I Fell In Love With Someone After My Engagement

She is engaged through an arranged match but she has fallen in love with someone outside her caste
Fell in love with Someone after engagement

I belong to a very orthodox family. My sister and I are engaged to two brothers of the same family of our caste. We got engaged two years back. I tried to fall in love with that guy. But I couldn’t, however the guy loves me. Slowly I started liking a guy from another caste. I told my parents about him. But they are strictly against it they are not ready to meet him. They don’t believe in love. It was a shock for them that I fell in love with someone after my engagement and that too he is not from our caste.

I fell in love with someone after my engagement

My parents knew that I didn’t like the person they got me engaged to, but they told me to give it a try and in some time I would fall in love with him. But I couldn’t. My parents oppose my falling in love after my engagement because he is from another caste, and also they do not believe in love. They feel there is nothing like love. Love is a feeling for a few days then everything is gone. They are completely against an inter-caste marriage.

Seeing them so upset I had told them that I would leave the guy I am in love with and I am unable to leave him.

I know he really loves me and I also love him. And the person I am engaged to doesn’t know anything about this. Breaking up the engagement with him will also bring complications to my sister’s life.

Despite that, only my sister is supporting me. All my other family members are against it. My brother, mother and father are still in shock because they never expected something like this from me. I don’t want to hurt my parents. It’s very hard for them to believe that I have done something like this. Is it really my fault that I fell in love with someone after my engagement? What should I do? Please help.

Fell in love with someone after engagement
Parents in an inter-caste marriage Image source

Dear Lady,

Your query has different tangents to it.  I can understand the dilemma you are facing but you need to look at the larger picture. Let’s take a look at the case from different angles so that you gain some clarity.

Challenges of marrying in another caste

While it is okay that you love everything about the other guy now,  a different caste entails difference in dressing,  food habits, language, behavior and way of life. Can you adjust with these differences life long?

Four lives at stake

Your sister’s life is also at stake here. When you knew you are not ready for arranged marriages why didn’t you put your foot down in the beginning itself?  Why did you allow yourself to fall in love after the engagement?  Have you done the right thing? Please rethink.

Your parents must be shattered

Now that four lives are at stake,  your parents would obviously be tense. What you have done could have been handled better by talking to them before the engagement. It’s not about hurting them, rather it’s about acting with wisdom and tact.

Talk to all people concerned

Now,  you have to talk to everyone connected with this event and try to make them see where your happiness lies. This is not going to be easy. But please do this only after understanding what it is you really want.

Thrill of romance can sometimes spoil a prospective good relationship. Think carefully.

Good Luck

Kavita Panyam

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