A poll on Netmums concluded that one in every 4 women in a total of 2000 women respondents felt that their mothers-in-law were ‘controlling’ in nature. Once you start spotting the signs that your mother-in-law hates you, it leads to frustration, resentment, frequent arguments with the husband, and in worst cases, the end of a marriage.
That, my friend, is the work of a manipulative mother-in-law who hates you so much. A mother-in-law can create a toxic relationship that can have a negative impact on everyone.
Having to deal with a toxic mother-in-law can be a nightmare. But have you zeroed in on the signs that your mother-in-law doesn’t like you? If she is is doing these 15 things your mother-in-law hates you, that’s for sure.
Related Reading: 8 Signs of a Poisonous Mother-In-Law and 6 Ways to Beat Her at Her Game
15 Signs Your Mother-in-law Hates You
Before you start feeling like a worthless mess and let your equation with your toxic mother-in-law take a toll on your relationship with your husband, identify these signs in your MIL. It is hard to deal with a mother-in-law who hates you.
If it seems the signs define her, then my friend, you need real, serious help in dealing with her. If you’re wondering how to deal with a mother-in-law who hates you, read on. Here are the ways that will help you identify the signs that your mother-in-law hates you for sure.
1. By default, she is always right
There is no argument for this one. She is infallible and if your mother-in-law doesn’t like you then there are chances she would always believe you are wrong.
A mother-in-law who hates you can never be wrong. And even if she is, no one dare say so. Period.
In fact, she will highlight your flaws and your shortcomings. And, apparently, she is a flawless goddess. You really don’t know how to deal with a mother-in-law who hates you.
2. She ignores and dismisses you completely
You are simply not worthy of her attention and are insignificant to her. She would not listen to you even when you are talking to her. This is a sign your mother-in-law hates you.
She will blatantly ignore you and pretend to do her nails. If you happen to air an opinion, she will dismiss it right away.
This is a clear indication that she harbours toxicity towards you and hates you immensely.
3. She never fails to highlight your flaws
Whether it was the cake that had cracks at the top, or your blemishes, she never fails to highlight your flaws. And she even does that in public.
To top the insult, she even offers you advice and may even buy you skincare cosmetics (for those blemishes). She might seem sugary when she picks up the negatives about you but don’t let that mislead you. She doesn’t like you and she leaves no stone unturned to make that clear.
4. She passes rude and snide remarks when no one is around
Being critical about everything you do is one thing, but passing rude and snide remarks the moment the two of you are alone just takes the hatred to the next level.
And no, she won’t insult you in front of the whole family; after all, she has that image to maintain, plus she’d never show her son how much she truly dislikes you.
Instead, she will say hurtful and mean things to you when you are wrapping up the kitchen and no one is around. It spoils your mood for the night too, probably what she wants.
And even if you try talking to your husband, he will have trouble believing you because she is so nice when he is around.
5. The concept of ‘boundaries’ is alien to her
Despite your repeated reminders, your overbearing mother-in-law fails to respect your personal boundaries and well disguises the interference as ‘love‘ for her son and you.
So much so, your husband tends to believe that she is just being thoughtful, loving and caring – and this is imprinted in his mind at a subconscious level.
Every time you say something against her, he will quote these incidents and dismiss your claims.
Make him remember that an adult’s first loyalty should rest with their life-partner. In fact, it is a good idea that you both set some boundaries with in-laws for peaceful co-existence.
6. She is least interested in your life
To ask someone about their day and ask questions pertaining to someone’s life is a relatively easier way to let them know that you care.
But not your mother-in-law. She never asks how your day went, why are you happy today or what caused that bruise just beneath your eye. You keep wondering, “Why does my mother-in-law hate me so much?”
Your cunning and jealous mother-in-law is least interested in your affairs and never asks you about anything. She may also not be supportive of your job, and may constantly nag you or demean your work responsibilities.
7. She belittles all your accomplishments
Whether it is your academic excellence, laurels in sports or the current ‘Best employee’ award, everything that you have ever accomplished is simply irrelevant.
She will leave no stone unturned to make sure you understand that all your accomplishments mean nothing to her, she is not proud and she simply doesn’t really care.
They are clearly rubbish, and she will never be genuinely happy for you. This will act as a blow to your confidence too, something that she actually wants. But you must remember to love yourself no matter how much she tries to convince you otherwise.
8. She has a thing to undermine you
She has a thing to sabotage everything you do and undermine all your efforts. Whether it is the long-awaited vacation you have planned or your parenting choices, a jealous mother-in-law would want you to fail and weaken all your efforts.
The environment around you will reek of negativity and because she is into hyper-competition with you, she will try her best to make you feel less in everything – confidence, ability, power and intellect.
She would compare herself with you often and needless to say she would always emerge better.
9. She insults your family
One of the signs that your mother-in-law hates you is that she is insensitive towards you. She does not hesitate to pass rude remarks and insult your ethnicity, religious beliefs, and even your family.
