversations. And whenever you text her, her answers will always be to the point. You won’t get a consistently warm or sincere feeling from her messages. At times, she may not even reply to you. It might be because she feels nothing and doesn’t want you to think she’s leading you on
  • She expects you to get the hint: Remember, most women are coded to give a soft “no” for either safety reasons or out of respect because they expect you to be smart enough to connect the dots. So do exactly that, connect those dots, and stop reaching out to her

Related Reading: Does She Love Me? Find Your Answer In These 23 Signs A Girl Gives

3. She is always busy

Her explanation to cancel on you may seem genuine but you will get the feeling that you are just not important enough to her. You check her social media profiles only to see how much fun she has had at a friend’s party. And soon after, with another friend. And then another. You’re not an integral part of her life. And there’s nothing unfair about it, though it hurts.

The next time she cancels on you, wait for her to message or call. Let her at least send a WhatsApp forward. Wait for some initiative from her and respond to that. Check if that message gets an immediate reply. If not, she is just too polite to say no to you upfront. Move on! Remember if she cancels a meeting/date and doesn’t offer to reschedule or offers excuses without follow-ups, it’s time to stop trying to get a second date or a third, with her. This red flag is usually the most obvious one, and most people end up ignoring it.

4. She wants an emotional relationship with you

“She always comes to me for emotional advice and wants me to be around her in her times of need. Should I chase her for some time to see if she reciprocates?” Gill, a 26-year-old chef from North Carolina, once asked us. The answer is no. Let us explain:

An emotional relationship is a relationship between two people, a ‘part’ of which involves sharing and opening up about emotional baggage. But if that is the ‘only’ relationship she wants with you, and it’s not even reciprocal, then run.

She becomes needy and clingy when her life is a mess and, of course, since you are so smitten by her, you give her the attention and pampering she needs to feel good about herself. But as soon as her crisis is over, you return to the backburner. When this observation becomes clear as day, you’ll know when to give up on a girl.

Related Reading: 8 Signs You Are In A Rebound Relationship

5. Her phone is more important to her than you are

To know what she thinks about you, it’s time to pay attention to where you rank on this woman’s priority list. She says you are her friend but when she goes out with you, she doesn’t leave her phone at all. She answers all the calls, checks every forwarded message, and maybe even casually watches a few reels on her phone as if you are not sitting in front of her at all.

She doesn’t give you the basic attention that even a friend deserves. Such red flags can truly wreck your self-respect without you even noticing it. So, instead of thinking, “Maybe playing hard to get will help,” accept that this woman does not show any interest in spending time with you. Take our how to know if a girl likes you quiz to understand your situation better.

6. She is still getting over a rough breakup

what happens when you stop chasing a woman
She’s not interested in anyone right now as she’s going through a breakup

You have to give up on this new girl if you are convinced that she is still recovering from a heartbreak. That situation usually turns very messy and will leave you in a lot of pain. Two scenarios to keep in mind:

  • She might consider you insensitive: If she is not yet ready for a serious, romantic relationship and you keep sending her signals that you love her, she may find you insensitive
  • She might enjoy the attention: If she spends a lot of time talking to you after her breakup, there is a good chance she misses being in a relationship and is trying to fill a void. Or maybe she thinks she’s found a good friend. You don’t want to go through the pain of the former, and you don’t want to add to her pain in the latter case

7. She is too nice to say no to you

Most women don’t know how to handle a situation where guys confess their feelings for them. Your crush might initially seem interested and even display all the flirting signs, but in your heart, you know she is not into you. She will not be present in the relationship like you are, not wholeheartedly for sure. You may even feel that she is playing mind games with you.

You will be able to sense that she is distant even if her words say otherwise. She might be too nice to say no (or maybe a little confused about whether you’d be good for her) but you should be smart enough to understand it.

8. It’s not going anywhere

You have confessed your feelings to her, but she’s given you no reassurance or indication that she feels similarly. You ask her about it but she finds a way to neither say yes nor no. Your friendship is at a standstill and you are unclear whether your relationship with her is moving forward or backward. It is better to practice some self-awareness in this case and tap out.

Related Reading: 9 Ways To Get Over And Cope With Unrequited Love

9. She has an emotional barrier

She avoids any conversation where there is a chance of the two of you talking about a deep relationship with one another. What are her fears? What does she want from life? What are her expectations and her biggest weaknesses? What are yours? Topics that involve her personal life or conflicts will be off-limits. Nor will she ask you questions to know you intimately.

10. You are always introduced as just a “friend”

Whenever the two of you go out and meet people, you are introduced as just a friend. You may have gone on many dates, kissed, she sleeps over at your house every other night, but despite all that, her close friends have still not heard about you.

