17 Red Flags In A Relationship To Be Wary Of

When you’re falling for someone, it’s easy to ignore those nagging doubts in the back of your mind. But if you look closely, you might spot telltale warning signs—the classic red flags in a relationship. These are the behaviors and attitudes that signal trouble ahead. They might show up as subtle remarks or major incidents. Either way, recognizing them can save you a lot of heartache. Everyone deserves a loving, respectful partnership, and that’s why it’s crucial to know the red flags not to ignore when dating someone new or even in a long-term partnership. 

From the biggest red flags in a guy you just started seeing to toxic behaviors anyone can exhibit, this guide will walk you through what to watch out for. We’ll also touch on yellow flags, aka the less severe issues, and the green flags, or the good signs, so you get the full picture of what’s acceptable and what’s not. By the end, you’ll be better equipped to spot early red flags in dating and handle them like a pro.

What Are Red Flags In A Relationship?

Red flags are those intuitive uh-oh signs that something’s not quite right with your partner or your relationship. Relationship experts characterize them as early warning signs of potentially harmful or toxic behavior. For instance, constant lying or extreme jealousy might seem small at first, but they often hint at deeper issues like a lack of trust or control.

Think of red flags as the relationship’s way of waving a warning banner. Some are classic and overt, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names in a fight, which is a clear sign of disrespect. Others are quiet and easy to miss. Perhaps your partner never apologizes, or they guilt-trip you in ways that make you feel you’re always to blame. Often, you feel these in your gut before you can even put them into words. Whether they’re overt or subtle, red flags always reflect: 

• Patterns of unhealthy or toxic behavior: This includes abuse, manipulation, or controlling actions. Any form of physical or emotional abuse is a huge red flag that should never be brushed off
• Repeated issues with honesty and trust: Lying, hiding things, or constant jealousy are red flags in a person that signal a lack of trust or respect in the relationship
• Poor communication and disrespect: If your partner consistently dismisses your feelings, avoids important conversations, or belittles you, it’s a warning sign of deeper incompatibility
• Feeling unsafe or unhappy more often than not: A relationship should add to your life, not fill you with anxiety. Constant stress or walking on eggshells around your partner is a major red flag that something’s wrong.

Behaviors that qualify as red flags aren’t merely minor personal preferences, quirks, annoyances, or pet peeves. Maybe you don’t like that he leaves socks on the floor. That’s annoying, but not necessarily a red flag. 

Yellow and green flags in a relationship — how are these different from red flags?

The landscape of relationships is paved with a mosaic of the good, bad, and the ugly. In addition to the glaring red flags that scream code-red emergency, there are also yellow flags that tell you to proceed with caution and green flags that reassure you of the potential to build a healthy relationship. Almost every relationship has its share of yellow and green flags in both partners. Unlike red flags, these behaviors are not deal breakers.  

For instance, your new boyfriend getting a bit nervous when you mention an ex could be a yellow flag. It shows insecurity that can be addressed with reassurance and time. It’s something to be aware of, but not necessarily a relationship-ender unless it escalates. Unlike early red flags in dating that should be your cue to cut your losses and run, yellow flags say, “Hey, this might become a problem if it continues.” 

Related Reading: 13 Green Flags In A Relationship To Look Forward To

On the other hand, green flags are the good stuff. The healthy signs of a good relationship. Green flags include things like respecting boundaries, communicating openly, showing empathy, and being consistent. For example, if your partner listens to you, supports your ambitions, and also maintains a healthy independence, those are green flags. 

To put these in perspective, let’s consider a scenario: suppose your partner has a close friend of the opposite sex. A green flag response is that they introduce you, include you, and make you feel secure about that friendship. A yellow flag might be if they haven’t introduced you yet, but talk openly about this friend. Maybe it just hasn’t happened naturally, but they’re not hiding anything. A red flag would be if they refuse to let you meet or even know about this friend, keep that part of life secret, or gaslight you for asking. That secrecy and defensiveness would set off alarm bells.

