Joyce went for a date with Jacob – a man she met online. He was a decent man. They met in an Italian restaurant. The date was going pretty well till the food was served. Jacob didn’t pronounce one of the food items correctly and Joyce immediately corrected him. Jacob was embarrassed. Joyce didn’t stop here. She went on boasting her expertise and fluency in other languages, belittling Jacob. Result? Jacob not only dropped Joyce home after the date but also dropped the idea of dating her.
Did you see what went wrong here? Joyce lacked social etiquette that caused her losing a great potential partner that Jacob could have been. But she didn’t know what’s wrong and when the pattern repeats, she wonders, “Am I undateable?”
Have you also been losing at dates? Are you continuously failing to capture the attention of potential partners around you? If your answer to these questions is yes, then it is high time you evaluate the social habits which are making you undateable. Dating is the first step that you take towards establishing a long-lasting relationship with someone. However, if you are unable to put your best foot forward during the dates, then probably you will have to say goodbye to the idea of finding someone special.
What is Meant by Being ‘Undateable’?
Urban dictionary defines undateable ‘as an individual so flawed that they cannot possibly be dated by anyone’. A person becomes undateable because of certain characteristics and behaviours that he/she indulges in. An undateable person does things that make the other person lose interest in him/her. He/she even seems exciting and interesting over chats and text messages, but lacks these traits when one meets him/her in person.
People who are undateable often feel unloved, unsuccessful, unwanted and overlooked. People who call themselves undateable think that they do not deserve someone’s attention and love and that they are unfit for relationships. But this is an extremely negative view which must not be harboured by any one.
Remember, undateability does not have anything to do with your looks, meeting the wrong people or lacking dating experience. You become undateable because of some habits that you exhibit and if you get rid of them, you will surely become dateable.
7 Signs of Being Undateable
Being undateable can cause a lot of issues in your love life, because you will either be aware of your undateability or you will be unconsciously stepping into the undateable zone. Here are the signs of being undateable which will help you realise whether you are undateable or not.
- You are extremely picky when it comes to picking the people you date
- No one can impress you that easily, because you keep finding faults in other people all the time
- Single life seems freeing and so liberating to you that deep down you do not want to get rid of it
- Your work and career usually has the topmost priority in your life
- You cannot tolerate any nonsense whatsoever
- You are actually afraid, due to which you refrain from exploring the dating world
- You want everything to work according to your wishes, because of which you fail to compromise
Related reading: Mistakes men should avoid when on a date
If you want to become dateable and find a person who matches your wavelength, then you must work on yourself. Make sure that you do not give the undateable vibe to anyone who shows interest in you. Be accommodating, open and welcome true love in your life with all your heart.
18 Bad Habits that Make You Undateable
While you should never attempt to transform yourself for another person and lose your essential characteristics, there are certain bad habits that you should get rid of in order to be successful in your love life. Let us list 18 such bad habits which make you undateable.
1. Staying cooped up at home
You love the comfort of your home, so you do not go out with your friends and colleagues. This in turn hampers your chances of meeting someone new in your life. If you continue to stay in, how would people know that you are available for a relationship?
Step out, meet new people, let your availability be known. If going out alone scares you, ask a friend to accompany you. You never know, someone is out there, waiting for you! So, try to go out, explore new places and make new friends.
2. Being a busy bee, without a business
One look at your schedule will reveal that you keep yourself busy on purpose to avoid dates. Most of the time, you keep creating work for yourself uselessly so that you can stall meeting a person who has shown interest in you.
Glorifying your busy schedule to show how productive you are won’t take you anywhere. And dating doesn’t demand several hours every day. It is just a matter of one or two hours weekly to spend with someone and see if you guys hit off. Is this too much?
Look into your schedule. See, where you can make adjustments and get time for dates.
3. Shabby dressing
When you want to impress someone, you do not have to go overboard with your outfit. But then you have to be presentable at least. However, you are a person who does not pay much attention to the way you dress, which usually works against you.
A little attention to dressing up and you will be ready to impress. You need not look like stepping right out of a salon before a date. Going overboard is not the idea but presenting yourself in a way your potential date will like and look forward to meet you again is.
4. Clinging to the past
If in past relationships, you have faced issues of abuse, trust and infidelity, then your present relationships are marred because you are unable to get over these issues.
Such issues need time to resolve. Be gentle on yourself and invest your best efforts to overcome the same. Don’t stay stuck in the past. It is gone and clinging to it will only harm your present and future. No one wants to date a person who keeps brooding over their past.
So, before you venture into the dating world, leave such issues back and step up as a strong and baggage-free individual.
Related reading: 8 signs you are in a rebound relationship
5. Being snobbish
You are obsessed with yourself and always want to hear good things about yourself. This totally turns off a person who is genuinely interested in you.
If you want to attract someone who is genuine, you have to be accepting of your shortcomings. No one is perfect, not even you. So, stop looking for a date who is perfect in mannerisms, income, looks, personality, thoughts etc. when all you care about is yourself.
6. Not initiating conversations
When on a date you fail to initiate any conversations with the other person. You expect him/her to keep talking to you and entertain you. But you fail to reciprocate, which means you give the impression to the other person that you do not like him/her.
If you can’t take the lead of conversations, the other person might feel the pressure to keep the date going. And you don’t want that, right? Strike conversations, take the lead. Your date will love it. With growing conversations, ask real questions to each other and you will know each other better.