In that case, be prepared to be get friendzoned for life. Initially, you might think it’s okay. Eventually, you will blame her for wasting your time. When you stop talking to her, you’ll notice how she doesn’t even reach out to you to make conversation or make plans. Trust us when we tell you that these are clear signs of her lack of interest and a good reason for you to give up on her.

11. You are picking up the wrong signals

According to research, “Almost all of the men in the study reported that they had misperceived a woman’s degree of sexual interest at least once in their lifetime.” The study found that some men laugh it off and apologize, while others feel threatened and angry that the woman, according to them, led them on.

Here is where most people go wrong when they are falling hard for somebody. When you look at someone through rose-tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like regular flags.

  • Your fantasy is playing mind games on you: You are so lost in your fantasy with this dream girl that everything she does seems like a green signal to you. You’ll convince yourself that she’s falling hard for you because you’re no longer able to differentiate between your fantasy and real life
  • You hype up her smallest behavioral cues: You think that every action of hers is a reaction to your feelings, such as her body language or how she makes eye contact. Even an accidental brushing of hands will make you think she’s doing it on purpose. But it’s just you who is hyping everything up

It is better to rip the Band-Aid off before things get too serious and you realize that you were wrong from the start. If she wants to be your girlfriend, there will be clear signs of her interest in you, no matter how subtle. In case you haven’t been getting any such signals from the girl you’re interested in, the writing is on the wall: It’s time to stop engaging with her.

Related Reading: 11 Signs She Has Someone Else In Her Life

12. She said “no”

You should probably not even consider or ask the “Should I chase her?” question once she has already refused you. Your life is not a problematic rom-com where a girl’s ‘no’ can be interpreted as a ‘yes.’ When she refuses explicitly (even if the word ‘no’ hasn’t been used), it doesn’t mean a yes or a maybe. It means she’s not interested and you have to understand that. You know that you need to back off. If she has any feelings for you, she will tell you to stay. But if she doesn’t, it’s time for you to move on.

13. She’s been talking to other guys

You’re treating her to a brunch on her birthday, and she can’t stop staring at her phone and smiling. Someone else has all her attention, even though you took her out for a treat and got her flowers. She appreciates the effort you put in but is not as thrilled to be spending that time with you. From her demeanor, it is clear that she would rather be somewhere else with this other guy she is texting constantly.

At that point, you may feel like she is toying with your heart but “maybe my love for her will keep me going.” You even think that maybe if you try playing hard to get, she will crawl right back to you. Wake up, it is time to put an end to all of that.

14. She’s giving you the cold shoulder

When to stop chasing a girl who is not interested? Here’s a scenario for you: You’ve been trying all kinds of ways to text her and keep her interested, but it is not working out in your favor. It’s been four days since she last replied to your text, even though she’s been online a lot.

She is intentionally trying to make you see exactly what you don’t want to see — that you need to stop reaching out to her and trying to make things work. It’s time to bid adieu to this woman and find someone else to give your love to.

Related Reading: 15 Signs Of Attention-Seeking Women In Relationships

15. She prefers hanging out with you in groups

So you told her that you wanted to go see the new Marvel movie with her and her immediate reaction was, “Oh, my friend has been wanting to see it too, is it cool with you if I invite her?” This is how you know when to stop pursuing a girl:

  • You are not on the same page: It’s no mystery that this woman does not want the same things from you that you want from her
  • She is avoiding you: You want alone, private time with her to show her how much you love her, and she is willing to go to any lengths to avoid just that. Our advice is to stop convincing yourself that she likes you but is trying to hide it, and instead just accept things for what they are

16. She takes your advice on other guys

And even though it messes with your well-being, you indulge and say different things to her each time to conceal your emotions. If it is not crystal clear by now that this woman does not want to be with you, we don’t know what is. You don’t want to waste so much time and energy trying to get close to a girl who has another guy on her mind, do you?

We know it’s hard to admit to yourself that a girl you like isn’t into you. But sometimes, you just have to suck it up and say, “I’m not entitled to her love. And I deserve someone who loves and appreciates me wholeheartedly.” You need to stop trying with a girl who is trying to hit on somebody else.

Related Reading: 10 Tips To Stop Loving Someone But Stay Friends

17. She is a commitment-phobe

Every time you talk about getting into a serious relationship with her, she keeps you on the hook and says, “I like you, but I’m just not looking for anything serious in my life right now” to get away with it. Consider it a major red flag and stop chasing her right away. This makes you continue to believe that she loves you while you also continue to wait and hope that one day, she will run right into your arms.