Relationship Flags: A Quick Guide

How Small Relationship Issues Turn Toxic

Red flags rarely show up in flashing neon lights on the very first date. More often, they begin as minor annoyances or subtle warning signs that intensify into problematic behaviors over time. Psychologists call this behavioral escalation, in which seemingly small red flags, if left unaddressed, grow into entrenched, unhealthy dynamics.

Jealousy is a classic example. In the early days, it might feel flattering that your partner gets a little insecure if you talk to someone else, or they ask, “Who was that texting you?” with a laugh. But if this insecurity is never addressed, it can evolve into possessiveness in a relationship, where your partner, 

• Demands access to your phone
• Questions about your whereabouts
• Eventually starts controlling your every move 

The key is not to confuse early-stage red flags with harmless quirks. A partner who teases you once about texting late at night might just be joking. A partner who repeatedly does it, challenges your integrity, and refuses reassurance is showing signs of escalation.

17 Red Flags in a Relationship to Look Out For

Nobody wants to waste time in an unhealthy relationship or, worse, get hurt by one. Learning to spot these warning signs early is crucial for your emotional health and safety. Here, we’ve compiled 17 major red flags in a relationship that encompass behaviors and patterns that often spell trouble. If you notice these, take them seriously. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s the biggest red flags in a guy you’re seeing or signs of toxicity in the girl you’re dating; what matters is that you don’t brush them under the rug. Some might appear as silent red flags in a relationship—subtle things that many people overlook until it’s too late—so we’ll shine a light on those, too.

Related Reading: Healthy Vs Unhealthy Vs Abusive Relationships

1. Abusive behavior

Any form of abuse in a relationship, be it physical, emotional, or mental, is an immediate red flag that shouldn’t be tolerated. Abuse can start small, like hurtful insults or shoving during an argument, and later escalate. Sometimes we downplay these incidents by rationalizing them with statements like,  “They just lost their temper” or “It was a joke”, but abusive behavior is never okay. If your partner is hitting you, threatening you, relentlessly insulting you, or otherwise harming you, that’s a giant red flag waving brightly. You might hope it will change, but the hard truth is that abuse often escalates over time.

In fact, experts advise that “as soon as you see the first signs of such violence, you should immediately leave the relationship.” Physical abuse is usually easier to recognize. Bruises and fear aren’t normal in love. Emotional and mental abuse can be more subtle but just as damaging, and it can look like: 

• Constant criticism
• Controlling your autonomy
• Isolating you from friends
• Making you feel worthless 

Abuse often comes with apologies and promises that it will never happen again, which often makes it harder for the victim to leave. This pattern is a well-known red flag. If you’re experiencing abuse, reach out for help and plan a safe exit. You deserve a relationship free from fear.

2. Substance abuse

If you’re dating an alcoholic or your partner has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol or drugs, consider it a red flag for your relationship as well. This doesn’t mean everyone who enjoys a drink is a walking red flag. We’re talking about substance abuse: 

• Frequent binge drinking
• Drug misuse
• Any addiction that starts to negatively affect your life together 

When someone is in the grip of addiction, it often becomes the primary relationship in their life. You might find that alcohol, for example, always comes first, not you and the relationship. 

Substance abuse can lead to, 

• Lies
• Financial problems
• Trust issues
• Abusive behavior when under the influence

Imagine consistently having to clean up after your partner’s drunken episodes, or being lied to about drug use, or feeling unsafe driving with them because they’re not sober. Over time, this erodes trust and safety in the relationship. 

Related Reading: The 15 Talking Stage Red Flags That Most People Ignore

3. Excessive jealousy

A little jealousy in a relationship can feel flattering at first. You may think, “Aww, they really don’t want to lose me.” But there’s a big difference between mild occasional jealousy and undisciplined, excessive jealousy that rules your partner’s behavior. Toxic jealousy isn’t cute or loving; it’s controlling and fear-based. 

If your partner flies off the handle whenever you casually mention an attractive coworker, or they hate you even talking to your old friends, that’s a glaring red flag. Over-the-top jealousy often comes out as accusations and paranoia: “Who were you texting just now? Are you sure you were at your friend’s house and not with someone else?”

This is because excessive jealousy often ties into a need for control and a lack of trust. Over time, it can isolate and exhaust you emotionally. 

