Izinto ezingama-30 ezikhohlisayo ezikushoyo amaNarcissists Engxabano nokuthi Baqonde Ukuthini Empeleni

Bonke abantu banezici ze-narcissistic ngezinga elithile. Kubantu abanempilo, inani elivamile libasiza ukuba baziqhenye ngalokho abakufezile. Kodwa yona kanye le narcissism iba yingozi uma ikhula futhi isetshenziselwa ukukhohlisa abanye. Izinto ezishiwo ama-narcissists lapho uxabana zingaholela ekufeni kokuzethemba kwakho.

Yingakho, ukuze sithole ulwazi olwengeziwe mayelana nokuhlukunyezwa okunobugovu, siphendukele kudokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Chavi Bhargava Sharma (Masters in Psychology), onolwazi olukhulu emikhakheni eyahlukene yempilo yengqondo kanye nokuphila kahle, okuhlanganisa nokwelulekwa kobudlelwano.

Iyini I-Narcissist?

UChavi uyachaza, “Abantu abathanda ukuzitika ngokweqile bazibona bebaluleke kakhulu. Bahlala befisa ukunconywa nokunakwa. Ngokusobala, babonakala njengabantu abanokuzethemba. Kodwa ngokungazi noma ngokungazi, abanalo ukuzethemba kangako. Eqinisweni, banokuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu.

Abazona iziphukuphuku. Eqinisweni, banomusa kakhulu futhi bayayenga. Basebenzisa le ntelezi ukuze bakukhohlise futhi basonte amaqiniso ukuze bazuze. Abazithembi, bayaqhosha, futhi bayahlukumeza ngokomzwelo."

Incwadi Yokuhlola Nezibalo Yezinkinga Zengqondo (DSM-5) ibala izindinganiso eziyisishiyagalolunye ze-NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), kodwa icacisa ukuthi umuntu udinga ukuhlangabezana nezinhlanu kuphela ukuze afaneleke ngokwezokwelapha njengomuntu othanda ukuzitika ngokweqile:

• Umqondo omkhulu wokuzibona ubalulekile
• Ukuxakeka ngamaphupho empumelelo engenamkhawulo, amandla, ukukhalipha, ubuhle, noma uthando olufanele
• Inkolelo yokuthi akhethekile futhi ahlukile futhi angaqondwa kuphela, noma kufanele ahlotshaniswe nabanye abantu abakhethekile noma abasezingeni eliphezulu noma izikhungo.
• Isidingo sokutuswa ngokweqile
• Umuzwa welungelo
• Ukuziphatha okuxhaphazayo
• Ukungabi nozwela
• Umona ngabanye noma inkolelo yokuthi abanye banomona ngabo
• Ukuboniswa kokuziphatha okuzidlayo nokuzidla noma izimo zengqondo

Uma noma ubani oseduze nawe, kungaba umlingani wakho, ilungu lomndeni, noma umngane ebonisa izimpawu ezingenhla, yazi ukuthi akunandaba nawe. Uyisisulu nje sokuhlukunyezwa ebudlelwaneni hhayi imbangela yako.

Noma ubani osondelene ne-narcissist uzoba yizisulu zokuhlukunyezwa kwabo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bangubani. Kodwa uma ujwayelene nezinto ezishiwo ama-narcissists ukukukhohlisa, ungazilungiselela ukubhekana nazo.

Izinto ezingama-30 ezikhohlisayo ezikushoyo amaNarcissists Engxabano nokuthi Baqonde Ukuthini Empeleni

UChavi uyaphawula, “Imbangela eyinhloko yobugovu iwukuba umuntu akhule esemncane noma akhuliswe ngendlela elinganiselayo, ayetuswa kakhulu eseyingane noma egxekwa kakhulu. Yingakho umntwana ekhula enomuzwa wokuthi izwe linobugovu futhi ngeke akwazi ukuphumelela ngaphandle kokujikijela abanye phansi noma ukuphika amalungelo abanye.” Njengoba sesiyazi ukuthi i-narcissism iyini nezimbangela zayo, ake sijule ezintweni ezishiwo ama-narcissism lapho bephikisana.

