Online dating is mainstream culture now. Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Happn — the options are endless. Romance is brewing online and not in parks, bars, or offices. Sadly, things aren’t as perfect as they seem, and when navigating the experience of finding love in the virtual space, you need to be mindful of the online dating red flags.

Most people come with flaws and behavioral issues that are hard to identify even in person. A virtual connection just makes the process trickier. You might experience bad dates, get catfished, run into dating scammers, or be emotionally manipulated, but some risks of online dating can even lead to physical harm. 

In this article, we will take a look at 18 such red flags in online dating that one should never ignore, with help from California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. 

18 Online Dating Red Flags You Should Never Overlook 

So, the person you’ve recently matched with has an annoying habit of pinging you throughout the day. Or they are inconsistent in their communication pattern, talking for hours on end one day and vanishing the next. Well, not every quirk against the norm is alarming or a red flag. But a series of unacceptable behaviors ring alarm bells for sure.

For instance, even though your online date seems like a perfect match in the beginning, you find they’re always late when they meet in person. If they keep repeating this behavior with no explanation or apology, it shows their inconsiderate nature and lack of commitment to you. It also shows that they value their time and convenience over yours. This is definitely one of the red flags in online dating—in any form of dating for that matter. Let’s take a look at some other common online dating red flags that scream, “Run in the opposite direction!”

1. Your online date is vague and elusive

If your match can’t be bothered to write up a genuine bio or is elusive when it comes to responding to you, it’s clearly one of the glaring dating app red flags. It’s time to drop them, but before that, consider this to tackle such red flag examples:

• A simple scroll isn’t enough for a right swipe. Put on your detective glasses and make use of your swift stalking skills. A little digging can save you from impending trouble or the heartache of an unhealthy relationship
• Take note of the interactions in their comments, it’s an easy way to get to know them
• Ask them direct questions about their childhood, their education, their family, etc. If they fumble more than once, you’ll know they have something to hide or aren’t being true

Dr. Batra explains: “Vulnerability and self-disclosure are essential in building a relationship, especially an intimate one. When you see that your questions are being avoided, it’s a sign that the person may not be honest.”If you feel something is off, you can run a background check on your potential partner to verify their identity.

Related Reading: 10 Tricks To Choose The Right Profile Pictures For Your Dating Profiles

2. Their photos are too perfect

One of the red flags on dating sites is a series of over-done photos. If someone’s profile looks like a Vogue model catalog, it’s probably Photoshopped and fake and definitely one of the dating app red flags. A lot of people on dating sites engage in catfishing or luring people with fake images. It’s better to go with your gut instinct and swipe left instead of getting duped or scammed. 

Dr. Batra explains, “If you see the photos looking too perfect, you know that the person is trying too hard or could be compensating for some deficit. So just be careful. Try doing a video call a few times before investing your emotions.”

3. Weird bios

If their bio says anything along the lines of “Not looking for drama” or “Looking for someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously,” run in the opposite direction! More likely than not, they are going to cause all the drama and gaslight you for taking it ‘seriously.’

Here’s what a Reddit user referred to as a weird bio: “I’m a Brad Pitt look alike except that I weigh 300 lbs, am bald, homeless, and would like to date someone who likes long walks.” Now, even if you ignore the bad humor, the bio shows how insecure the person is. 

Related Reading: 13 Tips To Date Online Successfully And Find Your Ideal Partner

4. They ghost you

Ghosting tops the online dating red flags texting rules and is downright disrespectful behavior. You never know if the reason is their lack of interest or level of immaturity. Or maybe they are just a serial cheater, slyly deceiving their real-life partner online. Dr. Batra says, “When you see that someone vanishes from your life for specific periods of time without any communication, they probably are doing so with several other people.”

Here’s what a Reddit user shared about her experience with ghosting: “I (30F) was ghosted by my boyfriend (34M) about a year into dating. It’s quite literally destroyed me.” Maybe, in such cases, it’s better to come to terms with the fact that you’ve been ghosted mercilessly than waste another minute on them. It’s one thing to be attached to someone, but there’s no point dragging on if they have cut off all contact.

