Every couple goes through these stages of intimacy
Intimacy is more than sex and bedroom. It is as much emotional as physical. It is said that the intimacy stage starts from the beginning of a relationship and it can take up to take five years to reach the ultimate stage of love.
Although it might seem in a relationship that the intimacy is starting to burn out, necessary care and sticking it out may be some of the ways to deal with it. Here are stages that you might want to familiarise yourself with, to know where you and your partner stand in the stages of intimacy.
1. First comes infatuation
This is the sweet syrupy beginning of every relationship. Everything is butterflies and heavenly. The wonderful feeling of closeness, thinking about the partner, checking the phone every five minutes, gabbing on the phone for hours and buying sexy stuff. People at this stage, indulge in sex frequently as proof of intimacy. Sometimes the sex is good, sometimes, it is not up to the mark. The dopamine levels are raging and nothing feels bad. It is the beginning of the relationship where we go like, “She is so perfect”, “I am going to marry him and have beautiful kids with him”, “We have so much in common, OMG!”
The high dopamine level makes the body crave for sex over and over again; the euphoria is unmatchable. Infatuation is like a free fall and we never seem to land. This stage is all about poetry, about gifting peaches and hot and heavy romance in the heat of the afternoon – it is a beautiful feeling.
2. The bittersweet landing
After the marvellous flight through heavenly emotions, comes the dreaded landing. The smoke of incessant sex and cheerful emotions clear up to give a deeper understanding of the relationship.
We are able to think about other things, and are often caught thinking if everything in our relationship is okay since you are not always thinking about your partner. This is where the real understanding of life begins.
At this stage, lying around in bed is not as tempting as life has to resume and partners start to realise this. You might really love the person but, unlike the previous stage, you do get mad at a few things they do. We see our partners in a newer light. There might be rifts at this stage. It is a make it or break it time for relationships. The landing can be a bit rocky and unstable and a lot of work is needed to move past this stage. The key is not to give up.
The name is apt as the relationship is often buried under responsibilities – like grocery, things to do, the in-laws, work, and life creeps in the island of relationship. It is a realistic stage as it is a reminder that while we are vacationing in utopia, life still goes on.
Burying channels the relationship into mainstream life and the relationship becomes more real. It will be easy to leave the relationship to take its course and take up life like before but it is advisable to work on both simultaneously. Un-burying your self is crucial but nothing elaborate. Buy sex toys, relive your first date and get a little rough sometimes. This is very much like the first part of the relationship, except, that now you know each other so much better. So it is the right time to kick-start the sexual acts to initiate a rekindling of your relationship.
The resurfacing of older emotions ushers in at this stage. Like “I nearly forgot how drop-dead- gorgeous she looks in a saree” or “He is so weird, but I love my weirdo”. The earlier stages of monkey romance followed by the realisation of the real person you are with, might scare a few. A few might run away before getting to this stage.
This stage is about accepting the person, loving them and nostalgic passion. This is like infatuation but with more maturity and responsibility. Resurfacing is like poetry, a movie in animated colours, deep sea diving or really looking at the night stars after a long time. It is rejuvenation of the relationship in all its brilliance.
Most couples burn out before reaching this stage. The light at the end of the tunnel, the actual oasis on a sandy desert, the powerful feeling of love is the ultimate stage of intimacy. The feeling of blissful love is the reward and the feeling is generous for we thank ourselves (and our lucky stars) for making through it all. “I am so blessed to have her”, “I never knew what love was, until I found him”- these are the thoughts that come easily at this stage.