Well, that is not going to happen, and you need to know when to back off from a girl that you are really into. She is too chicken to say ‘no’ to you upfront. Her lack of interest in you could be straight-up commitment phobia and you deserve better.

more on unrequited love

18. She is going through difficult times

If a woman is going through a rough patch in her life, that is perhaps the best time to stop chasing her and back off from trying to date her. Whether it is her job or something on the family front, her mind is preoccupied with getting those things in order first. So even if she is spending a lot of time with you, it’s possible that she is not in the headspace to take things anywhere, which is why she has still not made the first move on you. If you want to find someone for the long term, make sure they are ready for a serious relationship.

19. You just don’t know her that well yet

Interest in someone should be savored and developed gradually. We know you’re impressed with her and want to go all in, but it might be better if you start taking things slowly. We’re not saying that you need to let go of this emotional connection completely, but you could hit the brakes on wild imagination. If you’ve known her for six months or less, keep things steady. Here are our tips on how to take it slow:

  • Meet her but not all the time: Ask her to go to a book fair with you or invite her over for dinner. But there is no need to make plans more than once a week
  • Keep the texting at a minimum: Text her just enough to try to get to know her but take your time to understand this person better, instead of desperately trying to make her your partner. Focus on other parts of your life too
  • She needs to see your worth: Moreover, not all is lost if you stop pining for her. Sometimes when a man stops chasing a woman, the woman realizes the guy’s worth and starts making efforts to be with him

Related Reading: 85 Get To Know Me Questions To Connect — New 2024 List

20. She gets irritated around you

What happens when you stop chasing a woman who does not want you? You save yourself and her a lot of messy feelings. If you realize that she is getting annoyed with you a lot, it could be one of the signs she changed her mind about you and that you need to accept it and move on. For instance, did you notice any of these behaviors?

  • You sent her flowers as a Valentine’s Day gift and while you may think that was a small gesture, she was taken aback by it
  • Any gesture or gift is received with indifference now. Instead of calling you and saying she loved what you did for her, she doesn’t text you all day or even send a ‘thank you’ message
  • You know when to stop pursuing a girl when during your hangouts, instead of feeling elated, she often avoids eye contact
  • She cribs around you a lot now or keeps taking digs at you

You might think playing hard to get will solve this problem, but that is just not the case.

21. You’ve been at it for far too long

If it’s been a year or so of you pining over this woman, things might have gone a little too far. Instead of all the different things you could be doing or people you could be meeting, you’ve put all your eggs in one basket, only to receive no reciprocation. Think about why you’re running after her. Maybe the issue is not her lack of interest; it is you not being able to shake these feelings off. See if you relate to the following:

  • You feel lonely: Your loneliness is making you fixate on this person because you want intimacy badly, and you think only she can provide it to you
  • You’re scared to be alone: Perhaps all the wedding captions on Instagram are getting to you. You feel as if time is running out, which is the real reason you are chasing her and not because you want her
  • You want a sense of achievement: Think about whether you actually like her or are just trying to prove something to yourself

What happens when you stop chasing a woman who does not want you? You give yourself the time and energy to work on your emotions and feel a sense of independence. The answer to “when to stop chasing a girl” is an immediate “now” if you have been mindlessly running after her for dopamine.

Key Pointers

  • A girl who is not interested in you will take far too long to respond to your messages and never initiate spending time with you 
  • When to stop chasing a girl? The moment she gives you signs that she is not interested in you, or when she introduces you as a friend to those who are close to her
  • When you tell her you love her, she tells you that she is not ready for a relationship. Even if you thought she liked you earlier, take this as one of the clearest signs she changed her mind about you

It’s hard to give up on a girl you love, we know, but we hope that these 21 signs of her lack of interest can give you enough motivation to make the right choice. Stop fixating on her and know that you might be missing signals from someone who likes you for someone who doesn’t. She is not the one putting her life at a standstill for you; you are doing it. Remember, when a man stops chasing a woman, he opens himself up to real love which is waiting for him out there.


1. How do I know if I’m wasting my time chasing a girl?

Think of it this way. When a man suddenly stops chasing a girl and that girl does not even notice, it is indeed a waste because she was never interested or noticed the man’s advances in the first place. You, too, are wasting your time chasing a girl if she never reciprocates or, worse, barely acknowledges the efforts you put in for her.

2. When should you give up chasing someone?

There are many ways to know when to stop pursuing a woman. If she is talking to other men, never initiates any conversations with you, avoids spending time with you alone, or is always making excuses when you ask to meet her, it is time to stop running after her.

What Is Consent In Dating?

15 Funny Ways To Annoy Your Girlfriend

11 Practical Tips To Get Over Someone Fast

Ask Our Expert

Spread the love

Readers Comments On “When To Stop Pursuing A Girl: 21 Signs It’s Time To Back Off ”

  1. It’s crazy how men always have to pursue women that they’re not attracted to, because the women that we’re attracted to don’t like us, but women can get whoever they want without lifting a finger.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.