She may not say nasty stuff directly and will sometimes even say it as a backhanded compliment. You may not even realise your family has just been insulted.
This sounds cheap, but a toxic mother-in-law who resents you completely will have no boundaries to stop her. These are signs your mother-law-does not like you at all. You will be only left wondering how to deal with a mother-in-law who hates you for no explicable reason.
10. She speaks about your husband’s exes enthusiastically
A toxic mother-in-law would radiate toxicity- nothing more. She might blatantly mention something about your husband’s exes. She wouldn’t hesitate to compare you with them.
This one would hurt a lot, but would also leave you with no doubt that your overbearing mother-in-law feels you are not deserving of her son.
Her enthusiasm to always put you down and compare you to others is a clear sign of an emotionally manipulative mother-in-law.
Tell her it hurts and she should refrain from doing this. Or, if you can, ignore her when she talks crap like this.
11. There are no pictures of you and your husband
In this age of prints and pictures, you have photos of everything. Even what one eats and what one pees (okay, not literally). The thing is, if you notice not even a single picture of yours in her house, then you need not make any second guess – she definitely hates you.
Look at that wall. It has photos from all stages of her son’s life, the relatives and everyone else – but none from the marriage or after that – when you were by his side.
Think about gifting one to her?
12. Playing the victim is her favourite sport
Do you know what her favourite sport is? Playing the victim card! This card lets her have all her son’s attention (and even the nosy neighbours).
The moment something comes from you, she plays this card shedding crocodile tears and involving the whole family so that you can be labelled as a villain. She will garner sympathy and give you a winning smile, after all, is over.
She is really jealous of you and manipulates your husband making him see only one side of the coin. Talk out with your husband and see if it makes sense.
13. Your mother-in-law hates you and competes with you in everything
Whether it is the way you dress or the way you talk, you will find someone is always trying to compete with you and win. A jealous mother-in-law will compete with you in all that matters, cooking, vacations, beauty and what you read and do.
If you have bought a new dress, she may go and buy a more expensive one. A lot of toxic mothers-in-law compete with their daughters-in-law in all respects.
She feels threatened by you and would do everything that you can to make sure she wins. This is also one of the signs that your mother-in-law hates you.
It can be a very, very unhealthy competition that can suck the family’s happiness.
14. She does not like you to be a part of family gatherings
This one is aimed at maligning your social image when it comes to the family get-togethers. A mother-in-law who hates you would conveniently forget to invite you for family gatherings or simply not tell you a key aspect of an expectation.
A mother-in-law who hates you may never mention that your husband’s maternal uncle is a diabetic who has no sugar – and when you offer him a cake you may be ridiculed for not knowing. She doesn’t want you to interact with the extended family as she does not want them to know the real (and good) you.
And of course, you are plainly forgettable to her. Above all, the worst part is, your spouse may not even see this is happening unless you speak about it.
Related Reading: 7 Tips For Men Who Are Stuck Between Wife And Mother In A Joint Family
15. She vehemently complains about you to her son
Not in front of you; she’d never want you to counter her allegations! But when she finds him alone or he has had an argument with you, she will sit him down and tell him how hard she is trying, but YOU.
And believe you me, she will have a long list of complaints which she will fervently discuss with her son. Because the man is already upset with you, these complaints work like fuel to the fire and he may even become indifferent for days.
And there you are, wondering what just happened.
These signs leave one with no doubt that your mother-in-law is not your biggest fan. Even if your husband believes otherwise, you know that weird feeling that you get when she is around. How to deal with a mother-in-law who hates you?
The best advice would be to try and make amends with your MIL, and have an amicable equation with her. Probably not an ideal one, but a decent, respectable one with agreed boundaries. However, before you start with working on that, you need to know whether your MIL totally hates you or is just being the classic version of her breed.
Before you come to the conclusion: “My mother-in-law hates me” just check out if she is displaying this 15 character traits we just now wrote about.
Related reading: 12 Things To Do When Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You
The above signs will help you identify a toxic mother-in-law who resents you to the core. Plan your moves accordingly – do not think you can change her, but beat her at her own game without letting the family dynamics go haywire.
Sometimes, when you see the signs your mother-in-law hates you, there is not much you can do, and just make the best of whatever you have and let go.
By not letting her behaviour affect your mental peace. Your mother-in-law might hate you or try to do everything to put you down, but you have to deal with it very sensibly. Shouting, retorting or answering back will make you the villain. Remember that.
Mothers-in-law are jealous because they are possessive about their sons and they cannot tolerate their son showering love and attention on another woman. They start competing for the son’s attention and try to prove that he still thinks the mother is more important than the wife.
You will know your mother-in-law hates you when she would take every opportunity to put you down, to compete with you, to make your life more difficult and she would try to play the victim card and prove you are the villain.
This whole problem stems from the mother’s possessiveness of the son. As he gets married the mother starts feeling insecure about her position and the issues with the daughter-in-law take off.
How I worked on my relationship with my mother-in-law and got back to a job