When you are past the excitement and emotional rush of the initial stages of a relationship, reality hits and you realize that maintaining a partnership or marriage is not a walk in the park. You see each other for who you are (both the good and the bad), responsibilities increase, priorities change, fights happen, kids take over, busy work schedules, resentment creeps in, there’s little to no intimacy – everything seems broken. Amidst all of this, you are left wondering how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.
As the relationship progresses, you tend to lose the zing, the passion, and the excitement that once existed between you and your partner. However, this doesn’t mean that the love or romance that both of you shared is dead. It probably just got lost in the humdrum of daily life. You can still get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning.
To understand how to get the chemistry back in a relationship, we spoke to counseling psychologist Namrata Sharma (Masters in Applied Psychology), who is a mental health and SRHR advocate and specializes in offering counseling for toxic relationships, trauma, grief, relationship issues, and gender-based and domestic violence.
Can A Relationship Spark Come Back?
Before we get to whether or not it is possible to rekindle a broken relationship or rebuild chemistry in a relationship, let’s talk about what a spark means. According to Namrata, “A spark is the first flash of attraction you feel toward a person. There’s so much happening – looking at or touching them for the first time, making eye contact, and other cute gestures. This spark brings two people into a relationship.”
“People tend to confuse it with falling in love or being in love, which is not true. A spark is similar to the honeymoon phase that couples experience in the initial days of the relationship. It’ll last for about 6-7 months. After that, it’s all about how both partners maintain their relationship. When you grow in a relationship, there is no such thing as a continuous long-term spark”, she explains.
Can you find chemistry in a relationship again? Is it possible to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship or get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning? Yes, it is definitely possible. Namrata explains, “If there is no chemistry at all, the relationship will die. Sparks are those pumps of air that your body gets so that you can breathe again. Even in long-term marriages, you might always feel the spark. You might find sparks or chemistry in your relationship here and there. But if you can’t feel it in the little things you do, then the relationship will not last.
“You don’t suddenly fall out of love with someone unless you have faced a traumatic incident or some kind of abuse or violence in the relationship. However, if partners have become distant over the years due to responsibilities, attachment patterns, or other reasons, but still want to be together, then they can definitely work toward bringing the spark back in their relationship.” Therefore, don’t lose hope. Read on to know how you can rekindle a broken relationship.
How To Get The Spark Back In A Broken Relationship?
When your partner and you started dating, there were sparks flying everywhere. You couldn’t take your eyes off or keep your hands off each other, would never run out of things to talk about, had date nights, enjoyed romantic candlelight dinners, etc. You never imagined that there would come a day when starting a conversation with your partner would seem like a task because there’s nothing to talk about or physical intimacy would feel like a thing of the past.
But the day has come. You probably feel that conflict, misunderstanding, resentment, or uncomfortable silences have taken over your relationship, which used to thrive and be filled with happiness at one point. The spark is gone. But don’t lose hope. You can bring the zing back into your relationship. Marriages hit a rough patch at some point but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the road.
You can rebuild chemistry in a relationship. You can get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning. It is possible to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship and fall in love all over again. This journey begins with coming face-to-face with questions like “How to make him feel the spark again?” or “How do I rekindle a broken relationship with my girlfriend?” If your mind is clouded by such thoughts, allow us to help you. Here are 10 tips on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship:
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Keep Romance Alive When Living In A Joint Family
1. Communicate with each other
When was the last time you really had a meaningful conversation with your partner? When was the last time you shared your feelings and concerns with each other? Communication problems in a relationship can drive a wedge between partners, which is why it is crucial to keep the conversation going to keep the spark alive in a marriage. By communication, we don’t mean making small talk or chatting for a bit during meals or before going to bed.
Namrata says, “Get to know your partner on a deeper level. When you realize that the spark in your relationship has gone, you will also feel that there has been a layer of misunderstandings and a lot of masking on behalf of both you and your partner. This is when both partners need to peel those layers and figure out what is going on inside each other’s hearts and minds. Proper communication is a must for two partners will be able to seep inside each other’s hearts and really understand the root cause of their problems.”
Communicate to understand your partner better, see things from their point of view, listen to what they have to say, express your feelings, validate each other, and build an intimate and emotional connection with them. Be honest with each other. There will be disagreements and arguments, but learn to find an amicable solution to those problems. Both partners cannot always be on the same page, which is why you must learn to agree to disagree. Make each other feel heard and respected.
