Andar baahar: Five fulfilling alternatives to intercourse

You can avoid penetration with tender loving care

In the ‘70s, and before, people were not obsessed with intercourse, and sex meant a lot of frolicking around the actual act of penetration and coitus. The younger generation seems to be all about instant gratification, which we used to describe as slam-bam-thank you ma’am. And for many lovers, sex that solely consists of intercourse is frustrating.

For many reasons very few women consistently have orgasms from sex. Also, several young women suffer from vaginal dryness and even with lubricants, sex may be quite painful. In addition, after 40, as women begin the slow transformation to menopause, many more develop vaginal dryness.

After 40, many men’s erections become a “kabhi haan kabhi naa” scenario, which can interfere with intercourse. As men age, an increasing proportion suffer the “limp dick” syndrome, or the erectile dysfunction. Finally, many medical conditions and medications for diabetes, heart disease, sciatica, back pain, cancer treatment, etc. can make intercourse difficult or impossible. However, none of the above reasons need to bring on despair. Here are five erotically fulfilling options for lovemaking without intercourse.

Related reading: 13 non-sexual touches to feel intimate and close

How to have great sex without intercourse

For people who are focused on “sex” being the old in-and-out, it can be a pleasant surprise to discover the joys of great sex without intercourse. Lovemaking without intercourse can be a splendid substitute for lovers of any age who have trouble doing it like they do in the movies, especially for those who have had a steady diet of hard-core porn movies.

Sex without intercourse may sound impossible. “After all, it all sounds like foreplay” you may argue. It requires some effort, on the part of both lovers – and change is difficult, especially in the gamut of erotic moves. But if you find yourself in special conditions when you find intercourse problematic, sex without it allows sensuous, fulfilling lovemaking for life. For instance, you may be in the critical 3rd trimester of pregnancy, or have had a vasectomy, or need to rest a fractured leg.

Related reading: Top reasons why all women, whether married or not, must masturbate

Touch is the key

Once you wrap your head around the idea of sex without intercourse, it’s pretty easy. It involves the same leisurely, playful, whole-body touching, caressing, and massage that sex therapists recommend to all lovers. But it eliminates vaginal intercourse, focusing instead on all the other ways couples can enjoy marvellous genital pleasure: hand massages, oral sex, and sex toys, especially vibrators and dildos for women.

Many couples enjoy great sex without intercourse by experimenting, which can feel overwhelmingly weird. Engaging in new and different things brings in a certain sexual euphoria.

Engaging in new and different things brings in a certain sexual euphoria.

Doing things differently excites the brain to release dopamine, and dopamine enhances sensual intensity. So if you get adventurous and try new non-sex moves, lovemaking without intercourse can feel more intense and pleasurable than ever.

Try the new and different

For most men, hand massage of the penis is a major part of sex without intercourse. How do you figure out what strokes are pleasurable for your man, as some men are zealously particular about their own masturbation methods? This is when the man can show the woman exactly how he likes to be stroked by revealing it for her. Initially, this can feel awkward and embarrassing, but it is a fantastic way to get to know your partners erogenous zones! This also enhances her skills and increases her confidence in her own erotic dexterity and attractiveness. Masturbating for a lover also deepens the couple’s intimacy. Intimacy is all about self-revelation, disclosing and acknowledging who you really are.

Oral sex or fellatio

For men, fellatio is a major component of great sex without intercourse, because the good news is, men don’t need erections to enjoy it. They can derive great pleasure from oral sex even if only partially erect or even flaccid. Also, a firm erection is not necessary for ejaculation and orgasm. It’s quite possible for men to experience great orgasms with only partial erections or none at all – if they are stimulated by hand, mouth, or sex toy, sufficiently.

Going down on her

For women to derive direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse, the doggy style or the woman-on-top position, are the most effective. But the way most couples have sex, intercourse does not provide sufficient stimulation for women to enjoy orgasms, which is why sex without intercourse can feel so satisfying. Of course, for women who enjoy feeling chockfull, dildos and phallic vibrators can be a blessing. The woman can use them on herself with the man watching, or holding and gently caressing her. Watching movies, lolling around naked in bed, while caressing each other gently or playing with her hair or even giving each other light massages all feel intensely arousing.

A large number of women get stimulated and have orgasms with oral sex. Here again, a man should be coachable and explore what his ladylove likes and gets pleasure from. For many women, (and men) a frolic in a warm jacuzzi, or bath tub with scented swirling waters and aesthetic perfumes, flickering candlelight and being slightly tipsy on a glass of wine can completely substitute for intercourse.