Why didn’t he tell me about his fiancee before we had sex?

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Consultant Women Empowerment Enthusiast & Parenting Coach
Updated On: January 13, 2023
Lied about his fiancee

Dear Jaseena,

I am married and have two children. But I am in love with my colleague. He said he loves me a lot, but then after a few months he started ignoring me. He says that I don’t love him. His phone is always busy. Even if he is online on WhatsApp he doesn’t message me. When that happens I go into depression. I’ve ignored my sons… My best friend suggested to me to forget all.

Two-three months later he came to my house and said that he is sorry and that he is in love with me. We started chats and calls again. But his phone is sometimes busy. When I asked, he said yes, I am always busy. But he comes to my house regularly. One day we crossed all limits and had sex. After that, we didn’t have regular sex. After 2 months he started ignoring me again. He told me a lie too. He is busy on emo chat. When I asked him he said that he was engaged. He showed me a picture of his fiancee. I cried and asked him why he didn’t tell me about it before we had sex! He said nothing. He said again he loves me a lot. But I know that’s a lie. Now he is married. If his mood is good then he talks to me. Sometimes just once a week, sometimes just once a month… I am depressed. What should I do?

Jaseena Backer says:


It is not indicative, if you are still in the marriage or not. You only mentioned two children.

He does not love you: There is no love from the man’s side. He is only taking advantage of the situation. You have given him the impression that you need him and he took advantage of it. He was engaged and he did not tell you. He made sure his relationship is stable and yet came to you for sex.

Time to move on: Now that is over, as he is married. You go on with your life. You do not have to feel guilty for anything at all. He used you, but now be strong and make sure nobody else in the future uses your emotions. Do not appear as if it is all okay with you. If the man takes a few steps forward and makes you a priority then only you take a step forward.

Bond with your children: If you feel you do not love your sons any more, spend a good amount of time with them and find the happiness you missed. As a mother, that’s your primary role now.

Seek counselling: It is normal to be depressed, as you have been cheated by having your trust broken. Take the help of some friends or counsellors to come out of it and see yourself and your life in a different way.

Get busy with your job and your life and cut this person off completely from your life. He is not a good man.

Take care

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Readers Comments On “Why didn’t he tell me about his fiancee before we had sex?”

  1. This is such a bad situation. You need to really forget about him and focus on yourself and your children. They need your time and attention, not some stupid man who is playing mind games with you

  2. This a practical and realistic advice. That man, like many other, wants nothing apart from sex, from her. Looting a woman of her emotions and feelings, just for one element called sex, is insane. Woman should be more cautious of such men, and try not to fall into such rat-holes.

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