Why does my boyfriend hate me? Now that’s a question we have all asked at some point during a relationship. It’s all going well. You love him. He loves you. From compatibility to understanding each other’s quirks and behavior to passionate sex, everything is flowing smoothly like a river.
All of a sudden he reacts in a way you didn’t expect him to. He seems to be acting differently than usual. That’s when doubts start to creep in. You find yourself swimming in a sea of questions like “Does he hate me?” or “Did I do something to upset him?”. Then you go on the internet, looking for an answer to “What are the signs my boyfriend hates me?”.
Relationships aren’t a cakewalk. They are difficult, even unbearable at times. But if you love them truly, then fighting for them seems the most plausible thing to do. You love him. You trust him with every fiber of your being. But now you feel like everything is going to crumble.
Sometimes your partner’s actions that make you question his love for you may not even be intentional. But you will still find yourself wondering, “Why does my bf hate me?” You might not be at fault at all yet you will feel his hatred surrounding you and the relationship. If you are going through such a troublesome phase, then scroll to find out the answers to your tormenting thoughts.
Why Do I Feel Like My Boyfriend Hates Me?
First things first, if a relationship is draining you out completely, or if you think it is taking a toll on your mental or physical health, then walking away and breaking up might be the right thing to do. After all, what’s more important than your peace of mind? I would say nothing.
But walking away isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Especially when your mind is plagued with questions like “Why does my boyfriend hate me?”. Before you can decide how best to handle the situation, you have to get to the bottom of his behavior. Read the reasons below and find out if he actually hates you or you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Might Hate You
If you are in a bad place in your relationship, then you are not wrong to ask, “Why does my boyfriend hate me?” Either he is acting so spitefully that it has led you to think he hates you or you are exaggerating it by letting doubts and insecurities get the better of you. It is a known fact that insecurities in a relationship can affect you severely. Whatever be the case, there has to be something going on with him that’s making him act out in a way that’s left you riddled with doubt about his feelings for you. Let’s look at some of the plausible reasons why your boyfriend might hate you:
1. Work stress
The answer to your question, “Why does my boyfriend hate me?”, could be as simple as this. He could be burdened at work, which is getting to him. Sometimes people tend to take out their frustration on people who don’t deserve it. Other areas of your boyfriend’s life could be affected and maybe that’s why he’s behaving in a manner that has led you to think “my boyfriend hates me”.
It’s better to communicate with him and find out if the work stress is getting to him or if he had a tiff with any of his colleagues. Did he fight with one of his friends? That could also be the cause of his annoyance. Learn how to fix lack of communication and deal with it together. But always remember that you should never be on the receiving end of his anger when you haven’t done anything wrong to deserve it.
2. Mental health
If he is battling mental health issues, then that could be the root cause of your relationship troubles. Here you are, asking, “Does he hate me?”, when, in fact, he may be so consumed with his inner turmoil that he has no bandwidth left to look out for you and your relationship. If you feel he is becoming cold and acting all strange, then something is bothering him internally. Mental illness can change a person’s mood and behavior.
At such times, it becomes crucial that you look out for signs of mental health issues. He could be depressed or grappling with anxiety. As a girlfriend, you should be the one to know if he isn’t feeling well emotionally.
3. Why does my boyfriend hate me? Maybe you did something wrong
Before you ask, “why does my boyfriend hate me?”, introspect and assess if you did anything to hurt or offend him. Did you disrespect him in front of his friends and family? Maybe you didn’t intentionally mean to hurt him but when the damage is done and it’s your fault, it’s best to apologize and move on.
Have you been taking him for granted? When your relationship started, you gave him more attention and care but that’s not the case now. If your boyfriend feels you have started to take him for granted, he may show hostile behavior toward you. Maybe that’s why you are thinking your boyfriend hates you.
Related Reading: What To Look For In A Relationship? The Ultimate List Of 15 Things
4. You don’t give him space
People need to have a space of their own to relax and rejuvenate. “Me time” is very important to have a tranquil mind. You need to understand why is space so crucial in a relationship. If you are not giving him the space he needs, it could well be the cause of his anger toward you. You need to understand that he has a life of his own. Just because he loves you, it doesn’t mean you have to follow him around 24×7.
He can have fun with or without you. If you can’t function individually and rely on him for everything, then that is going to create a lot of problems. Maybe he has started to feel suffocated in the relationship. He doesn’t know how to confront you with this and hence acts in a way that is making you question, “Why does my boyfriend hate me?”.
