Sex after marriage takes on a whole new sheen, even if you’ve been living together or been physically intimate before marriage. And of course, if you’ve been waiting until your wedding night to take the sex leap, there’s plenty for you to look forward to and learn about each other.
But, like most aspects of intimacy, sex needs time, practice and understanding. The importance of sex in marriage is undoubted, but the path to it isn’t always smooth. While sex is the most looked-forward thing in marriage, newlywed intimacy issues are not uncommon. There are some common sex problems couples face that they most often don’t foresee.
When sex in marriage goes amiss, newlyweds often don’t know how to solve it. We’ve rounded up some tips for newly married couples that they may face in their sex lives, along with suggestions on how you can handle them, and make your first wedding night problems (and all subsequent nights!) go away.
7 Common Sex Problems Newlyweds Face
People prepare for the wedding, they pick the honeymoon destination carefully, they involve interior decorators to set up their new home but what they don’t prepare for is sex. Most of the time, newlyweds lack knowledge about physical intimacy and the common sex problems that newlyweds can face. We list 7 such problems that could cause newlywed intimacy issues.
1. How often should newlyweds make love?
As many times they want is the right answer. Libido runs high in the first few months of marriage and making out a number of times in a day is normal. But sometimes it happens that newlyweds don’t understand how many times is actually comfortable for both. How often newlyweds have sex shouldn’t be an issue as long as both partners are willing and on the same page.
However, there can be discomfort, both physical and emotional, about how often newlyweds make love. It could be that the male partner comes across as too needy if he wants to have sex a number of times; or the woman holds back from asking for intimacy in case she comes across as too forward.
Physically, too, sex in marriage (and out of it) could get uncomfortable. There could be chafing and irritability in the vagina if intercourse is too frequent, especially the first few times. Men, too, could experience soreness due to friction. Painful sexual intercourse isn’t uncommon as a first wedding night problem, but it’s important to talk about it and speak up if you’re in any discomfort.
Remember, sexual compatibility is as much about a meeting of minds, as it is about bodies. An understanding of each other’s needs and desires is essential for good sex.
2. How to use contraception
There is rarely a discussion on what contraception works for a couple. So, they are unsure most of the time. Sometimes wrong knowledge and techniques lead to an unplanned pregnancy. This is a common sex problem most newlyweds face. Plan on contraception and you could even meet your gynecologist to take help.
Related Reading: The Best Contraceptives For Newly Married Couples
Many men are inexperienced in using a condom. They often lose their erection while trying out one for the first time and often feel shy and unequipped in front of their wife. And the wife, on the contrary, does not know how to react to such a situation and make him feel comfortable. Again, communication is important here. Talk about contraception, be open about whether you’re on the pill or not and remember safe sex is important within marriage too. This is essential as far as tips for a newly married couple go.
3. Premature ejaculation and lack of orgasm
Sex comes with a lot of pressure to perform. If a man ejaculates prematurely and a woman does not orgasm the first few times it does not mean there is no passion in the relationship and it is doomed from the beginning. Sex is something that you perfect with practice and these are the most common sex problems newlyweds face because they are inexperienced.
Focus on foreplay and don’t see sex as the means to an end. It’s meant to be messy and fun and full of laughter. You’re not being tested here and it shouldn’t feel that way. Discover each other, discover your own body and desires and most of all, don’t place undue pressure on yourself and your partner.
4. Myths influence thoughts
You know all those romance novels we read where the woman bleeds on the first night as a sign of her virginity? And where the man is a volcano of suppressed passion just waiting to explode? For the love of Eros, leave those sexual myths to the novels and focus on reality.
No, all women don’t bleed the first time they have sex. No, there is absolutely no reason to have a meltdown if it turns out your bride isn’t a virgin after all. And people of all genders can have an ‘off-day’ when it comes to sex, or may not be tigers in the bedroom at all. That doesn’t mean you won’t have a good time.
5. Lack of communication
This is the biggest mistake most newlyweds make. They do not communicate to each other about sexual needs and expect the other to figure it out. The importance of sex in marriage is key, but honestly, there’s no good sex without good communication.
In fact, there are very few couples who have a clear conversation around sex before the honeymoon. This means that most of the time newlyweds end up groping in the dark (quite literally!) and finding out what works and what does not work.
We cannot stress this enough. Talking to one another about sex as newlyweds is half the work done. Not that sex is a chore, but like all aspects of a relationship, it takes effort and time.
6. It’s not mind-blowing sex every time
Its true newlyweds can’t get enough of each other after the vows are taken. And they are always looking for a chance to make out. But one has to accept that every make-out session will not lead to mind-blowing sex. Don’t compare one session with another because every session will be different. The best part is you have more time with each other to try out new things but that would not always mean crazy sex. How often should newlyweds make love? As many times you want but some sessions will be hotter than others, accept that.
Related Reading: Having Sex While Living In A Joint Family
7. Time management
This is another problem newlyweds start facing. As soon the honeymoon is over there is a job to keep, chores to do, relatives (from both sides) to socialize with and there is always a demand on your time. And by the time you reach the bedroom you are exhausted.
But don’t let these aspects of domesticity overwhelm you. Time management is crucial in a marriage. If you learn that quickly better for you.
But you don’t have to wait to hit the bedroom to do your thing. Try the kitchen table top while doing the dishes. It could be mind-blowing.
There’s a lot of talk surrounding weddings and marriage. The trousseau, the honeymoon, the stag and hen nights. But the realities of sex continue to be shrouded in secrecy. Intimacy comes with honesty and openness, and that includes being open about sexual needs and clearing up any questions or misconceptions.
If you’ve got questions about sex, it’s a good idea to visit a sex counselor or marriage counselor to take advice. That way, you get professional advice, and you needn’t approach your wedding night and married sex life with dread or misinformation.