7. Being overtly competitive
You have to understand that dating has no relation whatsoever to competition. Instead of making everything competitive between your date and yourself, you have to be humble and avoid sending wrong signals.
Check if a friendly discussion is heading to an argument. The other person, who barely knows you, might feel that you are aggressive. And you don’t want to send such a signal. Do you? So when you meet, be in a relaxed mode and talk in a friendly manner.
8. Prioritizing opinion of family and friends
To a certain extent this is good. But then it does not mean that you keep listening to their opinions. The decision about your dating life should be your own decision and not based on the opinions of your family members and friends.
Following their opinions and suggestions, without your reasoning will do you no good. No one knows the person you are dating, better than you do. Have your own opinion and decision. Listen to everyone’s opinion with a grain of salt but decide on your own.
No one wants a boyfriend/girlfriend who is too clingy. If on the first date itself you appear to be clingy, then it will probably not be a good thing for you. You must learn to be cool and casual, especially on your first date.
Dating calls for a casual approach to start with at least. Most especially, the first date needs you to play calm and cool. No one can turn into a crazy girlfriend/boyfriend on the first date itself. Even if you want to keep this date, it should be decided mutually.
If your date is open to dating other people when you are not yet a couple, accept it. As the old adage goes – If you love someone, set them free…
10. Hiding your intelligence
You think that by acting stupid, you will look cute to the other person. But alas! This is just among the signs of an undateable woman. It will work against you because no one really wants to date a dumb person. So make sure you exhibit your intelligence in an appropriate manner so that you do not overwhelm your date.
Such attitude also looks plastic. The other person will easily see through if you are trying to be someone you are not. And this is a serious turnoff! Just be yourself. If you have intellect and wits, show up.
11. Unrealistic high standards
The person who dates you has to live up to extremely high standards which are just silly and unrealistic. You must remember that you will not get the perfect guy/girl until you make the efforts to attract such a guy/girl.
If you want to attract someone who is genuine, you have to be accepting of your shortcomings. No one is perfect, not even you. So, stop looking for a date, who is perfect in mannerisms, income, looks, personality, thoughts etc. when all you care about is yourself.
12. Suggesting lackluster dates
Whenever it is your turn to plan a date, you suggest normal date ideas which are not refreshing. You should come up with out-of-the-box date ideas so that your date feels special.
Initiate making exciting date plans. Think of some unique dates from time to time. A lunch or dinner, a coffee catch-up, movies etc. are routine date ideas. Think of something creative that will be memorable like going to a place from where you can get the city view, a theme eating joint like beach theme where you can have some fun.
This will impress your partner and he/she will admire you for your ingenuity.
Related reading: 7 amazing first date ideas
13. Always choosing your ‘me time’
You always need your space and your ‘me time’, because of which your date is not able to get enough time to spend with you. Whenever your dates and your ‘me time’ clashes, you tend to give priority to the latter.
But don’t let me-time dominate your schedule. Take yourself for couple activities. You will enjoy more together and your bond will strengthen. This can be a wonderful date idea as well. Going for activities together doesn’t always mean an activity hub. You can also go for simple ones such as visiting a music lounge, shopping, or just a walk in the park.
14. Showing insensitivity
You tend to blurt out things that hurt the sentiments of the others. This is a bad habit which can cause pain to the person you are dating. Therefore you must think before you open your mouth to speak.
You might not be doing it deliberately but if it is happening time and again with your dates, you need to work on it. This is one of the important signs of an undateable man or a woman that alarms every potential partner.
15. Showing low confidence
You always feel unworthy and unattractive due to which you lack confidence. You feel that you are not good, pretty and smart enough for your date. This is something that your date will realise sooner or later. So you must learn to be comfortable and exhibit high levels of confidence.
Confidence is attractive. Even if you are not an epitome of beauty or hotness, confidence will transform you into one. Take pride in your being, your struggle, hard work, and how far you have come. Know your worth and greet your date with a generous dollop of confidence. He/she will be smitten, at least for that date. Next, you can decide.
16. Showing sexual desperation
If you become too sexually explicit, open and frank with your date, then it will not be a classy move on your part. Your date will realise that you are desperate and will probably avoid you the next time.
People date for a connection, a bond, companionship. Mostly, people don’t want to get under the sheets immediately.
17. Being humorless
Either you lack a sense of humor or your level of sense of humor/sarcasm is something that your date fails to understand. Even if your date tries to make you laugh, you fail to respond. No one wants to date a person who has no sense of humor.
You must have heard – Smile is a curve that sets everything straight. So, don’t miss a chance to make your date smile. People want to be with someone who is happy-go-lucky. Show them your witty side and laugh with them. Find humor in things and small incidents around you (not the sensitive ones).
18. Sporadic contact pattern
When someone shows interest in you, you also have to show interest in him/her by keeping in touch and calling or texting him/her whenever possible. But you fail to keep in touch and end up losing that someone.
Random texts and calls are not appreciated. Stay in touch with your date. Let them know how you have felt after meeting them. If you come across a dessert, both of you enjoyed, tell them. They will love being thought of, cared, and who doesn’t like all this from their dates?
These bad habits should not stop you from finding your true love. You are a social being and thus you must learn to socialise with the people around you. Once you are able to do that, you will have the ability to come out of the undateable zone and improve your chances of meeting someone special in your life.
How will you know when you’ve found real love?