5. You are controlling
Are you a control freak who doesn’t let him do what he wants? Then that right there could be the answer to your question, “Why does my boyfriend hate me?”. You spend all your time with him and control him. You decide which movie to watch and which restaurant to dine at. Most of the time, controlling partners don’t realize what they are doing. Being controlling is a toxic trait and if you want to continue to be with your partner, then you must learn a few tips to stop being toxic in a relationship.
Take a step back and analyze your relationship with your boyfriend. Are you the only decision-maker in your relationship? Are you overprotective and possessive about your boyfriend? Are you always blaming your boyfriend for all your problems? If you said yes to the questions, then that answers your question, “Why do I feel like my boyfriend hates me?”.
6. Why does my boyfriend hate me? You flirt with everyone
If you think flirting is harmless when you are committed to another person, then you need to have a conversation with your partner about it and see if he feels the same way too. As long as you are single, you can flirt with as many people as you want. But once you are in a relationship with someone, then whether or not flirting with others is acceptable – and to what extent – becomes highly subjective. If your boyfriend is flirting with other girls, would you be okay with that?
His anger and hurt could be a reaction to your actions if he views flirting with others while in a committed relationship as completely unacceptable. If you are someone who men are drawn to because they find you attractive, then he can get possessive about you. And if he feels that you don’t understand his concerns, he may begin to act distant and aloof.
Related Reading: How To Fix A Toxic Relationship – 5 Best Ways
7. You keep talking about your ex
When you mix the past and present, life will squeeze a bitter juice for you which won’t go down your throat so easily. What’s the point of talking about your past with your current boyfriend? If you talk about your ex too much and think your boyfriend is not going to mind, then you are wrong. Nobody likes to feel like they aren’t enough for someone.
I have a friend who called me crying in the middle of the night once. The first sentence she uttered was, “My boyfriend says he hates me”. I was gobsmacked. I told her right away to leave him. It was only after we delved deeper into the situation that I found out she had been bringing up her past every so often that it infuriated him.
I told her it’s time to let go of the past and be happy, that there is a reason why things didn’t work out and why you and your former lover broke up. If you don’t want to break up with your current boyfriend too, then it’s high time you leave him in the past and enjoy your present.
8. You ignore his advice
One of the signs of a controlling partner is ignoring the other person’s advice and suggestions. When you ignore their advice, it’s close to insulting them. There is a reason why you and he are partners. If you are going through a problem, share it with him and take his advice. He will feel good about it. Some men like to take the lead and be there for their woman at all times. If that’s your boyfriend, then you need to know how to deal with an alpha male.
When you constantly reject his advice, he will begin to question his importance in your life. This could hurt him in the deepest ways. He will think maybe you don’t think he is smart enough for you to respect his opinions. Men want to feel that they are needed, that their opinions are valued. Whenever you are worried about something, ask him for his suggestion. Once you start doing that, “signs my boyfriend hates me” won’t keep you up at night.
9. Why does my boyfriend hate me? He could be interested in someone else
I know this is a bitter pill to swallow. But if everything is good from your end, if you are loyal, caring, affectionate and a great girlfriend who hasn’t done anything to offend or control your boyfriend, then this could be the only explanation. Maybe he is falling for another woman. Maybe he is having a discreet affair.
Sometimes we forget what we have is good and think the grass is greener on the other side and fall for it. If he is in love with someone else, then you might sense it yourself and that’s why you are asking, “Why does my boyfriend hate me?”. It’s not your fault here. He isn’t good enough for you. He isn’t worth your love, affection or admiration.
10. He wants to end things
You know some men don’t have the courage to tell you they want to break up with you. Instead, they will make you feel that they hate you and the moment you ask yourself, “Why do I feel like my boyfriend hates me?”, they’ve won. They will take home the trophy of being the most cunning boyfriend ever. This is one of the signs you should break up for good.
They lack the courage to say to your face that they don’t want to be with you anymore. That’s why they resort to ways that will make you break up with him. That’s their eureka plan. They will make you feel so miserable that you will be the one to break up first. It saves them the trouble of bringing up the “let’s end this” conversation.
If he is treating you poorly and he is hoping that you will break up with him, then stop asking, “Why does my bf hate me?”, and end the relationship. That will save you from a lot of pain and heartache.