1. “Uzwela kakhulu”

U-Chavi uyagcizelela, "Umuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist akalokothi aziphendulele ngokuziphatha kwakhe. AKULONA iphutha lakhe. Ululaza imizwa yakho futhi akutshele ukuthi uhlezi ukhipha izinto ngokulingana."

Uma bekwenza ungabaze iqiniso lakho, nakanjani bazama ukukuhlambalaza. Ukukubiza ngokuthi uzwela kakhulu kuyindlela ejwayelekile yokushintsha icala . Lokhu kuvumela umuntu one-NPD ukuthi anganaki ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zakhe.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angifuni ukwamukela ukuthi yiphutha lami.”

2. “Uyahlanya, udinga usizo”

Ukukubiza ngokuthi uyahlanya kungenye yezindlela zakudala zokuphikisana ngokuthi ungumuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza. Abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza babizwa nangokuthi 'abenzi bokuhlanya' ngoba ukukwenza uzibuze ukuthi ingqondo yakho iphilile kubasiza ukuthi balawule wena. Kuyindlela yakudala yokukhanyisa igesi yokubulala ukuzethemba kwakho nokwenza ungabaze iqiniso lakho.

Abakushoyo empeleni: “Ngeke ngiziphendulele ngalokhu, ngakho-ke ngizoyeka ukulalela.”

3. “Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi uzizwa kanjalo”

Izinto abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza abazishoyo empikiswaneni zihlanganisa nokuxolisa okungamanga ngendlela 'ozizwa ngayo' ngale ndlela. Lokhu akusho ukuthi bazizwa bezisola nganoma yiluphi uhlobo. Bamane bakwenza kuzwakale sengathi uzizwa ucasukile ngaphandle kwesizathu esizwakalayo. Kunalokho, kufanele bathi “Ngiyaxolisa ngokwenza lokhu” ukuze babonise ukuthi bayalandisa ngamaphutha abo.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angikholwa ukuthi ngikulimaze futhi ngeke ngithathe umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zami.”

4. “Awunangqondo”

Abahlukumezi abazithandayo basebenzisa leli gama ukuze banciphise imizwa yakho futhi banciphise umbono wakho. Leli qhinga lokuphatha abanye lisebenza kahle kubantu abathambekele kakhulu ekubeni ngabavumelanayo futhi abanamathuba amancane okuthatha isinyathelo ngokumelene nokungabi nabulungisa okwenziwa kubo.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Anginalo ithuba lokulalela imibono engavumelani nami.”

5. “Unenhlanhla ngikubekezelele lokhu”

Njengoba i-narcissist inomuzwa wokuzikhukhumeza, izwa sengathi ikwenzela umusa ngokuba nawe. Kulindeleke ukuthi uzizwe 'ubonga' futhi 'ubusisiwe' ngokuthi bakhethe ukuhlala nawe. Inhloso yalawa magama e-narcissistic ukwenza uzizwe ungelutho.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngiyesaba ukuthi uzohamba futhi ungase ungishiye.”

6. “Ungikhokhela kanjena?”

Ngokusho kukaChavi, enye yezinto ezivame kakhulu abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza abakushoyo empikiswaneni ukuthi, “Ngikwenzele okuningi kodwa awukaze ungibonge.” Babala zonke izinto ezinhle abazenzayo bese kamuva belindela ukuthi ubabuyisele. Ungazivuza kanjani izenzo zabo 'zomusa'? Ngokungalokothi ukhulume kabi ngabo.

