What Is A Real Relationship? 13 Defining Characteristics

What is a real relationship? Is it just romantic dates and cute Instagram posts, or is there something deeper? A real relationship isn’t just about labels—it’s about connection, trust, and commitment. It is about knowing each other’s habits, quirks, and imperfections and still choosing to love and accept them. To learn more about this, we talked to California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues.

What Does It Mean To Be In A Relationship?

Being in a relationship means having someone who knows your food order by heart, calls you out on your nonsense, and still chooses to stick around. It’s about partnership, compromise, and sending memes that say, “This is so us.” But is that all? Responding to the question of what is a real relationship, Dr. Batra defines a healthy relationship as, “You’ll celebrate each other’s wins, endure each other’s bad moods, and sometimes argue about whether Friends or The Office is the superior show. But if you’re willing to communicate, respect each other’s space, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company—even when you’re just sitting in silence—then congrats, you’re in a balanced relationship.”

13 Characteristics Of A Real Relationship

Real relationships are built over time, requiring effort, patience, and mutual understanding. They involve shared experiences, deep conversations, and moments of laughter, but also the ability to navigate tough times hand in hand. If you’ve ever wondered what makes a relationship work, here are 13 defining characteristics that shape the foundation of a strong and meaningful partnership.

1. You communicate, even when it’s awkward

Good communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about being honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. A real relationship thrives when both partners feel safe to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or retaliation. Notice if you see these behaviors in your relationship:

• Listen actively and not interrupting when the other is speaking
• During disagreements, the focus is on understanding rather than proving a point
• When a partner expresses feeling overwhelmed/tired/upset, the other acknowledges their feelings instead of dismissing them, ensuring a supportive space
• You don’t bottle things up or avoid tough conversations—honest discussions strengthen the bond

This Reddit user shared how they knew they were in a real relationship: “ I know I can come to him about anything I’m feeling and he’ll talk it out with me, without shaming me for my feelings.”

2. You argue, but fairly

Arguments are inevitable, but how you handle them defines the strength of your relationship. Do disagreements escalate into shouting, personal attacks, and insults? Or do you work as a team to find a resolution? Here are some characteristics of fair fighting:

• No shouting, name-calling, or bringing up past mistakes to hurt the other person
• You use “I” statements instead of blaming: “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always….”
• Compromises are made with mutual respect, not resentment
• Disagreements are seen as opportunities for growth, not threats to the relationship

Related Reading: The Most Important 7 Qualities Of A Healthy Relationship

3. You make plans beyond next week

A serious relationship involves long-term thinking and shared goals and dreams. If your partner envisions a future with you, it’s a sign of commitment. Here are some signs, as per Dr. Batra, that say you’re in it for a long ride:

• Conversations about the future naturally include both of you
• You can plan vacations, big events, or even future living arrangements without hesitation
• You both set goals as a couple

4. You introduce each other proudly

If your partner is serious about you, they wouldn’t want to keep you a secret. On the contrary, they would be proud and show you off to their family and friends. They gladly take you to events as a plus one instead of making excuses. 

Nancy, a 24-year-old graphic designer, shares, “My boyfriend is a social butterfly and is often invited to parties. He loves taking me with him to these parties and introducing me to his friends. The way he showers me with compliments in front of them makes me feel so loved. When I used to say I want a real relationship, this is what I meant.”

Related Reading: Secure Relationships – What Are They And What Do They Look Like?

5. You feel safe being yourself

What is a relationship if not feeling comfortable enough to be your unfiltered self and not having to pretend or act differently to be loved, be it your:

• Ugly laughs
• Weird habits
• Or random shower thoughts

If you know they love you for who you truly are, not just an idealized version of you, and there’s mutual acceptance of flaws and imperfections, that is one of the signs of a healthy relationship.

6. You support each other’s goals

A strong relationship encourages growth, not limits it. So, if you’re wondering whether you’re in a serious relationship, notice if your partner:

• Supports your career, passions, and personal ambitions
• Celebrate your wins, no matter how big or small
• Not feel threatened by your achievements
• Gives you space to grow individually while still growing together in the relationship

7. You’re comfortable in silence

Real intimacy means you don’t always need words to feel connected. You can sit in comfortable silence without awkwardness, whether it’s:

• Watching a sunset
• Driving together
• Or simply sitting on the couch reading

There’s no pressure to entertain each other or fill every moment with conversation—your presence alone is enough. This level of ease shows an unspoken understanding and emotional safety in the relationship.

8. You don’t play mind games

Healthy relationships don’t involve manipulation, jealousy, or unnecessary tests. You don’t have to worry about any mind games like:

• Waiting hours to reply just to seem busy
• Playing hard to get
• Or making each other jealous to elicit a reaction

Dr. Batra shares, “When there’s transparency and honesty in the relationship, it eliminates unnecessary drama, creating a stress-free and secure environment. The communication flows naturally, instead of being seen as a power struggle.” A real relationship values emotional safety over mind games, ensuring that both people feel appreciated rather than insecure.