5. They overstep boundaries

So, you’ve just started talking and things are going well, except they just cannot stop crossing the boundaries you set? This tends to happen a lot when one person is more interested than the other. They start exerting control and expect more than you agreed to give. Some such warning signs of online dating are:

• You clarify that you aren’t exclusive, and yet they keep acting like your jealous spouse
• They try to guilt-trip you into doing something and ask you to do the same thing as a show of faith on your end
• They send unsolicited vulgar photos or ask for them even before the first date

6. They avoid meeting in public places

One of the huge red flags of online dating is when they refuse to meet in places where they may be recognized or tracked. Here are some red flag examples:

• If they keep forcing you to meet them at a remote location or their home, instead of a neutral public space, be wary because their reasons for meeting may be nefarious
• If they always ask you to meet away from their hometown, they could be hiding something from you, for example, a spouse

These could also be some of the major warning signs of a catfish (a person who hides their true identity). Dr. Batra says, “You have to save yourself from injury, theft, as well as sexual assault. So, always meet people only in public places at least for several initial meetings.”

Related Reading: Can You Fall In Love With Someone Online Without Meeting Them?

7. They use nicknames too early 

You know there’s something seriously wrong with your date when they’re trying to be too close too soon. One of the most glaring signs of this red flag is when they use nicknames such as sweetie, baby, and honey way too soon. This is downright weird and may even seem obnoxious to some. You could very well have matched with a person who uses such nicknames for all their matches and isn’t too serious about dating at all.

8. They mimic you too often

Did the self-professed couch potato suddenly come up with stories of running marathons? A minor or major shift in their personality could be one of the warning signs of online dating. When someone tries to mirror you and your likes and dislikes to impress you, it might be because of their low self-esteem or their reluctance to show you their real self. Dr. Batra explains, “This is a sign of trying too hard as well as low self-esteem in which they don’t have much of a personality of their own. So, to impress you, they start mimicking you.”

9. Sexting 

One of the glaring texting red flags before the first date is when they get too steamy too early. We get it, we all love to indulge in some hot and heavy texting at times. But if it isn’t mutually agreed upon and if you don’t feel safe when they slide into your DMs, it could start to border on harassment.

If all they ask for is nudes or steamy video calls and each message is a subtle prompt to sext, the purpose seems to be that of getting laid instead of creating healthy sexual tension. This is one of the glaring online dating red flags texting features. Dr. Batra says, “When you meet someone on a dating site and they instantly want to sext, it shows that their motivations and intentions are superficial. Beware of this.”

Related Reading: Is Online Dating Easier For Women?

10. They have a strange list of demands

You might have seen (and hopefully swiped left on) people who post long lists of ‘musts’ and ‘must nots’ to score better matches. Most of these demands are often shallow and offensive. Here are some examples of red flags:

• Looking for matches based on physical attributes, such as “over 6 feet tall”
• Tacky demands such as, “He must be earning a 6-figure salary,” is a glaring red flag

Dr. Batra explains further, “When you notice strange demands about how you should do your hair or odd possessiveness/signs of control, you must back off immediately.”

11. Negative vibes

One of the red flags on dating sites is when there’s too much negativity in your prospective date’s profile. Often, we’ve come across people who are on dating sites but seem like characters straight out of some tragedy, mouthing philosophical dialogues to justify their negativity. They are either fixated on that ex who was very rude to them or are plain angry with the world and extremely pessimistic.

One of the texting red flags before first date after meeting online, in such situations, is that they respond in monosyllables, such as “yes,” “right”, and “absolutely”, to all your messages and make no effort to take the conversation forward. You can never date a person who oozes so much negativity. Dr. Batra says, “Gut feelings are to be trusted. when you see cynicism, pessimism, control, or something that seems off to you, you should respect that emotion.”

Related Reading: Here’s Why I Ghosted Him In Online Dating

12. They flaunt their wealth

Look at their dating app photos or Instagram and observe. Do they have Chardonnay every night? Or drive to the gym in their SUV every day? Or vacation in exotic islands every year? Do their profiles scream Chanel, Gucci, and Fendi? If you find someone seriously bragging about their looks, wealth, and traits, it can be one of the major red flags in online dating, as they may be faking it.