7. “Ngingcono kunabo bonke ongaba nabo”

Ukuzibiza ngokuthi “umlingani ongcono kakhulu wothando” kungenye yezinto ezivame kakhulu abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza abazishoyo ngabo. Njengoba ucwaningo lubonisa, bazibona benombono omuhle kakhulu futhi bashukumiseleka ukugcina imibono yabo emihle kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, benza kubonakale sengathi bazimisele ukuba nawe futhi awufaneleki kubo.

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Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngiyesaba ukuthi angikufanelekeli.”

8. “Lokhu ngikwenza ngoba ngikuthanda”

“Ngikwenza ngenxa yothando” noma “Nginentshisekelo kuwe enhliziyweni” ezinye zezinkulumo ezivame ukusetshenziswa ngabantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza. Bathethelela ukuphathwa kabi kwakho. Bazenza umona noma bangazethembi ngoba nje “bayakuthanda”.

Empeleni basho ukuthini: “Ngiyakujabulela ukulawula nokuxhaphaza wena.”

9. “Akuyona yonke into emayelana nawe”

UChavi uthi, “Ama-Narciss anokuzethemba okuphansi ngakho adinga abantu ukuba babazise futhi bawaqinisekise njalo. Awanaluzwela futhi ngenxa yalokho anenkinga yokuqonda abanye. Adinga ukunakwa, azizwe enegunya, futhi alindele amalungelo akhethekile (ukuthi awabuyiseli).”

Ngakho-ke, ukuthi “akusikho konke okuphathelene nawe” kungenye yezinto ezivamile ezishiwo abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza ngoba konke kumayelana NABO. Bayazethemba uma ubantshontsha, ngisho nomzuzwana. Bazokwenza uzizwe unecala futhi unamahloni uma ubasusa ukugxila. Khumbula, ukukhubeka ebudlelwaneni kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza.

Empeleni basho ukuthini: “Ungangintshontshi ukuduma kwami.”

10. “Asimdingi omunye umuntu”

Lokhu kungenye yezinto umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza angakusho ebudlelwaneni ukuze akugcine uthobela futhi uthembekile kubo. Uma belwa nawe ngenxa yokuchitha isikhathi nabanye abantu, yazi ukuthi bazama ukukuhlukanisa nabanye abantu. Bazama ukwenza kube ubuhlobo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angifuni ukuncintisana ngesikhathi sakho kanye nokunakwa kwakho ngoba ngifuna nina nonke nibe ngami.”

11. “Kufanele ukhethe uhlangothi”

Lawa magama abonisa ukuzikhukhumeza ayindlela ecashile yokukulawula ngokomzwelo . Angase akubuze imibuzo efana nokuthi “Uma ungakhetha ukuhlala nomuntu oyedwa kuphela kule planethi, ubani obengaba nguye?” ngethemba lokuthi ubungathi nguye. Futhi uma ungamkhethi ngaphezu kwabanye, angase acasuke futhi akubeke engcupheni.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Khetha mina. Ngithande ngaphezu kwabanye. Ngitshele ukuthi ngibaluleke kakhulu kuwe.”

12. “Awulutho ngaphandle kwami”

NgokukaChavi, “AmaNarcissists ahlala ecabanga ukuthi anamandla kangakanani.

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Ngakho-ke, izinto ezishiwo ama-narcisists ukukugcona zifaka phakathi ukuthatha isikweletu ngezinto ozifezile. “Ubungeke ukwenze ngaphandle kwami” ingelinye lamaqhinga engxabano yama-narcissist. Bakwenza uzizwe sengathi ubakweleta impumelelo yakho.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngifuna isabelo enkazimulweni yakho ukuze ngilondoloze ukuphakelwa kwami ​​​​kokuzikhukhumeza.”

13. “Hhayi-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi akekho okuthandayo”

Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezivamile ezishiwo abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza ukuze bakugcine usesimweni esihle. Kuyindlela yabo yokubhubhisa ukuzethemba kwakho nokwenza uzizwe sengathi awunaye omunye umuntu ongaphendukela kuye. Umlingani wakho ukwenza uzizwe ungavikelekile ngokukutshela ukuthi akekho omunye umuntu ongakuthanda noma akunakekele ngendlela yena akuthandayo ngayo.

