Are you having a crush on someone who is in a relationship? Can we agree that as beautiful as love is, it can be a real inconvenience, especially when it’s one-sided? I mean, why aren’t we designed in a way that we only get attracted to available, single human beings? Instead, we are stuck with a mostly invalid format of attraction. We fall in love with anyone regardless of their availability.
And we aren’t even talking about the ones who are single and don’t love us back. (That’s a whole other discussion.) No, we are talking about the cases where you fall in love with someone who’s already in a relationship.
“My crush is in a relationship,” is something people confide in their friends. The funniest part is a friend of mine did that when he was in college. But his crush broke up with her boyfriend. Now he is happily married to his crush with kids. So falling for someone who is in a relationship is not always tragic.
What if your crush has a boyfriend or girlfriend? You should try your best. If it works out fine, if it doesn’t just move on.
Related Reading: My Crush Is Dating My Bestie And This Is How I Am Surviving
What To Do When You Like Someone Who Is In A Relationship
There is that one friend who just lights up your days when you meet them, and you want to keep meeting them. You would love to hang out with them. Do the movies, fine dining and all the regular dating stuff. You’d ask them to meet you everyday, but there’s a catch.
They already have a partner. What do you go through when you fall in love with a girl, and she already has a boyfriend? It can be particularly annoying, this one.
It can be really difficult if your crush is dating someone else. You wish you could do all the things with them that they are doing it with someone else. All you get to do is hang out in the gang, get a “Hello hug” and a goodbye peck on the cheeks. You feel dejected and unhappy. But there are ways to cope if you have a crush on someone who is in a relationship. We tell you what to do.
Related reading: When I saw my live-in boyfriend having sex with someone else in our bed
1. Don’t judge yourself
To begin with, there’s the judgment that we have towards ourselves. How could you fall in love with someone who’s already committed?
In most cases, happily. Isn’t it perverse, immoral, wanting someone who’s already in another relationship? I can’t break up an on-going thing. I won’t be the home wrecker. I can’t be the other woman or man, assuming the object of my desire loves me back. This entire rollercoaster of emotions and conflicting feeling steers us towards guilt and make us doubt ourselves.
But stop doing that to yourself. You don’t always have a hold on your own feelings. And also remember if you talk to people you will realise that at some point in their lives they have had a crush on someone who is in a relationship. It’s perfectly normal. So don’t judge yourself and break your head over it.
2. Don’t keep saying, “Why God why?”
We also end up cursing our fate. Almost as if life has a bias against us and we aren’t liked by this so-called fate, because we put in the path of someone who’s not in a place to love us.
When in pain, we look to blame someone, and life, God, fate end up taking the blame here. We all know that we are not logical when we blame our destiny, of course, but humans tend to do the wrong things when in love.
A friend of mine fell for a colleague of his knowing fully well that she had a boyfriend. He tried to get her attention and even believed that he got some. But then he realised she was way too young and there couldn’t be a life together. He moved on. A couple of years later she invited him to her wedding. “While attending her wedding I realised I still loved her. I felt so happy seeing her happy face.”
3. Not everything is futile
“My crush is in a relationship and I wasted two years of my precious time hoping he would fall for me,” said a friend. But she still revelled in the feeling of being in love and just being able to talk to the guy made her happy.
Some see the odd beauty in this kind of love. To fall in love is a privilege, and it doesn’t mean that the other person will necessarily be able to love you back; those are the rules of the game.
Nowhere will you find anyone saying that you can’t like someone this way. Though it might be futile in someone’s eyes, when you love someone, only you have a right to that emotion. As long as you’re not bothering or harming the other person in the process, your one-sided love will remain love. It is in fact a great feeling to fall for someone. Whether they are with someone else is inconsequential, if you can handle it.
4. Your love can fade away
Over time that love can fade, too. Just the way people who love each other fall out of love, one-sided love can disappear also.
Knowing there’s no way you can be with the other person can work as motivation to move on from the feelings, and it is possible. As stated previously, loving someone who already has a partner can be painful, and unless you happen to be particularly masochistic, you’ll get tired of the pain and move on.
Having a crush on someone who is already in a relationship is normal. But most people, who have experienced that, say that with time the intensity lessens and it finally goes away when you meet someone who reciprocates your love.
Related reading: Why lust is extraordinary to understand love
5. You are entitled to nothing
If you’re in such a situation, you must remember this though, that the other person doesn’t owe you anything. Loving doesn’t require reciprocation. You can confess the feelings if you’re friends with the person, but this doesn’t mean that they will leave their boyfriend or girlfriend and come running into your arms.
If all you want is to destroy their relationship and possess them as yours then what you’re feeling isn’t love. It is not a quest for possession.
Therefore, you must not act like the other person owes you love just because you love them. You are not doing them a favour. If you do, you’ll most likely end whatever friendship you have with the person. So keep that friendship alive, you will gain much.
6. The heartbreak highway
You could get lucky, of course. The person might feel the same way, and they might be able to pull away from the other relationship and get together with you.
This process too will be painful, and if you see this happening, your job will be to provide support to your love as they get out of a relationship. Either way, this path includes a lot of heartbreak, but that is a path of love, and the view must be beautiful, because people keep walking down it again and again, despite the heartbreaks.
When Should I Give Up On My Crush?
This is a question that becomes the focal point of existence if you have a crush on someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
Should I just move away from my crush, you could be asking yourself. Yes, you should if there are issues in their life because of you. Also, if you see your crush is in love with their bae madly and there is no question of shifting their attention to you, you should move away.
Like Neil Nitin Mukesh diasppeared in the film New York from the life of his crush played by Katrina Kaif, who was in love with John Abraham, you should maintain a safe distance.
But if you really love the person and feel that you can be happy in their happiness then stay on. There is no denying the fact that some people have happy stories to tell. The happy endings are encouraging, but don’t hope for one always.
There are stories of how best pals, wingmen, classmates who had a crush on someone already in a relationship did get their happy ending. But it doesn’t happen always.
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