To most people, a guy’s behavior after a breakup is something that is misunderstood. We have all heard the stereotypes on how guys behave after a breakup, like, “Oh breakups hit guys later”, “He is probably out drinking with his friends right now”, etc.
While these particular statements are sometimes true, guys go through a lot after a breakup, most of which are not addressed or acknowledged by a majority of people.
How do guys act after a breakup? When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? Why guys break up suddenly? If questions like these have been clouding your mind, we’re here with the answers.
What A Guy Goes Through After A Breakup?
Before we jump into the list, it is important to understand male psychology immediately after a breakup. Contrary to popular belief, the first few days after the breakup are when guys are at their most vulnerable. It is at that point that they question their worth as a person and try to cope with their feelings of abandonment and resentment.
How guys behave after a breakup also depends on the seriousness of the relationship that they were in. They look to their friends whom they still trust, to help them get through the first few days. After a breakup, guys seek more social activity which serves to distract them from the breakup and help navigate their new social situation.
With the fact that this is an emotionally vulnerable time for guys in mind, let us move on to the list.
Male psychology after a breakup
The common perception is that breakups don’t affect men as deeply as they do women. Often, this perception stems from the fact that men are used to putting up a tough exterior. In line with the widely propagated, ‘men don’t cry’ stereotype.
However, men too experience distraught emotions after a romantic partnership runs its course. We spoke to psychologist Dr Prashant Birmani to understand male psychology after a breakup.
“Breakups affect men or boys on various levels and in varying degrees. If a man was too emotionally invested in the relationship or too attached or dependent on the partner, he may even become depressed after a breakup,” he says.
Listing out some of the common tendencies seen in boys after a breakup, Dr Birmani says:
1. Rebound Relationships
How do guys act after a breakup? Dr Birmani says one common tendency is to get caught in a string of rebound relationships. This can be seen as a way to assuage guys’ pride after a breakup, especially in cases when they have been dumped.
They tend to move on from one casual fling to the other. Even if these relationships are fleeting and hollow, they perfectly fit in with the male psychology after a breakup that seeks validation of sorts. ‘I’m good enough.’ ‘I can still land as many girls as I like.’ ‘It was her, not me.’
2. Self-destructive behavior
Dr Birmani also points out that it is not uncommon for self-destructive tendencies to emerge in boys after a breakup. “This most commonly manifests in form of addictions. If the man already has certain addictive habits such as drinking or smoking, these can augment manifold.
“In case, he has quit that habit on the insistence of his now ex-partner, the chances of a relapse are much higher. Then, they take to it with a vengeance.”
The male psychology after a breakup is of self-destruction because they view it as a way of getting back at the partner or making them see how they’ve ruined their life.
When the guys’ pride after breakup is hurt, revenge becomes a common theme. “They feel that their ex has broken their heart and destroyed their life, so it’s only fair that they’re made to pay for the damage. In such cases, leaking personal chats, images and videos online or even trying to physically harm the ex-partner are common,” Dr Birmani says.
Revenge porn, acid attacks, stalking are all outcomes of this aspect of male psychology after a breakup.
4. Not being able to move on
It is hard to say exactly when do guys start to miss you after a breakup, but whenever they do, it can severely impact their ability to form meaningful romantic connections. If a man is stuck in the past and unable to get over his ex, he won’t be able to get into another committed or long-term relationship.
5. Inability to perform sexually
Dr Birmani says an inability to perform sexually can be linked to hung-up-in-the-past male psychology after a breakup. “I recently had a patient who had been in a committed relationship with a girl. However, things didn’t work out between them. After the breakup, his parents got him married to another girl.
“It had been two years since the wedding and he still hadn’t consummated his relationship with his wife. As a result, the wife left home. After a few sessions with him, I was unable to uncover this underlying issue. Now, I’m counseling them as a couple, and they’re already on the path to progress,” he says.
Related Reading: Worst things that one can do to deal with a break up
How Does A Guy Behave After A Breakup -11 Things You Didn’t Know
There are some clichéd ideas of the things a guy does after a breakup, the things we just talked about now. But what we are coming to are the things that a guy usually does after a breakup but we are not aware of. We tell you the 11 things a guy does after a breakup.
1. Spend some time alone
This is the most common change to a guy’s behavior after a breakup. The need to be alone is so strong that it has caused people to ask the question, do guys hurt after a breakup? Yes, guys do hurt after a breakup. That is precisely why so many guys want to be alone immediately after a breakup.
It gives them time to process what has just happened. After a breakup, a guy often wants to be left alone. This is also the time guys use for introspection. They wonder how they could not have foreseen that a breakup was coming if there was something that they could have done to prevent or fix it.
This is also the time guys look back on the relationship and wonder if they have been taken for granted. They think of all the reasons their partner gave them for breaking up and try to reason how valid they are.
After all, a relationship is a two-way street, one which requires constant effort and patience. During this time, guys wonder if their partner is worth all the time and effort they have put in and would have to put in if they still believe the relationship can be saved.
Related reading: 12 Signs That You Are Dating A Stalker and need To Breakup
2. Seek out their friends
This is another visible change to a guy’s behavior after a breakup. After spending some time alone, men will seek out their friends. This happens for two reasons. The first is that during the course of the relationship, guys feel like they have to sacrifice some time with their friends, so after a breakup guy will try to reconnect with their close friends.
The second reason is that guys need to spend time with people they still trust after a breakup. It is important to spend time with the people you care about and who you know care about you as well. It gives guys a platform through which they can figure out their social standing in the world.