4. Lack of trust

Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Without it, you’re constantly on edge. A lack of trust can manifest in many ways, and it’s absolutely a red flag whether it’s coming from you or your partner. 

• Do they always assume you’re lying? 
• Do you feel like you can’t trust a word they say? 

Either scenario spells trouble. The most glaring red flags in a relationship with a man or woman often include an inability to trust one another. If your partner is always suspicious of you for no reason, it indicates deep-seated trust issues. Conversely, if you catch your partner in lies regularly, you will lose trust, and rightfully so.

One common example is a partner who looks through your texts or DMs without permission. If you’ve ever had someone scroll through your phone while you’re sleeping or demand your passwords, you know how violating and stressful that feels. On the flip side, if you notice your gut is telling you that you can’t trust what your partner says, maybe because their stories don’t add up or you catch inconsistencies, it’s equally important to pay attention. Constant lying or secretive behavior on their part is a neon red flag.

Related Reading: Signs A Guy Is Obsessed With You In A Bad Way: 15 Red Flags

5. Controlling behavior

Do you often find yourself feeling as if you’re dating a prison guard? It’s a classic example of controlling behavior, which is a serious red flag that often starts subtly and then ramps up. It can take many forms. For example: 

• Your partner tells you what you can or can’t wear
• They get upset if you go out with friends without them
• They try to dictate how you spend money
• They need to have a say in all your decisions, big or small 

Controlling people often disguise their control as “I’m just trying to help” or “it’s for your own good” or even as jealousy masquerading as love, “I just love you so much I can’t stand the thought of you talking to other guys/girls”. Don’t be fooled.

Healthy love doesn’t feel like walking on a leash. It respects your autonomy. If you find yourself constantly adjusting your behavior to avoid your partner’s wrath or criticism, take a step back. Why are you afraid of their reaction? That fear is a sign of controlling dynamics.

6. Gaslighting and manipulation

Have you ever found yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do, or questioning your own sanity because your partner insists you’re the one misremembering or overreacting? If yes, you might have been experiencing gaslighting, a form of manipulation that’s a huge red flag. Gaslighting is when someone twists the truth, denies things you know happened, or makes you feel like you’re “crazy” for feeling the way you do. Over time, this tactic erodes your confidence in your own perceptions. You start thinking, “Maybe I am the problem” or “Maybe I am too sensitive.”

Over time, you might start to doubt your own memories or instincts. Gaslighters also like to pretend their bad behavior never happened or wasn’t as bad as you remember. They’ll say things like “I never said that” or “You’re imagining things.” It’s maddening. Make no mistake, gaslighting is emotional abuse and a surefire red flag because a partner who truly cares about you should validate your feelings, not continuously invalidate and confuse you. 

Related Reading: 5 Red Flags Women Overlooked In A Failed Romantic Relationship

7. Narcissistic traits 

Is your relationship essentially the “Them Show” featuring you as a side character? If your partner’s needs, stories, and ego dominate everything, you might be dealing with a narcissistic partner, and boy, is that a red flag! Narcissism in the context of a relationship means one partner has, 

• An inflated sense of self-importance
• A constant need for admiration
• A lack of empathy for the other

If you bring up something about yourself, they might quickly steer it back to them. You often feel invisible, or like you exist to prop up their ego. A tell-tale sign of narcissistic behavior is a lack of empathy. For instance, if you’re sick, a narcissistic partner might be inconvenienced that you’re not available to cater to them, rather than caring that you feel awful. 

8. Poor communication and conflict resolution

Every couple has disagreements. What matters is how you handle them. If your partner shuts down whenever there’s conflict, or conversely turns every minor issue into a screaming match, you’ve got a problem with communication and conflict resolution. A red flag in this arena is when issues never actually get resolved because of the way one or both of you handle conflict. For example, 

• Does your partner stonewall you, meaning they refuse to talk or listen, going silent or walking away whenever things get serious? 
• Or do they perhaps do the opposite and blow up over tiny things, then act like nothing happened without ever addressing the root cause? 

These are toxic patterns stemming from a person’s inability to handle uncomfortable conversations. Over time, it can make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, never sure when the next meltdown will happen since nothing gets solved.