Empeleni basho ukuthini: “Lapho uzizwa uhlukanisiwe futhi unesizungu, kulapho amathuba okuthi ungishiye mancane khona.”

14. “Awuzethembi, awukhangi”

Izinto abazishoyo ama-narcissists ukuze bakugcone zihlanganisa ukukubiza ngokuthi 'ungavikelekile' nokuthi 'awukhangi'. Bafuna uzizwe unephutha. Lena indlela yabo yokukuphazamisa esihlokweni esikuso. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzogcina usuzonda noma uzingabaze. Ukwenza uzizwe kabi ngawe kuyabaphazamisa endleleni abazizonda ngayo.

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Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngingumuntu ongazethembi futhi ngiyesaba ukuthi uzongishiya.”

15. “Ungakhali, ufuna ukungikhohlisa”

UChavi uyachaza, “Isizathu esenza abantu bangaphumi ebuhlotsheni obuhlukumezayo ngokomzwelo kungenxa yokuthi abaqapheli ukuthi bungakanani ubuthi ababhekana nabo nsuku zonke.

“Ake sithathe isingathekiso sexoxo emthonjeni, uma ukhuphula izinga lokushisa lamanzi ngokuzumayo, ixoxo lizogxuma liphume.Kodwa uma ukhuphula izinga lokushisa kancane kancane, ixoxo lizojwayelana nalo.

"Yile ndlela kanye amagama abonisa ukuzikhukhumeza asebenza ngayo. Uyenza ibe yinto evamile ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo ngoba awuqapheli nokuthi uhlukunyezwa ngezindlela ezicashile." Ngakho-ke, lapho bekutshela ukuthi uyeke ukukhala, bafuna nje uzizwe njengomuntu obuthakathaka. Kalula nje, basuke bekusola ngalokho abakwenzayo.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angifuni uveze imizwa yakho.”

16. “Akulona iphutha lami, kungenxa yakho/imali/ingcindezi/umsebenzi”

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi labo abaphila nokuzikhukhumeza bavame ukuba nomuzwa wangaphakathi wokuba yisisulu, yingakho bengase badlulisele icala kuwe, komunye umuntu, noma kwesinye isici sangaphandle abangenalo ukulawula okukhulu kuso. Ukuzivikela nokudlala ikhadi lesisulu kokubili kuyizindlela ezivamile zokushintsha icala.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zami kungadinga ukuthi ngilahle ubugovu bami futhi angikwazi ukwenza lokho.”

17. “Angikalikhohlwa lelo phutha lakho”

Izinto abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza ezishiwoyo empikiswaneni zihlanganisa ukuveza izenzo zakho ezimbi zangaphambilini kodwa ungalokothi uthathe umthwalo wemfanelo wazo. Mhlawumbe ukuhlasela kwakho kwangaphambilini akunalutho oluhlobene nengxabano yamanje. Kodwa basengakuphakamisa ukuze bakuphazamise futhi bakubeke ekuzivikeleni. Lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi 'isaladi yamagama' yokuzikhukhumeza.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Manje usunobufakazi obumelene nami ngakho-ke kufanele ngiyigweme le mpikiswano nganoma iyiphi indlela.”

18. “Akukaze kwenzeke lokho”

Izifundo zisikisela ukuthi labo abanobugovu abathambekele ekubeni necala njengabanye, okungenza kube nzima ngabo ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zabo. Ngakho-ke, “Ubufakazi bakho abufakazeli lutho” kanye nokuthi “Angikaze ngisho lokho” ngezinye zezinkulumo ezivame ukusetshenziswa ngabantu abathanda ubugovu.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngiyazi ukuthi nginecala kodwa ngizokuphika ngokuphelele ukuze ugcine ungabaza.”

