How do guys feel when you cut them off? I certainly wondered this whenever I ignored Nate’s call after a fight. He was beautiful, funny, and great in bed, but sulked like a kid if I talked to another guy. What annoyed me more was his hypocrisy since he flirted with other women all the time. I’d imagine Wednesday telling me, “How can you let him take you for granted? You should cut off a guy who is playing you … or I’ll cut him for you.”
Well, before we let Wednesday play out her fantasy, you need to remember that you can’t be so quick to cut someone off. You must understand that when you do this, their feelings may be hurt, and it may alter your relationship irreparably. I loved Nate, but his behavior was slowly becoming unbearable. When I cut him off, I knew it hurt him more than he let on, but I had to do the right thing for myself.
How Do You Know When To Cut A Guy Off?
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It’s not always easy cutting people off from your lives. Sometimes you know them just for a week, while other times you have been in a relationship with them for years. When you’ve just begun seeing someone, it’s easier to identify the talking stage red flags. But in a longer relationship, it’s difficult to identify them and even more difficult to take the next harsh step. Here are the signs you need to cut him off:
1. He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Whether you’ve just started seeing someone, or have been going out with someone for a long time, it’s not acceptable for him to violate your boundaries. If you’re experiencing behavior that is wrenching you internally, go with your gut feeling. Point it out to him. In a longer relationship where such behavior may have become the norm, you need to put a stop to it and verbally establish your needs and dealbreakers. Cut him off if he disrespects your boundaries repeatedly.
- He stalks you, appears to know more about you than you told him, or displays other creepy behavior
- He wants to see your phone or social media
- He does stuff you expressly forbade him to do
Related Reading: Top 20 Relationship Deal Breakers That Should Not Be Tolerated
2. He is abusive
You may feel that this point is a no-brainer. But it’s surprising how often people put up with abusive behavior, especially in a committed relationship, as suggested by this research. This is primarily because it is difficult to identify emotional or mental abuse as compared to physical abuse. In certain cases, people undergo trauma bonding and form dysfunctional attachments to their abusive partners. You need to get out of it because it will never get better.
- He likes to express his emotions aggressively or violently
- Being with him makes you feel inadequate, unhappy, or anxious
- Even if he shows guilt over hurting you, he does the same thing all over again
3. You are tired of waiting for him
It’s natural for a person to expect their partner to give them their full attention when they’re together. But when you have work to do and bills to pay, you can’t always do that. It’s possible that your guy is engaged in something that is depleting most of his time and energy. Or that he has other things in life that he will prioritize over you. So you need to reflect on how much you can wait for him.
- He has no time to talk to you or doesn’t pay you any attention, making you feel lonely
- He prioritizes other people over you, making you feel as if he’s not interested in you
- He doesn’t put in any effort when he’s with you, so the time you spend together feels rushed
- He behaves immaturely by invalidating or belittling your need to be together
- You think about breaking up abruptly but then wonder: How do guys feel when you cut them off? And then you realize he probably won’t even notice if you do cut him off
4. He drains you emotionally
A person may exhibit hot and cold behavior for a number of reasons. But it’s primarily because of their need to control the relationship. Narcissist love bombing is one of the ways they try to exact control. However, being subjected to the unpredictability of their actions could drain you emotionally. It can make you anxious, second-guess yourself, and make you paranoid.
- He gaslights you, makes you question your judgment, and plays mind games
- Even when you become aware of these antics and confront him, he tries to blame you or gives more excuses. He doesn’t care if your feelings are hurt in the process
- His behavior makes you feel depressed, tired, or hopeless
5. He doesn’t let you be who you are
If you’re with a guy who expects you to play a certain role in his life, without caring that you are not comfortable playing that role, then it’s not worth it. It can feel hurtful to be with someone who loves you only if you behave a certain way. It’s unfair and limits your identity. Essentially, he is not treating you as you deserve.
- He asks you to dress or behave in a certain manner. He even fabricates information about you and expects you to go along with that in front of others
- He cares more about the perception of others than your feelings
- He manipulates you emotionally or controls you in other ways to keep up the facade
6. Consider cutting off a guy who won’t commit
None of us owe commitment to our partners. But it shouldn’t stop anyone from leaving the relationship if they’re not getting what they want. If your boyfriend doesn’t want commitment, but you do, it’s not wrong to move on. Both of you want different things in life. It’s unfair to expect either of you to fake your feelings for the sake of the other. Similarly, if your partner wants commitment, but you don’t, it’s better to go your separate ways.