9. You respect each other’s space

Love doesn’t mean being inseparable—it means balancing relationship needs with individuality. A strong relationship allows both partners to maintain their independence while still being deeply connected. So, do you see these behavior patterns in your relationship?

• Encouraging alone time and personal hobbies
• Recognizing that time apart can strengthen the relationship
• No guilt-tripping or resentment when one person needs space

Dr. Batra says, “Independence within a relationship makes it stronger. When both individuals can thrive on their own, they bring their best selves into the partnership. Respecting each other’s space fosters a relationship based on trust and confidence rather than insecurity and dependency.”

Related Reading: 9 Examples Of Mutual Respect In A Relationship

10. You laugh a lot

Shared laughter creates strong emotional bonds and lightens even the toughest situations. It’s one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to strengthen a relationship. This connection can take the form of:

• Inside jokes
• Playful teasing
• Banter
• A unique language only you and your partner understand
• And, most importantly, light-hearted jokes during stressful times to lighten up the mood 

Dr. Batra shares, “A relationship filled with joy and humor is resilient. Couples who laugh together often experience deeper emotional intimacy. Laughter creates cherished moments of happiness, making even the most mundane activities feel special when shared with the right person.” It’s not just about having fun—it’s about finding joy in each other, making life’s journey enjoyable and meaningful together.

11. You trust each other fully

Without trust, a relationship is built on shaky ground. And this trust can manifest in several ways. For example, if there’s no urge to snoop through each other’s phones or if you can make time and go out with your friends (of any gender) without any raised eyebrows from your partner, these are all signs of a healthy relationship.

This Reddit user shared a list of all the green flags she found in her partner, “I didn’t even realise it was happening – probably because I wasn’t used to seeing green flags…It wasn’t until I looked back and paid real close attention that I saw all the green flags. I felt emotionally safe with him. We could talk about anything and feel no judgment. He was trustworthy. If he said he would, he would.

12. You handle tough times together

A real relationship isn’t just about enjoying the good times—it’s about standing by each other when things get hard. Life is full of challenges, and the strength of a relationship is often revealed during difficult moments. You don’t run away when things get hard; instead, you work through problems as a team, knowing that struggles are temporary but your bond is enduring. You support each other through stress, grief, and uncertainty, offering emotional reassurance and practical help.

13. You feel at home with them

At the end of the day, love is about peace, not just passion. So pay attention if your partner’s presence makes you feel safe and comfortable. Are you constantly feeling a sense of anxiety over your partner getting upset over something or simply losing feelings and walking away? Or do you feel calm and content after snuggling up to them after a long day? This calmness is a major sign of true love.

This Reddit user put it very beautifully, “I thought I had no feelings for him till I realized real healthy for me is calm, not anxious”

Are You Ready For A Real Relationship?

We’ve answered all your questions like, “What is a real relationship?” “What does it mean to be in a relationship?”, and how you can identify one. But let us also tell you that not all people can be part of a committed relationship. Many people desire love, but not everyone is truly prepared to give the commitment and required effort in a relationship. So, how do you know if you’re ready? Here are some signs, as per Dr. Batra:

• You are emotionally available: If you’re still healing from a past relationship or unsure about what you want, you may not be ready to fully invest in someone else
• You value consistency over excitement: A serious relationship isn’t just about chemistry; it’s about showing up every day, even when the initial spark fades
• You can handle disagreements maturely: If you avoid conflict or struggle to communicate during tough moments, you may need to work on personal growth before diving into a committed relationship
• You don’t expect a partner to “fix” you: Relationships provide support, but they are not a substitute for self-love and self-improvement
• You’re clear about your relationship needs and expectations: If you find yourself constantly “seeing where it goes” but panicking when deeper conversations arise, it may be time to reflect on what you truly want

How to build a strong relationship

Building a meaningful relationship takes time, effort, and intentionality. Here are some tips on what makes a relationship work and how to build a strong bond:

• Communicate openly and honestly: Express feelings, thoughts, and concerns without fear of judgment
• Foster trust and reliability: Show up consistently and honor commitments to strengthen mutual trust
• Prioritize quality time together: Spend meaningful moments together to deepen the connection
• Respect differences and personal growth: Allow room for individuality while growing as a couple
• Support each other’s goals and dreams: Encourage your partner’s ambitions and celebrate their successes
• Handle conflicts with maturity: Disagreements are inevitable, but resolving them with respect is key
• Keep the romance alive: Small gestures, surprises, and appreciation keep the love fresh and exciting

Final Thoughts

What is a real relationship? It’s not just about being together, it’s about growing together. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual effort. If you recognize these healthy relationship characteristics in your own love life, congratulations! If not, it might be time for a serious conversation. At the end of the day, what is the meaning of love in a relationship? It’s not just about emotions—it’s about commitment, understanding, and putting in effort in a relationship. True love should feel like home—safe, comfortable, and filled with care.

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