19. “Khululeka. Ungayenzi into enkulu kangaka”

Ngokusho kukaChavi, izinto umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza angasho ebudlelwaneni zihlanganisa ukuthi “Kuyinkinga encane kakhulu. Ungayidluliseli ngokweqile.” Ngisho nabacwaningi bathole ukuthi labo abaphila ne-NPD banokuziqaphela okulinganiselwe kanye nekhono eliphansi lokujwayelana nabanye, okungase kuchaze ukuthi kungani bengaboni ukuziphatha kwabo ngendlela efanayo nawe.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ubhekene nami ngakho ngizokunciphisa/nginciphise ukucindezeleka kwakho.”

20. “Uma wenza kanjalo, ngeke ngisakuthanda”

Lokhu kungenye yezinto eziyinqaba abashisekeli be-narcissist abakushoyo ukuze bakufise ngokomzwelo. Bakubeka endaweni, lapho okufanele 'ubonise' uthando lwakho kubo. Kuphakathi kokuthi indlela yabo noma umgwaqo omkhulu. Bakusabisa ngezindlela ezicashile futhi bakushiye ungenayo inkululeko yokuzikhethela.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “ Angikwazi ukubhekana nokwenqatshwa . Ngidinga abantu bangilalele ngokungacabangi.”

21. “Awazi ukuthi ukhuluma ngani”

U-Chavi uyagcizelela, "Ama-Narcissists angabantu abangavikelekile kakhulu. I-ego yabo iyindlela yokuzivikela ezinsongweni ezicatshangwayo, njengokugxekwa." Ngakho-ke, bayazivikela futhi bazame kanzima ukuzenza bazizwe bephakeme uma beqhathaniswa. Kuyindlela yabo yokuthi, "Ngiyingcweti. Ngiyiqonda kangcono inkinga engibhekene nayo."

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Lapho ngiqala ukuzizwa ngisongelwa, ngiqala ukukwehlisa isithunzi.”

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22. “Udinga ukukhula!”

“Uyingane engakavuthwa” kungezinye zezinto ezivame ukushiwo umlaza uma ethandana. Njengoba u-Chavi ebonisa, "Yonke into oyishoyo "ayinangqondo". Umuntu oyedwa ngaphansi kweLanga owenza umqondo yibo.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ukukuhleka kungisiza ukuthi ngithule ukungaqiniseki kwami.”

23. “Kungani ungeke ufane nabo?”

Ukukuqhathanisa nabanye kungena ngaphansi kwezimfanelo zakudala zokuzikhukhumeza. Kungakunikeza ukuphathwa buthule ukuze uthole amandla noma kukulindele ukuthi ube ngomunye umuntu ukuze bakuthande. Lokhu kungaphazamisa impilo yakho yengqondo futhi kukhubaze ukuzihlonipha kwakho.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angiziboni ngisesimweni esihle. Kungani kufanele uzibone?”

24. “Wangicasula, yingakho ngikhulume kabi kuwe”

Uma usabheka izinto ezingashiwo umgadli, edume kakhulu ithi “Ungenze ngenze lokhu”. Konke abakwenzayo kuyathetheleleka ngoba nguwe “obacuphayo”. Nguwe okhipha okubi kakhulu kuzo. Bonke abanye, ngakolunye uhlangothi, bayakwazi ukuveza okuhle kakhulu kubo.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “ Angikwazi ukubhekana nentukuthelo yami . Ngakho-ke ngizolahla lelo cala phezu kwakho.”

25. “Futhi bengithi ungumuntu olungile.

Ukukubiza ngomubi kungenye yezinto ezixakayo ezishiwo ama-narcissists. “Ngidumele kakhulu ngawe”, “Bengingakulindele lokhu kuwe”, noma “Ungakusho kanjani lokhu, kubo bonke abantu?” ezinye izinto ezivamile okushiwo ama-narcissists.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angisondele ngisho nokuba ngumuntu engifisa ukuba nguye. Ngakho-ke, ngifuna ukuthi ucwile nami.”