Related Reading: 21 Huge First Date Red Flags You Should Be Wary Of

9. Anger management issues

Does your partner have a temper like a ticking time bomb? Uncontrolled anger is a scary red flag that can make a relationship feel like a rollercoaster you never signed up for. We’re not talking about someone getting mildly irritated on a bad day. We’re talking about frequent, intense anger that’s disproportionate to the situation. For example,

• Your boyfriend loses it and starts shouting and swearing because dinner was a few minutes late
• Your girlfriend throws a fit and breaks a glass when a conversation doesn’t go her way 

These are not normal reactions. They’re signs of poor anger management. Whenever considering red flags in a relationship with a man or woman, unmanaged anger often comes up as a top concern. Why? Because if someone can’t control their anger, it can create an environment of fear and instability. You might start avoiding bringing up certain topics because you fear the angry outburst that might follow. 

Subtle forms of anger are equally troublesome. Maybe they don’t yell, but they seethe with rage, give you menacing looks, or make you afraid by how angry they get. Chronic anger is a red flag for deeper issues like, 

• Underlying resentment
• Emotional immaturity
• Mental health concerns 

10. Codependency 

Being in love often means you enjoy spending a lot of time together. But codependency in a relationship goes beyond healthy attachment. It’s when someone literally cannot function without the relationship and becomes emotionally fused with you in an unhealthy way. In a codependent dynamic, one partner or both rely on the other for nearly all their self-worth and happiness, to the point where boundaries blur and independence disappears. While devotion might sound sweet, codependent behavior is actually a classic silent red flag in a relationship because it can be hard to spot until you’re deeply in it. Signs of codependency include: 

• They need to talk or text constantly and get anxious or upset if you want any alone time. 
• They might have a few interests outside the relationship and expect you to be their everything – friend, therapist, constant companion. 
• If you do something without them, they might guilt-trip you or feel abandoned. 
• In extreme cases, a codependent partner might even agree with everything you say, molding themselves entirely to you and then resenting you for it later. 

It’s as if their mood and life stabilize only when you’re directly paying attention to them or with them. That level of clinginess can feel flattering for a minute, but soon it becomes suffocating. This is one of the silent red flags in a relationship. You have to pay close attention to recognize it. Early on, it might just seem like “Wow, he/she just cannot get enough of me.” Over time, codependent relationships often lead to burnout. 

Related Reading: The Red Flag Conversation

11. They claim all their exes are “crazy”

Pay attention to how your partner talks about their past relationships. Do they describe every ex as “psycho,” “toxic,” or “terrible” while painting themselves as the perpetual victim? If all their exes are ‘crazy’ according to them, that’s a big red flag. Sure, it’s possible someone has had genuinely bad luck in love, but if there’s a clear pattern where they take zero responsibility for any past breakup, you have to wonder about the common denominator. 

A person who badmouths every ex is revealing either poor judgment in who they date, or, more likely, a lack of accountability for their own role in those relationships. 

A person of good character will acknowledge their part in a breakup, whereas someone who always puts the blame on everyone else is not someone who learns from mistakes. If you hear on date #2 that their ex was “nuts” and the one before that was “a total bitch” and so on, pay attention. It may indicate how they’ll speak about you someday.

12. Isolation from friends and family

If your partner is keeping you isolated from your support network, alarm bells should ring. This can happen in a couple of ways: 

• One, they actively prevent or discourage you from seeing your family and friends
• Two, they themselves refuse to integrate you into their life, never introducing you to anyone that matters to them
• Either scenario is a red flag of potential control or secrecy

In any healthy relationship, both partners should have the freedom to maintain their outside relationships and also gradually blend their worlds. They don’t have to love all your friends or vice versa, but isolating is different. It’s preventing those connections or intentionally withholding you from theirs. Don’t overlook this red flag. It often accompanies other controlling or deceitful behavior. 

13. Dishonesty and secrets

Dishonesty and secretive behavior are big red flags because they break down the fundamental trust between you and your partner. If you catch your partner frequently lying, even about small things, it’s a sign to be wary. Today, it might be a white lie about who they had lunch with. Tomorrow it could be something much bigger. It puts you in the position of constantly playing detective or feeling like you’re crazy for sensing something’s off.