2. Foster physical touch and sexual intimacy
Building physical or sexual intimacy is a crucial tip on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship. A huge part of a relationship involves being physically attracted to and intimate with each other. Sex or physical touch (hugging, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.) has the power to bring couples closer physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Work toward rebuilding the physical closeness that you once shared with your partner. If you are not able to do it naturally or spontaneously, schedule it. If the sex isn’t great for either of the partners, explore how you can make it better and strengthen your sexual and, eventually, emotional bond.
Namrata says, “Sexual activities play a huge role in bringing the spark back in a relationship. Imagine how you would feel if you were having sex with your partner for the last time. That way, the sex is going to be passionate, wild, and loving. Teasing each other, making out, racing your fingers in each other’s hair, holding hands, or just keeping it romantic with certain gestures go a long way to rekindle a broken relationship.”
3. How to get the spark back in a broken relationship? Reminisce old times
Recall the time when you had just started dating and what brought you together in the first place. Talk about the qualities that attracted you to each other. Reminisce old memories, feelings, funny stories, and all the stuff you did together in the initial days of dating or courtship.
Talk about the behavior or characteristics in your partner that turned you on then and continues to today. It will help you connect and figure out why you fell in love with each other and what has changed since then. It will also help you see each other in a new light.
Namrata advises, “When you’re with each other, you tend to discuss and reminisce old times about how you got into a relationship, what was the first thing that attracted you to each other, and other memories that you created in all these years. Revive the activities that you did when you first met. Visit the places that you would frequent in the initial days of dating. It might just bring back lost feelings and emotions.”
4. Spend quality time with each other
Spending quality time with each other is one of the best tips on how to get the chemistry back in a relationship. Plan a romantic date night, surprise each other, flirt more often, and do stuff that you once enjoyed doing together. Avoid talking about kids and work.
Instead, talk about the things you love about each other or your interests, hobbies, friends – anything that helps you reconnect. Show your love through thoughtful gestures like buying your partner their favorite book or flowers or that piece of jewelry they’ve wanted to buy for a long time.
Namrata explains, “Spend at least one hour of quality time with your partner every day. Go out for a walk or have breakfast together and talk about little, random things. Keep your phone and other distractions away. Just be with each other. When it’s just the two of you, you can look into each other’s eyes and talk, and observe a lot of new things about each other.”
Related Reading: 12 Warning Signs Your Partner Is Losing Interest In The Relationship
5. Check in with each other every day
Checking in on each other a few times throughout the day is a great way to get the chemistry back in a relationship. By checking in, we don’t mean bombarding them with messages. Just a couple of messages in the day to let your partner know that you are thinking about them go a long way to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship. “I miss you”, “Thinking about you”, or “I hope you’re having a good day” – messages like these are good enough to let your partner know that they’re important and cared for.
Namrata explains, “Checking in with your partner every day might seem like a small step but it will show your partner that you care and are involved in their life. There is a huge need for love, compassion, and care if you want to rekindle the spark or get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning.”
6. Seek help
If you feel things between your partner and you have gone worse or you are unable to figure out how to get the spark back in a broken relationship, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Talk to a relationship or marriage counselor to get things back on track. A professional will be able to see things from an unbiased lens and offer you a fresh perspective on your relationship dynamic.
By helping you identify problematic patterns and empowering you with tools to effect change, they will be able to help you find chemistry in a relationship again. If you’re stuck in a similar situation and looking for help, Bonobology’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists is only a click away.
7. How to get the chemistry back in a relationship? Learn each other’s love language
According to Dr. Chapman, a love language is a person’s way of showing and receiving love, be it through gifts, words of affirmation, spending quality time with each other, acts of service, or physical touch. Every person has a different way of giving and receiving love. Partners must understand and learn each other’s love language if they want to rebuild chemistry in a relationship.
A relationship only grows and gets better when you understand your partner in the way they want to be understood. You can build a deeper emotional connection with your partner when you express your love to them in a way that resonates the most with them. Look up Dr. Chapman’s five love languages and talk to each other about it. Figure out each other’s love language and make a conscious effort to express yourself in the manner your partner prefers to receive love.
8. Appreciate and support each other
This is again a crucial tip on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship, according to Namrata. At times, partners get so used to each other that they begin to take the relationship for granted. In the process, they forget to appreciate the efforts of or show support to their better halves. If that’s the case with your relationship too, we suggest you make a conscious effort to let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you and that you will always have their back.