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26. “Uhlezi ufuna izizathu zokulwa nami”

Njalo uma uzama ukuveza imizwa yakho noma ukuchaza ukuthi kungani uphatheke kabi, zikwenza uzizwe sengathi wenze icala. Benza imizwa yakho ingasebenzi futhi bakwenze uzizwe sengathi umgomo wakho uwukubacasula. Ngakho, bathi, “Kungani uhlale ungigxeka?” noma “Kufanele njalo uchithe imizwa/usuku lwami”.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Angidingi ukuthi ungihlolele iqiniso. Ngiyajabula ukuhlala ngiphikelela.”

27. “Uhlala uyithatha ngendlela engafanele”

Ngokuphathelene nezinto abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza abazishoyo empikiswaneni, uChavi uthi, “Bazohlala bekutshela ukuthi uqonde kabi imibono yabo. Bazama nje ukukuhlambalaza ngokukutshela ukuthi bebengaqondile ngendlela obuyiqonda ngayo.”

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngakusho ngamabomu ukuthi ngikuzwise ubuhlungu. Kodwa manje kufanele ngilungise.”

28. “Mhlawumbe kufanele sikuqede lokhu”

Abananhloso yokuhlukana nawe. Kodwa abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza basho into eyodwa bese benza enye. Bakhuluma ngendaba yokuhlukana nawe njalo. Kungani kunjalo? Ngoba bayakuthanda uma ubonisa izimpawu zokuthi ucela uthando . Bayakuthanda ukukwethusa.

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ukubona ukuthi wesaba kangakanani ukungilahla kunginika umuzwa wenjabulo.”

29. “Angazi ukuthi ukhuluma ngani? Nini?”

Uma kukhulunywa ngezinto ezishiwo ama-narciss lapho bexabana, isu labo lokungena lidlala isimungulu. Bavame ukusho izinto ezinjengokuthi “Angiqondi”, “Usho ukuthini uma usho lokho?”, noma “Kuvelaphi lokhu?”

Lokho abakushoyo ngempela: “Ngiyazi kahle ukuthi ukhuluma ngani. Angifuni ukukhuluma ngakho.”

30. "Kuningi engibhekene nakho. Ngiyabonga ngokukwenza kube kubi kakhulu"

Ukuzidabukela kuyisici sakudala se-narcissistic. Ngakho-ke, izinto ezishiwo ama-narcissists lapho kungqubuzana ngokuvamile zihlanganisa ukuthi “Impilo yami inzima kakhulu”, “Ngizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu”, “Uyazi ukuthi ngicindezelekile”, njll.

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Empeleni basho ukuthini: “Ngifuna ungizwele futhi unginake.”

Ekugcineni, uChavi uyachaza, “Uma izinto ezingenhla ezishiwo abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza empikiswaneni zizwakala zijwayelekile kuwe, kufanele uhambise umlingani wakho ekwelashweni, ngoba kunzima kakhulu ukuhlala nomuntu onesindlela sokuzivikela esiqinile kangaka. Sisebenzisa amasu ahlukahlukene ukuze sisebenzele ukuzethemba kwabo, njenge-CBT, i-psychoanalysis, kanye nokwelapha ukuhlukumezeka kwabo kwangaphambilini.” Uma ufuna ukwesekwa, abeluleki bethu abavela kuphaneli yeBonobology baseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

Uqhube wathi, “Ngike ngabona amacala axakile ikakhulukazi lawa athandana nalaba ababili abathandanayo abaqhubeki nokwelapha ngoba i-therapy isuke imayelana nokuvuma ukuzisebenzela, kokunye abantu bayesaba ukuhamba ngoba wumshado ohleliwe.

Kodwa uma kuba namandla kakhulu, kungcono ukuthatha isinyathelo futhi uphume ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi. Ngakho-ke, zibheke njalo, hlala uzolile, futhi uvikele impilo yakho yengqondo.

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