Dr. Batra says, “When you find some exceptionally high achievement or a very pompous educational background, have deeper conversations to know the reality about the person.” Even if all that they show off is true, their money-minded nature can be what Dr. Batra describes as “a sure-shot sign of insecurity.”

13. They ask for financial assistance

One of my friends, Ashley, had been talking to someone for about 2 weeks on a dating app. And the man, out of the blue, asked her for some money as a contribution to his grandmother’s cancer treatment fund. Now, she wouldn’t have suspected a thing had she not run a background check on him and found out that nobody by that name actually existed and the profile was, in fact, fake. So, to protect yourself from the Tinder Swindlers of the world, steer clear of people who:

• Ask for money within days of hitting you up on a dating app
• Ask for your bank details or ATM/credit card details
• Wish to know your salary/income details within days of knowing you

These are some of the glaring red flags on dating sites. Dr. Batra says, “Someone who wants to get into a relationship with you is not going to ask you for money right away during the dating stage. Know that the motivations and intentions are distorted.”

Related Reading: Tinder – 6 Types Of Men To Avoid Dating

14. They rush into a relationship

Yes, the adrenaline rush of a new relationship makes you want to do weird things, such as changing your relationship status on social media or posting your partner to flaunt your heady romance. But be wary of people who want you to commit within a week of knowing you. Or say those three words within days of meeting you. 

This not only smacks of desperation but is also one of the red flags of online dating. If they are rushing things, there’s bound to be some issue that you may have overlooked. Dr. Batra explains: “Such people are likely to be entering their relationship to enhance their non-existent self-esteem.”

15. They plan and then cancel dates last minute

Okay, so this can mess with your nervous system or make you anxious. My friend, Andrea, was very excited about the new guy she was talking to on Bumble. But the problem was, they had never met even after talking for about a month. The last time I spoke to Andrea, she narrated her ordeal, “I am fed up now. It seems there’s always something that comes up just on the days we are supposed to meet.”

Now, this red flag could be due to many reasons, a few of them being:

• The person isn’t interested in dating you but is only keeping you in the orbit as an option
• The person is already in a serious relationship with someone or is married and is having a texting affair with you
• The person has a lot to hide (be it looks or status) and can’t face you in person

Dr. Batra says, “They’re unsure and this could impact your self-esteem and self-worth because you might begin to doubt yourself too.”

Related Reading: 15 Key Disadvantages Of Online Dating

16. They’re on dating apps but don’t have social media profiles

This is something I have come across quite often in my dating journey. You would think a person who’s on a dating app would be digitally savvy. And yet, many men and women dodge the question on social media profiles and come up with strange excuses such as:

• I am not on Facebook because my profile was hacked a few years back
• I am not comfortable sharing my photos on Instagram but have a dummy account to add you on

Mostly, such people are clearly keeping some secrets from you. However, there is always an exception to the rule. Not all people without social media profiles are creeps or frauds. Some can be wonderful human beings who are old-school and more mature. Go by your gut feeling in such cases. 

For instance, I once came across a man who claimed he wasn’t on Facebook and yet indirectly asked me questions about a few photos I had posted and set to ‘public’ on the platform. This was creepy and I sensed the man was lying about not being on Facebook. He was probably stalking me using a fake account.

17. They wish to contact you on messenger apps within a few hours/days

While we agree that dating apps are great platforms, it’s also true that we often like to take it forward on other chat apps, such as iMessage or WhatsApp. But it gets a little shady if we find the person we have just started chatting with suddenly asking us for your number to take things off the dating platform. Be wary of this trick, as this may show:

• They may be an online romance scammer trying to get your number to add to a scam list
• They may be a creep who may start stalking and harassing you if things go south 

Dr. Batra says, “This reflects desperation and you want someone who is secure in themselves.”

Related Reading: Online Dating Advice – 23 Important Tips

18. They get panicky when they don’t hear from you often

So, you haven’t been able to contact them for a day because you had an important presentation at work. Or you fell sick and couldn’t respond to their messages for a couple of days. And then you see a barrage of messages and your call log is going berserk with their name. 

