Feminism in the context of sex
While tossing the term ‘Feminism’ around, in the context of sex, if I say I am a feminist, I have people who smirk and imagine me in a latex-wrapped bodice, thigh-high boots and whipping a whip at my partner. Not kidding; I actually had people imagine that stuff out loud.
It has been a long, long struggle since women were allowed equal rights as men. More than that, women were allowed to exercise their right of choice. Choice to work in the field men works, choice to shave/not shave, choice to get education, choice to be a stay-at-home mother, choice to create progeny or adopt. So shaving body hair does not make you a bad feminist.
Feminism is more hard core than telling your fellow women being to stick to a particular set of rules. Since dominant and submissive roles have been cast on men and women respectively, and feminism has become more widespread, it, in a way told us versatility of roles in the bedroom. You do not need to be dominant just because you believe in feminism, especially if submission in the sexual domain gets you going. If being submissive gives you the pleasure you seek for, that does not make you a “bad feminist”. Nah uh. And here are the reasons why.
1. You are your own boss
Well, technically you are. You know what you like and you are not held back by notions of feminism or preconceived rules of engagement where you have to ride on top. Submission in sexual acts does not barricade you to sticking to gender roles- you do it simply because you like it. It would be foolish to be dominant in bed and not have fun. There are fifty different ways to be submissive and yet be a feminist. Owning what you love and getting it lying on your back or on your knees is next to awe-freaking-some and “bad feminism” has nothing to do with it. Since when did being your own boss equal to “bad feminism”?
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2. Power in submission
Wrong connotations attached to the term submission in sex. There is power in submission – you call the shots too. As long as the sex is consensual, you can simply say “No” to something and the sex stops. Doms and subs have equal power play in sex and to think otherwise is being ignorant. Both dominant and submissive partners need to work together to make it work.
3. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom
Just because a feminist gets going by being submissive, does not mean people get to walk over her in other spheres of life. Being tamed in the bedroom is pretty much restricted within the four walls of the bedroom. You own your shit at work and be dominant in life when you need to be. Your sexual preference does not reflect the kind of person you are at work or outside the house. You might be a tamed little dungeon girl during sex and successfully run your own business at work.
4. Let there be rest
Being a woman in this century is not a piece of cake. You might choose to be sexually submissive, letting your partner take the reign for a change may be because you need rest after telling people how to do things all day, maybe at work, or at home. Being on top needs a lot of work and energy, submission is a nice break to take when you are naked. Putting your partner in charge can be liberating in many, many ways
5. It cannot get more feminist than this
Choice of submission and you avail it. It cannot get more feminist than this. Feminism is about pro-choice right? Well, you are choosing what to do with your body in a consensual sexual relationship, you are calling the shots with the person of your choice. Everything is pro-choice here, the question of bad feminism cannot should not even arise in this situation for everything is your choice.
6. Sexual preference not moulded by conventions
You do not need to stick to the societal norms obscurely set aside by society or men-hating feminists. Isn’t this what feminism is all about? It is okay to go with what you feel comfortable with. Sexual preference is pretty personal and cannot be cast according to regular conventions – like you are not going to be submissive just because you are a woman but because it is your sexual preference and no one else’s.
So if you are a submissive feminist, you are choosing to be that. You choice matters- years of feminism has taught us that. Nothing more, nothing less.
Readers Comments On “Being sexually submissive does not mean you are a bad feminist”
Feminism is much of a misunderstood concept than any other concept, but at the same time we have posts like these who are keeping up with the true spirit of the feminism, yes of course, what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom, and however you are in bedroom, it does not and should not merge with what you are to outer world, so this post is a must read for every feminist.
I totally agree with the piece!
Sex is supposed to be fun. Do not attach any complex meanings to it. If you do -so, you are not going to enjoy what you do(sex-life). So forget weighing sex down with too much analysis. Do what you feel, and own it, always. There is nothing more feminist than that.
There are actually no aspects of a person’s identity, habits, or preferences, that undermine someone’s ability to be a feminist.
I completely agree to every single point discussed here. Only one thing, I think the use of the word “submissive” was not needed. I understand that to explain the context to readers, it was a must. However, I feel that bed partners play both roles – sometimes you are on top (literally and figuratively) while sometimes he is… Just a balanced rhythm of love..
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