So, there’s a girl that you have fallen hard for. All the warm, fuzzy feelings have added a spring to your step. Even the thought of her makes your heart skip a beat. You have done all you can to make her see how you feel and win her affection but to no avail, and now, perhaps, you’re wondering when to stop pursuing a girl.
The rational, pragmatic part of you may be telling you to pull the plug and make peace with your unrequited love. But a small voice in your head keeps telling you that you could win her over if only you tried just a little harder. Which of these two voices do you listen to – the romantic or the realistic? How do you decide when to stop chasing a girl?
One clear sign that it’s time to stop chasing her is if your advances make her uncomfortable because then you’re crossing into the tricky territory of stalking. But what if she’s sending you mixed signals? Is it then okay to keep chasing a girl until she relents? Clearly, this can be a muddled terrain to navigate, made even more confusing by a rush of emotions getting in the way of your sound judgment.
To make sure you’re not crossing any lines in the name of love, and at the same time, wasting your emotions and energies in chasing a girl who is not interested in you, let’s help you understand when to take a step back and move on.
The Mindset Behind Chasing A Girl
“Oftentimes girls hide their true feelings, what if she wanted me to be a little more sincere in pursuing her and I had given up thinking she is not interested?” A reader wrote to us. And that got us thinking. Yes, there are times when girls are not as straightforward as the menfolk, and at times, women can send out mixed signals about whether or not they want to take things to the next level. So, then, how do you decide when to stop pursuing a girl and when to keep trying?
Understanding women, even someone you have been with for years (your sister or women friends) is tough and here you have to figure out whether the girl you like reciprocates your feelings or will like you in the future or not, that’s an even bigger toughie! Women can play hard to get and decoding that is not always easy.
What if she likes you and you do not pursue her enough? Another guy wrote to us, saying “I stopped chasing her now she wants me.” Men most often don’t understand when to back off from a girl, what is the right time to stop trying with a girl or how to tell if she wants you to chase her.
What if she is not interested in you at all and in your bid to impress her you have gotten emotionally attached and lost precious times well? What if there is ‘no happily ever after’ with this girl and all your dreams are to shatter? Would you not like to know that sooner than later? For you, she might be ‘the one’, but for her, you might never be anything more than a friend. You may choose to remain in denial but do you want to spend months, or even years going after someone who will never reciprocate your feelings? It will remain one-sided love. You should know when to stop pursuing a girl.
You might keep pursuing her thinking that she will see your sincerity and fall for you but she might be giving out signs she wants you to leave her alone. Signs you may be turning a blind eye to understanding. When you keep chasing a girl who is not interested, to her, you’d come across as a stalker she’d want to get rid of.
So, first and foremost, you need to shake off the mindset that if you keep chasing a girl, she will see how much you love her and reciprocate your affections. The idea that her ‘no’ means ‘yes’ has been glorified in far too many romantic movies, making a lot of people internalize the notion that it is okay to violate her boundaries and disregard her agency in making a choice for herself, all in the name of love.
No matter how sincere your intentions and genuine your feelings are, you need to know when to stop chasing a girl so that you don’t become a living nightmare for the very person you’re so deeply in love with.
12 Signs You Should Stop Pursuing The Girl You Like
One-sided love invokes pathos, a lover who doesn’t reciprocate our emotions seems very attractive. They catch our attention, grip our minds, and are the hardest to get over. If you have been chasing a girl who hasn’t warmed up to your advances, these feelings would be all too familiar to you. But have you thought that, in the process, you are exposing yourself to the trauma of dealing with rejection day in and out?
Is it worth chasing a girl at the peril of your self-esteem and mental well-being? Do you uselessly want to chase a girl and turn into that person riddled with unrelenting pain? While pursuing a girl, you look at things from your perspective and cling on to the hope that someday she will feel the same, but have you tried to see the situation from her point of view?