Related Reading: 11 Practical Tips To Get Over Someone Fast
Signs Your Boyfriend Might Hate You
There will be times when you will wonder, “Why does my ex hate me when he cheated on me?”. And you are not alone. Don’t let such thoughts consume you. You didn’t deserve the lies and deceit. For a relationship to function properly and healthily, both the parties involved have to put in equal amounts of love. When the balance is off, everything comes undone.
If you are unclear about the answer to whether or not your boyfriend hates you, then don’t stress. The below signs will tell you if you are right about your intuitions:
1. Stops making plans with you
If he stops making plans to hang out with you, it clearly means doesn’t want to spend time with you. If you love someone, you want to be with them. When he enjoys spending time with his friends more than going on a dinner date with you, then you are right to look for “signs my boyfriend hates me” as it is one of the signs a relationship is ending.
He will distance himself from you if he wants to end the relationship. How can you be with someone who thinks you are the cause of his unhappiness? It’s better to put an end to your relationship rather than spend sleepless nights wondering, “Why does my bf hate me?”.
2. He blames you for everything
When a man is unhappy, he will find faults in everything, from the food you cook for him to the dress you wear to impress him. You can’t do anything to make your boyfriend happy and feel loved once he has made up his mind to break up with you. One of my friends told me her boyfriend blamed him for his professional failures.
She kept saying, “My boyfriend says he hates me”, when she should have been the one to hate him. His professional failure had nothing to do with her yet she was being blamed for it. This is one of the signs your boyfriend might hate you.
3. Zero efforts
Revisit the early stages of your relationship and see for yourself the amount of effort he had taken to impress you. Now compare those efforts with what he is like today. If he still tries to make you laugh when you are upset, if he still picks up your favorite ice cream on his way back from work, then you have nothing to worry about. But if all his efforts have ceased, then maybe you are right to ask, “Why do I feel like my boyfriend hates me?”.
Related Reading: 7 Types Of Boyfriends
4. No sex
Sex is an integral part of any relationship. If he withholds sex, then you might be on the right track in your quest of “signs my boyfriend hates me”. Sex is an intimate act that binds two people together. The gentle neck kissing, the earlobe licks and all those romantic gestures are necessary for any romantic relationship to survive.
If he makes excuses to not have sex with you, then he is not interested in you anymore. Of course, if it’s a one-off thing, then he could be genuinely tired or preoccupied. But if he has been consistently making excuses to not be intimate with you, then it’s just his way of telling you that he doesn’t find you sexually attractive anymore.
5. He’ll threaten to leave you
I believe when someone threatens to leave you, then they have already made their mind about ending things. The thought never leaves your mind. It is always there like a parasite. If your boyfriend threatens to leave you, then help him pack his bags and open the exit door for him.
Threatening is just another way of manipulation so he can have the upper hand in the relationship. If he is unhappy and you are too, then stop asking, “Why does my bf hate me?”, and start focusing on what you need to do to reclaim your happiness.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Hates You
Well.. what can you do if your boyfriend hates you? You can’t make him love you once his mind is made. But you can try to make him understand that he is doing the wrong thing by breaking up with you.
If the hatred is caused by your doings and actions, then you can convince him that you will stop doing the things that hurt him. You will rectify your mistakes. Sincerely apologize and be genuinely sorry for hurting him. Assure and promise him you will become a better girlfriend.
On the other hand, if you are totally innocent and he is the one to be blamed for his unhappiness, then you can’t stop him from leaving. I learned a very important lesson from my previous relationship. When somebody falls out of love with you or outgrows the love they had for you, then there is no coming back to square one. You can’t make someone fall in love with you all over again unless you are Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
No, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you really love someone, you won’t hate them as long as they do something to put you off. It’s quite easy to fall in love but that’s not the case with hate. A person has to wrong you in the most heartbreaking ways for you to develop hatred toward them. You can’t hate someone and love them at the same time.
There are stages. Hate is like a seed that gets planted and grows into a big tree over a period. The seed could be planted by something as simple as not giving your partner enough time or not supporting their dreams. From being possessive to insulting them or talking badly about them behind their back can cause hatred to seep into a relationship.
You can tell if someone is unhappy in a relationship by noticing how they treat their significant other. Is there a lack of communication between them? Or is there a significantly visible coldness between them? They will ignore any subject regarding their partner. One of the most important signs that someone is not happy in a relationship is when they act as if they are single.