When is it time to break up with your partner? This is a question that everyone answers differently. We all have different deal-breakers, needs and thresholds of tolerance. When Bonobology asked its readers the same question, we got some interesting responses.
We also noticed that there are some important common signs it’s time to break up that make people draw a line in the sand and move on from a relationship. We chose a few interesting and noteworthy ones for you. Directly from our readers, here are major red flags that pose as signs you should break up with your partner soon.
When Do You Know It’s Time To Break Up?
Megha Sehgal told us, “I would end a relationship when I feel that the respect and love for each other are completely lost. There is no sense in continuing a relationship where you enjoy the absence of your spouse instead of their presence.”
Ketki Verma said, “If I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin around him, if he doesn’t accept me for who I am, and if I feel like I won’t be able to give my 100% to the relationship with complete honesty and dedication, then I would consider a break up to be the better alternative. Trust and truth are the basis of any relationship and if I’m unable to keep either one of them, I will break the relationship as I wouldn’t wanna spoil his life either. Without these key elements, it’s pretty much a dead-end relationship. “
Saurabh Dalal has a pretty poetic take on knowing when to break up with somebody. He told us, “Concepts of trust, love, respect are all burdens of expectation that add weight and drag the relationship to a grave prematurely. A relationship should be lightweight to float above the ocean of sorrow and daily travails of life, without getting drowned. So, I would break a relationship the day we can’t laugh together anymore!”
Related Reading: How To Cope With Breaking Up With Someone You Love
Following that beautiful thought, Amrita Roy gives us a reality check next. She says, “I would break the relationship when I find that we are getting addicted to looking at each other through filters others choose for us. Those are enough to destroy everything between us.”
When is it time to break up with someone, you ask? A simple and straightforward take coming right up. Bineesh Balakrishnan says, “A lack of trust would be the only reason for giving up on a relationship. If I believe that my trust has been betrayed in a relationship, then I’ll definitely walk out of it.”
Varsha Bagadia believes that relationships are not an easy-breezy effort. To really have a happy relationship, he says, “I believe that it takes little more than love and respect to make relationships work. I give my 100% to any relationship I’m a part of but my individuality, independence, freedom of choice, and personal space are sacred to me. I can never dream of compromising on them. My ‘me’ existence doesn’t become extinct with a new ‘we’ dynamic in my life. The same goes for him too. I’m a big believer in owning up to mistakes, mine or his. Have trust, a healthy ego, and be accepting of a difference of opinion. In the absence of any of these things, it is pointless to continue the relationship.”
Knowing when to break up is about reading these signs
Deepali Damani has some important insights on signs it’s time to break up with someone or walk out of a marriage. This is what she had to say about making relationships work. “Most people forget that marriage takes a WHOLE lot of work to be successful. It’s not just slipping a ring on someone’s finger. It is about the work, constantly improving communication, and the dedication that you need to have for one another. Most of the divorces I have seen happen because of couples just getting lazy, getting tired of putting in all of the hard work that a good marriage requires.”
When we asked Nehal Roy, “When is it time to break up?”, she said, “Relationships thrive when couples can express themselves freely and honestly. That means no topic is off-limits and you both feel heard. Consistent communication is vital to building a lasting life together. Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you have to spend every moment together. Taking time to pursue your own interests and friendships keeps your relationship fresh and gives you both the opportunity to grow as individuals — even while you’re growing as a couple. Disagreement with these thoughts means that it’s time to break up.”
Falguni D Mehta says, “When do you break up with someone? The last nail in the coffin for any relationship for me would be when my freedom of thought is threatened. I’d definitely let go of anyone or any relationship if I feel suffocated and can’t be myself freely. My self-worth and honesty to myself are most important to me. So I’d definitely switch off anyone (at least mentally, if it’s physically not possible) who looks down on me for being different from them. If I can respect how different they are from me, I expect the same from them too.”
Related Reading: 10 Ways To Deal With Heartbreak
Signs You Know It’s Time To Break Up
When you’re so in love or have been with someone for a long time, it can be challenging to convince yourself that it’s time to walk out of the relationship. Even if the red flags are all around you, it is possible that you might just try to focus on the meager positives to keep the relationship going. But that’s not sustainable.
You cannot continue to stay in a toxic relationship because it’s convenient and you just don’t know how to navigate your way out. So then when do you know it’s time to break up? Bonobology brings you a few deal-breaker situations where you might have to put your foot down and ask for what you deserve.
1. You are making all the compromises
One of the signs you know it’s time to break up is when you feel like you’re the only person making adjustments in the relationship. It’s like your partner calls all the shots and without giving it a second thought, you trample your own wishes to give them what they need. While compromising in a relationship is important, it also needs to be a two-sided effort.
From choosing what to eat for dinner to deciding whose family you’re visiting for Thanksgiving, if you feel like you never have a say in your relationship anymore, know that you are being grossly disrespected. Maybe they don’t even realize that they’re doing this to you because you’ve grown so used to just agreeing with them.
Related Reading: 12 Things You Should Never Compromise On In A Relationship
2. They are always criticizing you
And not in a constructive, loving way that most partners strive to do. Their words seem hateful and angry most of the time. Their words don’t come from a place of love at all. Rather, they make you question yourself and whether you’re good enough to be with them at all. If your partner is responsible for your low self-esteem and you constantly questioning your self-worth, this relationship either needs a huge makeover or needs to be called off.
3. You don’t enjoy the sexual intimacy anymore
Maybe, there is still sex in the relationship. It might even be good sex. But the intimacy, the closeness, the laughs, the staring into each other’s eyes that used to be there before is all gone now. This doesn’t mean that your sexual compatibility is lost. The problem here could be more emotional. Think about whether this issue is coupled with any other tussles in your relationship.
Have you been arguing more, lately? Do you seem to disagree on everything? Does she not kiss your forehead before you head to work anymore? Have you stopped going out for your Friday night date night plans? If yes, then it is no surprise that the sexual intimacy in your relationship is taking a hit, and this could even mean that your relationship is almost over.
4. The silences are deafening now
When is it time to break up with someone? Does sitting with your partner suddenly feel like a chore now? Do you feel awkward every time you walk into the living room and they’re sitting there? If there is so much discomfort in your relationship, you need to think about what has been going wrong.
If you two can’t sit in silence anymore and do not feel any warmth radiating between the two of you, maybe this relationship has already gone on for longer than it should have. It seems as if there is no more scope for saving the relationship at this point.
We hope these insights with a good mix of some real-life and some theoretically sound instances have helped you address the question, “When do you break up with somebody?” Take your time to evaluate it further if you want to. Get therapy and counseling if you need to figure out the way ahead but do know that it could be the beginning of the end. You either have to do something about this relationship proactively or leave it completely.