Have you read her signals that are conveying a very strong no with no chances of backing down? What if you read them but you are in denial? In your head, you might think that she likes you but is playing hard to get, but she might just not be interested, plain and simple. So when should you stop pursuing a girl? We bring you 12 signs to help you understand why you should stop pursuing the girl.
1. You’re not her type
You are Mr. Handsome, Mr. Rich and Mr. Perfect, a perfect package! Every girl crushes over you, except HER. It’s simple. You’re not her type. Maybe she likes the bad boy types and you are soft and kind. Maybe she likes her men more macho, or less so and you are the other kind. Maybe she likes her men serious and you like to make the mood light-hearted.
In short, you may not be the type of boyfriend she is looking for. No matter how perfect you might be, she will not show any interest in you, because you don’t fit into her idea of a perfect man. In such cases, whether you are crazy about her or not doesn’t matter, because she knows beforehand that it’s not going to work. So stop chasing her and move on.
If you’re wondering when should a sincere man stop pursuing a girl, this is your cue to bow out and work on recovering from the pain of one-sided love. No matter how sincere your feelings are, if you’re not the kind of guy she sees herself ending up with, your efforts of wooing her will lead to a dead end.
2. Her texts are always formal
Whenever you text her, her answers will always be to the point. You won’t get a warm and friendly feeling from her messages. At times she may not even reply to your messages. It might be because she feels nothing and doesn’t want to lead you on. Remember most women are coded to give soft “nos” for either safety reasons, or out of respect because they expect you to be smart enough to connect the dots, do it.
It is her way of saying that she isn’t interested in you. You might keep pursuing her thinking that by doing so she will acknowledge your gestures and fall for you. Sorry to break your dream, but such gestures will only give her a creep and stalker alert! These are signs she wants you to back off. So, take the hint, and stop chasing her.
3. She is always busy
How many times has she told you that she is busy? You try to make plans to meet up or hang out but she always has an excuse. Even if you try to make plans according to her schedule, something comes up at the last moment. It may even make you question, “Is it worth chasing a girl when she never reciprocates to my advances?”
Her explanation may seem genuine but you will get the feeling that you are just not important enough. You check her social media profiles only to see how much fun she has had at a friend’s party. She may have forgotten to mention that she was busy only for you. The next time she cancels on you, just wait for her to message or call or even send a Whatsapp forward, wait for some initiative from her and respond to that.
Check if that message gets an immediate reply? If not, she is just too polite to say no to you upfront. Move on! You can read these signs to know if she is into you. Remember if she cancels a meeting/date and doesn’t offer to re-schedule or offer excuses without follow-ups, it is time to run in the other direction.
4. She wants an emotional relationship with you
An emotional relationship is a relationship between two people that only involves sharing emotional baggage with one another. She ignores the fact that you like her and calls you only when she needs you. Perhaps some girl in your group has been rude to her and she wants you to be on her side. Or maybe she wants your help with a project or is feeling bad about herself.
She becomes needy and clingy when her life is a mess, you give her the attention and pampering she needs at that point to feel good about herself. But as soon as her crisis is over, you again go to the backburner. She is using you as her crutch to get over her bad phases. To understand when to stop chasing a girl, look at whether your emotional needs are even being acknowledged, let alone met, in this equation. If the answer is no, it’s time to get over it.
Related Reading: 8 Signs You Are In A Rebound Relationship
5. Her phone is more important than you are
When to stop pursuing a girl? To find the answer, pay attention to where you rank on her priority list. She says you are her friend but when out with you she doesn’t leave her phone down at all. She answers all the calls, checks every forwarded message, maybe even makes unimportant calls just because…
She doesn’t give you the basic attention even what a friend would deserve. If you try calling her in the evening or after work hours, her phone would always be busy. It could be because she is talking to someone she is interested in. You could just be a backup for her if things turn sour with the guy she likes.
6. She is still getting over a breakup
It takes longer for some people to get over a breakup, even if the past relationship was a short one. Such people are still battling their emotions and are not ready to get into another relationship. They also carry baggage which perhaps needs processing and they are hence lying low.