- Check if he’s exhibiting the signs of a commitment-phobe. If being in a committed relationship is part of your future plan, then it’s better to leave him
- He doesn’t make any effort to introduce you to his people or to meet your people. He makes all sorts of excuses to get out of it. Or worse, makes false promises to introduce you to them and then lies about them not being available
- Cut him off to look for a better relationship, instead of developing a ploy to get him to commit. There’s no guarantee that this will get him on his knee with a diamond ring
7. You should cut off a guy who is playing you
If you find your guy cheating on you, it goes without saying that he’s begging to be left alone. Often, people don’t cheat because they get an opportunity, they cheat because they feel something amiss in the relationship. However, there are people who like to cheat on their partners for the thrill of it. In either case, it’s unfair to you. If you want him to be exclusive in the relationship and he can’t give you that, it makes sense to call things off.
- He’s cheating behind your back, and this makes you feel humiliated and rejected
- He takes you for granted. He’s not apologetic about it and shows an inclination to do it again
- You can’t be at peace in the relationship anymore after finding out about his infidelity
How Do Guys Feel When You Cut Them Off?
Thanks to the ideals of toxic masculinity that stress that “boys don’t cry”, the myth of men’s insensitivity has become the standard. Expressing emotions for men after a breakup is considered emasculating, but that doesn’t stop them from feeling those emotions. So how do guys feel when you cut them off? It depends on a number of factors:
- Duration of the relationship: He will feel hurt from the pain of being cut off if you’ve had a long and intense relationship
- Self-esteem issues: If your guy has low self-esteem, then he may take things personally
- Personal issues: If he is going through something harrowing, he may feel the impact of your ghosting him more than he would have taken it otherwise
So here’s how guys are likely to react when you cut them off:
1. They don’t even notice
This is a very common reaction where your guy doesn’t even notice that you’ve cut him off. This could be either because he has too much on his plate or because he is not affected by the breakup. In either case, if you notice that he is indifferent to you cutting him off even after considerable time, then maybe it wasn’t worth it.
- Your guy could be extremely busy to notice signs you’re cutting him off. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about you. He is just too busy to call you and tell you about it. He’ll realize it eventually, but don’t expect to call him immediately if you don’t contact him for a day
- It’s also possible that you had been dating a f*ck boy who has so many options around him that he doesn’t even notice that one of those options is not in touch anymore
- It could also mean that you have been slowly growing apart in the relationship. Now that you’ve cut him off, it doesn’t make a lot of difference to him
2. They are confused
Most of the time, your guy may not even realize that he has done something wrong. This happens mostly when he is unaware of what he has done to warrant such behavior. It could be a classic case of ‘mama’s boy’ when he doesn’t realize that he needs to contribute to the workload at home or when he does things without realizing their effect on you. Cutting off the guy without telling him his fault is somewhat unfair in this case.
- Don’t be so quick to cut someone off because he could get annoyed if he doesn’t even know what he did
- It can be unfair when you cut off a guy suddenly, especially if you want to punish him for not behaving as per your core needs. At the very least, discuss your expectations. That way, you don’t have to resort to such methods
- If you decide to give him another chance, it may lead to him second-guessing himself or becoming paranoid about his actions so as not to upset you
3. How do guys feel when you cut them off? They feel wronged and angry
Many times, when a guy feels that he hasn’t done anything that deserves such behavior, he feels that your decision is unjustified. If your guy has low self-esteem, he’s likely to think of this behavior as a personal blow. At such times, it becomes more about him being subjected to unfairness than about you needing a break from him.
- His pride takes a hit. He feels as if you’re questioning his authority as a man
- He wants to know the reason behind you cutting him off. He won’t consider disrespecting boundaries or emotional abuse as valid reasons
- He’s likely to think you have found someone else or someone is trying to turn you against him. This is purely low self-esteem behavior in a relationship
- It’s possible that he may get stubborn and would want you to take him back, just to massage his ego. He may turn aggressive or violent. There may be blame games and he may feel motivated to go after you in a fit of anger
- He may possibly get in a rebound relationship, so he can show you that he can move on quicker than you. In this situation, he’s likely to distort the truth to fit his narrative so he can be at peace. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about him. He’s trying to soothe his wounded pride
4. They go through the pain of rejection
If the guy genuinely likes you, he will feel rejected. Even in this case, his self-esteem takes a dip. But in comparison to feeling wronged, he begins to find faults in himself rather than in you. This could lead to a downward spiral, and he may begin to feel that he is just “not good enough”. He begins to feel low, and this affects other areas of his life.
