Q: I’ve been in a relationship since two years and I fought hard to convince my parents, and finally they agreed and fixed the date for our engagement. During that time, I changed jobs and one of my colleagues was attracted to me and he approached me and somehow I’m also attracted towards him, though I was sure that my boyfriend is everything for me. We started meeting outside the office and one day my boyfriend caught us and before this I hadn’t been able to tell my colleague about my relationship and engagement status. Even after this too, I was unable to cut my connection with my colleague and have cheated on my boyfriend thrice.
My boyfriend gave me several chances but I betrayed him. Now he’s left me and I’ve came to realise all my mistakes. I’ve tried my best to convince him but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me again. He is okay to be a friend but not a boyfriend.
I really love him a lot and I’m unable to live without him. He is my only love with whom I want to spend my entire life. I want to have a fresh start with him with a new year and new expectations but he is not at all ready now.
Please help with this.
A: Looks like temptation got the better of you, huh? But it’s alright… Sometimes we give in to temptation and need to do so to get it out of our systems. But human nature is such that it wants to keep everything. We’re greedy by nature when it comes to love and lust and then shy away from owning up responsibility for the choices we made. If I have to give you honest advice, I would say, admit to yourself that you made a CONSCIOUS choice to continue your connection with your colleague despite your tussles with your boyfriend. I’m sure you keep trying to convince yourself that you got swept away and you didn’t realise what you were doing at that time, etc. but it doesn’t change the fact that you chose to do it, and that’s okay. At the same time, try to see this from your boyfriend’s point of view…his heart got broken. From your angle, you managed to explore your feelings with your colleague and still had your boyfriend in your life, but from his side, all he had was you and he lost you. All his life he’ll probably feel like second fiddle. That’s why I don’t think it’s fair to push him to get back into your life. The more you profess your love to him, the more you’ll remind him of the bad stuff. I do realise that you now realise that you don’t want him to go, and trust me, that’s because he’s walked away. Ask yourself honestly, if he hadn’t walked away and hadn’t found out about you and your colleague, what would be your stand? So all in all, it’s probably time to stop being so hard on yourself and also hard on him, and make a tough but honest decision to let him go. He deserves that and you too probably deserve a chance to find love again, and this time know what you have to do and what not to do. I wish you love and happiness.