Emily saw her Google search history and thought what a pathetic sight it made,
“Why does my boyfriend ignore me?”
“Why does my boyfriend ignore me but talk to everyone else?”
“Should I ignore my boyfriend when he ignores me?”
She counted 13 such searches as she tried to make sense of Joe’s sudden cold behavior. After conversations with reassuring friends, and Joe’s not-so-reassuring absence, she decided to not text him as well. She didn’t know that he too had been wondering the same thing. Thing is, neither wanted to appear clingy.
You know you’re being ignored by your boyfriend when you actively try to connect with him and he actively avoids you. Ignoring someone is often posed as a tactic to arouse jealousy and interest in the partner (talking about you, Bridgerton). But it could also be a symptom of a bigger problem in your relationship.
9 Reasons Your Boyfriend Ignores You
So, what should you do when the question, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?”, comes to your mind? At the very least, stop thinking that he’s having an affair. We have created a list of reasons in the increasing order of severity of the situation that might help you. So, let’s begin:
1. It’s a premature relationship
If you have just got together, there is a good chance that you will constantly obsess over how things are going. You may be scrutinizing everything minutely, while he is just trying to find his footing with you. This is the reason why it appears that your boyfriend ignores you for no reason, or takes too long to take the relationship to the next level. And it is very frustrating as it makes you insecure about the relationship.
You don’t know a lot about each other to second-guess anyone’s actions. So, stop fretting. Leave the concept of love-at-first-sight to Shakespeare and give him and yourself the time to be sure of each other.
Related Reading: 5 Signs He Is Ignoring You For Someone Else
2. He has a busy schedule
If your boyfriend works in one of those soul-crushing jobs that often skew work-life balance, then he only needs some time to relax and is not ignoring you. People isolate themselves from everyone, and not just their girlfriends, to recover from the weight of quarter-end reports.
If he does call back when all the drama at his office has died down, then he is not ignoring you. So, stop letting thoughts like he’s having an affair at work dent your relationship. Learn to enjoy your life on your own. Go out a little. If all the distance has left you feeling anxious and unsure about the future of your relationship, plan a little getaway with your partner to rekindle your relationship.
3. It’s his nature to not engage
Men, unless they’re Ted Mosby, have difficulty expressing emotions. If he freezes while talking to everyone around him and not just you, then it’s likely that he’s shy. Such people are more likely to show their affection through their actions and not words.
You need to chill and cut him some slack and stop thinking “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?” Perhaps, focus on identifying his love language instead. When you realize that he expresses his love and affection in his own ways, all the worries about him ignoring you might just dissipate.
Related Reading: How A Man Show Love Without Saying It
4. He is dealing with personal issues
Call it male ego or patriarchy, men often find it difficult to actively communicate their feelings with women. Especially in times of trauma or stress. Check if he’s going through a bad time like the loss of a loved one or has financial stress, or if he’s seeing a therapist.
If he is, then don’t expect him to chatter with you all the time. Though, you may wonder, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?”, his silence is a plea for help. He won’t ask for it, but he really needs it.
5. You have narcissist tendencies
It may not be easy to accept it, but are you like Regina George and can’t help but hog up a conversation, making it all about yourself? Because if you do, then it could be the reason why your boyfriend ignores you. No one likes to be in a conversation where they don’t get to talk at all.
If you do love to talk all the time, and about yourself mostly, then you need to get a grip. It won’t be long before he, or for that matter everyone, starts to ignore you forever.
Related Reading: Why Does My Boyfriend Hate Me? 10 Reasons To Know
6. He needs a break
It sounds devastating, but it happens. It could be because the relationship is not working for him. Or that there is too much going on in his life and he just wants to get away from everyone to gather his thoughts.
If your boyfriend tells you about going away for some time, don’t freak out. Give him some time. During this time, try to learn to enjoy your own company instead of constantly thinking, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?”. It is unbelievable how taking a break helps the relationship.
7. He is trying to manipulate you
This tendency results from a passive-aggressive nature. Revenge could also be a reason why your boyfriend ignores you. If it is, then you are in a toxic relationship. He ignores you intentionally so he can condition you. That way he can control your behavior and eliminate the things he doesn’t like. Think Nate Jacobs in Euphoria, ignoring Maddie strategically to control her.