Secret-keeping is equally troubling, and it’s markedly different from the right to privacy in a relationship. For example, if your partner is texting an ex and hides it from you, or they have a financial debt or gambling issue you accidentally discover, these are secrets that impact you and thus should have been disclosed. If instead they work hard to cover things up, that’s a red flag. 

There’s also lying by omission. Maybe they didn’t technically lie to you about something, but they conveniently never told you the full truth. For instance, they mention a “friend” they hung out with, but omit that this friend is someone they used to date, and they hung out one-on-one over dinner. When you find out later, you feel betrayed, not because the dinner itself was wrong, but because they hid context that they clearly knew would matter to you. Healthy relationships involve open communication, not half-truths.

Related Reading: 18 Online Dating Red Flags That Should Not Be Ignored

14. Constant need for validation and reassurance

We all have insecurities, but there’s a difference between occasionally seeking reassurance and needing it every single minute. A partner with a constant need for validation can turn into an emotional drain on the relationship. This red flag might look like your partner frequently saying things like, 

• “Do you really love me?” 
• “Are you sure you find me attractive?” 
• “Promise me you won’t ever leave” 

At first, you might be empathetic and give them the reassurance they ask for. But if it never ends, it can start to feel like you’re carrying the weight of their self-esteem on your shoulders. This red flag can manifest through jealous or clingy behavior, or through testing you. “If I don’t text them, will they text me? Do they really care?” 

Another way is through seeking attention in unhealthy ways. Maybe they flirt with others or create drama just to get you to react and prove you care. Paradoxically, someone insecure might even cause conflicts to gauge your level of investment. Over time, you might feel like you’re constantly having to prove your love or tiptoe around their insecurities.

15. Belittling and criticism

Does your partner make you feel small? Here’s what it may look like: 

• Belittling
• Condescending comments
• Constant criticism 

These are huge red flags because a loving partner should build you up, not tear you down. It might start off as “jokes.” Perhaps they make fun of your interests. You excitedly share a hobby or something you created, and they roll their eyes or say something like, “That’s what you’ve been wasting time on? Cute.” Ouch. 

Or maybe in front of others, they make a subtle dig about your habits or appearance. You might laugh it off once, but pattern matters. If you notice a habit of remarks that undermine your confidence or dignity, don’t ignore it. 

16. Lack of effort and one-sided relationship

Do you feel like you’re the one doing all the work in your relationship? Perhaps you’re always the one to call, plan dates, solve problems, or generally keep the connection alive, while your partner coasts along. A one-sided relationship where there is a clear lack of effort from one party is a red flag because it indicates an imbalance in interest or commitment. 

• A glaring example is when they don’t initiate dates or quality time. If you didn’t reach out or set up plans, would you two even see each other? If the answer is no, that’s telling 
• Another aspect of one-sidedness is emotional labor. Are you always the one to apologize first after fights, even when it’s not your fault, just to smooth things over? 
• Do you find yourself catering to their schedule, their needs, their problems, with little reciprocity? 
• You remember their important dates, support them on a bad day, adjust your life to their convenience, but when you need the same, they’re MIA or indifferent

A relationship like this can make you feel neglected and unappreciated, which is a big red flag that something’s fundamentally wrong. 

17. Love bombing and moving too fast

At the opposite end of the effort spectrum is love bombing—when someone comes on way too strong, way too soon. Here is what it may look like: 

• Trying to fast-forward the relationship
• Showering you with affection and gifts
• Intense declarations very early on

On the surface, it might feel like a fairy tale, but beware, love bombing is a known red flag and often a manipulation tactic. It’s called “future faking” when they paint this rosy future with you, talking about marriage, kids, forever, at a stage that’s premature. Why is this a red flag? Because it’s not grounded in reality. Real love and trust take time to develop. When someone tries to skip those building stages, it suggests either an agenda or an unstable approach to relationships. 

