Struggles and Scars

Is it fair to expect an Indian girl to live with her in-laws after marriage?

Why are Indian women expected to live with their in-laws after marriage? Is it fair to them? Readers respond
Indian bidaai

Indian society has different expectations from men and women and most often there is a vivid discrimination. Leaving one’s own house and moving in with the husband’s family is one such practice. But is it all bad or there is a rosy side as well? We asked our readers from the group Indian Women Discuss and this is what they had to say.

Related reading: How living with invalid in-laws can test a marriage

Why should it be a compulsion on women to live with the in-laws?

Deepmala Dutta Unfair. First of all, living with parents after attaining adulthood is a sham. It’s so blown out of proportion in India. Then after marriage, the in-law factor doesn’t help the couple to grow interdependent, because there will always be someone else to help or create trouble. Adults in India foresee parents as caretakers of their kids and other necessities… It’s a kind of give and take policy. No one is selfless.

Mariya Salim Of course it is unfair. What makes the parents of a boy more important than those of a girl? These traditions are deep rooted in patriarchy. Both sets of parents should move in together if the expectation is that the boy and girl need to take care of the parents. My parents should be as important as his.

Patriarchy

Akanksha Dutt Every couple deserves to make a home of their own, independent of both sets of parents. They should be applauded for making their own nest right from scratch, instead of being made feel guilty of the ‘crime’ of living ‘separate’ from parents. Every human being needs his or her own space. A couple is no different. The wife deserves a chance to make a home with her husband rather than making ‘adjustments and compromises’ to make a space for herself in the in-laws’ hearts and home!

struggles n scars native

Related reading: 12 things you should never compromise on in a relationship

Preeti Gaur Depends on the sweetness of the relationship and circumstances. If the bond is strong and there is a sense of tolerance and respect for each other in the entire family, then living together is bliss. Children enjoy the love of grandparents. But there are situations when one has to be away despite everything going right, like for people with transferable jobs.

Swati Singhania Not unfair! Well, living with parents is always a little difficult. But we don’t quit on ours, so why should we quit on his?

Tanvi Sinha Of course it is unfair. How do the girls’ parents manage? Are they any less old? This is one of the reasons people want sons – budhape ka sahara. Let us not complain about female foeticide when we continue to enjoy all benefits of patriarchy.

Adjusting to a new home is a two-way street, but in the ideal scenario, there should be no compulsion on women to live with the in-laws. Don’t you think so?

Why I became happier when I stopped trying to please my in-laws

My in-laws are bed-ridden and I’m unable to manage my work, family and their care. How do I even talk to my husband about taking them to an old age home?

In laws disrespect me as I am not earning

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