How To Use Words Of Affirmation As A Love Language?

does he love me

At the beginning of every relationship, love is exhilarating and endless, and so are words of affirmation. It all feels so easy and dreamy and you’re still in what we call the honeymoon phase. Using words of affirmation as a love language comes easily. Your partner seems to be perfect, you effortlessly feel loved, and everything you do screams how much you love them. For some people, this phase lasts a couple of months or even years, but eventually, this honeymoon phase starts receding and reality finally hits.

It’s necessary to practice the words of affirmation love language because, as time passes, every relationship goes through turbulence. You start noticing your partner’s flaws and annoying traits, and before you know it, true love starts to take a backseat. You start to feel as if true love is a lie or a myth. But one needs to understand, true love is constant work. You have to invest physically, mentally and emotionally into it, to make it work. And to make sure you feel loved or your love is conveyed to your partner, you need commitment, understanding and effective communication. In order to achieve all this, one needs to work on honing the words of affirmation love language.

It might seem like a joke but it does work magic in relationships. The words of affirmation and love language are part of the way you speak. So one needs to inculcate and practice words of affirmation love language in their daily routine. Regardless of gender, positive words of affirmation for her or him are always going to be welcome.

So, how do you incorporate the affirmation love language in your relationship? We bring you the answer in consultation with psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

What Are Words Of Affirmation Know From The Expert

Words of affirmation are written or spoken words that uplift, empathize and show support to your partner. It is one of the five love languages which specify a certain way of giving and receiving love in a relationship.

Dr. Bhonsle believes that words of affirmation as a love language are one of the most desirable ways of showing affection. “Using words of affirmation love language brings relief from the nagging burden that human beings carry. From the time we are born until we are dead, we are constantly shaped and molded by society. Very often people don’t know who they actually are. 

“Even worse, people carry guilt and self-doubt because that’s how they have been made to feel. It’s as if they are carrying a heavy bag which is filled with self-indictment: I am the problem, I am quarrelsome, I am an issue for people, society and office; much like carrying an invisible backpack of emotional baggage. So when you speak words of affirmation it’s like someone has offered to help you carry some of that load. Offering words of affirmation is like giving a gift of appreciation that helps lighten this load.”

Related Reading: The 5 Types Of Love Languages And How To Use Them For Happy Relationships

Furthermore, Dr. Bhonsle explains everyone is trying to make you palatable for their own journey. The desire to preserve yourself to outlast dubious circumstances is a primary instinct every human being has. By fortifying or adding, you are reminding them that they have been carrying this burden for too long now and that it is good to let it down sometimes.

What Are The Five Love Languages

Before we go deeper into understanding the significance of words of affirmation as a love language, let us take a quick glance at the love languages. We all have different ways we express and expect love. And these ways are called love languages. For a relationship to cruise through turbulences and sustain longevity, it is important to understand and communicate the love language that you speak. Likewise, it is important to interpret and speak your partner’s love language. 

In his famous book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman has condensed his learning from his years of experience into five love languages.

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Acts of service
  4. Gifts
  5. Physical touch

Signs Your Love Language Is Words Of Affirmation

If you or your partner value communication and words more than other gestures in your relationship, it is highly likely that your love language is words of affirmation. As we go further into this piece, we will help you understand how you can use this love language to add new colors to the canvas of your relationship. Here are some signs that will help you determine if words of affirmation is your love language:

  1. You are thrilled when you hear compliments and words of praise
  2. You love it when people say they value your existence in their lives and that they care about you
  3. You are a sucker for expressions of love and romance through words

Words Of Affirmation As A Love Language

In modern relationships, love languages are an important aspect of showing your partner that you care for them. Especially with the growing distance between people due to their work pressures and distractions such as social media, using words of affirmation as a love language with one’s partner/spouse has become more vital than ever.

Words of affirmation as a love language are essentially verbal affirmations of your emotions and feelings. To be precise, the words of affirmation love language include loving and encouraging words as well as compliments, romantic quotes/poems, kind remarks, and appreciation. Using positive words of affirmation to convey to your partner what you feel for them is known as one of the simpler yet healthier practices as all it requires is communication.

Infographic - How to use words of affirmation as a love language
Tips on how to use words of affirmation as a love language

Examples Of Words Of Affirmation

With more than 35 years of experience, Dr. Gary Chapman – a marriage counselor has heard it all. Chapman says, “Everyone I have counseled had a ‘love language,’ a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. I also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.”

Out of all the five love languages, words of affirmation as a love language are the simplest yet the most important in a relationship. Below are a few examples of words of affirmation:

1. I love you

2. You are so special to me

3. You inspire me to….

4. I really appreciate you when you do….

5. I feel so loved when you…

6. I am proud of you for always trying…

7. Thank you for being a wonderful listener

8. I hope you know how much you mean to me

Related Reading: How To Say “I Love You” In 10 Different Languages?

9. I love that I can be myself with you

10. You’re so kind

11. I love how well you understand me

12. Thank you for being in my life

13. I’m sorry I hurt you

14. You’re such a good lover

15. We make a great team

16. I’m so lucky to be with you

17. You look amazing!

18. You make my heart sing

19. I couldn’t do this without you

20. I trust you

21. I believe in you

22. I need you

23. You’re just perfect for me

24. I love our life together

Tips On How to Speak This Love Language

“I go to work at around 11 am, while my husband goes to work at around 5 am. When I wake up, I find a sticky note next to my bedside which says, ‘You’re the best thing that has happened to me, I love you.’ This happens every morning and it just makes me feel loved and makes my day,” says Ashley (32), a chartered accountant.