3. Pick a new hobby
This is a change that is often overlooked in a guy’s behavior after a breakup. Many guys will have a little more time to themselves after a breakup and rather than waste it, a lot of guys choose to pick up a new hobby.
The most common ones are learning to play an instrument, cooking or a sport. Picking a new hobby is an effective way for a guy to heal after a breakup. Learning a new ability allows guys to improve themselves and it is a fun way to pass the time.
It also shows guys that they do not need to be in a relationship to have a good time or feel fulfilled in life.
Related Reading: 10 Things Single Men Can Do To Keep Busy
4. Seek new relationships
After a breakup, guys tend to seek as many short-term romantic interactions as they can. Getting into rebound relationships is their way of coping with the loss. Many people would say that this is due to guys’ pride after a breakup.
It is a common belief that guys seek such relationships because they want to prove that they can have sex anytime they want and that it is their partner’s loss for breaking up with them. This is far from the truth, however.
When a guy’s partner leaves him, the message in the guys’ mind is, “Hey I can tolerate your presence on this earth, but you just aren’t good enough for me.” So the only pride guys have after a breakup is shattered.
Yes, they seek many interactions after a breakup but that is just to see they still are worth anything, to see if they can still be important and useful to other people. By getting into rebounds are trying to fix their pride, not flaunt it in their ex’s face.
5. Try to get back together
Everyone who has ever broken up with their boyfriend would have received this call. Out of the blue, his name flashes up on your phone, you pick up and he wants to get back together. It has been a while since you two broke up. You’re probably over him already.
And you cannot fathom why he would call you now and you have probably asked yourself, why do breakups hit guys later? Allow me to answer that question. It doesn’t. A guy always feels hurt, even though they don’t wallow in self-pity.
While being single has its perks and is fun, guys still crave intimacy. They miss holding your hand when you go for a walk and the way you raise your voice when you are excited about something. Here is a fact most people do not consider. Guys like being in relationships.
Most of the time, however, their ex is the last one they remember who they could be intimate with and guys are familiar with their ex’s presence. There is an important question all men must ask themselves after a breakup. Do you really miss the person, or do you just miss being in a relationship? Most often, it is the latter that is true.
Related Reading: 5 Things Women Do That Confuse Men!
6. Do nothing
It’s a strange phenomenon of male psychology after a breakup. A guy’s behavior after a breakup can be strange, but this one is the strangest. Sometimes guys do nothing. They just go about their day passively reacting to what goes on around them.
They still keep up with their daily responsibilities, but other than that, there isn’t much that they do. They don’t socialize, don’t indulge in their hobbies or actively take part in something. Actually, how guys behave after a breakup can even affect their work-life.
When asked about their thoughts during this time, their response is “nothing important.” This behavior is quite alarming as it reminds most people of depression after a breakup. However, this isn’t always the case.
Sometimes guys do nothing. It isn’t because they are sad and cannot function, they just need some time to unwind and figure out who they are. It is a phase that reoccurs from time to time after a breakup.
7. Dedicate more time to their responsibilities
This is a method of distraction that guys employ after a breakup. Some people might notice that a guy’s behavior after a breakup is more responsible and less goofy. They seem more proactive and waste less time. A lot of guys choose to escape into their responsibilities, be it work, or social causes.
Many guys do this because it is frankly easier to work than to deal with the confusing and terrifying emotions bubbling within you. While effective and useful in short phases, this isn’t the healthiest long-term strategy to adopt after a breakup.
Related Reading: I’m depressed and unable to move on after my breakup
8. Seek new experiences
A little while after a breakup, guys are bored out of their minds. They are itching to try something new just to remind themselves that there is an entire world out there that doesn’t involve their ex. During this time, guys will try to go on a trip or make a change to their routine.
This is when they would try to broaden their horizons by meeting new people, volunteer for events, take a new class etc. People might feel a guy is falling in and out of love too fast, but that is not the case.
The experiences that guys seek are varied, but they will try to do as many new things as possible. It helps guys reconnect with the rest of the world as after a breakup guys can feel quite lost.
9. Question their place in the world
After a breakup, guys go through a period of introspection and they aren’t always kind to themselves. They think about all their flaws and question if they truly deserve everything that they have. They question their flaws and virtues.
Guys discover a lot about themselves during these moments. These are existential moments that every guy goes through and as tough as they are, guys come out the other side being more in tune with who they are.
These moments force guys to take a look at their life and the choices they have made that got them here. This also allows guys to think about what they truly want in a relationship and they keep that in mind when looking for a new partner.
10. Re-evaluate the relationships they have
This is an unnoticed change in a guy’s behavior after a breakup. Guys pay attention to the relationships they do have with friends and family. Guys re-evaluate these relationships based on how their friends and family treat them and the breakup.
This is when guys try to see which of their friends can help them through this tough time and which ones are just around for the good times. He may actually seize contact with particular people if he realizes that this person doesn’t have his best interest at heart.
Guys seek to strengthen the bonds they do have after a breakup if they believe that they can count on these people.
Related Reading:Is It Okay For Men To Cry?
11. Improve themselves
Going through a breakup can be quite devastating. Guys tend to question their worth as people after a breakup. If the breakup is messy, guys can feel quite crushed. After pitying themselves for a while, guys decide that simply whining and thinking of their flaws and shortcomings is not worth it.
Instead, they try to improve as many flaws within them as they can. This helps the way guys look at themselves when they feel like they are contributing to the world around them.
Breakups are hard, on both partners. Being unaware of what someone goes through makes it impossible to help them. So these are eleven of the most common changes to a guy’s behaviour after a breakup. Hopefully, this article taught you something new.