We Couldn’t End Our Relationship Nor Do We See A Future Together…

I am 24 years old and currently pursuing MBA from a reputed B-School in India. I had a friend studying in my class. After a few months of friendship, he proposed to me. But now we are in such a situation that neither can we think of a breakup nor can we look at a rosy future together.

We Don’t Have A Future Together

His family background is different from mine. His caste, as well as his status, is lower than mine. Since his parents were uneducated, he has many responsibilities to fulfill. Initially, he did not give much thought to all this and started showering all his love on me.

Related Reading: I Fell In Love With Someone After My Engagement

I was going through a rough phase

Though I did not explicitly mention to him that I loved him, but I gradually started developing feelings for him. I was going through a tough period in my life because I had three breakups, and I didn’t want another one. So I didn’t explicitly tell him I love him, but I do love him.

We are emotionally and physically close now

We became physically and emotionally intimate. After two months of dating, he told me that if he has to choose between his parents, who are dependent on him, and me, he is not sure he could choose me. We are sure that my parents will not agree to this alliance because of his caste and family.

We are in a dilemma

We are in a dilemma about how to take this relationship forward because we both love each other. He thinks about me and feels that if we continue now and breakup in the future, it will have an adverse effect on both our lives. I am his first love. He feels sad that he might not be able to give me happiness and comfort in future because of his low-income family conditions. We have thought several times that we should end our relationship but couldn’t do it. Please help us.

Dear Lady,

First of all, I would like to appreciate your query and want you to know that this phase is temporary and you will certainly come out of this dilemma soon.

I understand what you might be going through.

People have to prioritize

See, there are practically several types of relationships. Some people want to be in love but do not want to get married, and some people want to get married by going to any extent keeping things at stake. The difference is that they have to explore their value hierarchy of relationship. People have to prioritize what they want and weigh what’s more important to them.

Marriage is a different ballgame

In your case, first of all, you both have to see how intensely you want to stay with each other. You both need to sit down and weigh your priorities in life as marriage is not just a one-day affair. It brings a lot of responsibilities. It’s certainly very difficult to leave each other when you are truly and madly in love, but when you get married, you are going to tie the knot with the entire family.

Keeping such things in mind, your decision has to be rational and practical.

Related Reading: 5 Conversations To Have Before Marriage To Avoid Complications Later

Here’s what you should do…

I am suggesting a few points which you both need to ponder over and then resolve this problem.

1. Calm down and ask yourself that after having three breakups are you really in true love or is it just an emotional attachment to fill the void?

2. If you consciously feel you are ready to tie the knot, then you both have to sit down and understand whether you are prepared to sacrifice a lot of things if parents are not agreeing to it or will you be able to take a stand for each other?

3. When you are in love materialistic things don’t matter which means social status or strata is not going to be considered but when you get married, there are a lot of responsibilities which comes on your shoulders and you cant discount them. What I mean here is that are you both willing to take this chance?

4. If these answers are yes, then you can go ahead with this relationship. If it’s a NO, then you have to accept the fact that your journey was meant to be till here only. It’s always good to part ways amicably and on a positive note rather than carrying a confused status which will further create problems only.

A rational decision is important

Any rational decision taken at the right time prevents you from any future trauma.

Every day I come across couples in love marriages who were into a strong relationship for many years. They still love each other but can’t stay together, because now after ten years of their marriage, their priorities have changed.

And there are also couples who weren’t much interested in marriage because of some sad history in their life, but today after a few years they share a deep and strong bond of love between them.

Acceptance is the key

When you do not find any option to live together, accept that destiny has its role to play and adopt a more realistic and positive outlook towards life. Acceptance is the key.

Moreover, you can seek a one-on-one session for any further help. I shall be happy to help you.

We are available on skype and telephone.

May God bless you always!
Neha Anand