At the beginning of every relationship, love is exhilarating and endless, and so are words of affirmation. It feels easy and dreamy and you’re still in what we call the ‘honeymoon phase’. Using words of affirmation like ‘I love you’ comes easily. Your partner seems to be perfect, you effortlessly feel loved, everything you do screams how much you love them. For some people, this phase lasts a couple of months or even years, but eventually, this honeymoon phase starts receding and reality finally hits.
It’s necessary to practice the words of affirmation love language because, as time passes, every relationship goes through turbulence. You start noticing your partner’s flaws, annoying traits and before you know it, true love starts to take a leap out of the window. You start feeling like true love is a lie or a myth. But one needs to understand, true love is constant work. You have to invest physically, mentally and emotionally into it, to make it work. And to make sure you feel loved or your love is conveyed to your partner, you need commitment, understanding and effective communication. In order to achieve all this, one needs to work on honing the words of affirmation love language.
It might seem like a joke but it does work magic in relationships. The words of affirmation love language is a part of the way you speak. So one needs to inculcate and practice words of affirmation love language in their daily routine. Regardless of gender, positive words of affirmation for her or him are always going to be welcome.
So, how do you incorporate the affirmation love language in your relationship? We bring you the answer in consultation with psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D, PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
What Are Words Of Affirmation?
Words of affirmation are written or spoken words that uplift, empathize and show support to your partner.It is one of the five love languages which specify a certain way of giving and receiving love in a relationship.
Dr. Bhonsle believes that words of affirmation love language is one of the most desirable ways of showing affection. “Using words of affirmation love language brings relief from the nagging burden that human beings carry. Ever since we are born until we are dead, we are constantly shaped and moulded by society. Very often people don’t know who they actually are.
“Even worse, people carry guilt and self doubt because that’s how they have been made to feel. So when you offer words of affirmation it’s like someone has offered to carry the heavy bag which is filled with self-indictment: I am the problem, I am quarrelsome, I am an issue for people, society and office. It’s like carrying an invisible backpack of emotional baggage. Offering words of affirmation is like giving a gift of appreciation that helps lighten this load.”
Furthermore, Dr. Bhonsle explains everyone is trying to make you palatable for their own journey. The desire to preserve yourself to outlast dubious circumstances is a primary instinct every human being has. By fortifying or adding, you are reminding them that they have been carrying this burden for too long now and that it is good to let it down sometimes.
Words Of Affirmation As A Love Language
In modern relationships, love languages are an important aspect of showing your partner that you care for them. Especially with growing distance between people due to their work pressures and distractions such as social media, using words of affirmation as a love language with one’s partner/spouse has become more vital than ever.
Words of affirmation as a love language is essentially a verbal affirmation of your emotions and feelings. To be precise, the words of affirmation love language includes loving and encouraging words as well as compliments, romantic quotes/poems, kind remarks, appreciations. Using positive words of affirmation to convey to your partner what you feel for them is known as one of the simple yet healthy practices as all it requires is communication.
Examples Of Words Of Affirmation
With more than 35 years of experience, Dr Gary Chapman – a marriage counselor has heard it all. Chapman says, “Everyone I have counseled had a ‘love language,’ a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. I also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.”
Out of all the five love languages, words of affirmation as a love language is the simplest yet the most important in a relationship. Below are a few examples of words of affirmation:
1. I love you
2. You are so special to me
3. You inspire me to….
4. I really appreciate you when you do….
5. I feel so loved when you…
6. I am proud of you for always trying…
7. Thank you for being a wonderful listener
8. I hope you know how much you mean to me
Related Reading: How To Say “I Love You” In 10 Different Languages?
9. I love that I can be myself with you
10. You’re so kind
11. I love how well you understand me
12. Thank you for being in my life
13. I’m sorry I hurt you
14. You’re such a good lover
15. We make a great team
16. I’m so lucky to be with you
17. You look amazing!
18. You make my heart sing
19. I couldn’t do this without you
20. I trust you
21. I believe in you
22. I need you
23. You’re just perfect for me
24. I love our life together
Tips On How to Speak This Love Language
“I go to work at around 11 am, while my husband goes to work at around 5 am. When I wake up, I find a sticky note next to my bedside which says, ‘You’re the best thing that has happened to me, I love you.’ This happens every morning and it just makes me feel loved and makes my day,” says Ashley (32), a chartered accountant.