If she is not yet ready for a romantic relationship and you keep sending her signals she may find you insensitive, even if she likes the attention. She will definitely not think of you in any romantic way if she is not over her past boyfriend.
It is best to leave her alone as she may feel frustration or guilt over not being able to move on and always think of you as a part of her dark days. You should know when to stop trying with a girl and move on.
7. She is too nice to say no
Some people just don’t know how to handle a situation when a guy confesses his liking or love for them. She might initially seem interested and even flirt with you a little, but in your heart, you will know if she is not into you. She will not be there like you are, not whole-heartedly for sure.
You will be able to sense that she is distant even if her words say otherwise. She might be too nice to say no (or maybe a little confused about whether you’d be good for her) but you should be smart enough to understand it. Will you want someone half-hearted if you feel so intensely? No, right? That right there is your answer to when should a sincere man stop pursuing a girl.
This is a tricky one because while she may not be into you, she will not brush you off either. Plus she has no current relationship! Be smart, read between the lines, and know when you should stop pursuing her.
8. It’s not going anywhere
You have confessed your feelings to her, but she hasn’t given you any reaction. You ask her about it but she finds a way to neither say yes nor no. Your friendship is at a standstill. You don’t know whether your relationship with her is moving forward or backward. It doesn’t seem negative or is there anything concrete. You are making yourself insane, trying to figure out what’s wrong with your conversations or what’s right.
The only constant in this equation is a sense of confusion. Ask yourself, “Is it worth chasing a girl when you don’t even know where you stand with her? And this not knowing can kill you from inside. But if you feel that the relationship is not going anywhere and it has been a while, you should stop pursuing the girl.
Related Reading: 9 Ways To Cope With Unrequited Love And Move On
9. She creates an emotional barrier
She avoids any conversation where there is a chance of the two of you talking about a deep relationship. What are her fears, what does she want from life? What are her expectations and her biggest weaknesses? What are yours? Topics that involve her personal life or conflicts will be off-limits. Nor will she ask you questions to know you intimately.
Take it as a sign that she wants to keep you away from her personal space and life because she doesn’t want you to be a part of it. This is an absolute sign she wants you to leave her alone. Take the cue and stop chasing her. Stay friends if you want, but leave it there.
10. You are always introduced as a friend
Whenever the two of you go out and meet people, you are introduced as a friend. Her close friends may not have even heard about you. She considers you as a friend and may never become anything more than that.
Be prepared to be friend-zoned for life. Initially, you might think it to be okay, but eventually, you will blame her for wasting your time. Let me ask you. Did she ever say that you could be anything more? No, she didn’t. So get her point and stop pursuing her.
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11. You are picking up the wrong signals
You are so lost in your fantasy that everything she does seems like a green signal to you. Even an accidental brushing of hands will make you think that she is doing it on purpose. You think that every action of hers is a reaction to your feelings, but it is just you who is hyping everything. In such cases, it is better to confront her and ask her bluntly.
It is better to rip the aand-aid off before things get too serious and you realize that you were wrong from the start. If she wants to be your girlfriend, there will be clear signs of her interest in you, no matter how subtle. In case you haven’t been getting any such signals from the girl you’re interested in, the writing is on the wall: it’s time to stop chasing her.
12. She says ‘No’
Your life is not a rom-com where a girl’s ‘no’ can be interpreted as a ‘yes’. When she says no, it doesn’t mean a yes or a maybe. It means no and you have to get that into your head. You know that you need to back off. If she has any feelings for you, she will tell you to stay, but if she doesn’t, it’s time for you to move on, buddy.
We know that it is hard to admit to yourself that a girl you really like isn’t into you. But sometimes you just have to suck it up and say, “To hell with her, I deserve someone who loves and appreciates me whole-heartedly.”
You might be missing signals from someone who likes you for someone who doesn’t. She is not the one putting her life at a standstill for you; you are doing it. Move on, live your life and the right person will come your way when the time is right.