- He begins to question his competence and may start to lose focus
- Research suggests that rejection activates the same parts of our brain that get activated during physical pain. This is why getting rejected can feel painful
- In such cases, cutting a guy off will immediately make him miss you because he will want you to take him back to lessen his pain
Related Reading: 12 Perfectly Valid Excuses To Break Up With Someone
5. They feel shocked and depressed
Anthropologist Helen Fisher published a study in 2005 that explained why falling in love feels so good, why love is so addictive, and why breakups hurt so much. According to her, when we fall in love, neurotransmitters like dopamine are released in the brain. Dopamine is responsible for pleasure, motivation, and reward. When people fall out of love, the levels of dopamine decrease, which is why it feels horrible to go through a breakup.
- With a lack of dopamine in his system, he’s likely to feel sad and rejected
- He’ll begin to miss you, especially when he’ll see certain cues that remind him of you, like another person with the same hair
- He may get nostalgic over the early days of your relationship when things were extremely happy
- If you notice extreme sadness in him, then it’s a sign your boyfriend misses you and wants you back
6. They find it amusing
If he has experienced being cut off in his previous relationships or with you, then he’s likely to take it very lightly since it has lost the element of surprise. He may also consider it as a display of manipulation or a tantrum, especially if that’s what his friends suggest. At worst, he’ll think of it as your attempt to get back at him for something he did in the past.
- He finds it comical and doesn’t even care to ask what’s wrong this time
- If you’re a menstruator, he may link it to your period and call it a result of PMS/PMDD
- He’ll probably play along knowing that you will come around soon
- He’s also likely to hang out with his friends and have fun, hoping that you will get over it soon
7. They are relieved
How do guys feel when you cut them off in a hopeless relationship? They feel unnaturally relieved. This may happen when the relationship is emotionally draining and he is unable to make the first step to move out of the relationship. In an emotionally challenging dynamic, he feels as if you’re doing him a favor by opting to leave first.
- You observe visible signs of relief in his body language and you notice in the coming days that he has a sudden desire to do the things he’s always liked
- If you’re married, and he shows negligible sadness when you cut him off, then it’s a heartbreaking sign your marriage is over
- He’s not motivated to go after you when you don’t contact him for days
8. They feel guilty
He feels guilt over hurting you. He knows he has done something wrong and is aware of his faults. It could be either due to causing you pain unconsciously or purposely. But either way, guilt is an indication of empathy and tells you that there is room for improvement in a relationship. He will try to make it up to you.
- He tries to contact you but is respectful of your boundaries
- He gets you gifts, does you favors
- He expresses his regret verbally and makes amends
- If you’re not feeling happy or getting what you deserve in a relationship, you can take some time off, ideally after talking to your partner
- You can cut him off if he disrespects you or is abusive
- A guy may feel sad and rejected or even wronged when you cut him off. It highly depends on your relationship
When you’re cutting off a guy, it’s better to inform him that you want to take some time off or that the relationship is not working for you. Cutting one off without any intimation could leave the relationship open-ended. This invites him to come back to you, and you may not always want it. Communication is also important if you are resorting to cutting him off to get a point across. It’s always a better option to communicate your discomfort instead of employing passive-aggressive measures.
How do guys feel when you cut them off, you ask? People are mistaken when they think that guys are not affected by the breakup. But when you cut off a guy suddenly, he does go through a range of emotions, from confusion to anger, and rejection to sadness. It depends majorly on the relationship, but they’re not entirely unaffected.
First, go through the above list of signs you need to cut him off, then gauge if he is serious about the relationship or not. You may think that cutting a guy off will immediately make him miss you and he’ll come back begging you for another chance. But if your relationship is not as strong as you thought it was, it won’t work. Cutting off a guy who won’t commit may result in him leaving the relationship altogether. So it’s not a good idea to force him to do something you don’t want him to.