Do we even care to find out what men want?
I’ve encountered many articles, blogs, discussions, talk shows, movies and even stand-up comedy routines on ‘What Women Want’, but hardly anything that touches on ‘What Men Want’. I guess what men want from women is considered too obvious to warrant even cursory attention, and too predictable and pedestrian for magazines to waste column space on.
The art of knowing, understanding and enjoying each other’s company, establishing a mental connection and celebrating each other’s sensual physicality is alien to most people today. The joint family system earlier and conflicting work timings, stress and career pursuits today preclude the time and exclusivity that such intimate moments deserve.
Sex is now a rushed act
Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma’am! And when procreation results, the euphoria glosses over all the missing aspects of the intimate union. The world is none the wiser and the couple don’t know any better.
Sex education at school is just diagrammatic explanations of male and female genitalia. Then there is ‘advanced learning’ from the freely available porn online, that corrupts the mind with absolutely wrong notions, interpretations and expectations of sex.
Marriage is just a contract that legally binds men and women
It doesn’t guarantee perpetual attraction to each other. Both need to work at it continually. It’s true that familiarity breeds contempt. It’s a very common rut that long married couples fall into. Personal space and privacy become irrelevant. Nudity loses its sensual value; intimate moments are killed by family gossip and the indiscretion of unflattering and gross personal hygiene habits in each other’s presence. Why and how did the meaning and perception of attractiveness change? Or doesn’t it matter any more?
When you don’t feel the need to put in any effort to attract the attention of your partner, the longing, the sensuality, the passion is lost. Married men and women seldom bother to keep in shape (health wise, or figure wise). There isn’t much interest among women to groom themselves or wear sexy lingerie or ensembles with the same intent as before. Do they ever consider looking and feeling sexy at home? All that hard work and time and money…for what? Who to attract? Now that they have a mate, the basic needs of food, shelter and security are taken care of, there is no real reason to pump up those pheromones again.
Contrary to popular belief, a man does not think of sex as just intercourse
It’s simply the unfortunate reality for most Indian couples. Men by design can climax for relief. We do it because we can, not because that’s what we want.
Sex without passion or sensuality is just a physical act.
So what do we men want?
We aren’t as good at sharing our thoughts and feelings as women are. It is not deliberate, nor is it because our love/respect/priority for women is any less. That’s just how we are wired. So if we look confused when women coo, “What are you thinking?” that’s probably because we are.
We notice women instinctively. We appreciate good looks. It doesn’t mean we’re itching to stray. If women impose guilt on us for trivialities, they’re only encouraging clandestine behaviour. Help us to be open. We want women to stay our friends, not metamorphose into a chaperone in presence of other women.
We love to watch sports on TV, play golf on holidays and read the newspaper with the morning tea. We want women to understand that we love them just as before and these aren’t replacing or ignoring their presence. Of course we can do without these, but it’s like heating the bath water – you may do without it, but it feels good with it. Women must demand our time and attention because they need it and when they want it, not simply because they miss it.
Roses and candles aren’t always necessary for a romantic night out. Just leave out the serious talk. No gossip and no family talk. It just doesn’t work when we look at women adoringly and they mention the mother-in-law!
We want back the passion and the mutual longing. Bring back the mystery when women undress, tantalise with little lace wonders, surprise us in bed. It doesn’t matter how women look – fat, thin, dark, pale, tired, grey, wrinkled; we just don’t care. But women must make an effort to boost their sex appeal. It makes us feel wanted, desired.
And that is just what we men want.
What do men want?
Join the discussion here: What does a man look for in a relationship?