Well, you are perhaps dealing with someone who has deep-seated insecurities. And it’s always better to point this out to them so that they can address those and be in a headspace to talk to you or date you. Dr. Batra explains, “People like these use dating apps to build their self-worth.”

Dating Red Flags: How To Protect Yourself On Dating Apps

In this digital era, it’s a bit difficult to go back to traditional dating methods or find ways to meet people outside dating apps. We can be nostalgic about the old times and chivalrous flirting, but that’s long gone now. The best step forward is to equip yourself with adequate safety measures to make online dating a worthwhile experience.

Related Reading: The Ultimate Funny Online Dating Questions

While you don’t have to be on alert all the time, it’s better to be conscious of the things you share and the people you share them with. You have to recognize and avoid online dating red flags to build a bond based on trust and commitment. Here are some basic tips to keep in mind when interacting with a potential love interest online and keep the red flags on dating apps at bay:

1. Keep your privacy intact

To avoid red flags on dating apps, keep your personal details to yourself. While we want to connect and share our lives with people we date, it’s better not to disclose any personal information until you know them well enough. Scammers and catfishers can easily hack and use your information against you, using fake profiles. Here’s what to do to ward off the online dating warning signs:

• If you don’t want a Joe Goldberg (of the infamous Netflix series You) scouring your life on Instagram, keep your socials away from the dating profile
• Don’t share any personal details on dating apps (especially your home address, family background, health records, occupation, or bank details, and other essentials)

2. Share, but with caution

You can tell them about your life without revealing the specifics of where something took place. For instance, instead of spilling the beans about a cafe that you love, rave about its meals and aesthetics without revealing the name. Here’s how to go about it:

• Scammers might engage in social engineering, where they may ask you seemingly harmless questions to gain your trust and gather information about you. So, flirt with boundaries
• You can mention that you are not comfortable enough to share your personal details with them
• Remove metadata from any photos you share. For instance, try and hide any recognizable elements from the pictures, like a car plate

3. Make it a no-nude zone

Sending intimate photos to strangers on the internet can land you in a lot of trouble. Before sending naughty images or nudes, consider these online dating warning signs: 

• People can easily save them, forward them, or even blackmail you if things go awry
• It can be a tool to threaten you, extort money, and disrupt your life

Related Reading: Sending Nudes? Our Cyber Safety Experts Say You Shouldn’t

4. Verify their identity

It’s crucial to verify their identity with video calls and their social media profiles, especially before shifting to a personal app, sharing private information, or meeting up. So, you can try these tactics:

• Make sure you check them out on social media channels, before becoming exclusive
• Use reverse image search tools to find out their true identity
• Use well-known apps that have their own verification systems in place (for instance, on Bumble, you can ask the match to verify their details)

5. Report suspicious profiles

Did you match with someone asking you for financial help? Or did you just scroll over a fake profile that might be using fake photos? This is typical red flag behavior. One of the major risks of online dating is that you run into scammers and hackers. Swiping left isn’t enough. You should report them and make the app a safer place for everyone.

Related Reading: The Art Of Online Dating: Navigating The World Of Apps And Websites

6. Choose a befitting app

Picking the right dating application and being a little cautious goes a long way in helping you avoid online red flag behavior. It may feel like an unnecessary step but will increase your chances of finding the right person. You can give these apps a shot:

• If you prefer an open relationship, Feeld is a good platform to meet other non-monogamous folks
• You might be part of the LGBTQIA+ community and wish to connect with queer women. In that case, the social app called HER may be apt. It is queer and trans-friendly and is exclusively for you, among the scores of other LGBTQIA dating apps
• It’s also important to consider what sort of relationship you’re looking for. Though popular apps like Tinder and Bumble are used for finding casual and long-term relationships, some apps like EliteSingles are used primarily to look for rich sugar parents

Stay true to your values and don’t rush into the risks of online dating by compromising your safety. Avoid online dating red flags, and you can stay safe and easily find the love of your life on dating apps. Set a pace and space that feels comfortable to truly enjoy dating online!

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