Talk about a positive word of affirmation! Leaving a sweet note for your partner by the bedside, on the kitchen counter or in their office bag is one of the many ways love affirmations can be expressed.

Dr. Bhonsle says, “Don’t hold back with the people you genuinely care about. Express it while everyone is still healthy and alive and coherent in the way they think. Do it sooner rather than later, life is not endless, people die, fall ill, go to different countries, they go through a personal crisis. Like the Nike slogan says, “Just do it.” There is no “How?” when offering words of affirmation, it is only a matter of will you or won’t you. Words of affirmation love language is a psychological antiseptic to the pain and confusions of being human.”

If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation then you will have to find ways to communicate to them using words of love affirmations too. We bring you a few tips on how to speak words of affirmation love language:

1. Be authentic

If your partner’s primary love language is words of love affirmation, then you have to make sure that when you use words of affirmation you’re authentic. Because your partner might have a nose for false platitudes and might feel you are faking your emotions.

June and Jessica have a ritual of kissing each other every morning as they leave for work. They kiss, they look each other in the eye while embracing each other, and they say, “I love you, babe!” It’s cheesy, but the authenticity of looking into each other’s souls as they speak the words of affirmation is what makes all the difference. For those few moments, there is just love and them, and nothing else.

2. Be empathetic

Being empathetic is very important, and conveying this empathy through words of affirmation and love language is equally important. If your partner is feeling low, then use words of affirmation to tell them that you acknowledge their feelings and that you’re there for them.

“I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time at work. I love you and I am here for you” is one of the examples of words of affirmation that will become a source of their strength during a trying time.

Related Reading: How To Write A Love Letter | Tips, Ideas, And Examples

3. Show your appreciation

We all need to hear words of appreciation, no matter what we do. In a relationship, it’s important that appreciation and acknowledgment are practiced every day. Using positive words of affirmation will help your partner thrive. So, the use of positive words of affirmation in a love language must be put to practice every day.

Beth and Randal were having a pretty nasty fight about how Randal was never home and how Beth had to take up all the responsibility for the kids. Shots were being fired from both sides and the situation was escalating rapidly until Randal blurted out something unusual. In the heat of the moment, he said, “Beth you are a superhero with the way you manage everything, I am working on being more like you, but it’ll take time.”

This statement was like a beautiful flower thrown at the enemy instead of a bullet. Innocently he neutralized the whole situation because he spoke in the love language she understood, words of affirmation.

4. Say “I love you” a lot

“My boyfriend says ‘I love you’ all the time. Initially, I used to find it tiring but now I have gotten used to it and started loving it. I love the fact that my boyfriend uses the words affirmation love language to make me feel loved every five minutes,” says Nichole (23) student.

If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, then they too will never get tired of hearing ‘I love you.’ So make sure you keep dropping it every now and then and make their heart skip a beat.

5. Mail them a letter

This one is my personal favorite. I know, I know! Who wants to write a letter when we can just send a text or email? Right?! But trust me nothing can make you feel as special as a handwritten letter from your loved one. The fact that you took out time to write words of affirmation in a letter will take your partner by surprise and it could be the beginning of something special.

Harry was on a camping trip and was gonna be gone for a couple of weeks. Andy had been loathing this time as the absence of cell reception had made communication impossible. One morning he received a postcard from the mountains with the message being, “I wish you were here as I sit here by the cliff thinking of you, H”. Andy could only smile as it acted as a reassurance that his partner was thinking about him even when they were apart.

Related Reading: 10 Signs You’re In A Committed Relationship

6. Post-it notes

Sticky notes are one of the best inventions, I must say, especially when you have positive words of love affirmations on them. They become something you never want to get rid of. It always feels good to leave little notes or words of affirmation of your love language on posts in your bedroom, kitchen, living room, study table, or even the bathroom mirror.

Take a leaf out of Meredith and Derek’s love story – they said ‘I do’ with a post-it. Y’all can surely use it to say ‘I love you’ – and scribble your love affirmations for each other as often as you can. 

7. Give them a shout out

It’s important to appreciate each other’s looks and achievements. Make sure to pay compliments to your partner through positive words of affirmation in front of other people. Tell them how proud you are and that you appreciate using the right, positive words of love affirmation. Don’t overdo it and embarrass your partner though. Keep it plain and simple, which will touch your partner’s heart in many ways. It’s a great way to fill your partner’s love tank.

If you are taking the time to read this, make a move now and put this into practice. Use words of affirmation as your love language and bring more happiness to your partner’s life. It doesn’t hurt to support, compliment, appreciate and show gratitude and love verbally to your partner. The more you communicate, the more healthy and emotionally satisfying love relationships you will endure. And once you start to do it, don’t forget to applaud yourselves for embarking on the path of making words of affirmation your love language.

FAQ’s

1. What are the 5 love languages of affirmation?

The five different types of love languages are defined as quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

2. Are words of affirmation bad love language?

No, not at all! One must remember that a person whose love language is words of affirmation love language is someone who is very attentive and remembers even the smallest details about you. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like attention coming from their partners.

3. How do you love someone who needs words of affirmation?

You need to up your word skills — it’s all about wordplay! Appreciate, compliment, show gratitude, be proud and be vocal. Express as much as you can and be honest and genuine about it.

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