Now that is a positive word of affirmation. Leaving a sweet note for your partner by the bedside, on the kitchen counter or in their office bag is one of the many ways love affirmations can be expressed.
Dr. Bhonsle says, “Don’t hold back with the people you genuinely care about. Express it while everyone is still healthy and alive and coherent in the way they think. Do it sooner rather than later, life is not endless, people die, fall ill, go to different countries, they go through personal crisis. Like the Nike slogan says, ‘Just do it.’ There is no “How?” when offering words of affirmation, it is only a matter of will you or won’t you. Words of affirmation love language is a psychological antiseptic to the pain and confusions of being human.”
If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation then you will have to find ways to communicate to them using words of love affirmations. We bring you a few tips on how to speak words of affirmation love language:
1. Be authentic
If your partner’s primary love language is words of love affirmation, then you have to make sure that when you use words of affirmation you’re authentic. Because your partner might have a nose for false platitudes and might feel you are faking your emotions.
2. Be empathetic
Being empathetic is very important, conveying this empathy through words of affirmation love language is equally important. If your partner is feeling low, then use words of affirmation to tell them that you acknowledge their feelings and that you’re there for them.
“I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time at work. I love you and I am here for you” is one the examples of words of affirmation that will become a source of their strength during a trying time.
Related Reading: How To Write A Love Letter | Tips, Ideas, And Examples
3. Show your appreciation
We all need a certain kind of appreciation, no matter what we do. In a relationship, it’s important that appreciation and acknowledgment is practiced every day. Using positive words of affirmation will help your partner thrive. So such use of positive words of affirmation in a love language must be put to practice every day.
4. Say “I love you” a lot
“My boyfriend says ‘I love you’ all the time. Initially, I used to find it tiring but now I have gotten used to it and started loving it. I love the fact that my boyfriend uses the words affirmation love language to make me feel loved every five minutes,” says Nichole (23) student.
If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, then he/she will never get tired of hearing ‘I love you.’ So make sure you keep dropping it every now and then, and make their heart skip a beat.
5. Mail them a letter
This one is my personal favorite. I know I know! Who wants to write a letter when we can just send a text or email? Right?! But trust me nothing can make you feel as special as a handwritten letter from your loved one. The fact that you took out time to write words of affirmation in a letter will take your partner by surprise and it could be the beginning of something special.
Related Reading: 10 Signs You’re In A Committed Relationship
6. Post-it notes
Sticky notes are one of the best inventions, I must say, especially when you have positive words of a love affirmations on them. They become something you never want to get rid of. It always feels good to leave little notes or words of affirmation of your love language on post in your bedroom, kitchen, living room, study table or even the bathroom mirror.
Take a leaf out of Meredith and Derek’s love story – they said ‘I do’ with a post-it. Y’all can surely use it to say ‘I love you’ – and scribble your love affirmations for each other as often as you can.
7. Give them a shout out
It’s important to appreciate each other’s looks and achievements. Make sure to pay compliments to your partner through positive words of affirmation in front of other people. Tell them how proud you are and that you appreciate using the right positive words of love affirmation. Don’t overdo it and embarrass your partner though. Keep it plain and simple, which will touch your partner’s heart in many ways. It’s a great way to fill your partner’s love tank.
If you are taking the time to read this, make a move now and put this into practice. Use words of affirmation as your love language and bring more happiness to your partner’s life. It doesn’t hurt to support, compliment, appreciate, show gratitude and love verbally to your partner. The more you communicate, the more healthy emotional love relationships you will endure. And once you do it, don’t forget to applaud yourselves for embarking on the path of making words of affirmation as your love language.
The five different types of love languages are defined as quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
No, not at all! One must remember that a person whose love language is words of affirmation love language is someone who is very attentive and remembers even the smallest details about you. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like attention coming from their partners.
You need to up your word skills, it’s all about wordplay! Appreciate, compliment, show gratitude, be proud and be vocal about it. Express as much as you can and be honest and genuine about it.