So, if you’re asking the question, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me but then refuse to let me break up with him?”, then it’s probably because he’s training you to do his bidding. And trust me, it’s not worth it. You’ll soon be unable to recognize what you’ve become, a shell of yourself and a puppet to his strings. Better leave his manipulative ass and find someone nice.
Related Reading: 15 Subtle Signs Of A Manipulative Boyfriend
8. He is insecure
There’s nothing as fragile as the male ego. Men tend to clam up when they feel their masculinity is threatened. It could be due to self-doubt or a patriarchal upbringing. But if your boyfriend ignores you around his friends, or the horror of horrors, his mother, it’s likely because he craves their validation.
You could try to impress his friends or family, but it can be exhausting in long term. Plus, there’s no guarantee they’d like you. Just try explaining to him how difficult it is for you. If he listens, you can still work it out.
9. You are heading toward splitsville
This is the part where he just doesn’t feel the relationship working for him anymore. Lack of empathy could also be one of the signs that he may be cheating on you. It’s the last nail in the coffin of your relationship if he shows complete apathy toward you. You’re together just for the show.
It is heartbreaking but you’ve to smell the coffee and make a decision. It’s better getting off the ride. It was fun while it lasted but you deserve better than being ignored by a man who feels nothing for you.
“Am I not good enough? Is this why my boyfriend ignores me all day? What could I do better to win back his attention and love?” Having such thoughts swirling in your mind all the time is one of the worst feelings in the world. You feel robbed of your worth and love by the person who is supposed to be there for you. But, it is better to take some action rather than wallowing in self-pity.
4 Things That You Can Do When Your Boyfriend Ignores You
Being ignored can prove worse than you thought. In fact, psychoanalysts have provided evidence that it feels better to be in an argument than to be ignored altogether. Ignoring someone may appear normal in a relationship. But if you’re constantly thinking, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me all day?”, then you could be in a toxic relationship.
The repercussions can be far-reaching. It affects your self-esteem and mental health, and you may start overcompensating in a relationship. So, what can you do when your boyfriend ignores you? Here are four things to try:
1. Identify the reason why he is ignoring you
Instead of sitting around and wondering, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?”, try to identify the reason behind his behavior. It can be harmful to your relationship to act before thinking. So, don’t go for the theatrics, crying or accusing him of an illicit affair. Often, the reason could be as benign as a busy week. Look for signs. Try to identify a pattern. We have given you a whole list. Think of what represents his behavior most.
Related Reading: How To Fix Lack Of Communication In A Relationship – 15 Expert Tips
2. Confrontation and conversation
There’s no problem in the world that can’t be resolved by talking. Obsessing over, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?”, is not going to help. You have to talk to him at some point. Tell them how dreadful being ignored by him is. Offer help, if you think he needs it. Don’t insinuate anything. Try not to make it a blame game. Point is to talk to resolve conflict.
People often ask, “Should I ignore my boyfriend when he ignores me?” Absolutely not. It won’t accomplish anything. It may settle things for a while. But in the long term, it will only cause more damage than you anticipate. Initiating a conversation is always the more mature and sensible thing to do.
3. Create some boundaries
If your boyfriend is ignoring you as a passive-aggressive strategy – for example, if his behavior leaves you thinking, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me but then refuse to let me break up with him?” or “Why does my boyfriend ignore me around his friends?” – then you need to confront him about his manipulative tactics.
Tell your partner you need space, for both of you. List the scenarios you are not comfortable with, and how you can both try to prevent them. Establish how any arguments will be resolved so he doesn’t have to resort to ignoring you. Decide boundaries for social media behavior, the time you spend with friends and family, what is up for discussion and what is off-limits.
4. Decide to make the call
If you ask me, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me but talk to everyone else?”, then I’d probably say because he’s trying to control you. If his behavior is destroying your mental peace, then you need to make some decisions. Tough ones.
Tell your boyfriend that your relationship is not working. Come on a mutual decision, if possible. If it gets worse, check for the signs if you should break up, and be ready to call it off. A relationship needs work from both the people in it. If one is not participating, then there’s not really a point to it.
That’s the time to take out your Taylor Swift playlist and start playing, We are never ever ever getting back together.
Pondering over the question of why your boyfriend is ignoring you is not fun in a relationship. But a relationship can sustain over time only if it’s given proper attention. So, when this happens the next time, don’t just sit there thinking, “Why does my boyfriend ignore me?” Dig deeper into the issue, and find out what’s really bothering your man. And work on it so you can overcome such barriers.