Words are powerful, and sometimes, they’re all you need to get the chemistry back in a relationship. Show gratitude, appreciate each other’s presence, and say “I love you” or “Thank you” whenever you get the chance. Sometimes, that’s all your partner needs to hear to be assured of your love, appreciation, and support in whatever they do for you. Make it a daily practice to appreciate and support your partner.
Namrata explains, “Appreciate each other whenever you get the chance because, if you don’t, a lot of your emotions or efforts go unseen. Telling your partner that you are proud of them or taking them out for a meal will show them that you appreciate their efforts and everything that they do for you.”
9. Be a good listener
“How to make him feel the spark again?” “How to get the chemistry back in a relationship with my girlfriend?” Well, how about you begin by trying to be a good listener? Listening is a skill you need to cultivate if you want to find chemistry in a relationship again.
Be attentive to your partner’s feelings, desires, and needs. Make eye contact and listen to what your partner has to say. If they want to share their thoughts and feelings with you, it’s probably important to them, which is why you must give them your undivided attention. If you want your partner to attentively listen to you, so do they.
Namrata says, “One of the reasons the spark dies in relationships is that partners begin to take each other for granted. People tend to stop paying attention to what their partners are saying or feeling because they believe they know everything about them. They start ignoring their partners, causing the relationship to eventually die. The partner begins to feel that their friends or colleagues listen to them better and slowly checks out of the relationship. To prevent this from happening, learn to be a good listener.”
Related Reading: Why Is It Important To Be A Good Listener?
10. Enjoy your independent lives
In the process of trying to figure out how to get the spark back in a broken relationship, don’t forget to enjoy your own life. You have a life and priorities outside of the relationship. Don’t neglect them. Spend time with friends and family, travel, practice your favorite hobbies, learn a new skill, focus on your career and fitness goals – do everything that makes you happy. Your relationship is a part of your life, not your whole life. So, don’t forget to live it to the fullest.
Namrata says, “Enjoy your lives independently. Live a fulfilling life on your own terms. Learn to be happy on your own. It will help bring the romance back. Let’s say you’ve gone on a solo trip or a vacation with your friends or are just away from home for a while, or maybe your partner is away, you are happy for them but you miss them too. This is what makes meeting them after a certain period special. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.”
- Relationships tend to lose their spark over time, but don’t lose hope because it is possible to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship
- Proper communication, appreciating each other’s efforts, and showing support are a few tips on how to get the chemistry back in a relationship
- Spend quality time with each other, listen attentively to your partner’s thoughts and feelings, and recall those good old memories if you want to rebuild chemistry in a relationship
- Learning each other’s love language and, at the same time, enjoying your own independent lives is also of extreme importance
- Seek professional help if your equation with your significant other has become worse over time
According to Namrata, “You can rekindle a broken relationship because there is a huge chance that partners might still want to make amends. Just because they’re hurt at the moment does not mean that they have lost all feelings for each other. Before you figure out how to get the spark back in a broken relationship, sort yourself out mentally. If you need time, take a break. If there are major issues, talk and sort them out to prevent them from cropping up in the future. Decide whether you want to give the relationship a second chance before doing anything.”
Bringing the spark back or keeping the romance alive in a broken relationship is difficult but not impossible if both partners still love each other and want to make it work. It takes time, patience, motivation, and a lot of effort to build a healthy relationship that can survive all the storms partners go through. But if you can come out of it stronger, then it’s all worth it. If you regain each other’s love and trust and can build a deeper connection, then the effort is worth it. So, don’t give up. We hope the above tips help you rekindle the romance in your relationship.
There are several signs to understand if the spark in your relationship is gone. Lack of sexual intimacy, no interest in spending time together, minimal to non-existent communication, getting annoyed with your partner easily, no more date nights, and lack of effort to make the relationship work are a few signs to watch out for.
No long-term relationship can maintain the same chemistry that existed when a couple began dating. However, a complete lack of it is a sign of an unstable relationship. It mostly depends on the couple. If they still want to make the relationship work, then it is possible to rebuild chemistry. If not, it is best to part ways.
More often than not, it is difficult to rekindle the romance in a dead relationship. But if both partners still love each other, it is worth trying. With the right kind of help, it is possible to heal a broken relationship. If partners can resolve and move past their differences, change negative behavior patterns, and make a conscious effort to understand each other, rekindling a dead relationship might just be possible. It’s a lot of effort and hard work though.