Related Reading: 6 Harmless Mistakes In A Relationship That Are Actually Harmful

Subtle Relationship Red Flags That Are Often Overlooked

Not every red flag is loud or obvious. Some creep in quietly, hidden beneath the surface of otherwise seemingly functional relationships. These silent red flags are often the hardest to spot because they masquerade as normal ups and downs, yet they corrode the bond over time.

1. Emotional detachment

It’s not always explosive fights that signal trouble. Sometimes it’s the absence of a genuine connection. If you notice that you feel lighter, more authentic, and even happier when your partner isn’t around, it’s worth paying attention.

2. Resentment building quietly

Resentment rarely arrives with a bang. It builds in layers through, 

• Unacknowledged slights
• Unresolved arguments 
• Unfulfilled promises 

Over time, this quiet bitterness can become the most corrosive force in a relationship. “Resentment is like plaque in the arteries of a marriage. It accumulates from repeated unresolved conflict until one day, it blocks intimacy altogether,” explains Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert. 

3. Unresolved conflicts that repeat without closure

Every couple argues, but the danger lies in repeated unresolved conflict, where you have the same fight over and over again because the core issue is never resolved. It feels like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of fighting, reliving the same experience over and over again, and the relationship begins to feel stifling. 

How To Deal With Red Flags In A Relationship: 7 Strategies

Identifying red flags is one thing, figuring out what to do about them is another. It can be really tough when you realize something’s not right in your relationship. You might feel torn. You care about this person, you’ve invested time and emotions, and nobody is perfect, right? Absolutely, nobody is perfect. But remember, there’s a difference between normal human flaws and harmful behaviors. Red flags fall in that latter category. So, if you’ve spotted some red flags or even just one big one, here are seven strategies to handle the situation in a healthy, empowered way. 

1. Don’t ignore the red flags

The first and arguably most important strategy: face the red flags. This sounds obvious, but you’d be amazed at how often we all tend to rationalize or minimize problems when we’re in love. You might tell yourself, 

• “It’s not that bad.”
• “Maybe I’m overreacting.”
• “It’ll get better on its own.” 

Unfortunately, wishing and sweeping issues under the rug usually just gives them space to grow. Acknowledging a red flag doesn’t mean you have to end the relationship on the spot, unless it’s a deal-breaker like abuse. It just means you’re being honest with yourself that something is off. 

Why is this step so crucial? Because unacknowledged red flags tend to escalate. If you acknowledge early red flags in dating, you can break the cycle of normalization. This is necessary to drive any change.

2. Talk to your partner about your concerns

Once you’ve identified a red flag and decided it’s something you want to try to address, the next step is often to communicate openly with your partner, except in the case of abuse. This can be uncomfortable, but an honest conversation is crucial. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They might not fully realize how their behavior is affecting you. By bringing it up calmly and clearly, you give them a chance to respond and potentially change. Here is how to go about it: 

• Focus on how the behavior makes you feel and why it’s concerning, rather than launching into an attack on them as a person. 
• Instead of saying “You’re always lying to me, you’re so dishonest!”, you could say, “I feel hurt and anxious when I find out things later that you didn’t tell me.” 
• Then open a dialogue by saying, “Can we talk about why this keeps happening?” 

Now, one of two things will happen: either they will be receptive, or they won’t. It’s a good sign if your partner listens, doesn’t dismiss your feelings, and engages in the conversation, even if it’s hard to hear. Maybe they genuinely didn’t realize how much their behavior has been bothering you. 

However, if your partner reacts poorly. Say, they gaslight you, or they blow up in anger, or they flat-out refuse to discuss it, those are telling reactions. A dismissive or hostile response to a sincere attempt at communication is, unfortunately, another red flag on top of the original issue. It suggests they aren’t willing to acknowledge your needs or their part in the conflict, which means you need to think long and hard about your next steps. 

Related Reading: 5 Relationship Issues That Lead To A Failed Romance

3. Set clear boundaries

Setting boundaries means defining what is acceptable to you and what isn’t, then communicating that to your partner. If a red flag behavior has been identified, think about what boundary you need to put in place to feel safe or respected. A boundary is like a personal rule or limit. For example, if your partner has a tendency to shout at you during arguments, a boundary might be: “I will not engage in conversations where I’m being yelled at. If it happens, I will walk away from the discussion until we can both talk calmly.”

