Being in an unhappy marriage feels like being stuck at a dead end. When you are not happy in a marriage, you feel both mentally and emotionally drained and nothing can fill that hollow inside your heart. Depression and loneliness become your constant companions despite the fact that you are wedded to a partner.
It is as if you are stuck and don’t have a way out. Unhappy marriages bring in anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and self-doubt and you don’t know how long you will be surviving an unhappy marriage.
Related Reading: What Do You Do When You Are In An Unhappy Marriage?
Top 3 Unhappy Marriage Signs
After some time of your marriage, you start noticing the red flags that draw your partner away from you and make you unhappy. You try to reassure yourself that everything is alright and your marriage is still worth saving but these red flags keep showing up.
1.You both are preoccupied with yourselves
Even though you are a couple, you both are pretty much involved in your individual lives. You have your own set of priorities and there seems to be no intersection.
True, you are married, but you are actually leading your own lives your way. You have neither the time nor the will to know what your partner is doing because you are too busy with yourself
2. You don’t talk anymore
When you both are together, it is difficult to start a conversation and keep it going. At times when you do talk, it is mostly about something like kids, relatives, finances, an impending task etc. Neither of you shares your feelings with each other and carry out routine tasks like a robot.
You do not connect on a personal level, your interactions are limited and at times leads to arguments. You and your spouse have checked out of the marriage emotionally and are bound together for reasons other than love
3. Aren’t having meaningful sex
You both have been undergoing a dry spell for quite some time now. If you are among the ones who have sex once in a while, it doesn’t feel meaningful anymore.
This is because according to the marriage statistics in the survey conducted by Readers Digest1, 57 per cent of those in unhappy relationships still find their partner extremely attractive, owing to sex without any emotional connection.
8 Things You Can Do When You Are Not Happy In Marriage
You see these signs conclude you are not happy in a marriage and your first impulse is to take the back door and save yourself from a loveless and unhappy marriage. Ending a marriage is not always the solution for an unhappy marriage. You can definitely try to save your marriage, even if you are trying alone. So, what to do when you are not happy in marriage? Here are 8 things.
1. Support your partner
Marriages are about two people sharing individual goals, interests and combining them into shared goals. Paths of individual goals transform into shared goals when both partners support each other’s goals and dreams. Show your support for your partner in whatever they do. Take more interest in their work or projects they are working on even though it is something out of your league. Such things would be good for starting conversations and your partner will feel good that you are taking interest in what they do. It will also help in getting to know your partner better.
2. Appreciate them
True happiness comes when you appreciate the things you have. Do not compare your marriage with that of your friends or acquaintances. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Appreciate your partner for who they are. Don’t aspire for lavish lifestyles or your partner’s promotions.
Value what your partner has and appreciate what you have.
Related reading: 10 ways to shower appreciation on your husband
3. Build shared interests
As said earlier, marriages are about sharing similar goals and interests in their journey together. It is normal for two people to have nothing in common. For a marriage to work, you both need to invest time in each other’s life. If you are not happy in a marriage, you need to make a cohesive, collective approach to ensure it is what you want. Make your partner do the activities you love and do activities and you do the same for him/her. This will help you both develop shared interests and you will also find activities that will become routine for you both.
4. Take care of your appearance
As the marriage keeps getting older, with kids and household or work related responsibilities, people tend to give less focus on their looks. You no more dress up like you used to and mostly roam around in your sweatpants and with messy hair. When was it the last time you made your partner’s head turn around and they said, “You look beautiful today”. If it has been a while then there is some thinking to do. Remember how you would dress up for a girl’s night and do the same now. Pamper yourself once in a while. Take care of how you look and feel and it will send positive vibes to your partner as well.
Related reading: 7 Movies a Couple Should Watch Together!
5. Compliment your partner
When you are not happy in a marriage, you tend to take everything for granted and refuse to acknowledge anything good about the marriage as well as your partner. You forget to compliment your partner. Complimenting here doesn’t only mean complimenting your partner’s looks. Compliment your partner once in a while on little things too. Say thank you to your partner even for the smallest efforts. Such efforts, though seem meaningless but make your partner feel appreciated and they feel that their actions matter and are noticed by you.
6. Be honest in your marriage
Sometimes hiding things from your partner leads to misunderstandings. Your partner feels that he/she isn’t considered important enough for you to share those things with them. It is important to be honest in the marriage no matter how bad or embarrassing the thing is. This will help build trust and a strong foundation that will lead to a healthy marriage.
Related reading: 23 Little things to make your marriage stronger everyday
7. Give surprises
It is important to keep the surprise element going even in marriages. Most marriages are unsuccessful because of things getting mundane too fast. Keep giving your partners surprises and do things to make them happy. Chances are that they will do the same. Marriages are unhappy because of lack of any thrill or lost love. It is important to keep that thrill going for you both to keep staying in love.
8. Be happy from within
In order to be happy with anything around you, you need to be happy yourself first. Only if you are happy from within will you be confident to deal with the problems of an unhappy marriage. Once you feel content and happy from within, you will gain the confidence to work on your unhappy marriage. Instead of blaming yourself or your partner, you will find ways to resolve the unhappy marriage rather than moving away from an unhappy marriage.
Related reading: 10 Beautiful Quotes that Define A Happy Marriage
After a few years of marriage, often partners start losing interest in each other which are early signs of an unhappy marriage. However, at early stages, lost love can be reignited if proper steps are taken to find happiness again in the marriage. It is always easy to move away from an unhappy marriage but a marriage is a commitment that you make to your partner “Till Death Do Us Apart”, thus it is not that easy to give up on it. Remember what made you say yes to your partner in the first place and make you think that he/she is the one. Should unhappy couples continue to stay in a marriage without even giving it a chance? Work on your marriage, you might find a way to find happiness in your marriage again.