For my little ones out there unaware of the baseball analogy of the dating scene, let me open with an introduction to the four bases one can touch (literally):
1. First base: Tonsil check-up
Also known as the French kind of kissing. Every introduction to sexuality opens with an open mouth and darting tongue. Sorry to make it sound like a fencing tag than a more romantic reality. Pardon my unladylike behaviour. So locking the lip and tasting saliva would be what we call the first base.
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2. Second base: Braille lesson
Getting acquainted with each other’s body is basically you coming back home to hi-5 peer groups that you got some under t-shirt action. This base is strictly touch only, do not pluck situation. It is important to get a feel of each other’s skin and let the feeling seep in to create the excitement of impending sexual activity.
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3. Third base: Let the mouth do the talking
Yes, I mean fellatio. It involves respective genitals serviced by the mouth to put it simply. It is going a mile ahead with your sexual relationship according to the rulebook, as you are allowing yourself to the penultimate stage to the hyped act of intercourse.
4. Fourth base: French Connection UK
I cannot write the word without getting banned. This is the ultimate touchdown where you both involve yourself in intercourse. For a heterosexual relationship, it unequivocally means genital insertion which changes according to every sexual preference. But the Americans have not yet spread the base count on that, so let us stick to conventions, shall we?
Okay, so that was a crash course of the four-base theory in the dating business. We have been blamed for having borrowed more than necessary from the American culture, but we have made due customisations to suit ourselves. So, today we shall try to revisit this particular dating ritual under the desi light. Let us see how we transform baseball bases to our gilli danda homerun.
First base: Bandi haa kar di yaar!
…or the male version of it. The fact that a woman or man has consented to get out of the sanskaari formula of falling in love only with the families’ consent is quite the feat to pull off. You have made the first big mark in your dating life if you get a yes and that, by Indian Dating standards, is a huge leap towards a bright future under your bed sheets.
Second base:A peck and a plunge
If you have found a private corner to yourself in the bustle of this country’s inquisitive eyes, you are going in a little more than a pesky kiss. Your second base in India would be a little more than the American first and less than the second base. As you both have found the time and space to finally meet and move things forward, you will not only get friendly with your tongues, but let the exploration loosen up a little. This generally stays confined to the torso, as you get a feel of each other’s contours. Now you know you have a trailer to judge your decision of going through the full haul.
Third base: French Connection UK
Yes, that would be the last base by American standards but nuh uh… not for us Indians. We have our game upped an ante and how. Third base means a definite trial run in the sack. From oral sex to monkeying around, third base is how every couple treats it. Sometimes a dating situation is stuck till this base, as the next one is kind of a scary one, not everyone wants to take that plunge.
Fourth base: Kundli testing
For a true desi light to be thrown on the American standards, a socially viable routine sexual life would be the ultimate base, in other words, marriage. If all goes well in the first three bases and can sustain time and social resistance, two bodies reach the last base of the four-step dating process and that is the ultimate destination of a holy and legal communion. This base includes the premium package of easily leased places to live in as a couple, families coercing you to have active sexual life and the ease of your sanskaar validated. Now you may climax without fear. Tada! Homerun!