Make your boundaries specific and firm. Here’s how

• Instead of “Don’t be disrespectful,” specify what disrespect means to you: “Do not call me names or curse at me. I will not stay in a conversation where I’m being insulted.” 
• Instead of “Spend time with me,” say “Let’s agree to at least one date night a week with no phones, so I know we’ll have quality time.” 
• Be clear on what you expect and what you will do if that expectation isn’t met

4. Seek support and outside perspective

Dealing with red flags can be emotionally draining and confusing. That’s why reaching out for support is a key strategy. This can mean talking to trusted friends or family about what’s going on, seeking advice, or just a listening ear. Sometimes, when you’re in the thick of a relationship, it’s hard to see clearly. You might second-guess yourself or normalize things because you’re too close to the situation. Getting an outside perspective can be like having someone shine a flashlight on a dark path for you.

Choose someone you trust and who you know will be honest with you. Ideally, someone who isn’t biased towards your partner. Explain what’s been happening and how it makes you feel. Often, just voicing it out loud to another person can bring clarity. 

You can also consider talking to a therapist or counselor. A therapist can help validate your feelings, strengthen your resolve, and give you strategies tailored to your situation. If communication is a big issue, but you both want to work on it, couples therapy could provide a neutral space to address the red flags with a mediator. 

Related Reading: Signs Of A Hot And Cold Relationship

5. Create an action plan to work on it or walk away

After identifying the red flags, talking to your partner, setting boundaries, and seeking support, it’s decision time. Will you work on the relationship, or is it time to walk away? Sometimes the answer is clear; other times it’s really tough because relationships exist in shades of gray. But making a plan will give you a sense of direction and control.

• Option A: Work on it. If your partner has shown genuine remorse or willingness to change, and the red flag behaviors are not absolute deal-breakers for you, you might decide to give the relationship a chance to improve. In that case, outline how you’ll work on it. 
• Option B: Walk away. Sometimes the healthiest action plan is an exit plan. If you’re dealing with severe issues like abuse, chronic cheating, or a partner who absolutely refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, then the likelihood of a happy resolution is slim
• Option C: A trial separation or pause. This is between working on it and fully ending it. Sometimes, taking a break can give both people perspective

6. Follow through and stay consistent

Whatever course of action you choose, it’s important to follow through and stay consistent with it. Dealing with red flags is not a one-and-done event. It’s an ongoing process of maintaining the boundaries and decisions you’ve made. This is where a lot of people stumble. For instance, 

• They set a boundary but then let it slide “just this once” 
• They break up but then keep chatting every other day as if nothing’s changed
• To truly address red flags, you have to stick to your guns

One strategy that can help is to write down your core resolution and when you feel yourself wavering, look at it. Also, celebrate the small victories of consistency. If you’ve been assertive for a month straight with your boundaries, pat yourself on the back. If you have not drunk-texted your ex for a week, treat yourself to something nice. These things are hard! It’s okay to acknowledge the effort it takes. 

7. Know when to leave for good

Finally, you need to know when it’s time to leave the relationship for good. This is often the hardest step, because love, hope, and history can bind us strongly. But sometimes walking away is the healthiest, if not the only, solution left. You might reach this point after trying the previous strategies without success, or you might jump straight here if a red flag is non-negotiable, like abuse. How do you know when it’s truly time to go? Look for these signs:

• Repeated boundary violations
• No improvement despite promises
• Your mental or physical health is deteriorating
• You start hoping they’ll break up with you
• Deal-breaker behavior occurs

FAQs

Final Thoughts

Red flags can be daunting to confront, but recognizing them is a form of self-love. By acknowledging these warning signs, you’re essentially saying, “I deserve better than this.” And you do. Every person deserves a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and kindness. While no relationship is perfect, there’s a big difference between normal human quirks and true red-flag behaviors that undermine your well-being.

At the end of the day, a relationship should feel like a safe harbor, not a storm. By being vigilant about red flags in a relationship and addressing them head-on, you steer your life towards calmer, clearer waters, whether with the same partner transformed or with a new journey altogether. You deserve nothing less.

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